Best Intentions
by TamSibling
Summary: COMPLETE. A job takes the crew back to the Core - more specifically, to Sihnon. Mal:Inara, Simon:Kaylee and the rest of our intrepid cast. Post:Miranda. R throughout, although some chapters will be M.
1. Chapter 1

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 1

-- --

"Sir, you sure you wanna take this job?"

Mal turned an incredulous look to his first mate and then turned back to stare out the ship's canopy and into the black. "Are you kiddin' me, Zo?" he asked rhetorically, noting that River had not moved her eyes from the controls since they had begun talking. "This job is serious money an' we need the coin."

With an inaudible sigh, Zoe answered, "I ain't gonna disagree there, sir, but it's also gonna take us pretty close to the Core." She had hoped that over the past months, since Miranda, since he and Inara had gotten together that he would start acting more cautiously, not recklessly. With a hand to her brow, Zoe realized what a foolish notion that had been.

Rolling his eyes, Mal swiveled around fully in his chair and looked at his first mate. Zoe was a changed woman and that was no secret. Since Wash's death, since Miranda, since the Reavers, there wasn't much about Zoe that was the same. Except the look she was favoring him with now; that how-can-you-be-so-stupid-and-how-can-I-be-dumb-enough-to-follow-you look that Mal had seen plenty of times during the war and over the past seven years that they'd flown together.

But with a tight grin, he realized, she was still here, stupid or not. "C'mon, Zoe, the Core? The Alliance couldn't find their way out of a paper bag with both hands and a flashlight right now. You know that. You think I'm gonna run 'cause o' them?" With another smirk, he rose and headed off the bridge, Zoe on his heels as he headed for the galley.

"I'm not necessarily sayin' run, sir, but this is also a new contact. And trustin' folk ain't been our strong suit as of late," she told him, descending the couple of stairs into the galley and watching with her arms over her chest as he went to fix himself a cup of coffee. Jayne was sitting at the table, at least three of his bigger guns disassembled in front of him. He looked up at their intrusion, but continued to clean each piece in silence.

"Look, Zoe, we keep not trustin' folk, an' we're gonna be adrift," Mal told her firmly, rounding around the wall from the kitchen and taking a seat at the opposite end of the table from Jayne. "We need coin."

"Damn right we do," Jayne grunted, his ears perking up at the thought of money again jingling in his pocket – and the pleasures it could buy. "What's the job?"

"Zhe ge ji hua zhen ke pa," Zoe interjected before Mal could answer and with a huff, she stalked past them both and headed down for Jayne's weight bench, hoping to work out some of her tension.

Both men watched her go and it was Jayne who finally broke the silence. "So, that bad, huh?"

Mal could only give him a look, which the mercenary returned with a wicked grin as he asked, "But, will it make us rich?"

-- --

"River?"

River did not turn at the sound of her name. She knew the speaker, had known she would find her way back to the bridge; although she had expected her sooner.

Zoe took a deep breath and entered the room, sitting in the co-pilot's station. She gave River a sidelong glance, watching as the girl continued to pilot the ship with an ease that Wash had possessed; but only after years of training. Now, after only six months, River seemed more at home in the pilot's seat than just about anyone Zoe had ever seen; it was uncanny.

"Not mine, never mine," River said quietly, interrupting her reverie. Turning her face to the older woman, River's curtain of dark hair fell across it as she added, "Just borrowing."

Smiling slightly at her, Zoe held her gaze for another moment and then leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. "What do you think 'bout this job the captain's gonna take?"

River cocked her head to the side, thinking on the question, listening for the answer. She didn't have the answer herself, it wasn't in her, but she had listened as the captain had agreed to the job, heard the details, felt his trepidation and thrill at the prospect of so much money and the danger that would accompany it. She had also felt Zoe's very real hesitation that something this good, was more than likely too good; and River knew that was the reassurance she was looking for now.

"The data is unavailable," she said evenly, knowing that the answers Zoe wanted, she did not have. "I don't know."

"You can't tell if'n it's gonna be bad?" Zoe asked, leaning forward a bit more, her eyes imploring River to tell her what she wanted to hear.

Frowning at her slightly, River said quietly, "Sorry, Zoe, but I can't tell you that. We don't know yet if it'll be bad. It could be good."

With a heavy sigh, Zoe lowered her gaze from River's and nodded once. "Well, then, I guess there's no reason to say no," she admitted quietly and without another word, rose and headed out of the room.

"I didn't say that," River whispered, once she'd gone, speaking to no one but the stars.

-- --

Mal stood outside of Inara's shuttle door and actually knocked. Why, he wasn't sure; the shuttle had become as much his home as hers in the past few months as they had tried to move past their pride and histories and make a go of a relationship. So far, so good, but why he was knocking … well, that was just a gorram mystery.

"Mal?" Inara's startled voice pulled him from his reverie and he smiled wide at her as she stepped aside to let him enter.

As he moved into the room, he looked back and found her standing dumbfounded in the open doorway. Looking from him to the door and back again, she gestured with her hand over her shoulder and asked, "I'm sorry, did you just knock?"

Nodding once, Mal plopped himself down on her couch and put his feet up on the table. "See, maybe I ain't as dense as you say?"

Smiling at him, but trying to hide it, Inara turned to shut the door, and then pulled the drape back over the entrance before joining him on the sofa. "So, tell me," she asked, leaning against the soft back and turning her knees towards him. "What warrants such a proper gesture from Malcolm Reynolds?"

With an even wider grin, Mal said proudly, "We gotta a job."

"Really?" Inara asked, her voice rising in pitch as she spoke the word, her concern evident. "A job, huh?" Rising, she moved to the other side of the room and started to make the bed, smoothing the sheets fastidiously in an effort not to look at him. "That's great, Mal."

Frowning at her, Mal watched her fidget for a moment more and then leaned forward, commenting, "It don't look great."

Pausing, Inara turned to look at him and smiled weakly. Sitting heavily on the edge of the bed, she said softly, "I was just really hoping you'd stop doing so much illegal smuggling."

His scowl deepening, he rose and said angrily, "Well, that's like askin' you to stop with the-" He broke off suddenly as he realized the next words that would come out of his mouth were mean and untrue. Inara had stopped being a companion the moment they had started their relationship, and falling back into their old pattern of banter and bite just wasn't right.

Her head had snapped up the minute he'd started down this path and she rose now with anger in her gaze. Poking him firmly in the chest, she said, "Go ahead, Mal. Finish it."

Shaking his head slightly, Mal placed his hands on her shoulders and said quietly, "'Nara, I'm sorry. I shouldn't of even implied somethin' like that. I just got bristled is all." His eyes implored her to forgive him, and Inara almost passed out from shock that he had actually apologized.

Holding his gaze for a moment more, she finally dropped her eyes and said quietly, "Well, a knock and an apology all in one day. Pinch me, I must be dreaming."

Figuring he deserved that, Mal leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek, before taking her hand and guiding her back to the couch. "I am sorry, 'Nara. It's just that this is a high-paying job, a lot o' coin an' that's somethin' I can't be passin' up right now."

She nodded, but didn't speak. She knew it was unfair to ask Mal to give up his way of life. It had never been a problem for Inara before, and asking him to change now was hypocritical. "I know," she finally said quietly.

Smiling again, Mal hoped his next comment would bring a smile to her face as well. "But, I got a surprise."

Bringing her eyes back to his, Inara tried not to let her fear show; Mal's surprises normally had a very spectacular way of backfiring. Clearing her throat, she asked evenly, "What kind of surprise?"

Even though she tried to hide it, Mal picked up on it. "Well, now, don't say it like that," he said with a sigh, rising and pacing away from her. With no real menace in his voice he turned back and said, "Jeez, Inara, first you insult my business an' now you're thinkin' I can't even give ya a decent present. Hurts a man's pride."

Smiling at him and recognizing his attempt at levity, Inara rose and placed her hands on his crossed arms. Pressing a light kiss to his mouth, she said quietly, "I'm sorry, you're right. What is this present you're so excited about?"

"Well," he said slyly, walking over to her bed and flopping down on it. "This job, which will bring us quite a bit o' coin, is also a bit closer to the Core than we been in a while."

Regarding him with a cool gaze, Inara crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Uh huh. And?"

"And," Mal said, matching her tone. "It just so happens, that we're gonna be awfully close to one of the central planets in particular. An' I thought maybe we could all use a little down time."

Inara tried to quell the rise of bile in her gut. She had a sinking feeling she knew exactly where Mal wanted to take some shore leave and she was not going to like it. "Where, Mal?"

Rising, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. Placing his mouth against her ear, he asked quietly, "When's the last time you were home, darlin'?"

Tensing instantly, Inara asked hurriedly, "Sihnon? You want us to go to Sihnon?"

Feeling her body stiffen, Mal pulled back, concerned at the fear that now clouded her gaze. "Well, yeah," he answered sheepishly, searching her face for answers. Beside the fear that now plagued her eyes, her lips had formed into a harsh line, while her forehead was furrowed with worry. Placing a light hand to her cheek, Mal told her, "I thought you'd be happy, goin' home. Seein' your folks."

Inara swallowed down her immediate answer; why he would think she would ever want to step foot on that planet again … She never spoke of it, never mentioned her parents, never talked about her childhood or her past. It was one of the things she and Mal had in common, a deep-seated desire to get as much distance from their memories as possible.

Pulling out of his embrace, Inara felt her knees buckle a bit and she quickly made it over to the couch. Sitting, she said quietly, "No, Mal. I don't want to go back there. Thank you though, for thinking of me."

His concern and his curiosity growing, Mal sat beside her and asked, "Why're you so scared o' them?"

Looking to him sharply, Inara bit out, "Who? I'm not scared of anyone."

"The minute I mentioned your folks you started shakin'," he said quietly, taking her hands in his. Damn if he wasn't right. "What's got you so spooked?"

Trying to laugh away his concern, Inara knew it was a futile gesture. While she had been well-schooled in hiding her own emotions, the past few months with Mal had almost completely nullified all of her training. And she found herself more and more vulnerable to him as he pushed her further and further to open herself. "That's ridiculous, Mal," she said, trying to adopt a light tone. Rising she went back to straightening the bed sheets. "There's nothing wrong with Sihnon, I just don't …" She trailed off, grasping for excuses. "Well, we can't set down there. Serenity is too well known and there's Simon and River."

Frowning at her, Mal watched her scramble for a reason not to go. Rising he took her again by the shoulders and said evenly, "'Nara, the Alliance could care less 'bout us, they've made that perfectly clear in the last six months. An' Simon and River's warrants were lifted, they ain't wanted anymore."

"It could be a trap," she said lamely, still hoping to find a good enough reason to keep them from Sihnon. "It could be meant to lure us in, you-"

Placing a finger to her lips, Mal silenced her excuses. Holding her gaze for a moment, Mal decided he did not like the fear in her eyes. He had only seen it a handful of times before, but it did not fit on her perfect features. Cradling her face in his hands, he said quietly, "I tell you what; you tell me why you're so scared to go back there an' we won't go."

Inara inhaled sharply at his demand. She couldn't do that; she still had not confided in Mal the real reason she had fled Sihnon, the real incident behind her sudden need to rent a shuttle on a tin can of a transport. And she knew, she still couldn't tell him, not yet, not now. Closing her eyes, Inara found her well of strength, buried deep within, and pulled out of it the last tendrils of her self-control. When she again opened her eyes to meet his gaze, none of her fear or worry was evident anymore. Both had been replaced with a placid look.

"You know what, Mal? Maybe you're right," she said, taking a step closer to him. She felt his breathing speed up as she approached, and she knew that in just a few seconds she would have him forgetting this conversation entirely. "I was concerned for the rest of us, but if there's no reason to stay away, then maybe we should go to Sihnon." Reaching up, she rested a hand to his face and said, "It's a very nice gesture, thank you," and then she leaned forward on her tip toes and pressed a gentle, slow and passionate kiss to his lips.

When he grabbed her tighter to him and deepened the kiss, Inara knew any thoughts of her previous hesitation had been erased from his mind.

-- --

Simon was in the infirmary and lost in thought. He had tried very hard to concentrate when he'd started work that day; he had intended to stay focused on his task, but very quickly it had become apparent to him that he couldn't.

Thoughts of Osiris consumed him now, ever since word had traveled to him that the warrants had been lifted, that he and River were now free to go back home. With a heavy sigh, Simon stopped pushing the charts around on the counter and sat on the stool. He swiveled away from the door, and took out one of his journals, his list of pros and cons sitting open before him. With a sigh, he read through each of them again, his pros list much longer than the other. But what a con …

Kaylee; Simon knew that if he chose to go back to Osiris or anywhere in the Core that Kaylee would not follow. He hoped that she might if he asked, but he also knew it would kill her to leave Serenity, to settle on a planet, and be grounded, especially if he resumed a position in high society. The wife or girlfriend of a famed trauma surgeon like himself was not supposed to work; not that Simon gave any consideration to what was and was not expected – he knew how much Kaylee enjoyed her job, enjoyed using her talents and if she wanted to continue doing that once they had settled, then so be it.

_Wait._ Shaking his head, Simon cleared the thought away. What was he thinking? He hadn't even discussed this with Kaylee yet, nor had he really thought it through himself. She had asked him a few weeks ago, when word had first reached them, if he wanted to go back. Simon had avoided the question and Kaylee had not asked again. Although Simon feared her reticence was borne out of fear for what his answer would be rather than her lack of curiosity.

"Hey you."

Simon turned at the sound of the greeting and met Kaylee's beaming face. Flipping his journal shut quickly, Simon shoved it into a drawer and turned back to face her, just as Kaylee approached him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a kiss to his mouth.

"Hey," he said quietly, running his hands up her back and smiling at her. Sitting in his lap, Kaylee asked him, "So, ya almost done here?"

Casting another look around the unkempt room, Simon sighed and said, "No, but at this point, I really don't care."

Smiling wide at him, Kaylee lifted her eyebrows mischievously before kissing him again, pushing her tongue into his mouth and causing him to moan with want. "That's what I was hoping you'd say," she murmured back, pulling her lips from his.

As she continued to trail hot kisses down his neck, Simon finally managed to get out, "Kaylee?"

"Yeah, sweetie," she murmured against his skin, causing a slight tremor to race through him.

"Let's get out of here."

Pulling back, Kaylee giggled and then grabbed his head, practically dragging him to his bunk. Soon, all thoughts of his future were consumed only with images and feelings of Kaylee.

-- --

Inara heard Mal leave the shuttle, the door clanging shut behind him. Counting to ten, she finally rolled out of bed, pulling on a robe and with shaky hands, reached for one of the more plain trunks she kept under the bed. Taking a deep breath and fighting the urge to vomit, Inara lifted the lid and closed her eyes, saying a silent prayer.

She pulled back the flap of silk she had covered the contents with and started to sift through the mementos of her past. There weren't many. Inara was not an overly sentimental person. She loved having nice things, had been raised with them and was accustomed to the comforts that wealth could bring. But she did not cherish much; she cherished Mal and Kaylee and the crew; cherished her home on Serenity; but keepsakes – only the ones she'd stored in this box, so long ago.

With another deep breath, Inara reached in and pulled out a capture, smiling as she flipped the image on and watched her mother and father smile widely at her. The photo was at least ten years old and Inara remembered with fondness that at the time it was taken, her parents had been happy, loving even. Shaking the memory away, Inara placed the capture on the bed beside her and reached in again, pulling out a small and worn stuffed doll. It wasn't as fancy as it should have been, but she'd had it since she was born. One of the eyes was missing, and the hair was falling out, the clothes torn, but it was dear to her. She remembered clutching it to her as she slept, finding comfort in her little ren zi after a bad dream. Her nannies had rarely come when she cried and her mother and father had been too far away to hear her. So Inara, at the young age of three had had to learn to cope with her own monsters and she had, by holding on to the small stuffed toy she ran her fingers over now.

Blinking back a few unexpected tears as more memories than she cared to remember came floating back, she placed the doll next to the capture and reached in for a small silk dress. She placed it in her lap and smoothed the fabric, noting the detailing on the collar, the frog clasps in black and that contrasted so well with the midnight blue of the rest of the outfit. Green and red dragons were patterned throughout and Inara traced one with her finger. More tears fell as more memories came and Inara, feeling ridiculously foolish for being so affected, threw the items back into the trunk and slammed it closed.

Curling onto her side, she took a deep breath, and let a few of her tears fall. She could do this; she had to, otherwise, she would have to tell Mal all the secrets from her past, all the secrets she had been running from for a very long time and she couldn't do that. Inara knew it was an irrational concern; chances were if Mal knew the truth, all of it, he would only love her more, only want to protect her more, but it didn't change the fact that admitting to all of it out loud would only bring everything back to the surface and cause Inara to hate herself all over again.

Wiping at her cheeks, she sighed again and sat up. Brushing back her hair, she moved towards the shower, determined to wash these thoughts away.

-- --

Kaylee rested her head against Simon's damp chest and sighed contentedly as she snuggled in close. She felt Simon's strong arm wrap around her shoulders and smiled a bit as he pressed a kiss into her hair. After a moment, Kaylee rested her chin on his chest looking into his blue eyes as they stared down at her.

After several minutes of staring, it became apparent to Simon that Kaylee was not going to speak first. "Can I help you?" he asked her teasingly, his hand tickling her ribs and eliciting a giggle from her.

Smiling at him, Kaylee crawled up his side until their heads were sharing the same pillow. "I was jus' wonderin'," she told him coyly, her lips curling into a wider grin. "What were you thinkin' 'bout when I found ya?"

Stifling his initial impulse to grimace, Simon asked casually, "Why do you think I was thinking about something?"

Giving him a look, Kaylee said, "When are you not thinkin' 'bout somethin'?" Running her hand along his forehead, Kaylee tried to smooth out the wrinkles that had appeared there. "There's always somethin' goin' on up there." As Simon took her hand and kissed it softly, Kaylee lay down beside him again and asked, "So, what was it this time?"

Sighing lightly, Simon focused his eyes on the ceiling as he said quietly, "It was nothing, Kaylee. Just thinking about supplies, you know, the usual."

Propping her head up on her elbow, Kaylee looked at him critically and said, "Yeah, right."

Smiling at her reaction, Simon turned to her again and said, "Really, Kaylee, it was nothing." Pausing he thought fast and then added, "Actually, I don't know if you realize it, but …" Rolling onto his side, Simon wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her tight to him. Kaylee smiled wickedly at the motion, feeling his need for her hardening against her thigh. Kissing her on the mouth and then starting to trail kisses down her neck and to her chest, he murmured against her skin, "But next month is our six month anniversary."

Kaylee squealed a bit at the prospect, her body already lighting with desire for him, and her heart swelling at the knowledge that he had actually remembered. As his mouth traveled lower, encircling one nipple and nipping gently, Kaylee's whole body shivered with delight. Running her hands up his back, Kaylee curled them into his silky hair as she asked breathlessly, "So, what're we gonna do?"

Looking back up to her, Simon allowed one hand to ghost down over her stomach and a bit lower, causing Kaylee to bite her lip in anticipation of his next touch. "I'm sure we'll think of something," he murmured as he again pressed his lips to hers, this time deepening the kiss and thrusting his tongue into her mouth, thereby silencing any additional questions she might have had about his earlier preoccupation.

And thereby avoiding any of his own reservations about the questions swirling through his mind and what their answers might mean.

-- --

One week later

-- --

Mal had gathered them all in the galley to discuss their impending visit to Sihnon. To Inara's knowledge, he had not let any of the rest of them know of his plan for some down time, and as Inara's gaze roamed the table, taking in Simon and Kaylee's moony-eyed glances, Zoe's impenetrable stare, Jayne's blankness and River's mysticism, Inara knew that the news would be met with mixed reactions.

Settling back in her chair, she looked up at his entrance, grinning like a school girl at just the sight of him. Ai ya, if Malcolm Reynolds could not drive her wild, in both the good and bad way. But Inara knew, it didn't matter; she had started to fall in love with Mal the minute she'd met him and now, she was deeply immersed in it. It scared her, to be sure, but it also thrilled her, in ways she could have never imagined.

Squeezing her shoulder lightly as she stood beside her, Mal's eyes met hers for a moment and then he called the meeting to order. "All right now, that's 'nough," he said, frowning harshly as Kaylee blushed and pulled her hands from where they had been suspiciously in Simon's lap. As the doc blushed and also averted his gaze, Mal tried to push the thought of what exactly lil' Kaylee had been doing from his mind.

"Now, as ya'll know we just finished the McNamara job an' it went off without a hitch," he said firmly, his gaze resting on Zoe. The woman did not back down from the stare, instead returning it with one of her own. "An' currently, we're headin' a bit further in towards the Core, on account of we got some visitin' to do."

Kaylee's eyes widened at this knowledge and she threw a concerned look to Simon, who thankfully didn't see it, his attention still focused on Mal. Kaylee's heart started to beat wildly as she considered that maybe Simon had changed his mind, that he and River were going to go home and leave her behind.

She jumped slightly at a light touch from her other side and looked to see River leaning towards her, a small grin on her features. "Not leaving, won't go without you," she whispered.

Smiling weakly to her, Kaylee turned back and asked in a soft voice, "Who we visitin', cap'n?"

Glancing to Inara, Mal nodded once and the former Companion sat forward a bit. In a steady voice, one she had been practicing, she said, "My parents. We'll be going to Sihnon."

Kaylee's hand flew to her mouth at this knowledge, her eyes even wider than just moments before. She'd never been to Sihnon before and from what Inara had told her and the pictures she'd seen the planet was just beautiful. And Kaylee was excited at the prospect of finally getting to meet Inara's folks; her friend didn't talk about them very much.

"Oh, 'Nara, that's shiny," Kaylee breathed, reaching for Simon's hand and squeezing it excitedly. "Ain't it shiny?"

"Yes, mei mei," Inara answered softly, sitting back in her seat.

"Now we'll be setting down there in about a week, an' 'Nara an' me'll be heading to visit with her folks." Mal looked to Kaylee's wide grin and hopeful gaze and knew what she was hoping for. Having already discussed the idea of an invite with his girlfriend, Mal relented. "An' lil' Kaylee you an' the doc's welcome to come along."

Inhaling sharply, Kaylee breathed, "Really?" As Inara nodded once, Kaylee turned her happy look to Simon. Leaning towards him, she said quietly, "Ooh, Simon just think. Our anniversary celebrated on Sihnon, in a real bed."

She pressed a kiss to his cheek before pulling away and Simon could only smile at her enthusiasm. Truthfully, he didn't relish the idea of being thrown back into that world, but how could he deny Kaylee the chance to experience it? And maybe if she got a taste of it, asking her to go back with him to Osiris wouldn't be so hard.

"Thank you for the invitation," Simon said graciously, looking to Mal and Inara both. "We'd love to come."

"I don't gotta go, do I?" Jayne raised his hand from the other end of the table, his face full of disgust at the prospect. He did not like rich folk, unless of course, he was one.

"No, Jayne," Mal told him, trying to keep the laugh from his voice. "You don't. But we will be setting down for about a week and a half, so you're free to come and go as you please, just don't get into trouble, dong ma?" Waving his hand at his captain, Jayne got up and headed for the galley to refill his cup.

As the room quieted, Simon found his eyes drawn down the table to his sister, who was staring at him, through him, actually and it was disconcerting. "Mei mei?" he asked quietly, rising from his seat at Kaylee's side and kneeling beside her. "Are you all right?"

"Have to be truthful, Simon," River warned him, her voice dropping to a whisper so only her brother could hear her. "Have to be honest, open. No lying."

Kissing her lightly on the cheek, Simon ignored her words as they made no sense to him and asked, "Will you be okay? If Kaylee and I go with Mal and Inara?" He didn't want to leave her, but he also didn't really like the idea of taking her with them. She had been doing better since Miranda, but the more he thought about it, the more he reveled in the notion of a few days alone and away with Kaylee.

Annoyed that he wouldn't heed her words, River said frankly, "Not a baby, Simon. Can clothe and feed myself." With a huff, she stood abruptly and headed for the bridge. Simon watched her go and sighed once, before returning to his seat.

Mal watched her go as well, and then said lamely, "Well, meeting adjourned."

Everyone dispersed then and Mal watched as Kaylee approached Inara, the young girl practically bouncing off the walls at the prospect of visiting her folks, of seeing Sihnon. Quickly lamenting that she would have nothing to wear, Inara rose with one of her patient smiles and took the girl by the hand, leading her towards the shuttle and making some comment about having plenty to share.

Mal watched them go still concerned with Inara's distance over the past week. She had tried to act normal around him, tried to kiss him and make love to him as she had before, but Mal sensed something different now, something reserved, detached and he didn't like it. He thought that she might give in and tell him what had her so scared, but with a fierce stubbornness he had experienced one too many times before, she had held firm and not told him what he wanted to know.

With a heavy sigh, Mal could only hope that everything that would make a lot more sense once he met Mister and Mrs. Serra.

-- --


	2. Chapter 2

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 2

-- --

Inara sighed as she felt Mal's arm curl around her waist, his warm body pressing into her back. Despite all that was happening, she was glad that when she saw her parents again, for the first time in over three years, she wouldn't have to do it alone.

Pressing a kiss behind her ear, Mal asked quietly, "You wave your folks?"

Glad he couldn't see the frown on her features, she answered quietly, "Yes, they're expecting you, me, Kaylee and Simon day after tomorrow."

"Good," Mal said, his breath tickling the back of her neck. "You still scared 'bout seein' 'em?"

Allowing a bit of her annoyance to show, Inara told him hotly, "I'm not scared, Mal. I wish you'd stop saying that."

Propping himself up on one elbow, Mal placed a finger under her chin and made him face her. As he beheld her beautiful, if angry face, he felt a pang of guilt at forcing her hand. He honestly hadn't meant for this to get so out of control; he'd initially thought it would be a nice gesture, a surprise, something he could do for her to let her know that he cared for her, about her. But as the weeks had passed and she had become more and more resistant to the idea, he wished he'd have let it go when she'd first asked him to.

"We don't gotta go," he said quietly, his eyes focusing on each part of her face; her eyes, her nose, her lips. "We can skip it, if'n you want."

Furrowing her brow, Inara asked him suspiciously, "Why?"

Sighing a bit, Mal told her, "'Cause, I don't want you to be so anxious. I thought for sure you'd be all right with this or that at the very least you'd admit to me what was wrong. But …" He trailed off, running his hand down her shoulder and then resting his chin on her arm. "I'm sorry, 'Nara, I din't never wanna see ya so upset."

She actually smiled at him, touched at his words and completely ignoring the fact that it was now too late. She had waved her parents and told them they were coming and as much as she did not want to give into Mal, she outright refused to give her parents the satisfaction of turning and running.

Rolling onto her back, Inara rested her hand against his face, and said softly, "Thank you, Mal, really. But I'm sure it'll be fine." Swallowing down the fear that was still rising in her stomach, she said, "It will, it'll be fine."

Frowning at her, Mal sighed heavily and then asked, "It's me, isn't it? You're worried 'bout them meetin' me?"

Inara giggled lightly. The thought had occurred to her; what exactly would the great and dignified Edward Serra do when he met his daughter's criminal boyfriend? But while she didn't necessarily look forward to those introductions, she knew it didn't matter what her parents did or said. She was an adult now, leading her own life, and they could no longer dictate her actions.

Kissing him lightly, Inara said, "I'm not going to pretend that it'll be a walk in the park, for any of us, but no, Mal, I'm not ashamed to bring you home to my parents."

Letting out an audible sigh, Mal lied back down beside her and pulled her close. "Well, that's good to know. An' I can hold my own ya know?"

"Trust me, sweetie," Inara told him quietly, moving as close to him as she could. "I know."

-- --

Kaylee had not let go of Simon's hand since they had entered the hovercar and, in return, Simon had not been able to pull his eyes from her beautiful face. She was so excited, the energy of her emotions caused her to glow, illuminating her face in a way Simon had never seen before, but wanted to see again. Plus, she looked absolutely radiant. Inara had allowed Kaylee to borrow a few of her dresses until they could go shopping for more and Kaylee had donned a jade green one that hugged her curves in all the right places and made Simon think some very improper thoughts.

He'd already told her she looked beautiful, but unable to resist the urge to tell her again, he leaned over and whispered to her, "You look incredible."

Pulling her gaze from the window, Kaylee smiled brightly at him, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks, sweetie." Squeezing his hand again, she asked, "You ever been to Sihnon before?"

Simon nodded, settling back into the seat. "Once," he told her. "When I was just starting at the MedAcad. We came here to study for a few days in one of the big hospitals. They had a special trauma wing with …" Simon trailed off as he realized that Kaylee's face had fallen at his telling.

"What is it?" he asked her quietly, again leaning close. Mal and Inara were in the front of the car with the driver, so they were for all intents and purposes alone, but still … "Did I say something wrong?"

Kaylee quickly shook her head and turned her gaze back out the window, so Simon couldn't read anymore of her disappointment. "No, 'course not," she said. "I shoulda figured you'da been here 'fore."

Smiling slightly, Simon tugged on her hand and forced her gaze to his. Placing a hand to her cheek, Simon said quietly, "But I've never been here with someone I love," before leaning towards her and kissing her gently.

"Really?" Kaylee breathed when their lips had parted that radiant glow again permeating every part of her.

Smiling again, Simon wrapped his arm around her shoulder and said, "Really."

This admission seemed to satisfy Kaylee and they rode the rest of the way in silence, until finally the car stopped in front of a grand mansion. Opening the door, Simon stepped out and reached back to offer a hand to Kaylee who took it, still stumbling out of the car a bit clumsily as she wasn't used to the dress. Catching her with an arm around her waist, Kaylee smiled to him sheepishly and then turned to look at Inara's house, her eyes practically bugging out of her head.

Her mouth dropped open and Kaylee stood staring as the driver took their things to the front door and Mal paid the man. Moving up beside her friend, Inara threaded her arm through Kaylee's and whispered, "Mei mei, you're catching flies."

Snapping her mouth shut hurriedly, Kaylee turned those wide green eyes to Inara and asked, "You grew up here?"

Looking to the house herself, Inara forced a smile to her face as she said wistfully, "I did."

"Wow," was the only response Kaylee could muster.

Mal moved up beside Inara, his arm crooked, inviting her to take it, which she did gladly, while Simon moved up beside Kaylee and did the same. "Well, it ain't gonna do us any good to stare at it," Mal muttered as he and Inara led the way to the front door.

Simon and Kaylee followed, Kaylee still in awe over the opulence and grandeur of the mansion. Simon simply smiled at her delight. The Serra estate was certainly bigger than his family's home on Osiris, but compared to the other palaces in this neighborhood it could almost be considered modest.

As Inara extended one finely manicured hand to ring the bell, she turned Mal towards her and straightened his jacket, smoothing his collar. "Now, remember Mal, my parents supported Unification, so please, no browncoat talk?" she asked, her eyes begging him to heed her. As he frowned at the request, she amended, "At least for the first twelve hours, then you can go crazy."

Smiling widely at her, Mal leaned down and kissed her lightly, murmuring, "I like the sound o' that," just as the door swung open and the butler showed them in. He was new and Inara did not know him, but he knew her, greeting her as Miss Serra and guiding them towards the family's formal living room.

Inara took a deep breath as the older man pushed open the heavy oak doors and prepared herself as best she could. Squeezing Mal's arm just a bit more tightly, she stepped into the room and smiled graciously as her mother and father rose to greet them.

"Inara!" Liliana Serra was a woman of incomparable beauty, everyone said so. She was bedecked in the finest silks and jewels, the dark red color offsetting her olive colored skin and jet black hair. She approached her daughter arms outstretched, and wrapped the girl in a tight embrace.

"Hello mother," Inara said quietly, hugging her back and then stepping away as her father followed behind and placed a kiss to each of her cheeks. "Father," she intoned, trying to keep the tremor from her voice.

Gazing at them for a moment more, Inara realized how they had aged since she'd been gone. Her mother's hair was still black without a hint of gray, while her father's had taken on that salt and pepper look that spoke of dignity in his social circle. Both of them had crow's feet at their eyes, but any other wrinkles had been smoothed away, no doubt by surgeries too countless to mention.

Remembering her manners, Inara gestured Mal forward and made the introduction. "Mother, Father, may I present Captain Malcolm Reynolds." As Mal stretched out his hand towards her father, Inara said, "Mal, meet Edward and Liliana Serra, my parents."

"It's a pleasure, sir," Mal said as he shook the older man's hand firmly, making eye contact.

"Likewise, Captain, thank you," Edward intoned evenly.

Turning to Inara's mother, Mal took the hand she offered and kissed it lightly. "Thank you so much, ma'am for inviting us into your home. We appreciate your hospitality."

Liliana could only nod graciously and watch as her daughter gestured behind her, motioning Simon and Kaylee forward, Simon taking over the introductions for her.

"Mister and Mrs. Serra, I am Doctor Simon Tam and this is my girlfriend, Kaywinnet Lee Frye," he said smoothly, also extending a hand to Edward and making eye contact, while kissing Liliana's outstretched hand. Kaylee, not knowing the proper protocol, shook their hands as well, smiling her biggest smile and telling them, "You can call me Kaylee."

Inara watched her parents stare at Kaylee and Mal before they remembered their manners. She would have laughed at their absurd reactions if she hadn't seen the way Kaylee's eyes flashed when her friend realized that they were looking down on her. Simon must have noticed it as well, for he took Kaylee's hand in his own and kissed it, before resting it again in the crook of his arm. Silently, Inara thanked Buddha that Simon had finally gotten it right.

Motioning them further into the room, Edward moved towards the bar, as Liliana asked in her best hostess voice, "Would anyone care for a drink?"

-- --

Much to Inara's chagrin, it seemed that taking everyone's drink order was the last civil or straightforward thing either of her parents could say for the night. As the six of them sat around the impossibly large dining table, Inara tried to hide her grimace as the conversation turned from uncomfortable to downright painful. She'd known this was a bad idea.

Her mother, with all the polish and aplomb of a woman of her stature, had now turned her questioning to Simon. Her eyes swept over his body appreciatively, making Inara want to vomit into her entrée. But she tried to hide the gag as Liliana Serra began interrogating the young man.

"So, a doctor?" she asked, her eyes lighting and her face breaking into a wide and knowing grin.

Clearing his throat a bit, Simon's eyes roved over everyone at the table as he wiped his mouth on his napkin and answered, "Yes, ma'am, but please don't call me Doctor Tam. Simon is fine."

Nodding once, her eyes twinkled with familiarity as Lili questioned, "All right then, _Simon_. What kind of doctor?"

"A surgeon, actually."

Edward's ears perked up at this information and he favored the boy with a kind look and a question. "Really? What's your specialty?"

Simon's eyes darted to Inara and then to Kaylee, who was watching him answer with rapt attention, her smile wide and proud. Smiling at her himself – how could he not? – he looked back to the older man and said, "Trauma."

As the older couple shared a knowing look, it was Lili who turned back to Simon first and with a flirtatious grin said quietly, "Oh well, I imagine it takes a lot to fluster you then, Simon." Inara noted how her mother kept emphasizing his name and had to roll her eyes in disgust. Luckily, no one noticed.

Smiling even wider, Kaylee finally jumped in, more than happy to brag about her man. "An' how," she told Lili, her eyes lighting as she squeezed Simon's hand and sat up in her chair, talking excitedly. "Simon don't so much as flinch ev'ry time cap'n comes in with a new gusher."

Her provincial tone and exuberant demeanor did nothing to ingratiate the young woman to either Liliana or Edward, and they dropped their eyes to their plates, taking a few bites of food and sips of wine in silence. Finally, it was Edward who asked, "And does this happen often? The wounds, I mean?"

Again Kaylee answered with her usual enthusiasm. "Oh reg'ler 'nough," she told them, and then paused, her head cocking to the side as she considered the frequency of other happenings on her boat. Looking to Mal with a cute little smile, she said, "'Course not as often as the boat breakin' down, right, cap?"

Mal tried to hide his discomfort at Kaylee's statement, knowing the girl was only trying to engage him in conversation. Reaching for his wine glass, he returned her smile with a small one of his own and said, "Not so much with you on board, lil' Kaylee."

"Oh?" Liliana's ears perked up at this last. While she instantly had disliked both Kaylee and Mal, she found the younger girl's eagerness and rough edges completely distasteful. Hoping that she might be able to uncover something that would give her insight into how to detach Kaylee from the well-bred doctor, she added, "How so?"

Inara could see where this was going. She could read the gleam in her mother's eye; the predatory look that told her Liliana Serra was circling for the kill. Hoping to stymie Kaylee's answer, Inara said quickly, "Kaylee is Serenity's mechanic, mother."

_Oh yes, perfect_. With a patient smile and an upraised eyebrow, Lili shared a look with her husband and then said quietly, "Oh, well, isn't that … unusual." Raising her wine glass to her lips, she added almost as an afterthought, "A young, female mechanic, traveling through the blackness of space on a ship full of-" Her eyes darted to Mal, noting the way his cheeks were flushing and said carefully, "Tradesmen."

All four of Serenity's crew swallowed hard at this comment, but Kaylee most of all. Dropping her gaze to her plate, she would not lift her eyes again, having picked up on Mrs. Serra's implication. Not wanting to be rude, she simply placed her fork to the side of her plate and decided to listen, not even meeting Simon's gaze when he reached over and squeezed her hand.

As the silence built around the table, Edward determined he should break it. Returning his attention to Simon, who was by far the most interesting person in the room, he asked, "So, Simon, where did you study?"

Returning his gaze to their host, Simon answered, "Osiris, Capitol City. I was a resident there."

"Oh and were you raised there?" Liliana asked.

Simon was decidedly uncomfortable with this entire evening, but he knew his manners. If his hosts asked him a question, he was obligated to answer, no matter how rude or uncouth he thought they were. So, suppressing a sigh, he answered patiently, "Yes."

"And your parents?" Edward questioned. "What do they do?"

_Unbelievable_, Simon thought to himself. _Maybe there really is a checklist;_ these questions were the same ones his parents had always asked any date or friend he'd ever brought to the house. Swallowing down his automatic answer of 'disown their children,' Simon answered. "My mother is a curator at the Natural History Museum and my father is the CEO of a large shipping conglomerate."

Her eyes again lighting with a gleam that Simon found disturbing, Liliana looked to him and said, "Well, handsome, smart and rich. Simon, it seems you are quite the catch." This last statement was directed to Inara, who had not lifted her eyes from her plate for quite some time. Feeling her mother's gaze boring into her scalp, the younger woman took a deep breath and raised her eyes, giving her a practiced smile.

Simon swallowed hard, not missing the knowing looks and suggestive glances that Inara's parents were sharing as they looked from him to their daughter. Turning intently to his food, he was very glad when the next question asked, was not directed at him; although he did grimace when he heard both the recipient and the query.

"So, Malcolm, where did you study?"

Mal's hand froze halfway to his mouth, his forkful of beef and potatoes pausing in mid-air. Turning to Inara's father with a puzzled expression, he questioned softly, "Shenme?"

Sneering slightly at the use of the slang, Edward asked, "To be a captain? I assume you went to a military academy of some sort."

Taking a deep breath, Mal placed his fork back to his plate and tried to ignore the warning look Inara was giving him. "Well, actually sir, captain's more of an honorary title."

As the older man raised his eyes at this, Kaylee piped up again from the other side of the table. Maybe bragging about Mal would make this whole evening easier on Inara, who she could tell was decidedly uncomfortable. "But cap'n was a sergeant, right n' proper," she said, not heeding the warning look Inara had now turned to her or the daggers that Liliana was trying to hide at the interruption. "Durin' the war."

Inara inhaled sharply, waiting. She didn't wait long. With a clap to the younger man's back, Edward said, "Well, now that's refreshing. Always nice to meet a fellow Alliance man."

Inara felt very fortunate to be sitting as she was sure the tension would have caused her to faint. Grimacing a bit, Mal fixed her father with a mild grin and said, "Well, sir, that ain't exactly the truth."

Inara couldn't take it. Grabbing his forearm, she hissed, "Mal."

Liliana could hardly believe her luck. In just one dinner she had already uncovered almost all the information she'd need to get both of these hooligans – Malcolm and Kaylee – out of the picture, so that Inara could finally make the proper choice when it came to her future. Waving a hand at her daughter, she scolded her, saying, "Let the man speak his peace, Inara. It's rude to interrupt a guest."

Swallowing back her angry retort, Inara released Mal's arm and just prayed.

Looking back to her father, Mal gave an answer to combat the puzzled look on his features. "I was actually an Independent during the war, sir. A browncoat."

Again, silence. Secretly, Inara could not believe that her father didn't haul off and punch Mal, but she knew that the great Edward Serra had been raised to be much more reserved than that. Instead, he simply nodded curtly, before again turning to his food, the room sinking into a heavy quiet that set them all on edge.

This time Liliana broke it, deciding to discover the real reason for her daughter's visit. "So, Inara, how is the Guild?"

Continuing to take small forkfuls of food and sip her wine, Inara did not meet her mother's gaze as she answered evenly, "Fine."

Rolling her eyes slightly in mock annoyance, her mother pressed her. "Oh, come now, Inara. Don't keep me in suspense. You know I crave the details of your glamorous life."

From beside her Mal almost choked on his food and Inara shot him a dirty look. As he grinned to her sheepishly, Inara collected herself and met her mother's gaze. By way of an answer she said, "The Guild hasn't changed, mother."

Deciding on a different tact, Lili asked, "Well, what about that high priestess position they've been grooming you for? Your father and I thought for sure that you'd-"

"Things have changed, mother," Inara interjected quietly, cutting the woman off before she could finish the statement.

Knowing she was on to something, Liliana leaned forward and asked innocently, "How so?"

With a resigned sigh, Inara placed her fork beside her plate and met her mother's seemingly open gaze. "I happen to be on sabbatical from the Guild right now."

This was not the answer Lili had been expecting and her wide-eyed gaze and concerned look told Inara as much. "Why? Did something happen?"

Looking again to Mal, Inara couldn't help but smile at him, as he reached over and squeezed her hand gently. Keeping her eyes on his face, she answered quietly, "My priorities have changed, that's all."

This was not the answer Liliana Serra wanted, although, unfortunately it had been the one she'd been expecting. Deciding to force the words from her daughter's mouth, she played daft and asked, "Inara, what could possibly be so important to risk your entire career, your entire future for?"

Closing her eyes, Inara's face fell as she saw through her mother's tactics. Realizing that this conversation could in fact actually turn uglier, Inara swallowed her anger and turned her head slowly in her mother's direction. With clenched teeth, she said quietly, "Mother, why don't we discuss this later?"

She really had hit a nerve. Gesturing to the table, she asked, "Why? Aren't these people your friends?"

"Mother, please." It was actually a plea this time, a genuine request to just let it go.

And so of course, Liliana Serra just made it worse. With a furrowed brow and a pitying look, she reached her hand towards her daughter and dropped her voice to an exaggerated whisper that seemed to carry around the room better than her normal tone. "Oh, Inara, don't tell me you fell in love? Again."

Everyone's eyes widened in shock at this question, except for Inara's which blazed with rage. Placing her hands palms down on the table, she was saved from saying something she might regret by Simon, who had risen and was pulling out Kaylee's chair. "I think we'll go for a walk around the grounds," he said, taking Kaylee's hand and pulling her towards the door. "If that's all right?"

Disappointed that he was going, but knowing she had more work to do on her daughter's misguided relationship, Liliana waved the young couple away. "Of course, dears, enjoy yourselves."

Once they were gone, Liliana immediately continued her guilt trip, turning a now disappointed look to her husband as she said, "We thought for sure that you would have learned your lesson the first time, Inara."

Rising suddenly, Inara leaned forward on the table, her angry eyes tearing into the other woman. "Mother, that's enough."

Edward Serra stood now, a sharp gaze directed to Inara. "You're being rude, Inara. Sit down."

With an incredulous look and a snort, Inara backed away from the table, and circled on her chair, setting her hands on the high back. Mal watched as she tightened her grip on the wood, her knuckles turning white. "_I'm_ being rude?" she questioned, looking between her parents. "This is unbelievable. You really haven't changed, have you?"

As her parents threw each other questioning stares, Inara took a moment, trying to contain her rage. Nothing had ever been solved in this house by getting angry, Inara knew that; even maybe, but not angry.

Mal watched Inara fume and knew this was bad and more than likely going to get worse. Reaching out, he covered her hand with his own and she offered him a weak smile, before again turning her attention to her mother, who was continuing her nighttime entertainment of embarrassing her daughter. "So tell us, Inara," she sneered, not hiding the contempt from her voice. "Who is your knight in shining armor this time? Who is this man you're ready to denounce everything for?"

Deciding that he did not like the older woman's tone, nor how this evening had turned out, and knowing it had been his insistence that had landed Inara in this situation in the first place, Mal rose at this question and extended his hand to Inara's mother. "That'd be me, ma'am."

The look of shock on the woman's face was priceless and for Mal, it almost made up for this whole wretched evening – almost. Even as Liliana lightly shook the man's hand, she fixed her cold gaze on her daughter and said, "Well, this is a surprise. And you live with this man on his scow?"

Sighing, Inara rubbed a hand over her eyes and muttered, "Ship, mother. It's a ship, a beautiful one. And yes," she said firmly, again bringing her gaze to her mother's face. "Yes, I live with him there."

"And you're going to leave the Guild?" Liliana could read her daughter like an open book and she could see the chinks in Inara's finally crafted armor she was prying open; she wasn't about to stop now.

"I suppose," Inara sighed, not even aware the statement was coming until it had passed her lips.

Shocked, Mal turned to her and asked incredulously, "'Spose?"

Shooting him a look that clearly stated how quiet he should be at this moment, Inara elaborated. "This is all still pretty new to us, mother. We're still working it out."

Crossing her arms over her chest and sitting back in her chair, her mother actually rolled her eyes. "Oh, well, that's comforting," she muttered, throwing a disapproving glance to Mal. "I'd hate to think you're going to throw away your entire life on a whim."

Just as Mal was about to form a biting retort, Edward spoke up. Rising he placed his hands up, palms out and said quietly, "I think this has been a very tiring day for everyone. Maybe we should all turn in and discuss this more tomorrow?"

Liliana shot her husband a look, but relented. She'd probably done enough damage tonight anyway. Nodding, she rose and said to her daughter, "Your rooms are ready. I'll have Angela-"

"Rooms?" Inara's voice was cold and Liliana stopped to regard her quizzically.

"Of course, is there something wrong?"

"I'm not a child, mother," Inara informed her. Taking Mal's hand as he rose, she said unequivocally, "Mal and I are seeing each other and we will be sharing a room. As will Simon and Kaylee."

With a reluctant nod, her mother said, "Of course, dear. What was I thinking? Just a slip of a tongue."

"And, I think I remember the way," Inara added, turning on her heel and practically pulling Mal from the room.

After they'd gone, Liliana turned a hard glare to her husband. Raising her arm, she pointed off after them and said harshly, "Edward, our daughter cannot be tied to a man like that. Did you see him? And what of that Kaylee girl? Uh, she's wretched."

Edward rounded the table and placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her. "Lili, please, let's remember that they are our guests," he said diplomatically, stymieing her retort by placing a finger to her lips. "But I agree with you. Inara and Simon are much better suited to each other. Plus, she cannot leave the Guild. We worked too hard to get her there."

Sighing, Lili was relieved to know she and her husband were on the same page. "So what do we do?" she asked him, her eyes imploring him to come up with a plan.

Taking her hand, he threaded it through his arm as he led her to bed. "What Inara thinks we're so good at already," he said casually. At his wife's bemused expression, he answered, "Interfere."

-- --


	3. Chapter 3

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 3

-- --

Simon and Kaylee had walked for at least twenty minutes in silence. As soon as they'd stepped outside, Kaylee had gasped slightly at the sight of the beautifully manicured lawns, the gardens dotting the corners, the large fountain resting in the middle. Sliding her hand into his, she had smiled sweetly at him and then walked on in silence, both of them enjoying the peace and the fresh air.

It was a lovely night; the moon overhead was full and shone down just enough light to guide their footsteps. The young couple soon found themselves walking at the edge of what appeared to be a rose garden. Kaylee trailed away from Simon's side as they entered the space, moving towards a bush of sterling roses. Simon couldn't help but smile as she bent over a bit to inhale the sweet scent. Why it surprised him that she would be drawn to such a unique flower he didn't know; Kaylee was as precious and special as the blossom she was admiring.

"They're real pretty," she murmured, her fingers ghosting over the soft petals.

Moving to her side, Simon covered her hand with his and said, "They're very rare. One of the rarest roses." Glancing to her out of the corner of his eye, he saw her transfixed gaze and asked quietly, "Do you like them?"

Blinking quickly, Kaylee turned to him and smiled, sighing. "Oh, they're shiny. But back at home, there's this huge field o' daisies, yellow ones an' white ones, all growing wild. My cousins an' I used to sit out there for hours, weaving daisy chains an' the like." She glanced back to the rose and added, "Roses is nice, but they ain't quite as pretty to me as them daisies."

Simon smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her cheek, feeling his heart swell with more love for her by the second. She leaned into the touch, before again drifting away to wander through the blossoms. Watching her for a moment, he turned a bit, allowing his eyes to travel back to the sky, surprised at how comforted he felt by the sight of the stars. Normally, when they were on Serenity, he did everything in his power to avoid the cockpit, not wanting to be reminded of the vastness of space. But now, he looked at the twinkling lights, feeling a bit of relief, and then slowly turned his gaze back towards the Serra's estate. With a myriad of contradictory thoughts, Simon was hardly aware of anything until he heard Kaylee's soft voice.

"So, is this what your home's like?"

Blinking rapidly to bring his mind back to the present, Simon turned to find her regarding him. She had wrapped her arms around herself, the wind turning a bit chilly and Simon moved to her side instantly, removing his jacket and placing it on her shoulders. Smiling her thanks to him, Kaylee watched as his eyes again canvassed his memory and listened for his answer.

Keeping his hands on her shoulders, Simon glanced back to the house and said, "Yes. Although our estate isn't that big." Scanning their surroundings, he said, "But we do have a fairly extensive yard, similar to this one, I guess."

Kaylee nodded once and swallowed hard. With her heart pounding in her chest uncomfortably, she dropped her eyes to the ground and asked quietly, "And your folks? They like 'Nara's?"

This question pulled Simon's mind from that far-off place in an instant. Cupping her chin in his hand, Simon brought her big green eyes to his face and said softly, "Kaylee." He paused then realizing, that if he said no it would be a lie. With a sigh, he said instead, "I'd like to tell you they aren't. That you would love them, but that just wouldn't be true. They can be … challenging," he finished, wishing there was a better word.

Kaylee nodded again and then stepped away from him, her own gaze drifting to the stars. She just didn't understand how good, decent people like Simon and River and Inara could be raised by folks who so obviously weren't good or decent. Kaylee didn't like to think bad about people, it went against most of what she believed about the 'verse in general, but that supper had just confirmed for her what her daddy had always said – money changes folk.

Simon watched her shoulders slump and he searched for something, anything to say that might make her laugh; make her flash him one of those giant Kaylee smiles. Allowing his gaze to roam, he found the large fountain in the center of the garden and remembered something. Walking to her, he turned her around and took her hands in his. "When I was a boy, before River was born, my mother commissioned a local artist to make a fountain for our backyard." He began the story and then slowly started walking her towards the lighted stone. "She wanted a statue of the Greek god Adonis, I don't even remember why now." Smiling, Simon remembered with a chuckle his mother's surprise when the large piece had been installed. "The day it came to the house, it was hideous. Instead of Adonis, the sculptor had given us a rendition of Ares, with guns and cannons and these bodies strewn over a battlefield and …" Simon glanced to Kaylee hoping to see her smiling at his story, but he saw that instead of making her happier, he'd only proved to sadden her further.

With a sigh, she sat heavily on the edge of the fountain and pulled his jacket tighter around her shoulders. Feeling like a fool, Simon said quietly, "I'm sorry."

Looking to him with a startled and slightly bitter expression, Kaylee asked, "Why are you sorry?" When he didn't answer her, she again dropped her gaze to the ground, watching as her foot pushed around a few pebbles. "I'm the unusual girl who travels 'round in a ship full o' men, fixin' things, with grease under her fingernails. Who don't know which fork to use or how to hold a wine glass or-"

Simon reached for her hands and pulled her to her feet easily as she continued her tirade. Drawing her to him, Simon kissed her, deeply, passionately, and despite her melancholy mood, Kaylee responded. She wound her arms around his neck, as his mouth worked over hers, his tongue gently running along her lower lip before he deepened the kiss, flattening his hands to her back and pulling her even closer.

When they were forced to part for air, their foreheads touching, it was Simon who spoke. His hand against her cheek, he told her quietly, "That doesn't matter. Not any of it."

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee did not pull away, but said, "Yeah, it do, especially if'n you wanna go home."

Releasing his own sigh, Simon told her, "Kaylee-"

Pulling away from him, Kaylee said harshly, "I don't know why you keep pretendin' you ain't been thinkin' 'bout it. I know you have."

Dropping his chin to his chest, Simon rubbed a hand along his neck, trying to conjure a way to avoid this conversation. When none came, he raised his eyes again to regard her and saw a set expression to her jaw which he had seen before. "Don't you lie to me, Simon Tam," she told him hotly, her arms over her chest.

With a small smile, Simon nodded and relented. "Yes, I've been thinking about it."

Kaylee tried to bury her rising fear as she asked, "And?"

"And," Simon said, again moving towards her, glad that she didn't back away. Placing his hands gently on her shoulders, he said, "Nothing, Kaylee. It's not an option right now."

"Why?" she asked him, her eyes searching his for an answer. She wanted to know what was going on in that head of his. "I know you wanna go back there."

Sighing, Simon said sharply, "No, I don't." When Kaylee regarded him with a look of disbelief, he allowed his tone to soften. "Okay, I do. I'd like to go back and practice medicine again, in a real hospital, but …" He didn't know what to tell her; the truth was Simon couldn't go because of her, he couldn't leave her behind. But he feared that if he told Kaylee that she would feel worse, knowing that she was preventing him from doing what he wanted, from living his life. But she was quickly becoming his life … there had to be a solution – Simon just hadn't found it yet. "But the timing isn't right. And it's not a decision I need to make right now," he told her, again reaching for her, his hand to her cheek.

Holding his gaze intently, Kaylee wanted to believe him. "Are you sure?"

By way of an answer, Simon pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. With that swai grin she loved so much, he told her quietly, "You know what I'm sure of?" When she only grinned sheepishly, Simon brought her even closer to him and murmured, "I'm sure that it's a beautiful night, we are in a beautiful garden and you are the most beautiful woman in the 'verse."

As he said this last, he leaned close and pressed his lips against hers, smiling slightly as Kaylee again wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed against his mouth. "Mmm, are you sure you're sure?" she teased him, pulling back slightly to regard him with shining eyes. "I'm not convinced."

Smiling back at her, Simon kissed her again, his hand cupping the back of her head, his mouth and tongue working fervently to express his passion. "How about now?" he asked, when they again parted.

Frowning slightly at him, Kaylee murmured, "I don't know. Maybe."

He kissed her again and this was the longest kiss of all. Ai ya, she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. "And now?"

Looking to him with sparkling eyes, she leaned into him, her lips against his ear and said, "I might need some more convincin'."

With a grin of his own and another quick peck to the cheek, Simon took her hand and led her back inside.

-- --

Inara burst into the room they'd been assigned, glad to see her bags already there. Grabbing one with a vengeance, she threw it onto the bed, as Mal waited for the maid to bring his things from where they had been placed in the room next door. As soon as the young woman had dropped them off, Mal closed the door, and leaned against it, watching with a bit of amusement and concern as Inara fumed.

"Oh, that woman!" She was angry, that was no secret. Pulling some of her toiletries from her bag, she stalked to the bathroom and started setting them out, the sharp bangs and harsh mutterings as she continued to rant carrying to Mal who was still in the outer room. With a sigh, he walked across the room and took off his shoes and jacket, sitting on the bed and waiting for her to reemerge so they could talk.

Once Inara came back, still raging, Mal watched her for a moment and then finally asked, "So, you gonna tell me 'bout this other love o' yer life you left the Guild for?"

"Is that all you can ask me?" Inara's blazing eyes met Mal's cool gaze and she stood in the middle of the room shoulders heaving as she tried to control herself. Pointing to the now closed door, she asked hotly, "Did you hear the things she was saying? Did you see the way she turned her nose up at Kaylee? At you?" Pausing, she took a deep breath and then reiterated, "And all you can do is ask me about someone I loved a lifetime ago?" Exasperated, Inara dropped her eyes and walked across the room to the closet, muttering, "Typical."

Mal watched her go and then stood, following her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he felt her body tense as she inhaled a sharp breath at the contact. "So, you gonna tell me or what?"

With a sigh, Inara turned to regard him and some of the fight left her. Casting her eyes to the floor, she said, "Mal, there's really nothing to tell."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Mal said challengingly, "Oh, I'm thinkin' there is, considerin' I ain't the first man you've ever denounced your profession for."

Bringing her eyes back to his face, Mal was surprised by the amount of pain he saw there. He knew this was tough for her, but the haunted look that plagued her brown eyes now made his blood run cold. Reaching for her instinctively, Inara sidestepped him and went back towards the bed, pulling out a few more of her clothes. "It wasn't like that," she said quietly.

"Uh huh," Mal said disbelievingly. Stepping into her path, he told her, "I'm thinkin' I'm gonna need the captain-dummy version o' that, darlin'."

With another sigh, Inara raised her gaze to his face and saw his concern there, along with his confusion and possibly a hint of jealousy. If there was one thing Mal had a hard time with it was her job which was one of the main reasons she had stopped taking clients; their relationship was complicated enough, add the Guild into the mix and it just became downright messy.

But the story he was asking her for … Inara knew that if he had any concept of what he was requesting he would have backed off. Of course, how could he know? It's not as if Inara had given him anything to go on other than her silence. And that was bound to make him all manner of nervous.

Holding his gaze for a second more, Inara finally sighed and then again sidestepped him moving towards the dresser to put her clothes away. "No, Mal. I'm sorry. I can't, not-"

She stopped in mid-sentence and Mal let out his own sigh of frustration. Dropping his chin to his chest, he was about to admonish her again when he heard her sharp intake of breath. Turning quickly at the sound, he saw Inara staring at the room's dresser, her hand clamped over her mouth.

Moving towards the wooden credenza slowly, Inara reached out a shaky hand to a vase of flowers there – white roses from what Mal could see. He watched with fascination as Inara fingered a few of the petals and whispered in a broken voice, "Why?"

Then, with a suddenness that startled him, she hefted the vase into her hand and hurled it against the far wall, shattering the crystal and spraying water, glass and flowers in all directions. Staring at the now wet and ruined wall, she was still heaving, her shoulders rising and falling in rhythm with her anger. Mal watched dumbfounded, his gaze darting between the shattered glass and destroyed flowers and her. Within seconds he heard a knock on the door, and someone called, "Miss Serra, is everything all right?"

Her eyes still blazing with anger, Inara shouted, "Yes, fine. Leave us be."

After she was sure the servant had gone, Inara continued to move about, heading for the bed, where she had draped her nightgown. Mal intercepted her, his hands again on her shoulders, just as she was about to undress.

Stopping Inara flashed him an angry look, but he didn't flinch. "You wanna tell me what exactly you got 'gainst them flowers?" His voice had a forced levity. He was trying not to panic at Inara's untoward behavior. Mal had seen her mad plenty of times before – he'd often been the cause of her anger – but he'd never seen her so incensed. It was unsettling.

With an impatient look, Inara stepped away from him and said harshly, "Shut up, Mal."

As he stood there, his mouth gaping at her words and her attitude, she changed quickly and then got into bed, tossing and turning violently, before finally settling under the covers with her back to him. Mal regarded her for a few more moments, knowing that she had no intention of sleeping anytime soon. Inara could never go to bed angry, it was one of the things he loved about her as their late night bouts often resulted in late night make-up sex too.

He watched her covered form continue to rise and fall with her heaving breaths and finally, with a heavy sigh, grabbed his bag and tromped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

As soon as he was gone, Inara rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. She heard the shower start and breathed a slight sigh of relief knowing that she had at least twenty minutes before Mal would be back, demanding more answers.

Answers she could not give him. Well, would not, at any rate. Glancing to the mess of flowers against the room's wall, Inara felt the sting of tears and she blinked them back quickly. It was ridiculous, all of it. It had been ten years ago, how could it still bother her now, after a decade? With another sigh, Inara felt a twinge of guilt at the mess she'd made. Rising slowly, she padded across the room and reached for some of the broken glass, her hand hovering over one of the long-stemmed flowers. Almost without thought, she picked it up, its white petals unblemished by her rage.

With the pain of memories she couldn't hold back, her hand shook and her knees weakened and Inara made it to the edge of the bed, sitting back on its soft surface and staring at the flower she held. It was like this that Mal found her twenty minutes later.

He stepped out of the bathroom rubbing a towel over his wet hair, his chest still damp from his shower, his bottom half encased in sleep pants. Removing the towel from his face, he turned to throw it back into the now steamy bathroom and when he again looked to the room, glancing to the bed to check on Inara, he stopped. Mal watched with fascination as Inara stared at nothing. She was rolling the stem of the flower she held between her thumb and forefinger, her eyes wide and vacant and fixated on a point Mal could not see.

Gingerly, Mal padded across the room towards her and sat down beside her, keeping his distance. When she didn't acknowledge his presence, he found himself swallowing back a fresh wave of concern as he asked softly, "'Nara? You okay?"

Still staring into space, Inara shook her head just once, her dark curls shaking over her shoulders. Reaching out a hand, Mal took hers in his and asked quietly, "You wanna talk 'bout it?"

His touch brought her back to the present, and with a heavy sigh, Inara set the flower onto the night stand and said quietly, "No, I really don't."

Mal watched her for a few more moments, knowing that despite her desire to avoid whatever was eating at her, she wouldn't be able to for much longer. Moving his hand to her shoulder, Mal brushed her hair back and rested his palm against her cheek. "C'mon, 'Nara. Tell me."

With another sigh, Inara blinked back tears and rose slowly. She moved about the room aimlessly, her arms crossed over her chest protectively as if cradling a wound. Staying where he was, Mal kept his eyes locked on her form, looking for any sign of physical distress that would signal her need for him. Right now, the only thing he could see was her emotional pain and while it hurt him to see it, he knew that until she owned up to it, he'd be powerless to help.

Not bothering to face him, Inara sank into a soft chair across the room, folding her legs up underneath her. Shivering slightly, although not from the temperature, Inara's eyes again focused on a far-off point as she began to speak. "My parents weren't wrong," she started quietly, her voice as lifeless as her gaze. "I did leave the Guild once before. It was a long time ago and it turned out to be one of the more misguided things I've ever done, but … Well, I did it."

Swallowing thickly, Mal rose as he saw her eyes well with unshed tears. Moving to her side, he knelt at her feet and covered one of her hands with his own. "Why'd you do it?" he asked gently, hoping to coax the memory from her and hopefully the pain that accompanied it.

Smiling weakly, but still not meeting his gaze, she said, "For all the wrong reasons." Closing her eyes for a moment, one tear finally broke free and ran down her perfect, tan cheek. Not bothering to wipe it away, when she again opened her brown eyes, she spoke softly, "My parents had wanted me to be a companion since I'd been born. Does that surprise you?" she asked, dropping her eyes to his face. If he was surprised, his face did not show it.

Shrugging lightly, she continued. "Everything I ever did was to prepare me for entering the Guild. My education, dance lessons, etiquette classes, all of it. My parents worked so hard to prepare me, and by the time I was twelve, I was ready." Releasing another heavy sigh, Inara's mind wandered back to that time, remembering how excited and intimidated she'd been to walk up those hundreds of stairs to enter Sihnon's most distinguished training house. She had been so young.

"I really liked it too, Mal," she told him quietly, knowing he'd have a hard time understanding. Trying to explain, she added, "There was so much tradition, so much honor that surrounded the Guild, surrounded Companions. I know you think it was just a glorified whore academy, but there's more to it than that," she said, her voice taking on an urgent quality, almost begging him to believe her.

Mal felt his cheeks color at her words, knowing that he had, on quite a few occasions, called her a whore or worse; made fun of her profession and the trappings it brought with it. But Mal hadn't understood then, he wasn't sure he understood even now, but that didn't matter anymore. He loved her, Inara Serra, not Inara the Companion, and while Inara had tried to impress upon him that there was no difference between the two, he knew differently. He knew there was, because he had seen her at her most naked moment, held her in his arms, watched her cry tears of grief and joy – and that was the woman he loved. And there was nothing false about her.

"I was good," she continued quietly, her eyes staring again. "Everyone said so. I impressed all my teachers and the other girls. Some of them were jealous, but most of them were kind. I thought I was ready for anything, I thought I could do anything, but then … well, I met Jeremiah."

Mal's breath hitched quickly at the mention of the name, but he stayed still, kept his hand over hers, wanting her to continue. He knew that whatever she said couldn't really affect him or them. She was his now, as much as he was hers; this was just a part of her past that he needed to understand.

Looking back to the flowery mess across the room, the barest smile ghosted her lips as she said, "He was the gardener's son and a few years older. He'd started working at the house with his father a year or so after I began attending. He was very handsome, in a rugged sort of hard-working way," she recalled fondly, the image of that young boy's face springing to mind unbidden. "We were just passing acquaintances, nothing more. We never should have been more, but …"

With another sigh, Inara dropped her gaze to her lap, her fingers toying with the fabric of her nightgown. "I was so foolish," she said bitterly, tears still filling her eyes, the sobs beginning to well in her throat. "I knew it was wrong, we both did. That was probably part of what made it so exciting. He'd leave me a rose, a single white rose, every night on my windowsill," she added. She knew, deep down, in her gut, that her mother had planted those flowers on purpose. Of course it was an irrational and baseless accusation, but it didn't matter – Inara _knew_ it.

Mal's eyes traveled to the soggy mess, understanding dawning. So that was why she'd hurled the arrangement across the room, they'd reminded her of him. Looking back to her, he asked softly, "What happened?"

Shrugging lightly, Inara continued to study her lap as she said quietly, "I fell in love with him. I made love to him," she added, her voice dropping to a whisper. Closing her eyes for a moment, the sensation of that first time swept over her in a second and she shuddered slightly.

"And?" Mal prompted, wishing he didn't now have an image in his mind of a very young Inara having sex with some gardener.

"And we thought it was the real thing," she said, her voice growing heavy with more emotion, more memories. "So, we packed up and went." Looking to him again, Mal saw that more tears had fallen from her eyes, her cheeks sporting matching trail stains. Wishing he knew how to make this easier, he simply swallowed hard and waited for her to continue. "I didn't just leave the Guild, Mal," she explained. "I ran away.

"We didn't get very far, we basically had no money, but we were happy, for a time." Her voice grew wistful again and Mal noted how her tears ran in even paths down her face, dripping off her chin and into her curls. Shifting slightly, he moved his hand from hers up to her cheek and brushed some of the drops away lightly with his thumb. She closed her eyes against his touch, sighing lightly and Mal was glad that he was able to offer her some comfort.

"Then what happened?" Mal's voice was gruff with emotion, but he kept asking, kept pushing, and Inara knew how uncomfortable this must be for him.

"He left me," she said quietly, her eyes still closed, more tears falling. "I woke up one morning in this dingy room we'd rented and there was a white rose on his pillow and a note. All it said was 'I'm sorry,'" she relayed, her tears falling steadily now. The pain of the memory wouldn't have been half as bad if she could have forgotten the next year after Jeremiah had gone. It always seemed the aftermath of heartbreak was so much worse than the actual injury.

Mal's heart swelled with concern for Inara, even as his gut churned with a violent desire to track Jeremiah down and bash his head in. Trying to think of something that might comfort her, Mal said quietly, "Well, you survived it, darlin'. You went back to the Guild and you've had a good life. That's gotta count for somethin'."

Looking to him with an incredulous gaze, Inara knew that Mal was only trying to be supportive, but he couldn't know, he couldn't possibly know how untrue that statement was. With a heavy sigh and not a word, Inara unwound her legs from beneath her and rose, walking slowly across the room to her bag. Reaching into it, she pulled the little blue dress that she'd kept all these years and ran her hand over the silky material. The sight of it again and the memories of Jeremiah brought her sobs to the surface. Rounding the bed, Inara sank onto it, crying heavily now, her head falling into her hands. Instant concern filled Mal and he hurried to her side, sitting down and placing an arm around her shoulders.

Without a word, Inara curled into him, burying her face in his chest, her body heaving with sobs. Unaccustomed to this much sadness from her, Mal could only hold her back, hoping that she would be ready to tell him what had her so upset. He knew now this wasn't about a lost love; it was something far more painful.

Cautiously, he reached out his free hand and gently took the dress she held from her grasp. She let it go, and kept her head buried against his shoulder, her steady tears still blurring her vision. As Mal studied the garment a bit more closely, he realized in a rush what it was and he felt his lips set into a firm line as the pieces of the puzzle finally fit.

Laying the dress over his lap, he asked quietly, "Who'd this belong to, 'Nara?"

Still shaking, Inara took in a few deep breaths and muttered, "Her."

With a silent sigh, Mal placed a finger under her chin and tipped her face up to his so he could meet her red-rimmed eyes. Quietly, he asked again, "Who?"

As more tears came, Inara reached out for the dress and wrapped it into her hand. "My daughter," she whispered, her voice broken with her emotion.

Closing his eyes against what he'd known to be true, Mal tilted his head back with an angry sigh. "That tamade hun dan left you when you were pregnant with his kid?" he asked incredulously, trying to temper his rage and finding it difficult.

With a heavy sigh, Inara answered quietly, "I was about four months along when he left. This was the only thing we bought for her," she added in a whisper, her eyes still fixed on the dark blue fabric.

As she took a moment to remember, Mal wrapped his arm more tightly around her shoulders, pressing a kiss into her hair. He'd know that Inara's past hadn't been all puppies and parades, but he'd never considered how incredibly bad it could really be.

Inara cried a few more silent tears, so glad Mal was with her. She took comfort in his arms even as she felt more of her disgust and self-loathing take hold in her heart. It had been so long ago, but the pain was fresh, as if the wound had just been inflicted moments before.

After a few more minutes of silence, Mal finally asked, "What happened?"

Sighing again, Inara unwound herself from Mal's arms and stood shakily, walking to one of the room's big windows and standing before it. Maybe if she stared at the stars she'd feel some peace … maybe not.

"I came home," she murmured, her glistening eyes never wavering from the sky above. "I had to. I tried to stay out on my own, but I was so scared. I didn't know what else to do." Dropping her eyes to the floor finally, she said in a whisper, "So, I showed up on my parents' doorstep almost five months pregnant, an absolute disgrace and begged them to take me in."

Mal felt a ball of anger burn in his gut. There shouldn't have been any "begging" involved; Inara was their daughter, Edward and Liliana should have taken her back with open arms, glad to know they were going to be grandparents, proud to know that their daughter had survived such a heartache.

Rising, he moved to her side, and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned into him, but did not turn into his embrace, still keeping her face towards the window. "What'd they say?" he asked quietly, his voice a murmur in her hair.

Inara would have laughed if the memory hadn't been so painful. "They said they would help me on two conditions. One," she began to relay, her voice devoid of any emotion, "I had to return to the Guild and never look back."

Swallowing thickly as Mal realized he'd been the cause for her breaking that little ultimatum, he quickly returned his attention to her profile, noting how her lips had again set into that firm line. "And two that I had to give the baby up for adoption."

Mal inhaled sharply, having guessed that's where this was going, but wanting to know for sure. He watched her again, as she pulled away from him to sit on one of the room's plush window seats. Pulling her knees up into her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs and said brokenly, "I heard her cry, just once, that first time and then she was gone." More tears fell, silent and steady and Inara just let them come. "I wanted to hold her, just for a minute, to see her, but my mother wouldn't allow it. She just whisked her away and left me, all alone, sobbing and hurting. I didn't come out of my room for over a month, not until it was time for me to return to the Guild."

Dropping her forehead against her knees, Inara's shoulders again heaved with sobs and Mal rushed to her, wrapping his arms around her and carrying her sobbing form to the bed. He laid her down gently, sliding her into the warm covers and then, he lay down beside her. She rolled over and into his side the minute he was close, burying her face against his shoulder again. Mal kept his arm around her shoulders, his other running a light hand down her cheek, catching some of the tears there.

"It was so long ago, Mal, but being here," she began shakily. "It just brought it all back."

"That's why you didn't wanna come?" Mal asked needlessly, again cursing his idiocy at forcing the issue. Pulling her a bit tighter, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered, "I'm so sorry, 'Nara."

Shaking her head against his chest, her soft brown curls tickled a bit, as she told him, "No, I should be better than this, stronger. _She_ shouldn't still be able to get to me, but …"

"But she does," Mal finished, knowing the powerful effect parents could have over their children. Hell, he'd never even met his father and the man haunted Mal every day of his life.

Inara didn't confirm his assertion, but she didn't need to. He knew he was right and so did she. After more minutes of silence as Inara's breathing returned to normal and her tears dried, Mal asked softly, "Did ya ever find out what happened to her?"

Biting her lip, Inara didn't know why she was hesitating now; if Mal hadn't already bolted at her admission, she doubted this little fact would put him over the edge. Not bothering to look at him, she said, "Yes. About two years ago. I couldn't take not knowing anymore so I hired a private investigator."

If Mal was surprised, he hid it well. "And?"

With another sigh, Inara finally did look back to gaze at him, her red-rimmed eyes locked on his face. "I found her," she whispered. "I wanted to meet her, but I knew I couldn't. She was so happy and beautiful. Oh, Mal, she was beautiful," Inara breathed, her eyes tearing at the memory.

Kissing her cheek, Mal murmured against her skin, "Well, that don't surprise me in the slightest darlin'. Look at her ma."

Inara smiled sadly at his compliment, and then finished her story. "After I saw her, I kept trying to see her again, catch glimpses of her wherever I could. But the Guild found out and they weren't happy; neither were my parents. So they gave me a choice." Inhaling a shaky breath, Inara said, "I could either get off Sihnon and ply my trade through the 'verse or I could be expelled from the Guild."

Mal put the timeline together in an instant. "So that's why you was lookin' for passage on my old wreck of a boat?"

Nodding once, Inara swatted his arm lightly and scolded, "Don't talk that way about our home, Mal. Serenity's beautiful."

"Only with you on board, darlin'," he murmured, again nuzzling against the soft skin of her face.

Sighing, Inara was amazed at how much better she felt, getting everything out in the open. She hadn't wanted to ever tell Mal that story, she felt so foolish. But now that he knew, he'd done exactly what she'd suspected; he held her and supported her and tried to comfort her. He still loved her and why Inara had doubted that now, after all their time together, was a mystery to her.

Nestling further into him, Mal heard her sigh contentedly and hesitantly he asked, "You okay?"

"Better than I thought I'd be," Inara said softly, feeling the pull of sleep. She was drained, so many of her emotions having run so close to the surface and wearing her out.

"Is there anythin' I can do?" Mal asked, feeling completely useless, knowing that while Inara wasn't crying anymore she was still suffering.

"Don't let me go," she murmured, her breath warm against his chest.

Smiling slightly, Mal dropped another kiss into her hair and held her tight, determined to fulfill her very simple request.

-- --


	4. Chapter 4

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 4

-- --

Kaylee awoke slowly the next morning, feeling the softness of the mattress beneath her naked body and wondering for the briefest of moments where exactly she was. Blinking her eyes open, she rolled onto her side and into Simon's arms as he slept and realized she didn't rightly care where, as long as she was with him.

A few hours later, she was again awake and this time she was alone. Sitting up slowly and wiping the sleep from her eyes, Kaylee turned her head towards the room's wall of windows and watched the sunlight stream in through the floor to ceiling panes of glass, the warm patches of yellow light pooling onto the floor.

Listening, she heard the sounds of the shower and was about to join Simon when abruptly the water stopped running and a few minutes later he stepped back into the bedroom, rubbing a towel over his hair, another one wrapped around his waist.

Grinning wickedly at the sight of his bare and still damp chest, Kaylee rose onto her knees and crawled to the edge of the bed, her bare body now completely visible and waited for Simon to remove the towel from his face so he could see her. When he did, she giggled slightly as his eyes widened and then narrowed, filling with desire.

Without a word, he walked towards her and kissed her good morning, his body still warm to the touch from the hot water that had washed it clean. The humid feeling warmed Kaylee as well, inside and out. As she deepened their kiss, Kaylee trailed one hand down his chest and tugged gently on the towel at his waist, smiling when it fell to the floor and she could feel Simon's length pressing into her thigh.

But before they could have anymore fun, Simon broke the contact, pulling back and reaching for the towel. "Kaylee, it's late," he told her, standing again and reaching for her hand. "We need to get going for the day."

Pouting, Kaylee made no move to change, and simply tugged on his hand gently. Sinking back into the mattress she fixed him with her most sultry look and glanced longingly to the empty bed. "Don'tcha wanna stay in this big, comfy bed all day?" Her eyes lighting devilishly, she added, "With me?"

Groaning as Simon again felt his body responding to her beauty and her wiles, he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her lips and said, "Do I ever." Backing away, Kaylee was again left to pout as he moved to change. "But that would be impolite. We are the Serra's guests."

With a sigh, Kaylee knew she had lost this battle, but deciding that she still had a good bit of the war in her favor, she rose and moved up behind him, wrapping her arms over his chest and pulling him back to her. Pressing a hot kiss to his neck, she murmured, "All right, you can make it up to me later." With that, she kissed him again, and then pinched his backside as she moved to the bathroom to shower and change.

When she'd again emerged, Simon was gone and she figured he'd already gone downstairs. Double checking her appearance, she was again wearing one of Inara's outfits, this one a pale pink dress with a matching shawl, Kaylee smoothed her hair and hesitantly made her way downstairs, finding the dining room from the night before without too much difficulty.

As she approached the room, she heard the sound of easy laughter and smiled a bit as she recognized Simon's chuckle. He so rarely laughed, it was a sound that always brought a smile to Kaylee's lips. Entering the room, Simon noticed her immediately and stood, moving to her side and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Now, see?" he murmured into her ear, as he took her elbow and guided her into the seat next to his. "If you'd been wearing that this morning, I would have stayed in bed all day."

Flashing him a supernova smile, Kaylee sat and then greeted the Serras. They were both regarding her with a bit more kinder expressions than the previous night and Kaylee hoped that maybe the evening before had just been a fluke, the reaction of two very proper people who had been surprised to meet not only her, but Mal. Maybe they weren't so bad after all. "Mornin'," she said brightly, as Simon again resumed his seat.

"Good morning," Edward intoned, motioning to his side. A servant appeared immediately and with another flick of his hand, he sent the young woman to Kaylee's side.

"Can I get you something, miss?" the girl asked, even curtsying slightly as she asked.

Her cheeks flushing at being waited on, Kaylee made a move to rise as she said, "Oh, I can get my own breakfast. Just point me towards the kitchen."

Simon reached for her hand and squeezed gently. When she had brought her eyes to his face, she watched as he shook his head slightly and Kaylee swallowed hard as she again sat down. From the other side of the table, Liliana told her, "Nonsense, dear. We won't have a guest of ours waiting on herself. Just tell Josie here what you'd like and I'm sure she can get it for you."

Smiling bashfully at the young woman who was probably no older than Kaylee herself, the young mechanic looked to Simon's plate and saw the eggs and toast there. "I'll have some o' that," she said, pointing hurriedly. "And some orange juice, if'n you got it."

"Of course, miss," the young maid said, before turning and hurrying out of the room.

An awkward silence filled the room, the sound of silverware clinking against china the only other noise. Finally, it was Liliana who spoke. "Did you sleep all right, Kaylee?"

Smiling again, Kaylee looked to Simon a bit disappointed when he didn't share her knowing grin; sleeping hadn't exactly been the most important thing on their minds last night. Sexing each other in that huge, fluffy bed had. Looking back to Lili, Kaylee answered, "Yes, ma'am, I sure did. I ain't never slept in a bed quite so fancy 'fore."

Smiling patiently at the girl, Liliana wondered if she'd be able to keep her own promise to herself. She had resolved last night, after supper, that if she and Edward were to have any chance of getting Inara's life back on track, which of course meant her daughter would marry this very handsome and young doctor they'd just met, then Kaylee and Mal would have to be dealt with. Edward had already agreed to help her with Mal, so Liliana had dedicated herself to dealing with Kaylee. She only hoped she had the patience to entertain and subsequently humiliate this simple girl before she died from boredom and disgust.

Thankfully, Josie reentered at that moment, placing Kaylee's food down in front of her. The young woman's eyes lit with joy as she took in the plate and letting out a squeal that apparently Simon found adorable, she turned to him and grabbed his hand. "They got strawberries," she breathed, picking up one of the red pieces of fruit and holding it between them in awe.

Leaning towards her, Simon pressed a kiss to her cheek and said, "I know. I asked her to bring you some."

"Really?" Kaylee breathed and at Simon's nod, she threw her arms around his neck, not caring about the looks Edward and Liliana were giving her for her untoward behavior. "You're the best," she murmured, before placing a kiss to his cheek.

Settling back into her seat, Kaylee set about to enjoy her favorite fruit and Simon watched her trying not to salivate – watching Kaylee eat a strawberry was quite … intoxicating, if he did say so himself.

Liliana hoped the disgust she felt was not evident on her features. _Could the child really be that deprived as to be giddy as a five-year-old over strawberries? Oh, please. _Swallowing her revulsion, Lili plastered another polite smile to her features and said, "I'm glad you like them, dear. I'll see we have a fresh batch delivered every morning."

As Kaylee was just finishing the berry, she licked the juice from her fingers and said, "Oh, I don't wanna be no trouble."

"It's not a problem, Kaylee, believe me," Lili reassured. "We just want our guests to be happy, to feel at home."

Smiling wide, Kaylee's eyes lit as she said, "Well, thank you, ma'am. That's right kind of you."

"Please, Kaylee, call me Lili. The way Inara talks about you, it seems the two of you are practically sisters." It was time to put her plan into motion.

Nodding happily, Kaylee dug into her eggs and said, "Oh, yes, ma' – Lili," she added sheepishly, her cheeks coloring a bit. "Me an' 'Nara, we're right close. She is the closest thing to a sis I ever had." Glancing to Simon, she added with a smile, "Well, except for River."

"River?" Edward questioned, noting the way Simon's eyes lit with the hint of a smile at the mention of this new name.

Glancing down the table to their host, Simon elaborated, "My sister. She and Kaylee are good friends."

"Oh, we're more than friends, silly," Kaylee interjected, reaching for her glass of juice. "We're tighter than tight. Gotta be, travelin' on a ship like Serenity. It ain't like there's a ton o' room to be avoidin' folk."

Kaylee laughed lightly at her own joke, and Simon smiled, but it was obvious Lili and Edward did not find the humor and so Kaylee simply ate the rest of her meal in silence. Maybe last night hadn't been a fluke.

"Simon," Edward said finally, glancing to the young man who was still staring ridiculously at his girlfriend. "I wonder if you might be interested in taking a tour of Sihnon's Memorial Hospital. They've just opened up a new surgery suite and I know the Chief of Staff personally. He's invited me for a tour, as we donated a majority of the funds to get the place built."

Simon's eyes widened imperceptibly at the thought. It had been years since he'd set foot inside a real hospital, not since Ariel. Swallowing thickly, he asked, "Really? I'd be honored." Glancing to Kaylee, he smiled at her, unable to hide his enthusiasm. She smiled back, but it was a weak look as Kaylee realized she had not been invited.

"Can I come?" she asked brazenly, knowing that it was probably the height of rudeness to invite oneself. But she didn't relish the idea of being cooped up in this big house all day, and she didn't know what Inara and the captain were planning.

"Oh, nonsense, dear, you don't want to go with them." Lili's playful voice pulled Kaylee's eyes across the table to her. "You and I have a lot to do."

Puzzled, Kaylee asked cautiously, "We do?"

Nodding once, Lili said, "Well, of course. You do know what next Thursday is, don't you?" When both Kaylee and Simon looked to her with blank stares, she said, "It's Inara's birthday, of course. And since she's finally home for the first time in years, I thought we'd throw her a party. A gala event. How does that sound?"

If it was possible, the younger girl's eyes got wider and bigger at the prospect. Clapping her hands together excitedly, Kaylee breathed, "Oh, that's shiny, Lili. You mean a real ball, with gowns and dancin' and fancy foods?"

_Of course, what else would I mean?_ "Yes, dear, all of that." Looking to the men and then back to Kaylee, Lili dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper and said, "So, you see, we have a lot of work to do. And shopping."

"Shoppin'?" Kaylee's face fell. She knew there was no way she could afford any of the pretty fits or finery she'd be apt to find on Sihnon, especially not in the stores that Lili was likely to patronize.

"Well, of course, dear, you can't wear that to the ball," Lili scoffed, her eyes roving over the out-of-style dress she was wearing.

Kaylee's eyes fell to her lap and her hands smoothed over the fancy fabric. She could always wear her dress from the last ball she'd been to, but even then it had been considered out of style; Kaylee could only imagine the razzing she'd receive if she showed up in that confection.

Reaching over a hand, Simon squeezed one of hers gently and murmured, "Don't worry, bao bei, we'll figure it out."

Lili knew exactly what had the girl so upset; it was all part of her plan. "Oh Kaylee, dear, is this about money?" At the girl's horrified expression, Lili simply waved a hand. "Don't you worry about that. I'm going to buy your gown, whatever you want."

"Oh, Lili that's real generous of ya, but I can't accept somethin' like that." Kaylee's expression had turned from horrified to ashamed as she felt the richer woman was taking pity on her.

Again dismissing her concern with a wave of her hand, Lili rose and rounded the table to Kaylee's side. "Now that's just nonsense and you know it. I won't have a ball here in my home and have you hiding away in your room unable to attend because you don't have the proper attire. And like you said," she continued, taking the girl's hand and pulling her to her feet. "You and Inara are like sisters, which means in theory, you're my daughter too. And what kind of mother would I be if I didn't buy you something beautiful?"

Her eyes tearing slightly at the woman's words, Kaylee squeezed the hand she held and breathed, "Well, thank you, Lili. That means 'lot to me."

Smiling, Lili again suppressed the eye roll she felt as Kaylee hurried back to Simon and gave him a kiss, telling him to have a good day. Oh yes, Lili needed to get these two apart and fast.

-- --

Simon and Edward had ridden a fair distance in companionable silence, having shared some benign comments regarding the latest in hovercraft technology. Now, as they entered the outskirts of the city itself and the buildings started to stretch upwards and enfold them, Simon heard the older man shift, clearing his throat. Bracing himself, he turned his attention to his host.

"So, Simon, you must tell me something." His voice was easy, friendly even and when he smiled the gesture reached his dark brown eyes – very much like Inara's. Simon had already decided that the man was decent enough, certainly more decent than his own father, not that that was saying much. "How did a young man like yourself, an accomplished surgeon, end up on a ship like Serenity? Under the command of a captain like Malcolm Reynolds?" At the end of his last question, Simon could see the hint of disgust that colored the man's features at Mal's name and he had to hide his own small grin.

With a slight sigh, Simon reminded him, "Mal really isn't all that bad, Edward. And I'm sure Inara would agree with me."

Sighing, Inara's father turned to regard the thoroughfare they were speeding down, people standing to the sides flying past in flashes of color. "Yes, well Simon, Inara's track record with men has not always been the best." Turning back to regard the younger man, he told him frankly, "I am not surprised she's so taken with your captain. Disappointed maybe, but not surprised."

Simon thought about defending Mal's honor and Inara's, but closed his mouth. That was their own battle to fight, and based on the way Liliana and Edward had been treating Kaylee, he might need some of that strength for his own little defense later.

"But I'm not really interested in my daughter's misguided life at the moment," Edward continued, leaning back against the plush seat and regarding Simon evenly. "I'm curious as to how you, Simon Tam, famed trauma surgeon from one of Osiris' most wealthy and well-respected families ended up on a transport ship."

Raising his eyebrows at the man's knowledge of him, Simon shifted uncomfortably, trying to hide the worry in his face. "It seems you've done your homework," he remarked.

Edward nodded once and said, "I like to know my house guests, Simon." Watching the other man for a moment more, he asked again, "So, tell me. How did you end up out there?"

Simon settled back into his seat, trying to ignore the unease he felt at the other's man's inquisition. But the truth was, there really was no danger anymore. The warrants for both he and his sister had been lifted a few weeks ago, and regardless of whether or not Edward was fishing for information, there wasn't much he could uncover or Simon could reveal that would be all that damaging anymore.

Trying to determine the best way to answer the man's question, Simon finally sighed and smiled slightly. "Let's just say that a few years ago, the Core became a very dangerous place for my sister and I. At the time, being on the move was our only option."

Edward nodded once, the boy's vague explanation fitting with the information he had been able to find. "And now?" he questioned, being sure to note every move, every twitch Simon made as they would provide him with greater insight into how to keep the young man grounded.

Turning a wry smile to him, he said, "You tell me."

Chuckling lightly, Edward clapped him on the shoulder and said, "Good point, son. Good point." With a sigh, he removed the hand and said, "So, now that you can come back to the Core, why haven't you?"

Simon's face fell immediately, thoughts of Kaylee filling his mind and heart. He smiled sadly at their conversation from just the night before. It was killing him, that was true; he wanted to go home, not because he missed home, but because he missed being able to help people, truly help them. And he knew if he went and Kaylee went with him, he'd be able to give her everything she'd ever dreamed of and more. Simon knew that wasn't important to his girlfriend, but it was important to him; it was just another way for him to show his affection and he wanted that; but more importantly, he wanted Kaylee.

Edward watched the younger man struggle to put his excuse into words. He had not been blind to the looks and closeness between the young doctor and the mechanic the previous night at dinner, or even that morning at breakfast. It had been a long time since Edward had been in love, but he still remembered the signs, the behavior – and Kaylee and Simon were exhibiting them in spades. Deciding to give the boy a break, he prompted, "Ah, Miss Frye."

Smiling sheepishly, Simon let his eyes glance out the window. Sihnon was a beautiful planet, and he wished fleetingly that Kaylee were with him now; she would be so enamored of how grand and rich everything was. Or would she just feel more out of place?

Clearing his throat, Simon said cryptically, "It's a bit complicated."

Raising an eyebrow, Edward knew he had his opening. "Oh, I don't know about that, son. Complicated would be reattaching a girl's leg." At Simon's shocked expression, Edward simply smiled and remarked, "Homework." As the young man chuckled, his host continued. "I would think your relationship with Miss Frye and your decision to go back to practicing medicine in a real hospital should be fairly uncomplicated."

Simon sighed, but did not respond. There was no way the man would understand. Simon's own father would never have been able to comprehend it either. He was in love, and whether or not that was foolish, that's how he felt, and part of that love meant sacrificing things for the other person. If Simon asked Kaylee to go with him, she'd say yes and be miserable. He couldn't do that to her.

"Kaylee would hate the Core," he finally admitted, his eyes back to studying his hands in his lap. "She's very happy on Serenity. It's her home."

"That may be true, son," Edward admitted. "But what about you?"

Just as Simon was about to ponder that loaded question the car pulled to a stop and the driver announced, "We're here, sir."

"Excellent," Edward said jovially, stepping out of the car as Simon did the same. Once he was back out in the open air, Simon took a deep breath, not realizing until this moment how trapped he'd felt talking with the other man.

Shaking the thought away, Simon rounded the vehicle and watched as Edward greeted a tall man in a lab coat with a firm handshake. "Robert, it's great to see you."

"And you too, Ed," the other man answered. His voice was a deep rumble and he towered over his friend, easily surpassing his height by a foot or so.

Simon moved towards the two as Edward motioned him forward and made the introductions. "Doctor Simon Tam I'd like you to meet Doctor Robert Chang, Chief of Staff of Sihnon Memorial Hospital."

Shaking the man's offered hand, Simon smiled to him and said cordially, "It's an honor to meet you Doctor Chang." Gesturing to the hospital, behind them, he added, "And I appreciate you giving us this tour. I'm eager to see your new surgery suites."

Nodding in appreciation, Doctor Chang ushered them inside. "Ah, so you're a doctor, Simon?"

At the younger man's nod, Robert gave Edward a knowing look. "I wondered why you took me up on an offer for a tour." Glancing back to Simon, he confided, "Edward would rather watch paint dry than discuss diagnostic equipment."

As the other man pretended to be offended, they stepped through the hospital's main doors and everything else faded into the background for Simon. It was uncanny the type of effect a building could have on a person. It was truly like coming home; each sight, sound, smell as familiar to Simon as any from his childhood, from his parents' home; some more so. Pausing for just a moment, Simon closed his eyes and breathed deep, savoring the sensation.

When he again opened his bright blue eyes, his hosts were looking to him. His face flushing, he hurried towards them and said, "I apologize, gentlemen. Please, let's continue."

-- --

"And so, we're able to use the latest techniques. The laser extractor is one of our coup d'etats." Robert was finishing his explanation of the last suite of rooms, pointing to the piece of equipment he was describing. "We've had success removing tumors that are no more than the size of a single cell with it."

His eyes widening, Simon turned to the man and breathed, "That's incredible."

Smiling widely, Robert answered, "I know."

Simon returned the man's grin, knowing it anywhere; it was the "kid in the candy store" look that every doctor got when he knew he had the best toys. It was one Simon had flashed often enough.

Pushing through the swinging doors and back into the hallway, Simon was about to ask another question when they were greeted by another doctor. "Ah, Robert, I see you're on your PR kick again."

"Eli," Robert answered the man jovially, the two of them sharing a friendly grin. "I was hoping we'd run into you." Turning to his guests, he said, "I believe you already know Edward Serra, he's the one who pretty much funded this new wing."

Eli extended his hand to Edward and nodded his thanks and then turned to Simon as Robert said, "And this is Doctor Simon Tam, a trauma surgeon from Osiris."

Smiling tightly, Simon shook the new doctor's hand and amended, "By way of the Rim. I haven't practiced on Osiris in a few years."

Eli looked him up and down appraisingly and said, "Well, it's still nice to meet a fellow surgeon. I'm Eli Butler, Chief of Surgery."

Simon swallowed hard, knowing that in the past, meeting the Chief at a hospital like this one was tantamount to meeting the Pope on Earth-that-was. Immediately wanting to make a good impression, although he had no idea what he hoped to gain, Simon said, "I was just admiring the laser extractor."

"Ah, yes," Eli smiled wickedly, and Simon had to hide his own grin; the man looked like he'd just knocked over a candy store. "That is one of my favorites. Although personally I'm quite taken with our new neural imager. Neurosurgery is my specialty."

Simon's eyes widened at this information. His mind spinning with thoughts of what the sophisticated equipment could do for his sister, Simon asked, "Tell me about it."

As the older doctor launched into a detailed description of the machine, they continued their tour, Robert and Edward falling into step behind them. Simon and Eli were fast friends, the older man admiring the younger doctor's curiosity and intelligence; based on his questions alone, Eli knew him to be a sharp young man and a damn fine doctor.

"We've got a team of researchers beginning to use some of the scans for research projects," Eli was saying, as they stopped outside of a windowed room and took in the sight before them. "It appears that they're working on the occipital lobe at the moment."

Simon felt his jaw drop open, but he couldn't help it. Taking a hesitant step towards the glass, he watched the room beyond in awe. Lining the walls and running in rows up the middle were at least twenty diagnostic stations, each one staffed by two nurses and a physician, maybe two. They had ascended to one of the hospital's upper levels and Simon knew this was their dedicated research facility – a dedicated research facility – the idea seemed so foreign to him in his life now, he had a hard time grasping that just a few short years ago, he could have been on the other side of this transparent partition.

As he continued to watch, he remembered his manners and turned to Eli. "Have you done any research on the amygdala?"

Cocking an eyebrow at him, Eli asked, "Why? Got a problem with yours?"

All of them chuckled at this statement and Simon just shook his head. "No, it's just an interest of mine, a passion I guess you could say. I find its function and its malfunction fascinating."

Nodding once, the chief said, "Very true, it is quite intriguing. But no, we haven't yet begun to research it fully. Only a passing understanding when conducting our preliminary research." Turning slightly to face the younger doctor whose eyes had again drifted to the room beyond, he added, "But you could."

Blinking rapidly, Simon looked to him, confused. "I could what?"

"Conduct some research on your passionate amygdala," Eli elaborated, noting the way the boy's cheeks flushed at the offer. "We always need dedicated doctors and trauma surgeons … well, hell, I shouldn't let you walk out of this hospital without offering you a job."

Simon smiled at his kind words, feeling a bit faint. This man had just offered him a job, studying the brain, and working in one of the premier hospitals in the Core. But with a resigned sadness, Simon knew he couldn't accept, no matter how tempting they made the offer. Smiling at him, he said, "I appreciate your very kind offer, but I can't take it. My life isn't on Sihnon."

"But it could be," Edward reminded him quietly, his eyes conveying a knowing look based on their conversation of just a few hours before.

Shaking his head again, Simon said, "No, I'm sorry. Thank you, but my answer is no."

Clapping him on the shoulder, Eli turned them towards Robert and Edward and said, "Well, we might as well take the man to lunch." Looking to his boss, he said, "We'll need the extra time to convince him we're serious."

The older men chuckled at his remark, while Simon could only wince. Suddenly, this very enjoyable morning had turned into a torturous afternoon.

-- --

Kaylee followed Lili, having to walk quickly to keep up with the older woman who bustled with a determined energy. They had already stopped by the floral shop, where Inara's mother had ordered dozens of white roses to be delivered the morning of the event. Kaylee had questioned her choice, knowing for a fact that lilacs were Inara's favorite, but with a shake of the head and condescending smile, Lili had said, "Oh, young Kaylee. We can't have lilacs at a ball."

This comment had clamped Kaylee's mouth shut and she had gone with the woman in silence to the caterer's, where again Lili ordered foods she knew that Inara would tolerate, but not love. Even the cake, a raspberry and vanilla concoction was not Inara's favorite, and Kaylee had to wonder just how well Inara's mother could know her. It seemed wrong to the younger girl to throw a party for someone and not even attempt to please them.

But then they'd entered the dress shop and all of Kaylee's other concerns had just faded away. She'd been in a few boutiques in her young and Rim-based life, but never one quite as grand as this. Her eyes watered slightly at the sight of so much shiny, and with a hesitant hand she reached out to run her fingers over the closest silk dress, a red and black gown with a huge skirt. "Oh, look at the pretties," she breathed, not noticing Lili's eye roll or her annoyance as the sales girl greeted them.

Pulling off her gloves and removing her hat, Lili gestured to a few racks of dresses and asked, "Has everything been set out as I asked?"

"Yes, Mrs. Serra. The rest of your party is waiting in the back," the young woman answered, taking the hat and gloves and then reaching for Kaylee's shawl. Giving it to her, Kaylee's cheeks blushed at the idea of others. Turning to Lili she asked hesitantly, "Party?"

Smiling tightly, Lili brushed past her and motioned for her to follow. "Of course, dear, you're not the only one who needs something to wear."

Swallowing thickly, Kaylee closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She could do this, she'd never had a hard time getting along with folks before, everyone always said she was really friendly and polite. Surely she could manage a morning with these fine ladies.

Following quickly on Lili's heels, Kaylee rounded the corner and stopped short at the sight. Sitting before her were a half a dozen women, three sets of mothers and daughters if likenesses and age were any indication. They all looked up at her hurried entrance and then just as quickly went back to their conversations. Lili was already across the room, rifling through a rack of gowns, each one prettier than the last.

Not knowing what to do, Kaylee stood there for a moment, and finally one of the other girls, the one closest to her, stood and asked haughtily, "Can I help you?"

"Uh, I, I'm Kaylee," she stammered, her mouth feeling suddenly dry. Sticking out her hand, she felt her face fall as the other girl only looked at it with disdain. Her own hand fingering the large, jeweled necklace lying against her porcelain skin, she asked, "And?"

"Now, Basil, don't be rude," the older woman at her side said, rising from her puffed cushion.

Placing a hand to Kaylee's arm, she spoke to her slowly and loudly as if Kaylee was damaged in the brainpan. "Are you lost, honey?"

"Marisol, I told you I was bringing a friend of Inara's," Lili's sharp voice cut through the room and Kaylee breathed a slight sigh of relief, blinking back the tears of discomfort she'd felt. "Ladies, this is Kaywinnet Lee Frye."

All six of them again turned to her and Kaylee felt worse than she had only a few seconds before. With a small wave, she murmured, "Hi."

Marisol, looking a bit ruffled, straightened and said, "Oh, well, I regret the confusion, Kaywinnet," before she sat with a huff back on her perch, Basil sinking to the floor on a cushion beside her.

"Oh, you can call me Kaylee," the young girl said, wishing with all her might that she could melt into the floor. Trying to smile one of her big grins, Basil raised a hand to her mouth as she gasped, drawing the attention of the younger girl sitting beside her.

"Oh, dear," Basil murmured, poking her friend sharply and pointing to Kaylee's mouth. "Amber, did you see those teeth?"

Pressing her own hand over her lips, Kaylee mumbled, "What 'bout my teeth?"

With a shudder of disgust, Amber exchanged a look with Basil and then said calmly, "They're crooked."

"Well, I done know that," Kaylee said, dropping her hand and again smiling. "My pa always said, straight teeth's the mark of a liar," she added proudly, her smile fading a bit as she realized in horror that Basil and Amber both had perfectly straight, white teeth. Guessing that everyone else in the room did as well, Kaylee backed up a bit, and almost tripped over another of the women seated there.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Kaylee apologized, turning to be greeted by two fiery blue eyes and a scowl from an older woman.

"And you should be," she bit out, smoothing her dress. "Who are you again?"

"I'm a friend of 'Nara's," Kaylee answered, again offering her hand for a shake. "Kaylee."

Sneering at the offered hand, the woman said, "Charmed, I'm sure." Glancing to the other side of the room, the woman called, "Lili, what are you doing? Can we begin this fashion show already?"

Smiling tightly to her sister, Lili moved back across the room and took her arm. As the other woman approached, Kaylee watched in awe as the mean woman's face actually broke into a grin. "Well of course Angela, I just had to be sure we had the best gowns selected. I can't have my nieces arriving at Inara's party in rags," she finished, casting a meaningful glance to Kaylee's dress before again looking about the room.

"Ladies," Lili said, calling everyone's attention. Feeling all eyes focusing in her direction again, Kaylee sank to the side of the room and listened, her heart thudding sharply against her rib cage. "Thank you all for meeting me on such short notice. As you know Inara has come back home for a time and I want her to have a spectacular party." Glancing around, she looked for Kaylee and pulled the girl to her feet with annoyance. "And as Kaylee, Inara's friend, doesn't quite have anything appropriate to wear, I thought it would be a fun day for all of us to go shopping together. Now, have fun."

At this dismissal, the younger girls rose and all moved towards the back of the room where the dressing rooms were, chatting excitedly among themselves. Kaylee stood awkwardly at Lili's side, uncertain what to do until the older woman shoved her in the direction of her nieces. "Well, hurry along child, you don't want to miss out."

Kaylee smiled sheepishly at her, and then turned, shaking her hair back and taking another deep breath. She could do this.

-- --

Three dresses later, Kaylee knew she couldn't do this. None of the gowns that Lili had selected for her were close to fitting, nor did they do anything to complement her figure. Kaylee had seen the other girls, how thin they were, and while Kaylee had never considered herself fat, she did like to eat, and it showed in the fleshiness of her hips, in the fullness of her breasts. These other girls were sticks and while Kaylee had never once wished for a figure like that, it appeared Lili thought she had one.

A sharp rap on the door to her changing room startled Kaylee a bit. Grabbing the dress she'd worn for the day and covering herself, Kaylee called, "Yes?"

"Kaylee?" It was a hesitant voice and one she barely recognized. Guessing that it was one of Inara's cousins, Kaylee went to the door and opened it a crack. "Yes?"

"Aren't you going to show us something?" It was Amber, her body outfitted in a gorgeous gold and brown dress that exposed her perfectly tan shoulders and framed her face. "We'd love to see what you've been trying on."

Gulping Kaylee felt her cheeks turn bright red as she glanced over her shoulder at the dresses she'd already strewn on the floor. Looking back to the young woman, Kaylee glanced around her and saw that she appeared to be alone. Lowering her voice, she confided, "Well, I would, but none of these dresses seem to be fittin'."

Smiling at her, Amber said, "Oh, well why didn't you say so? I'll go get some that are a bit bigger."

Kaylee smiled her thanks to the girl and then shut the door leaning against it. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. After a few minutes had passed, Kaylee heard another knock and opened the door to see Amber standing there again. Handing her the dress, she smiled and said, "See if this will work."

Kaylee nodded once and smiled to her again as she shut the door. Taking the dress, which was pretty, not as pretty as some of the others, but not ugly either, Kaylee thought it looked a bit strange. Holding it in front of her figure, she regarded herself in the mirror and felt more tears well in her eyes. This dress, unlike the others, was huge, obviously made to fit a woman more than three times Kaylee's size.

"How does that work, Kaylee?" Amber's taunting voice could be heard through the door, and Kaylee shot an angry and hurt look at the girl, even though she couldn't see her.

"It's fine," Kaylee managed to choke out. At her words, she heard the sounds of raucous laughter.

Walking across the room to a soft chair, Kaylee sank onto it, her head in her hands and tried to collect herself. She had never known people to be quite so mean and she didn't like the fact that she knew some now.

As the giggling died down, Kaylee leaned back in the chair, her head falling against the wall with a slight thud. Closing her eyes, she was trying to bring her emotions under control, when she heard the muffled sound of voices from the room next store. Hearing her name, she pressed her ear to the thin wall and listened.

"How could Aunt Lili even bring a girl like that to a store like this?"

"Doesn't she know we'll never be able to show our faces here again?"

"And did you see her nails? There was dirt underneath them. Don't they have showers in space?"

"And her hair. Ugh, when do you think the last time was she had it trimmed?"

"Oh no, ladies, I think it's the dress. Can you believe she's actually wearing that rag in public?"

"Well, that might be what she wears to Inara's party since she can't fit into any of these dresses."

More laughter, more hateful words and Kaylee felt more tears come. She didn't know how long she cried in silence, feeling worse and worse by the minute. Who had she been kidding? She couldn't do this, she couldn't fit into this rich world with balls and special forks and fancy gowns. She wasn't rich or special or fancy, she was just Kaylee, a girl from one of the poorest border moons who'd gotten a job on a transport ship 'cause she knew how to fix engines. Just a girl, while these others were women, high class, respectable women, with fine hair and fine clothes and fine manners.

The kind of fine women Simon had once been attracted to, until he'd been forced to take passage on Serenity and she'd been his only option. Stifling a sob, Kaylee remembered his hurtful words of that day, so many months ago. He had apologized of course and she had forgiven him, foolishly believing that they could work, that he really did love her. But Kaylee knew now, the minute he saw all these fancy girls and then saw her, trying to fit in, he'd see. Simon was many things, but he wasn't stupid and he'd see that she was the round peg that did not fit into this square world.

Sighing heavily, she tried to collect herself as she moved to get dressed. With a new level of sadness weighing heavily in her chest, she remembered something her mother had always said, "A fish may love a bird, but where will they live?"

Kaylee had the distinct feeling she was the fish and Simon was the bird.

-- --


	5. Chapter 5

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 5

-- --

Mal found Inara around midday, in a corner of her family's property, surrounded by more roses. Frowning slightly as he watched her prune the bushes meticulously, he moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She gasped a bit at the sudden contact and then relaxed against him, saying, "You know how you're always telling me not to sneak up on you when you're cleaning your guns?" she asked, tilting her head to the side a bit so Mal could place a kiss to her neck.

"Yeah," he said quietly, moving his lips up to her jaw.

"Well, the same thing goes for surprising someone holding pruning shears," Inara admonished him, turning in his embrace and brandishing the deadly looking clippers.

"Whoa, easy there, darlin'. Those things look like they could snip more than them flowers." He teased her easily, glad to see that despite the revelations of the previous night she was smiling. Her eyes even held a bit of their old sparkle, and Mal felt a weight lift off his shoulders he hadn't even been cognizant of.

Laughing at his joke, Inara turned back to her work, the sound of the scissors snapping through the thick stems the only noise for a few moments as Mal again watched her. Out here, surrounded by beautiful things, Inara only looked more precious. She was finer than any of these flowers, more colorful and delicate than they could ever hope to be. Mal wondered for a moment if the petals ever got jealous, knowing that there was a beauty in the world they could never hope to emulate.

Sighing, he moved towards her again, and took her hand gently in his. Pulling her away from her work, he took the shears from her hand, setting them on the ground, before cradling her face in his hands and gazing at her for a few uninterrupted moments. Inara held his look, staring right back, her breath catching in her throat as she read Mal's emotions in his blue eyes. He felt everything more deeply than most, sometimes even more deeply than Kaylee. Inara knew it was one of the many things that had first attracted her to him; just like her, Mal had made a life out of burying his true emotions and only showing the world what he wanted them to see.

Caressing her cheeks softly with his thumbs, Mal tilted her mouth up to his and pressed his lips against hers. It was a gentle kiss at first, tender and loving, and then it turned more passionate. Mal's hands fisted into Inara's hair as her arms wound around his neck, and they deepened the kiss, their mouths opening almost simultaneously, their tongues meeting as they both explored each other. Pressing her body tighter to his, Inara felt her limbs and muscles light with desire for him, as they had many times before and she sighed against his mouth, as his lips again worked over hers.

Having to part for air, Inara rested her cheek against his, panting a bit and trying to collect herself. "Mal, you are a good kisser," she breathed, smiling when he chuckled lightly, the deep sound reverberating from his chest and into hers.

"You ain't so bad yerself, darlin'," he told her, pulling her to him again and holding her in a fierce embrace.

She held him back, knowing that this show of affection was also Mal's way of ensuring she was all right. Inara knew that despite his reassurances, she had scared him last night. And she knew that he felt protective now, as if he had some responsibility to keep her safe, to make up for the wrongs that had been done to her in the past. But with a slight sadness, Inara knew that if Mal ever tried to atone for her past pains, he would never let her out of his sight.

"I'm okay, Mal," she said, her voice muffled as her head rested against his shoulder. "I am, really."

Leaning back a bit, he kept his arms around her as he flashed her a skeptical look. "You sure? 'Cause I'm thinkin' it'd be okay if ya weren't?"

With a sigh, Inara told him, "It was a long time ago, and honestly, there are days, weeks, months at a time when I don't think about Jeremiah or my baby." Blinking quickly to dislodge the tightness in her eyes, Inara swallowed hard and said, "I honestly think that everything was just too close last night. It seemed that everywhere I turned there was a reminder." Subconsciously, Inara's eyes drifted to a white rose bush on the far side of the garden. Staring at the blooms, she continued, "I'm sorry if it bothered you or if you were worried about me. I will be fine."

Placing his hand under her chin, Mal forced her to meet his steady gaze. "You don't gotta be sorry for nothin'. And if'n I'm gonna worry 'bout you, then you'll just have to deal." Kissing her lightly, he again pulled her to him and said, "I just hate that it eats at ya so. I wish I had known before."

"There would have been nothing you could have done," Inara reminded him, still holding him. "And there's nothing you can do now, Mal. I just have to work through it."

Frowning again, he pulled back and wrapped an arm around her shoulders drawing her back to the house. "How 'bout you let me decide what I can and cannot do?"

Nodding once, Inara smiled, keeping her arm around his waist. "All right, then. What can you do?"

Cocking an eyebrow at her, Mal asked, "Is that a challenge?"

Noting the gleam in his eye, Inara smiled back devilishly and pinched his backside. "Maybe."

-- --

By the time Kaylee and Lili returned to the estate, just before dinner, Kaylee was numb. She had managed to make it through the rest of the day without shedding further tears, but only by locking away any and all of her emotions. She had basically shut down, speaking only when spoken to, never raising her eyes from the ground. It had been a horrible afternoon. And she still didn't have a dress.

Glancing to the sullen girl, and smirking slightly at the effect she was having on her already, Lili immediately softened her features and said, "Now, Kaylee, dear, why don't you go get changed for supper?"

Looking to her, Kaylee's eyes were wide and lifeless as she said haltingly, "Actually, Lili, I'm not feelin' so good. Would it be terribly rude of me if I just turned in?"

Smiling to her sadly, Lili lifted the back of her hand to Kaylee's forehead. "Well, of course not, dear. Not if you don't feel well." Dropping her hand, she said, "You don't seem to have a fever though. Maybe you just need a good rest. We had quite a busy day."

Nodding sullenly, Kaylee turned to head for the stairs. "Thanks for takin' me," she added, turning back to the woman and trying to remember her manners. "I appreciate it."

Smiling wide, Lili said, "Of course."

Once Kaylee had gone up the stairs, Lili summoned her attendant and dropped her packages into the girl's hands. "Be sure that dinner is ready promptly at six," she ordered, moving towards the sitting room to continue her preparations. "We'll all need to eat as soon as my husband returns." She couldn't give Simon the chance to go see Kaylee before dinner, and Lili knew if he and Edward walked in the door and dinner was ready, the boy would not be so rude as to keep the rest of them waiting.

With a smug feeling of satisfaction, Lili realized that Simon was almost going to do her work for her, just by being himself.

-- --

Kaylee entered the room she was sharing with Simon with a heavy sigh. Closing the door, she leaned against it for a moment, her eyes taking in the room as the sun set out the big windows. Someone had come in during the day and cleaned: the bed was made, the curtains straightened, the bathroom gleaming.

Slowly, Kaylee pushed herself away from the wall and wandered aimlessly towards the bed. She was tired, that was true, but it was more than that; she was miserable. Not only because of the very painful realization that she did not fit in, but also because she knew Simon did. Longingly, she ran a hand over the bed beneath her, bringing her fingers up to rest on his pillow. Closing her eyes for a moment, Kaylee remembered all the passionate nights they had spent together since Miranda. It had been an amazing six months, even better than Kaylee could have imagined. Why did she have to lose him?

She knew that Simon was not a liar; that when he made love to her, when he told her he cared, he was being honest. But neither of them had actually said those three little words that seemed to make folks all bibbledy and Kaylee had to wonder if it wasn't because Simon had always been holding out hope that someone better, someone "not-Kaylee" would come along. Someone like those fine girls she had met today.

Feeling more tears welling her eyes, Kaylee blinked them back and glanced up quickly, her eyes catching sight of the big, porcelain tub in the bathroom. Deciding that a nice, hot bath would make everything seem at least a bit better, Kaylee stood and walked towards the dresser, pulling out her nightclothes. Walking back towards the huge bathroom, she realized she'd forgotten her brush, and she started to run the water, letting it get good and hot as she went back to search.

Rifling through her bag, Kaylee came up empty-handed and with a sigh, she reached for Simon's, pulling it open and leafing through the contents, trying not to inhale the scent of him on his belongings; it would only hurt more. Finding her brush, Kaylee reached in to pull it out, her hand also closing around a slim book. Both items came out of the bag, the book dropping to the floor and falling open and Kaylee glanced to it, realizing what it was quickly.

Why Simon would have brought one of his medical journals she did not know, but she recognized this one as he had been filling it just a few days before they'd gotten ready to visit the Serras. Reaching down to put it back, Kaylee stopped short as her eyes glanced over his neat handwriting on the page. Gasping, she picked it up with a shaky hand, her eyes roving over the words again and again hoping that she was just seeing them wrong. But as they finally registered, Kaylee knew that all her fears from last night and today, as well as from a few weeks ago, had been well founded.

She stood frozen for several minutes and only the sound of the rushing water in the bathroom reached her. Clutching the still open book to her chest, Kaylee walked slowly towards the bathroom, disrobing and sliding into the warm water, wishing she could just soak in it forever.

-- --

Simon and Edward returned to the estate just moments before dinner would be ready, talking easily and even laughing with each other. As they entered the drawing room to join Mal, Inara and Lili, all eyes turned to regard them. While Mal and Inara's eyebrows shot up at this odd turn of events, Lili could only smile smugly. _Perfect_.

"Well, it appears you had a good day," she commented with a wide smile, tilting her cheek to allow her husband to brush a kiss against it as he passed her to fix a drink.

"Yes, it was a lovely day, thank you," Simon said, immediately tempering his excitement. Glancing to his friends, he gave them a polite nod and then his brow furrowed. "Where's Kaylee?"

With a slight sigh, Lili told him, "Oh, we had a very big day, dear. She mentioned being a bit tired when we got home, so she went up for a nap." As Simon turned to leave, Josie entered the room and announced, "Dinner is served."

Torn between going to get his girlfriend and not being rude, Simon made a decision. Turning back to the group, he said, "I apologize, but I'm going to check on Kaylee. Please, don't hold dinner for us."

Hiding the scowl she felt ready to grace her features, Lili asked, "Are you sure?"

Smiling again, Simon backed out of the room and nodded. "Yes, Lili, I am. If we're hungry later, we'll find something."

Lili watched him go, greatly disappointed that she'd been unable to corner him. But glancing back to her daughter and the captain, she realized she could easily improvise.

-- --

Simon took the stairs almost two at a time, eager to see Kaylee and even more excited to share the news of his day. Not only had the doctors offered him a job, a very lucrative job that would again have him making embarrassingly large stacks of money, but he'd been able to observe a surgery involving the laser extractor. It'd been incredible.

But it had also only served to remind Simon of a life that was not his anymore. While his day at the hospital had only reaffirmed for him what he knew to be true – that he could go back to the Core and pick up his old life where he'd left off – it had also driven home the fact that without Kaylee, that life would be meaningless. All he'd been able to think about today was what she would say or think of any of the things he'd experienced. And that was the reaction he was anxious to see now as well.

Pushing open the door to their room, he was surprised to not find her napping. Glancing about, he saw the door to the bathroom closed and he approached it, knocking softly. "Kaylee?"

He heard the sound of splashing water and then, "Yeah?"

Frowning at the dull sound to her voice and hoping that it was caused by the wooden barrier between them, Simon asked, "Are you all right?"

With a sigh, Kaylee wiped at her face. She'd been soaking for a little over an hour and while her skin had long ago wrinkled, she'd been unable to heave herself out of the comforting water. Sitting up slightly, she reached for a towel, her hand again brushing over the open journal she'd found. Biting her lip to keep more tears in, she answered him. "I'm fine, Simon. Be out in a minute." Rising out of the water and toweling off she called, "How was your day?" _It had to be better than mine._

"Unbelievable," Simon said, leaning against the wall by the door and waiting for her. "The hospital is state-of-the-art, it even puts the one on Osiris to shame. And I was able to observe a tumor extraction. I haven't seen something that delicate in –"

He cut off abruptly as the door opened and Kaylee stepped out, fixing him with a smile that did nothing but turn up her lips. It did not bring the normal light to her eyes or glow to her face, and as Simon studied her more closely, he noticed that her eyes were puffy and red; she'd been crying.

Stepping forward instantly, Simon cupped her face in his hands and questioned softly, "Bao bei, are you all right?"

Shrugging, Kaylee pressed the open journal to his chest, forcing him to take it as she said sullenly, "Shiny," before moving away from him to stare out one of the room's windows.

Simon watched her go, confused and concerned, and then he looked down to the book in his hands. It was one of his and as he tilted it back to read the page it had been opened to, his breath hitched in his throat. Angry that she'd found it and fearful of her reaction, Simon turned to regard her back as he asked quietly, "Where did you find this?"

She did not turn to meet his gaze, choosing instead to wrap her arms around herself. Despite the warmth of the bath she'd just taken and the robe she'd donned, she was suddenly chilled to the bone. "I found it in your bag, when I was lookin' for somethin'."

"But I didn't …" Simon trailed off, realizing the details were inconsequential now. He hadn't packed it, he knew that for sure. He would never have brought this within two hundred feet of Kaylee knowing she would misinterpret the list he'd made. His mind searching for an answer, Simon sighed heavily as he remembered his sister's warning from a few weeks ago. 'Can't lie, Simon,' she'd told him. 'Have to be honest.' _Of course, she would meddle_.

Realizing that the damage was done, Simon said quietly, "Kaylee, it's not what you think."

Turning back to him now, he saw the sadness in her features and his heart immediately fell to his feet. He'd only seen Kaylee this distraught a handful of times before and each time he'd been able to fix it; he wasn't so sure he could now. "It ain't?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears. Pointing to the book he held, she said, "'Cause I'm thinkin' I'm the only reason you ain't goin' home."

Simon glanced down and had to admit that was true. Under his 'Cons' list, Kaylee was the only thing written. "It's because I don't want to leave you," he explained, rounding the bed to step closer to her. She backed up imperceptibly and Simon halted, unaccustomed to that reaction from her. "I can't leave you, Kaylee," he breathed, wishing she would believe him; wishing the tears he'd watched fill her eyes would stop falling down her perfect face.

Kaylee swallowed thickly and held his gaze, trying to hold it together and knowing she was failing miserably. So her fears were true: Simon was staying on Serenity because of her. And there was only one reason she could think of that he hadn't asked her to leave with him.

Feeling her knees weaken, Kaylee stepped past him and headed for the bed, sitting down gingerly before her legs gave out. Crying steadily now, she stared at nothing as she asked quietly, "Then why ain't you asked me to come?" As Simon struggled to find the answer that would make sense to her, Kaylee hung her head and cried some more. "I knew it. You're ashamed o' me."

Her eyes now burning with a bit of anger, she raised her gaze to meet his dumbfounded expression and barreled ahead. "It's 'cause we only work out in the black, ain't it? 'Cause you know, once you're goin' to all these fancy parties an' meeting fancy girls I ain't gonna look so right an' shiny? Ain't that it, Simon?" Lowering her voice, she added, "I was just somethin' to pass the time."

Unable to believe that she could think so little of him and of herself, Simon fought for something to say, something that would make this better and not worse. His track record of reassuring her was poor at best and Simon knew if he said the wrong thing now, he could lose her for good; and that was something he could not handle.

Going to her, Simon kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his even as she tried to pull away. "Kaylee, that's not it at all." At his words, she relented and met his gaze, seeing what she thought to be love and biting her lip against another sob. "I don't know how you can say that. After all we've been through, all we've done." Swallowing thickly, Simon realized that while they had experienced quite a bit, he had never actually told her he loved her and maybe that was part of the problem. If he'd never said the words, then how could she know for certain how he felt?

Before he could say any more, Kaylee pulled her hands away and rose, stepping past him again. She needed to get distance from him, needed to not feel the warmth of his body or see the concern in his gaze; it would only serve to undo her more. "All that don't matter, Simon," she told him bitterly. "You was trapped on a ship at the end o' the 'verse. Who else were you gonna sleep with?"

Swallowing hard, Simon decided he was actually offended now. How could Kaylee think he would be so casual about something like that? He didn't think he'd ever given her cause to believe so, but maybe he had. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd done something ridiculously foolish inadvertently. But regardless, he would not let her malign him, or herself, this way.

Going to her, Simon took her by the arm and turned her to face him, placing his hands on her shoulders. Holding her shining green eyes in his gaze, he said firmly, "Kaylee, I want you to listen to me. I haven't been sleeping with you these past six months because I needed something to do." She dropped her eyes, her cheeks flushing at the statement, having known when she'd accused him of it how untrue it was. "You are more important to me than anything or anyone else in this 'verse," he admitted glad when his statement again brought her eyes to his face. As more of her tears fell, Simon cradled her cheeks in his hands and drew their faces close. "I love you."

Kaylee inhaled sharply at his confession, closing her eyes as more tears came. Simon caressed her cheeks lightly, before dipping his head down and pressing his mouth to hers, tasting the saltiness of her tears on her lips and wanting nothing more than to kiss them away. Pulling Kaylee tightly to him, he wrapped his arms around her back, and sighed with content as she did the same.

It was a long, languorous kiss and only once Kaylee sobbed against his mouth, did they finally break the contact. He tried to pull back to again read her features, but Kaylee only buried her face in his chest, her body shaking with sobs.

Rubbing his hands along her back, he whispered against her ear, "Kaylee, what is it?" He had a panicked moment of thinking she did not love him in return, but dismissing that thought quickly, he knew there was more to her melancholy.

Kaylee cried some more knowing that none of their problems had been solved. Regardless of whether or not Simon loved her, the fact of the matter was, he was still unhappy on Serenity and he still didn't want to bring her home. And Kaylee still wasn't sure that she'd be able to keep him once he was again surrounded by all those fancy Core girls.

Pulling back from him, Kaylee wiped her cheeks with the palms of her hands and backed out of his embrace. His arms fell slackly to his sides, having nothing to hold anymore and Simon didn't like the emptiness he felt.

Shaking her head, Kaylee took a deep breath and told him, "It don't matter, Simon. It don't matter if you love me or I love you. I don't belong here," she said, glancing around the fancy room. "You know it as well as me. I ain't fancy enough or pretty enough to fit into this world an' someone like you …" She trailed off unable to believe she was actually going to say this, knowing it would kill her in the process. Dropping her gaze to the patterned carpet, she finished quietly, "Someone like you deserves one o' them fancy girls, with proper manners an' the right family an' I ain't her. I ain't good enough for a man like you."

Simon's eyes widened in shock his mind reeling from what she'd just said. Never mind the fact that she had just admitted she loved him, she was denouncing herself, painting him as a shallow man who only cared about appearances and that just wasn't true. He had hoped she would have known that by now. Stepping towards her again, he stopped when she backed away. Feeling more sadness well in his chest, he asked quietly, "Is that really what you think?"

Raising her eyes to his face, Kaylee felt another sob rise in her throat and she was powerless to stop it. Unable to speak, she could only nod and then she turned away from him, walking across the room and leaning her forehead against the wall as she cried some more. Simon watched her for a moment, trying to determine what he could say, what he could do to convince her otherwise. It was obvious to him that coming here had been a truly bad and misguided idea, but it was also obvious to him that he had failed her. Failed in making her believe how special and important she was, not only to him, but in general. There was no one like Kaylee in this 'verse and Simon knew that giving her up would be the stupidest thing he could ever do.

Staying where he was, he called quietly, "Kaylee, look at me."

Inhaling a shaky breath, she straightened, but did not turn. Knowing how stubborn she could be, Simon held his ground. "Kaylee. Look at me."

With a resigned sigh, she turned slowly to face him, her eyes still to the floor. Deciding it was probably the best he was going to get, he asked quietly, "Do you love me?"

"What?" It was a breathed question and served to bring her eyes to his face.

Smiling slightly, he took one step forward and then stopped, asking again, "Do you love me?"

Swallowing hard, Kaylee thought about lying and knew there was no point in it. Of course she did. "Yes."

"And do you believe that I love you?" He took another step towards her, glad that she wasn't backing away.

Kaylee's eyes were still on his, but they were again filling with tears. Shaking her head, she told him, "It don't matter what I believe, Simon. Once you go back to Osiris an' see all them fancy girls, you ain't gonna love me no more."

He had reached her finally and taking her face in his hands, Simon asked, "Do you really think so little of me?" When she couldn't answer him, he went on. "Have I ever given you any reason to believe that I want anyone else but you?"

"It's not like you had a choice," she muttered, again dropping her eyes to the floor.

Simon sighed and said honestly, "Yes, Kaylee, I did." As she looked to him with a fearful gaze, he hastened to explain. "I had a choice, back when I lived on Osiris, before I got River out. There were quite a few fancy girls, as you call them, who were very interested in me. And they were nice, beautiful, very well-mannered, but …" Simon trailed off remembering with a shiver the vapidity of those girls' conversations, the shallowness of their concerns. "But I never wanted that kind of woman. A woman who couldn't or who refused to think for herself; a woman more concerned with her appearance than the real problems of the 'verse; a woman with a brain the size of a pea." Holding Kaylee's gaze, Simon told her, "I didn't leave some great love behind when I decided to get River out of the Academy." Swallowing thickly, Simon lowered his voice and told her honestly, "I've never been in love before Kaylee. And I'm in love with you." Pausing for a moment to study her face, to burn it into his memory, he added, "And those girls can't hold a candle to you."

Kaylee felt her breath hitch in her throat at his words. She knew, deep down, that he meant them, because she knew that Simon rarely, if ever, said things he didn't mean. He wasn't a big talker and so when he spoke, his words were normally well-thought out and true. Feeling more tears fall, Kaylee whispered, "Then why ain't you asked me if I wanna go with you to Osiris?"

Simon sighed heavily and lowered his gaze. Looking back to her, he asked, "The truth?" When she nodded, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her over to one of the room's plush window seats. Sitting with her, he turned to face her and took her hands. "There's a couple reasons Kaylee and only one of them has anything to do with you." Pausing, he swallowed hard and said, "Honestly, I don't know if I want to go back. I know I don't want to go back to Osiris." He shuddered at the thought, having no desire to see his parents, ever again, if it could be arranged. "Maybe settling somewhere like Sihnon wouldn't be so bad, but Kaylee, this life, it's not mine anymore."

Reaching up she placed a hand to his face and said softly, "But it could be. You were born for it."

Shaking his head, Simon said, "No, I was born into it. There's a difference, trust me." She nodded, and held his gaze, swallowing hard, before she asked, "An' the other reason?"

Simon smiled at her, and Kaylee felt her body tremble at that swai grin. Ai ya, if it didn't get her every time. Placing his hand over the one she held to his face, he said, "I haven't asked, because I know how much you love Serenity, how happy you are there. I could never ask you to choose. That wouldn't be right."

Kaylee's eyes welled with more tears; so he really was thinking of her. "Really?" she asked, her voice broken by the tears she felt. "It ain't 'cause you're ashamed o' me?"

Smiling slightly, Simon leaned forward and ran his hand through her hair and down her cheek, bringing it to rest on her shoulder. "Kaylee, if we decided to settle somewhere, anywhere, I know that would be a difficult transition for you. And I don't want you making that choice now for all the wrong reasons." Taking her face in his hands, he said firmly, "I do not want to be the reason that you're miserable. I want to be the reason that you are unbelievably happy." Smiling sheepishly, he wiped a trail of her tears away with his thumb and added wryly, "And apparently I have yet to get that right."

Kaylee actually grinned, her usual, bright smile at his comment and Simon felt a weight lift off of him at the sight. Edging closer to her, Simon kissed her, long and deep, her lips parting easily as he ran his tongue along them, allowing him entrance. Kaylee sighed against his embrace, falling into his strong arms and winding her hands around his neck and up into his hair. She fingered the silky strands as he fisted his hands into her hair, cupping the back of her head to deepen the kiss.

As he continued to work his lips over her mouth and then trail a line of kisses to her ear, he whispered against her skin, "I do love you, Kaylee."

Shivering at his words and the feel of his hot breath against her cheek, Kaylee wiggled her way into his lap and whispered back, "Show me."

Grinning, Simon wrapped her legs around him and lifted her easily, their lips staying fastened to one another as they made their way to the bed. Having just bathed, Kaylee's robe was the only thing between Simon and her smooth skin and as he set her on her feet at the edge of the bed, he ran a hand up and under the silky material, running his fingers along her inner thigh to ghost over her already wet center. Smiling as Kaylee dropped her head back at his touch and moaned slightly, Simon allowed his fingers to probe her gently, finding that most sensitive bundle of nerves and pressing against them, causing another moan to fall from her lips.

Bringing her hands off of his shoulders, Kaylee undid the tie of her robe, letting the material slide off her and pool at her feet. She smiled wickedly as Simon's eyes widened at her bare form and then she stepped up to him, rubbing their hips together and feeling his burgeoning arousal through his pants. Pressing her naked body against his fully clothed one, Kaylee kissed him fiercely, pushing her tongue into his mouth and nipping at his lips so sharply she almost drew blood. Working her hands down his rib cage, she felt for his shirt and pulled at the material, yanking it from his pants. Undoing the buttons slowly, Kaylee placed wet kisses to each bit of skin she exposed, smiling against him as he groaned at her touch.

Parting the now open material slowly, Kaylee let her hands linger over his pecs as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and exposed his well-muscled chest to her impassioned gaze. Sliding her hands over him, she stopped to tease one nipple, pinching it first lightly with her fingers, before bringing her lips around it and laving it with her tongue. Simon's hands, which had fallen to her waist, grabbed her tightly and pulled her to him and Kaylee gasped a bit as she felt him straining through his trousers. Looking back up to his desire-filled eyes, she smiled and said, "I think those need to come off," as she dropped her hands to his waist and worked at his belt and pants, making sure to brush her fingers against his growing arousal and getting another feral groan to escape his lips.

Panting a bit as she worked ever so slowly, Simon looked back to her and smirked. "You're drawing this out on purpose, aren't you?"

Smiling at him devilishly, Kaylee said, "Maybe."

And with that, Simon decided he would take control. Holding her by the hips, he pushed her gently to the bed, stepping out of his pants and unders all at once as she scooted to the center of the soft mattress. Joining her, Simon met her bright eyes with a smile, and brought his lips back to hers, kissing her deeply, as his hands ran down and cupped her breast, the flesh fitting snugly into his palm, his fingers grazing her nipple and causing her body to respond, her hips arching into him. Smiling against her mouth, Simon murmured, "Believe me yet?"

Grinning back, Kaylee trailed her hand down his muscled torso and wrapped her fingers around him, pulling slowly. "Maybe."

As he dropped his head to her neck while she continued her ministrations, Simon brought his lips to that one sensitive point that always made her whimper in delight. It worked again, and he alternated his tongue and teeth against the pulse point, delighting in the way she panted in his ear. Stopping abruptly as he knew he was close to his release and he'd done nothing for her yet, Simon reached down and pulled her hand from him, wrapping their fingers together, pulling both of her hands over her head. She looked to him with shining eyes as he gently placed a knee between hers, and she parted her legs easily, more than ready for him to join them. As he lowered his mouth to hers again and kissed her deeply, Simon slid into her and Kaylee met his first thrust with one of her own, her hips unable to stay still as he filled her completely. Whimpering against his mouth at the pleasure of the contact, Kaylee pulled her hands free, needing to feel his warm skin under her fingers.

Running them along his back, Kaylee moved with him, pushing and pulling them both, heightening their passion. She squeezed her eyes shut at the sensation, a few tears falling out as she realized that she did love Simon and should he ever leave her, she didn't know what she'd do. Simon gazed up to her face, having realized she'd fallen particularly silent and saw her tears there. Pausing for a moment, concern again clouding his features, he ran a hand along her cheek and asked, "Kaylee? Bao bei? Are you all right?"

Nodding once, Kaylee forced her eyes open and rested a hand against his cheek. "I love you," she breathed, unable to form any other words.

Simon smiled at her, and kissed her again, tenderly this time, and murmured, "I love you too, Kaylee. I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell you." The love and adoration in his eyes combined with the exquisite feel of him inside her caused a shiver to race down her spine. He kissed her again, slowly drawing the breath from her lungs. "I love you," he repeated. "Never forget that."

"I won't," she whispered to him, as they again began to move in tandem. "I won't," she repeated, her voice turning to a heavy pant as she came so close.

Sensing her nearness, Simon reached down to where they were joined and pressed lightly against her, bringing about her release just seconds before his own. With a cry of his name, Kaylee threw her head back on the soft pillow as Simon groaned above her. He rolled to his side, bringing her with him and holding her close. Fitting snugly into his embrace, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his sweaty chest and then leaned up to press another one to the corner of his mouth. "That was good," she murmured, getting a smile from him even as he tried to catch his breath.

"I'll say," he murmured back, his arm around her shoulders tightening. They lay in silence for a few more minutes, both of their heart rates returning to normal, and then Simon asked, "Are you going to tell me what happened today?"

Her eyes widening slightly at his question, Kaylee looked to him and asked, "Whatda ya mean?"

Frowning at her, Simon rolled onto his side, his softening length sliding from her and Kaylee pouted at the empty sensation. Resting his hand against her cheek, he said, "I know something happened. More than just finding my journal."

Shaking her head, Kaylee scooted as close to him as possible, sighing with content as his arms again wrapped around her. Burying her head into the crook of his neck, she murmured, "As long as you love me like that, it don't matter." Pulling back slightly to look at him, she added, "As long as you love me."

Kissing her deeply, when they parted Simon touched their foreheads, one of his hands running along her cheek soothingly. "I do, Kaylee. Don't ever doubt that."

As she kissed him again and felt deliciously tired from their sexin', Kaylee again curled into him and said, "I won't. I promise."

With a sigh of relief and unabashed content, Simon pulled her tight and whispered into her hair, "Good."

-- --

As the servants took away their salad plates and brought the main course, Inara decided the stony silence from her mother was enough. Raising her eyes across the table, she affected her best smile and asked, "So, mother, what did you and Kaylee do today?"

Returning her daughter's fake grin with one of her own, Lili answered, "Just ran some errands. I didn't want the girl moping around here all day and since you were no where to be found …" She let the statement die, knowing Inara would sense her anger at her rudeness.

Taking a sip of her wine, Inara answered, "I'm sure Kaylee could have found a myriad of ways to amuse herself, but thank you for looking to her."

Lili nodded, but didn't answer. Instead she took a few bites of her food, noting the determined way Inara's captain was studying his plate. Smiling again, the older woman decided to try a different tactic. "Did you appreciate the flowers in your room, dear?" As both Mal's and Inara's eyes snapped to her face, Lili continued to smile warmly. "Before they ended up in a soggy mess on the floor?"

If Inara felt shame for destroying the very expensive crystal it didn't show, however Malcolm's expression was an open book. With a set firmness to his jaw, he studied first Lili and then Inara with those blue eyes and her mother watched as the anger he obviously felt towards her faded into concern for her daughter. This was going to be much harder than she had originally anticipated.

"Yes, they were beautiful." Inara's answer was succinct and guarded and Lili only nodded once before returning to her plate full of food.

The rest of meal was eaten in silence and it was Edward who finally said, "I certainly hope Simon and Kaylee are all right."

Sharing a knowing grin and guessing that their friends were more than all right, Inara and Mal simply looked to each other, before his daughter answered, "I'm sure they're fine, father. They were very anxious to spend some time together. Their six month anniversary is in a few days."

"Oh, how quaint," Lili said mockingly, getting a glare from Inara and an uncomfortable throat clear from Mal. "And how many months have the two of you been together?"

Her eyes coloring with anger at her tone and her implication, Inara reached for Mal's hand and squeezed it as she said harshly, "I don't see how that's any of your business." Looking between her parents, she let her eyes rest back on her mother as she said pointedly, "Besides mother, you should know, the quantity of time doesn't necessarily indicate the quality of the love."

Refusing to bristle under the implication, Lili simply sat back and remarked, "So, less than six months then?"

"Four, ma'am," Mal answered quickly, beating Inara to the punch. As Lili allowed her eyes to roam to Mal, he added, "It took me a while to come clean with Inara on my feelings." Turning his face to meet her eyes, he smiled at her and said, "Best four months of my life though."

Inara smiled at him and leaning toward him kissed him softly. As Lili and Edward watched the show of affection, her eyes darted to her husband, indicating that he had better get on with it. Clearing his throat as the young couple parted, he said, "Malcolm, I wonder if we might have a chat after dinner."

Shifting in his seat uncomfortably, Mal asked, "About?"

Smiling to him, Edward said, "Actually, a job."

Inara inhaled at this remark and looked to her father quickly. "Father, who could you possibly know that would need Mal for a job?"

Looking offended, Mal turned to her with his best hurt expression and asked, "Hey?"

Smiling sheepishly to him, Inara murmured, "Sorry."

"It just so happens Inara that an acquaintance of mine has some goods he needs shipped off world and quickly. From what you and Malcolm have told me about Serenity, I think the ship would fit the bill." Looking to the captain again, he lowered his voice and added, "And the payment would be more than sufficient."

Mal's eyes lit at the prospect. Their last job, the one that had brought them to the Core had paid handsomely as well, and Mal liked the idea of having more than enough coin in his pockets; especially now that he'd seen where and how Inara was accustomed to living. Apparently, he had a lot of work to do on his dingy boat if he had any hope of keeping her.

"Well, then, why don't we discuss the particulars?" Mal stated, pushing away from the table and rising as Edward did the same. Leaning down to press a kiss to Inara's cheek as he left, he whispered to her, "Play nice."

Smiling tightly at him, she watched him go and then turned back to regard her mother. The woman's smug expression, so familiar to her, chilled her blood. Crossing her arms and resting them on the table, Inara asked coldly, "What are you playing at, mother?"

Trying to feign ignorance, Lili asked, "What do you mean, dear?"

Frowning at her, Inara said, "I can guess that you and Kaylee did not have a good day. She wouldn't be so rude as to miss a meal otherwise." Glancing over her shoulder, her eyes followed the path Mal and her father had taken. "And I know you don't approve of Mal. So why is father setting him up with work?"

Returning her hard glare, Lili sat forward and asked, "Inara, did it ever occur to you that your father and I are actually trying?"

Inara blinked rapidly at this statement, jerking back a bit. It hadn't occurred to her actually; was it possible? Crossing her arms over her chest, she narrowed her gaze and asked, "Really?"

Smiling to her, this time the expression was genuinely warm. "Really, Inara." Rising, Lili circled the table and sat in the chair beside her daughter. Placing a light hand to her arm, she continued. "I know that I can be a little mean, especially to people I don't understand. And unfortunately, I'm having a very hard time understanding how you can be friends with a girl like Kaylee and in love with a man like Malcolm Reynolds."

"Mother, Kaylee is a very sweet, very loving, very intelligent girl," Inara tried to explain. Letting out a heavy sigh, she added, "I wish you could just give her a chance."

"Why do you think I spent my whole day with her?" Lili questioned, again getting Inara to meet her gaze. "And you're right, she is very sweet. As for Malcolm …"

"Why don't we agree to disagree on the topic of my dui xiang?" Inara interjected, stopping the older woman before she could say something truly hurtful.

Smiling lightly, Lili nodded once, "All right, fine. But Inara, you could have any man. Why him?"

With another sigh, Inara ran a hand over her eyes and tried to think of the best way to explain it. Her mother wouldn't, couldn't understand; Liliana Serra had never made the 'wrong' choice in her entire life, even her marriage had been arranged. But Inara had had _any_ man, almost literally, and none of them had even come close to making her feel as Mal did. "Mother, I know this is difficult for you to do, but you're just going to have to trust me." Turning her eyes back to her mother's confused face, she added, "I love Mal and he loves me. That's why."

Sighing herself, Lili sat back in her chair and regarded her daughter for a moment more. This was going to be much more difficult than she had initially anticipated. Oh well, if she couldn't get Inara and Simon together, she knew her husband would get rid of Malcolm. At least one problem would be solved.

"All right," Lili repeated, rising and offering a hand to Inara which she took. "Then let's go see what the love of your life is discussing." Leaning into Inara she said, "We'll need to make sure your father isn't going to get him into trouble."

"Oh, Mal can do that all on his own," Inara muttered, wishing she could believe this truce with her mother was the real thing. But she had been burnt too many times before and she couldn't trust it; in fact, trust was one of her main weaknesses. She trusted Mal, she trusted the crew of Serenity, but her mother? Not a chance.

-- --


	6. Chapter 6

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 6

-- --

Kaylee awoke to an empty bed. Frowning, she picked her head up from the pillow and looked around the darkened room. Night had fallen, the stars visible through the windows and she didn't have any clue as to where Simon could be. A little worried, although she didn't know why, she sat up fully and looked to her night table noticing a piece of paper there. Smiling she raised it to her eyes, flipping on the lamp so she could read his neat handwriting. _I was hungry. I'll be back with food. Love you._

Smiling even wider, Kaylee flopped onto her back and squealed, most of the pain from the day before receding as she remembered the amazing sex and honest conversation she'd had with Simon. He loved her, he'd actually said it, and even though he'd once had his choice of a bunch of rich girls, he still loved her. It was a heady feeling and a new one for Kaylee as well. She'd certainly lusted after enough boys, liked quite a few, but loved … nope, Simon was the first for that.

Sighing for a moment, Kaylee also considered the other part of their discussion, the moving off Serenity part. Simon wasn't wrong, she would miss the ship and the crew, but would it be so bad if they settled somewhere? If they had a real life? If Simon had a real job, again saving people, reattaching folks' limbs that lost them? While he may have felt he'd stumbled into a charmed life, Kaylee knew he'd been born to help people, heal them. And she knew that the longer he stayed on Serenity, patching up bullet holes and stab wounds, the more miserable he would become. And just as he wanted her to be ridiculously happy, she wanted the same for him. There had to be a compromise.

Making a decision, Kaylee searched for the journal she'd found earlier and then padded across the room to the desk, looking for something to write with. Finding a pencil, she got back into bed, leaning up against the headboard and wrapping the fluffy blankets around her still naked body.

She was lost deep in thought, chewing heartily on the end of the pencil she'd found when Simon came back carrying a tray of food. When he saw she was awake, he smiled big and said, "I hope you're hungry."

Setting aside the book quickly, Kaylee turned to him and nodded, her stomach growling urgently at the thought of food. As Simon slid the tray onto the bed and then again got under the covers with her, Kaylee kissed him and smiled wide as he kissed her back. This was a good moment, right here, right now and she wanted to remember it.

Finally glancing down to the food he'd brought, Kaylee's eyes lit with an even brighter light as she saw the strawberries there. Noting her expression, Simon smiled and told her, "And I found whipped cream," gesturing to a bowl full of the white substance.

Squealing and clapping her hands excitedly, Kaylee was fairly certain she was dreaming as Simon took one of the big, red berries and dipped it in the sugary cream and then raised it to her mouth. She took a small bite, and let her eyes flutter closed, delighting in the feel of the juices and the rich cream on her tongue. Swirling them around in her mouth, Kaylee waited to swallow until she had savored every sensation and then opened her eyes to Simon, smiling even wider as she saw the way his jaw was hanging open. People, men especially, always seemed to look like that when she ate a berry.

"Yum," she murmured, reaching for another bite, but before she could take it, Simon had leaned forward and kissed her, his tongue delving into her mouth and no doubt tasting the remnants of the strawberry there.

"That's even better," she murmured as they parted. Plucking the rest of the fruit from his hand, she began to eat it, as Simon scooted a bit closer and picked up one for himself. As Kaylee watched him eat it with no whipped cream, she pouted and stuck one of her fingers into the white fluff, holding it up to him. "You're missin' out if you don't at least try it," she told him.

His eyes lighting with thinly veiled desire, Simon gently took her hand and pulled her finger into his mouth licking it clean of the whipped cream and causing Kaylee to shiver at the feeling. When he was done, Simon told her huskily, "You're right. How could I have been so foolish?"

"Well, that's why I'm here," she whispered, leaning forward and capturing his lips in a kiss. Simon's hand gently ghosted up her shoulder to her face, cradling her cheek in his hand as their mouths touched and the kiss deepened. Forgetting all about the food, despite the fact that they were both still hungry, the young couple spent endless minutes kissing and teasing each other, their hands roaming over their bodies, drawing out sighs of pleasure and contentment, although much to Kaylee's dismay, Simon was clothed, having thrown on his pajamas to get the food. Tugging at his t-shirt, she pulled it over his head, content for now to run her hands along his bare chest.

Once their need to eat again drove them apart, Kaylee settled herself into the crook of Simon's arm and nestled her back into his chest. Reaching again for another berry and some of the cream, they both ate in silence, sharing bites of the fruit back and forth and eating most of the berries. When Kaylee again felt her stomach filling, she leaned back against him with a sigh, her head on his shoulder. "This is perfect," she murmured, her breath warm against his chest.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Simon whispered, "Absolutely." Running a hand through her hair and down her back, he looked over her shoulder at his journal, sitting open again and catching his eye. Smiling slightly as he recognized some of her handwriting, he asked quietly, "Needed to write something down?"

"What?" she asked lazily, feeling warm and safe and her body wanting to go back to sleep, even as her mind wanted to stay awake and hold onto this feeling. Looking up to him and then following his gaze, her cheeks colored slightly as she said, "Oh, I was just makin' a list is all."

"Oh really?" Simon asked, intrigued. With a teasing grin on his features, he reached past her for the book, surprised when she stayed his hand. "I can't see it?"

Shaking her head, Kaylee told him, "It ain't done yet." Reaching behind her, Kaylee grabbed the journal, snapping it closed and throwing it down beside the bed and out of sight. Now truly interested, Simon looked back to her with a raised eyebrow and asked, "When are you going to tell me what's really going on?"

Sitting back from him, Kaylee's cheeks flushed at his question. She remembered some of the hateful things those girls had said and it was one of the reasons she'd been writing. She'd been making a list of her own pros and cons regarding settling some place fancy like Osiris or Sihnon and not fitting in, not being rich had been at the top of her cons list. She loved Simon, but she couldn't move somewhere and have no other friends, no people to chat with or share stories with. That would be unbelievably lonely and Kaylee was not a solitary person, never had been, never would be.

Placing a finger beneath her chin, Simon tilted her face to his and saw that her eyes were again pooling with tears. "I can't fix it unless you tell me," he told her quietly, hoping that whatever she was going to say would actually be in his power to control.

Shaking her head, Kaylee told him quietly, "There ain't nothin' to fix, Simon. I am who I am an' you are who you are. That ain't gonna change."

Swallowing back a sudden lump in his throat, he asked her, "Do you want it to?"

Looking to him with a truly conflicted expression, Kaylee muttered, "I don't know. I wanna be with you, an' if that means settling on some fancy world, then … well, I'd have to change."

"Kaylee, I don't want you to change," Simon assured her, placing his hand to her cheek. "I fell in love with _you_. Not some fancified version of yourself that you think you need to be." Pausing, he waited a moment before adding, "And I thought we agreed, there's no rush to make a decision about settling anywhere."

"But what about today?" she asked remembering the excited tone to his voice when he'd first come back from the hospital. "You had fun, didn't ya?"

Nodding once, Simon couldn't readily deny it. "Yes, Kaylee, I did. It was nice to be back in a real hospital, surrounded by other doctors, discussing cases and treatments. I guess I didn't really know what I was missing until I was exposed to it again." As he watched Kaylee's face fall and a few tears run down her cheeks, he added, "But it wasn't half as fun as being with you."

Kaylee smiled patiently at him and said, "That's real nice, honey, but it's a load o' crap an' you know it." At his startled expression, she said, "I may be fun, but I can't do for you what doctorin' does, I know that. It's like what fixin' Serenity does for me. It ain't just a job, it's a part o' who you are."

Simon swallowed uncomfortably, a little put out that Kaylee knew him so well; not because he didn't want her to, but because he knew it was going to make any decision they made that much harder – she wouldn't let him lie to himself.

"What are you saying, Kaylee?" he asked quietly, his eyes searching her face. He didn't think she'd tell him it was over, at least, he prayed she wouldn't, but he still had a sinking feeling in his gut. Looking over her shoulder to where she'd dropped the book, he asked again, "What were you writing?"

With a sigh, Kaylee turned away from him and picked it up from the floor, handing it to him. "My own pros an' cons list," she said quietly, her eyes again falling to the bedspread.

Simon opened the book and found her page, noting that her lists were similar in length to his own and almost completely reversed. He was the only thing on her pros side; he would have chuckled at the irony if he hadn't been consumed by the things listed on the opposite side of the page: mean girls; rich folk; fancy parties; my teeth; my nails; my hips, making Simon's eyes cloud with growing concern. Pointing to them, he asked her quietly, "Kaylee, what is all this?" As she refused to answer him, he asked again, "What's wrong with your teeth?"

Throwing him a sarcastic look, Kaylee affected her best haughty tone, sounding almost exactly like Amber had and said, "They're crooked."

His brow still furrowed in confusion, Simon didn't get it. Closing the book and placing it aside, Simon edged closer to her even as Kaylee tried to back away. Taking her hands in his, he asked again, "What happened today?"

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee blinked back the tears she felt forming as she remembered the day and said quietly, "It was just a bad day, Simon, all right? Don't make me go through all the details."

"Bao bei, I'm thinking you should, especially if it's bothering you so much." Cupping her chin in his hand, he again forced her eyes to his face and asked, "Did Lili say something?"

Shaking her head slowly, Kaylee said, "No, not outright. I'm thinkin' she's much too refined for that." With a sigh, Kaylee finally gave in and said quietly, "No, it's just that when we went dress shoppin', there were some of 'Nara's cousins an' aunts there."

"And they said something," Simon concluded, silently cursing the idiocy of wealthy people. He had seen it plenty of times on Osiris; men and women who pretended to be the bastions of society while turning their noses up at anyone they deemed inferior.

Kaylee nodded and said, "I shouldn't o' let it bother me, but I thought Lili was really tryin', you know? But no, it was just an excuse to ambush me," Kaylee finished bitterly, shivering slightly at the memory. Simon pulled her close and she wrapped into his arms, her head again falling to his shoulder.

"See, Simon? If'n you wanna come back to a place like this, I …" Kaylee trailed off, unsure she could finish the statement. She felt a few more tears come and she tried to blink them away.

Running his hand down her arm, Simon told her, "Kaylee, not all wealthy people are like that." As she looked to him with an incredulous expression, Simon chuckled softly and said, "Okay, a majority of wealthy people are like that, but not all. And this is why I didn't want us to discuss this now. It's not the right time."

"When's the right time gonna be?" Kaylee asked pulling away from him, her eyes full of anger and hurt. "Six months from now when I'm even more in love with you? A year from now when you finally decide you gotta go back an' leave me behind? The way I see it, it don't matter when we talk 'bout it 'cause ain't nothin' gonna change."

Simon watched her body heave with the intensity of her emotions and any of the reassuring words he felt rise to his lips died there. She had a point; there wasn't much that could change, no matter how long they waited. "What do you want to do, Kaylee?" Simon asked quietly, praying she wouldn't tell him to get out. "Do you want it to be over?"

Stifling a sudden sob at the thought, Kaylee murmured, "No, I just wanna love you an' I want you to love me. That's all I want, but it seems we can't have that."

Pulling her to him, Simon hugged her tightly, feeling her stiffen slightly in his embrace before falling against his chest heavily. "Yes, we can, Kaylee," he whispered into her hair. "It took me a long time to get this right and I'm not going to let you go. We'll figure it out. I promise."

"How can you be so sure?" she hiccupped, her voice still broken with sobs.

"Because I love you, Kaylee, I thought we'd established that," he teased slightly, pulling back to look at her. Kissing her again with all the passion and fervor he could muster, when they parted, panting, he whispered, "We can work it out. We just have to stick together."

Kaylee nodded once and then wound her arms around his neck, burying her face there. She couldn't say anything, because she knew that despite Simon's best efforts to make their relationship work, it couldn't. Not in the grand scheme of real life. Maybe when he'd just been a fugitive sure, but now that there was nothing but her keeping him on Serenity, she knew their differences, which had once been what made them so perfect for each other would drive them apart.

As she continued to cry, Simon held her back tightly, sitting back and easing down under the covers with her. Kissing her temple, he murmured, "Just get some sleep. Everything always looks better in the morning."

Kaylee nodded, but did not let him go for the rest of the night, even staying wrapped in his arms once sleep overtook her. She knew the morning would come soon enough and she knew that this would be the last night she would ever sleep in his embrace

-- --

It was early, exceptionally early when Kaylee awoke again. Glancing out the room's windows, she saw that the sliver of sunlight had just started to trace the distant horizon. With a quiet sigh, she rolled away from Simon's still sleeping form and got out of bed.

As quietly as she could, she gathered her things, her hands shaking as she wrote down a few sentences on a sheet of paper. Then with no sound, she headed out of the room, not turning to look back at Simon knowing that if she did, she'd never go.

The house was silent, but she made it downstairs and to the kitchen where a few of the servants, including the young girl, Josie, were already awake and working for the day. Motioning to the girl, Josie stepped over to meet Kaylee. Lowering her voice, the young guest told her, "I'm gonna need your help."

-- --

On Serenity, River's eyes snapped open as she felt the distress of her family from so far away. Rolling onto her side, she buried her head in her pillow trying to block it out and having no luck, she allowed a few tears to fall into the fabric. Her family was being destroyed, torn asunder and she didn't know how to stop it.

-- --

Inara awoke to find Mal already gone. It appeared that the job her father had lined up for him was starting this morning and so with a quick kiss and a promise to be back he had left her early. Inara vaguely remembered telling him to be careful, but she really wished she'd been able to convince him not to go. Something was wrong, off, and while she wanted to dismiss her unease as nothing more than paranoia, she couldn't, especially not when her father was involved.

Rising, she made her way to the bathroom, getting ready for the day. She hoped she'd have few hours to head out to House Madrassa and visit with her old teachers and friends. She wanted to bring Kaylee along as well, knowing that the girl would love to see the lavish residence and meet some of her companion friends. Plus, Inara needed to discuss things with Sheydra; she needed to find out how to leave the Guild with her dignity and title intact.

Putting the finishing touches on her makeup, Inara's hand reached for the door just as a loud rap sounded on it. Startled slightly, she opened the heavy wood and saw a disheveled Simon standing on the other side. "Simon?" Inara questioned as he brushed past her and into the room. Noting his distress, Inara closed the door hurriedly and asked him, "Simon, what is it?"

"It's …" He couldn't even finish the sentence, he still couldn't believe it himself. Having no words, he thrust a piece of paper in Inara's direction and she took it from his shaking hand. Scanning it quickly her own eyes widened in disbelief.

"This can't be true," she breathed, again meeting Simon's horrified gaze.

"She's gone, Inara. Along with all of her things. When I woke up this morning that's all I found." Simon's voice was full of anger and pain and Inara wondered which of the emotions would eventually get the better of him. Guessing it would be the latter and readily able to identify with him, Inara stepped forward and placed a hand to his shoulder. "Simon, Kaylee can't have gotten far. She probably just went back to Serenity."

Shaking his head, Simon let out a heavy sigh. "I just waved them, they're already in space, heading for the job and Mal said Kaylee's not on board."

As he took a moment to catch his breath, trying to quell his rising fear, Inara tried to collect herself as well. This wasn't good. Kaylee was on a foreign planet, with no friends and no money. What's more, now Mal was flying halfway across the 'verse to do a job for her father and couldn't help them find his mei mei. Inara knew why Simon had called them, but she silently cursed him for it as well, knowing that Mal would be beside himself with worry now.

"Did River say anything?" Inara asked, grasping for any clue.

Shaking his head, Simon told her quietly, "She wouldn't even talk to me. Zoe said she'd been mumbling about families breaking, but nothing too coherent. Nothing that would tell us where Kaylee is."

Inara pursed her lips, wishing she had been more attentive to the young girl. Looking to the distraught doctor, she asked him, "Simon, what happened last night?"

With another shake of his head, Simon sat heavily on the edge of the bed and allowed his head to fall into his hands. Speaking in a low voice, he said quietly, "I don't know. Kaylee was really upset. It appears her day with your mother did not go well."

Her eyes blazing with a newfound anger, Inara knew her suspicions had been right. "What happened?" she bit out, listening with more and more fury as Simon recounted all Kaylee had told him.

"I thought I'd convinced her by the time we fell asleep. I told her that I loved her and we would work it out, but then, she just left." Turning his wide and pained eyes to his friend, he whispered, "Inara, we have to find her. I need her."

Commiserating with him, Inara stepped forward and sat beside him. "We will, Simon. I grew up here. If anyone can find Kaylee on Sihnon, it'll be me." Rising, she shook her hair back from her shoulders and headed for the door. "But first, I think my mother and I need to have a little talk."

Simon's eyes burning with his own anger at his hosts, he rose to follow. "I'm going with you."

-- --

"Lil' albatross?" Mal called for River as he entered the now full cargo bay. The men that Edward had set him up with had been loading the ship by the time he'd arrived and already given him the first half of the coin. Of course, Mal didn't care one whit about any of it at the moment; not since Simon had waved to tell them Kaylee was missing.

Entering the room, Mal scanned the catwalks above for River's form, knowing it was the one place she always seemed to retreat to, no matter what else was happening. Since Miranda she'd been doing so much better, piloting the ship, going on jobs, even talking in full and understandable sentences. But it seemed that the past forty-eight hours had sent her into a tailspin and Mal was thinking it might have something do with Kaylee.

"River, come on, darlin'. I wanna talk t'ya."

"Don't know anything." Her ethereal voice floated down to him and Mal squinted against the harsh lights overhead to make out her form. Finally spotting her, he ascended the stairs lightly, swallowing back his very real urge to yell at the girl until she told him what he wanted to know. But he knew that would get them no where.

Once he reached her, Mal knelt at her side, resting a hand against her shoulder. Her face was turned towards him as she lied on her belly, but her eyes were closed. "River, you know lots o' stuff," he chided her gently.

"Not about this," she answered him, her voice still soft. "Kaylee's gone."

Nodding, Mal said, "Yeah, that's right. Do you know where she went?"

"Needed time, wanted space, didn't know she wouldn't like it."

His throat constricting as his mind processed her cryptic words, Mal ground out, "River, what'da ya mean? Is Kaylee in danger?"

Shaking her head, River muttered, "Not yet."

-- --

Simon and Inara found her parents on the lanai overlooking their garden. It was a pleasant morning, not too hot or cold, not too damp and so the Serras were enjoying the use of their terrace. At the sight of their daughter and the disheveled young doctor though, the agreeable looks slid off their faces. Setting down his coffee, Edward questioned, "Inara, sweetheart, is everything all right?"

Turning her blazing eyes to him for a moment, Inara saved her vitriol for her mother, rasping, "How could you?"

Swallowing hard, Lili could almost feel the daggers both young people were sending in her direction. Doing her best to play dumb, Lili asked, "How could I what, dear?"

Stepping forward, Inara leaned onto the small table, bringing her face to within inches of her mother's. "How could you feed Kaylee to the wolves like that? That sweet, innocent girl and you just left her there, knowing what Basil and Amber and those other women would do to her, say about her."

Smiling tightly, Lili sat back, trying to get some distance from Inara's rage. "Inara, I don't know what you're talking about. The girls loved Kaylee."

"That's not true, Lili and you know it," Simon finally said, stepping up beside her daughter. "She had a terrible time yesterday and something tells me it wasn't unintentional."

Her eyes now blazing with a bit of her own anger, Lili sat forward and looked to Simon with a hard gaze. "I'll remind you Simon that you are a guest in my home, and I'll ask that you speak to me with a civil tongue."

"He can say whatever he damn well pleases, Mother," Inara retorted, again drawing Lili's gaze to her. "It's my home too. And trust me, you deserve worse."

"What is all this about?" Edward questioned, rising to stand behind Lili's chair, his hand on her shoulder. They had suspected that the truth behind their machinations would come out, but both of them had hoped it would wait until the party the next night.

"Kaylee is gone. She left this morning and took all of her things," Inara informed them, straightening back to her full height and crossing her arms over her chest. "All she left was this note," Inara added, glancing to Simon, who stepped forward and gave Lili the piece of paper.

Lili read it, doing her best not to smile at the words: _Simon, I'm sorry, 'bout all of this, but I gotta go. I can't be here with you. It ain't right for me to be holding you back. Just know that I love you and I'm doing this so you can have the life you were meant to have. K._

"Well, it seems the girl is smarter than I gave her credit for," Lili murmured, handing the paper over her shoulder so Edward could take it to read.

Both of their jaws falling open at the remark, Inara and Simon shared a look before the woman turned to her mother and breathed, "What?"

Rising Lili wondered why she was bothering with the pretense. Giving her daughter a patient look, she said, "Inara, dear, Kaylee is right. She finally saw the writing on the wall. She doesn't belong with a man like Simon." Placing a hand to her daughter's cheek, she added, "Just as you don't belong with a man like Captain Reynolds. It appears Kaylee just took the hint quicker than I would have thought."

Inara felt such rage in that moment she thought she might pass out. With barely any forethought, she pulled her hand back and slapped her mother soundly. The sound reverberated in the morning air and everyone's faces displayed some kind of shock, except for Inara's which just continued to burn with hatred. "How I could ever have trusted you, I will never understand," Inara ground out. "Where is Kaylee?"

Holding her hand to her red cheek, Lili's eyes watered as she looked back to her daughter. "How would I know?"

"You obviously sent her away mother, to get her out of the picture. So where is she?" Inara asked, not giving any ground.

With slightly fearful eyes, Lili realized her daughter was serious; she and Simon both really thought she'd sent Kaylee away. "I don't know and that's the truth."

"The truth?" It was Simon's turn now and Inara let him have it, stepping to the side so he could advance on Lili's willowing form. "The truth? Coming from you that's almost laughable. How could you do this? To her, to me, to us? There is an etiquette one follows when one has guests. Just as when one _is_ a guest. If you think I've been rude this morning, maybe you should take a look in the mirror and examine your own behavior since we've been here." Allowing his eyes to shoot between the two parents he realized how very much like his own they were and his belly churned with disgust. "Unbelievable," he finally breathed, dropping his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. When he again brought his blue eyes to Lili's face, she saw a light there that spoke of a fierce protectiveness she had never seen before. "Where. Is. Kaylee?"

"We don't know, son and that's the truth," Edward interjected, stepping between his wife and the young man. "But we'll help you find her," he added.

"Edward," Lili hissed, getting a cold look from her husband.

"It's not right for the young girl to be out there by herself. Sihnon is a safe enough place, but, well, anything could happen to her and as long as she's our guest, we're responsible for her." Edward had turned to face his wife as he spoke and she watched his eyes, paying attention to all they were saying as well as the words that were coming out of his mouth.

Nodding once, Lili swallowed hard and said, "Of course, we will. You're right, dear."

"Thanks, but we won't be needing your help," Inara told them. "We'll be leaving now and if you ever try to contact me again …" She let the statement fade away, knowing she didn't need to finish the threat. With that both Inara and Simon stalked away and only after they'd gone did Edward and Lili both breathe a sigh of relief.

"We had better find that girl," Edward told his wife, already heading inside to his office to place a few calls. "And fast."

-- --

Kaylee was grateful that Josie had been so friendly. She had immediately felt a connection to the young girl, kind of a kindred spirit and she'd been right. With a hushed voice and a promise not to tell the young maid had called up a transport for Kaylee and given her a bit of advice on where to go on this big planet.

Once Kaylee had disembarked near the city's center, paying the driver from her decent, but not bottomless take of their last job, she had wandered a bit, her bag over her shoulder. Her stomach protesting the lack of food, she had stopped for a quick breakfast in a café, trying not to cry every five minutes as she was getting strange looks from the wait staff and the other diners. But it was hard.

She had cried pretty much the entire ride from the Serras, her head buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking. She already missed him, wasn't that ridiculous? She'd only left Simon a few hours before and already she felt more alone in the 'verse than she rightly knew how to handle. Kaylee didn't like to be alone; some would call it a flaw in her character while others would label it part of her charm, but regardless, it was a fact. And Kaylee was alone now.

Even if Serenity had still been on planet, she couldn't go back there; it was the first place Simon would look. And she knew he would look. Kaylee had no skill with the written word and while she had meant her letter to be as straightforward as possible, she knew it would only encourage him to find her. But Kaylee had been unable to write anything truly hurtful; she almost hadn't written that she still loved him, but it was the truth, and besides hating to be alone, Kaylee hated to lie.

So she would just disappear; get lost on this big, fancy planet, find a job doing something so she could get enough coin to buy passage home. The easiest thing to do would be to ask the captain to take her, but Kaylee knew she couldn't do that either; she knew that if she saw Simon again, she wouldn't be able to leave him twice. And this was what was best – for everyone, but mostly for him. Their situation was never going to change and Kaylee refused to be the reason he lived less than the life he so greatly deserved.

With a sigh, she paid her bill and wandered a bit more before finding her destination. Sihnon was known for its Buddhist temples, the religion having quite a following on the planet. Her insides churning with nervousness and anxiety, Kaylee pulled open the heavy wooden door and entered the dimly lit room. It was full of a heady, woody scent and the smell of some of Inara's incense. There were candles lining the walls and as Kaylee approached the altar where a large Buddha statue resided, she could just make out a few folks, kneeling and praying. Feeling ridiculously out of place, Kaylee jumped slightly as a light hand rested on her shoulder.

The man who greeted her was older, but he had a kind face. He was wrapped in some kind of orange robe and when he smiled Kaylee could feel the benevolence that surrounded him. "Can I help you, child?" he asked softly, so as not to disturb anyone.

Nodding once, Kaylee had to swallow hard several times to find her voice. Dropping it to a whisper, she confided, "I'm in a peck o' trouble an' I was told I might be able to find help here."

"Of course, child, if it's guidance you seek, we can help."

Kaylee smiled softly at him, trying to hold back more tears. She didn't know if it was so much guidance as forgetfulness she was seeking, but at this point, she'd take what she could get.

-- --


	7. Chapter 7

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 7

-- --

The first day of Kaylee's disappearance, Simon and Inara packed their things and left the estate hurriedly. Inara had already arranged for an apartment for them in the city, one owned by the Guild. It was a beautiful penthouse, high up in the city's center, but neither of them enjoyed it; they were barely there as they searched all day and night for Kaylee, returning only when their bodies dictated the need for sleep. With an almost disgusted snort they both realized, that under any other circumstances, Liliana and Edward Serra would be thrilled at the two of them sharing an opulent penthouse together.

On the second day, Simon and Inara split up. The young woman headed to House Madrassa asking her friends and fellow Companions to look for Kaylee when they were out in public, she figured the more eyes they had searching the better off they would be. Simon, fearing the worst, canvassed the area hospitals and emergency rooms. He asked to speak with Doctor Butler when he went to Sihnon Memorial and the man promised he would keep an eye out. Simon liked him.

The third day brought more of the same. This time they started with all the mechanics shops down by the port, asking if a young woman fitting Kaylee's description had come looking for work. They were always turned away, each negative response bruising Inara and Simon's hearts as they tried not to despair.

When they started searching the city's hotels, it became difficult to get any information. In a place like Sihnon, discretion was more than the better part of valor, it was a way of life. Attempting to bribe or wheedle information from the front desk clerks at any of the facilities was tantamount to breaking out of an Alliance prison. Since Simon had some experience with that, he felt they had a chance, but as the fourth day wound to a close, they were again empty handed.

Not wanting to, but knowing they needed to exhaust every option, Inara and Simon did check the prisons and jails on the fifth day, thinking that Kaylee might have been caught and wrongfully imprisoned. Grateful this time when they walked away with nothing, they did get a minor lead that evening as they settled for a quick dinner at an outdoor café. The maitre'd said he'd seen a girl matching Kaylee's description the first day she'd been gone, but she had not been back since and he did not know where she'd been heading. With an apologetic smile he walked away, leaving them both deflated.

As the sixth day turned into seven, Simon finally found himself losing hope. The longer they went without finding her the more he feared the worst. He knew that Kaylee could not have gotten off planet so quickly. While they did have some money from their last job, it wasn't enough to get her anywhere. Where could she be? Having no answers, it was late when Simon returned to the penthouse he was sharing with Inara. Noting that his friend was not home yet, he wandered out to the roof where he could see the city at night in all its glory. It was an absolutely beautiful place and the realization only made his eyes burn. Kaylee should be here with him now, he should be holding her and telling her he loved her and naming shooting stars after her … she should be here.

Pounding his fist against the roof's railing, he took a deep breath and tried to swallow back his fear. He didn't know what he'd do if he couldn't find her. After Simon had met Kaylee, a little over a year ago now, he'd been unable to picture his life without her. Even before they'd been together, when he'd just been an idiot, saying and doing all the wrong things, he'd quickly grown accustomed to her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes shone with an internal light. She was unlike anyone Simon had ever known. He'd wanted to be close before Miranda, wanted it very badly, but River had taken up all his attention and most of his time. He'd been driven by a deep, almost inhuman need to help his sister and that had eclipsed everything and everyone else.

Except Kaylee; her bright, sunny smile had always managed to peek through the cracks and reach him at his worst moments. Just like it had before the Reaver battle; just as it had when he'd finally woken, his body still healing from his gunshot wound; just as it had when they'd finally succumbed to their passions and given into their desires; just as it had everyday since he'd been wandering out in the black.

Life could be lonely, Simon knew that firsthand. His life on Osiris had been full of people, but meaningless. His life up until a week ago had been full of Kaylee and that had been more than enough. He was angry at her and himself for not making that plain; for being unable to convince her that she was all he needed. He would do better if he ever again got the chance – no, when he again got the chance.

"Hey."

Simon turned abruptly at the call and met Inara's weary gaze. Sighing heavily, he asked, "Anything?"

Joining him on the terrace, she moved to his side and mimicked his posture, her elbows resting on the railing. Shaking her head slowly, she muttered, "No."

They stood in silence for a while watching the stars and the lights. It was a tension filled quiet, as both of them tried to refrain from saying what they really felt. Neither of them wanted to admit defeat.

"Do you think she …?" Simon couldn't finish the question and so he didn't, blinking quickly as his eyes again burned.

"No," Inara told him firmly, placing a light hand to his arm. As he turned to face her, she saw the sadness in his eyes and she felt a few tears of her own pool in her eyes. "No, Simon, she's not dead. She's not. We just have to keep looking."

"But where?" His voice was a strangled cry as he let his desperation seep through. "We've looked everywhere."

"Then we'll look again," Inara told him firmly, refusing to give into her own fear. She really wished Mal were here. "She couldn't have just disappeared, Simon. She has to be somewhere."

"Why?" Simon's voice was a whisper, but Inara heard it and waited for him to continue. As he fell onto a lounge chair, his head in his hands he asked again, "Why did she do it?"

"She thought she was making the right choice for you both," Inara tried to rationalize. She didn't agree with her friend, not in the slightest. Inara knew firsthand how difficult relationships could be, and yet somehow she and Mal had made it work; granted it had only been four months, but still – Inara had to believe it was just the beginning of something true and lasting.

Moving again to Simon's side, Inara sat beside him and continued quietly. "Kaylee is my dearest friend, Simon and trust me, I know she loves you." As Simon turned a startled gaze to her, Inara confided, "Whose shuttle does she visit quite frequently?" Smiling slightly at her, he nodded once and she continued. "But she has always had a tiny fear that even after you finally noticed her, even after the two of you were together, she wouldn't be enough for you. You and I may think it's ridiculous, but it's what Kaylee feels. And being here, especially with my wretched excuse for a family, just brought those insecurities to the surface."

"Inara, I can't live without her," Simon whispered, surprised to be stating his emotions so plainly. "I just can't. She thinks that I want this kind of life again," he said, gesturing to the apartment and the city around them. "But it's meaningless without her. I wish I knew how to convince her of that." Dropping his chin to his chest, he muttered, "I hope I get the chance."

"You will," Inara said firmly, placing an arm around his shoulder and squeezing him to her comfortingly. Smiling to her, Simon nodded once and they again sat in silence.

Rising, Inara pulled him to his feet. "Come on, I'll bet you haven't eaten today."

Frowning at her, Simon said, "You go ahead, I'm really not hungry."

Fixing him with a firm look that Simon had only ever seen directed at the captain, she told him, "Simon Tam, you're not going to do anyone any good by starving yourself. You're going to eat."

Knowing the kind of cold shoulder he could get if he refused, Simon followed her into the apartment, turning before he did to take in one last look at the beautiful night. "Come back to me Kaylee," he whispered to the moon.

-- --

It was night time again and Kaylee hated it. She could never sleep when the darkness came and the stars appeared. She had been working and living in the temple for a week now, but barely sleeping. With a heavy sigh, she rolled off her mat and padded out into the building's courtyard, pulling her knees into her chest as she sat on a stone bench and gazed up at the moon.

She felt more tears come and she cried them, knowing it was useless to fight it. Her sadness had not diminished since she'd arrived; she felt a bit more peaceful, but no less sad and no less lonely. She still missed Simon, wanted Simon, but she knew that was still an impossible dream.

Burying her face in her knees her shoulders shook a bit with her tears and she jumped as a light hand touched her shoulder. Looking up she saw Dasya standing over her, the normal look of concern and peace coloring his features. He was the monk who had greeted her that first day and they had developed a nice rapport; he was a good man, kind and caring and he reminded her a bit of the Shepherd.

Wiping her cheeks she smiled weakly at him and said quietly, "Sorry, I hope my cryin' didn't wake ya."

"Not at all Kaylee," Dasya said softly, sitting beside her. "But it seems a shame to be crying on a night such as this. The stars and moon are apt to be offended."

Glancing up at the sky, Kaylee nodded once and sighed. "Oh, they sure are pretty, I just …"

"You are missing your friends, your beloved," Dasya finished for her. It hadn't taken much prodding for Kaylee to confess her whole story to the man, and he had been trying in his gentle, non-threatening way to give her advice all week. He had talked to her about inner peace and listening to her heart, but Kaylee had consistently rebuffed him, doing her best to hold firm to her decision. But her resolve was fading.

Nodding once, Kaylee unfolded her legs and said, "Yes. I'm missin' Simon somethin' fierce."

Taking her hand in his, the man asked, "Then why don't you go to him, child?" As Kaylee's protest rose to her lips, Dasya raised a finger and said, "Yes, of course, I know. You feel that you are holding him back, preventing him from leading a different kind of life." Kaylee nodded and he continued. "But Kaylee, I have asked you a few different times this week if he's ever told you as much. And you know what? You've never answered my question."

Swallowing hard, Kaylee knew that was true; she had been avoiding that one answer because she knew it completely nullified most of her concerns. Taking a deep breath, she finally admitted, "No, he's never told me that. In fact, when I asked him about it, he said he didn't want that life if I wasn't in it. He said we could figure it out."

"And why did you not believe him?" Dasya questioned, seeing that Kaylee had finally started to find enlightenment.

Shrugging lightly, she said, "I dunno."

As he frowned at her, Kaylee again sighed and stood, pacing away from him. Wrapping her arms around herself, Kaylee wished, with every bone and muscle that Simon was with her now. He should be here holding her, telling her he loved her and she him, wishing on shooting stars … he should be here.

"I think you do know, Kaylee," Dasya told her, his soft voice reaching her through her musings. "And I think that once you truly listen, the answers you need will be illuminated."

Rising he stood before her and placed a light hand to her forehead. "This will only prevent you from achieving what you desire, from getting what you want." Placing another hand lightly against her heart, he said, "This will allow it to happen. The heart is stronger than the mind, Kaylee. Stop letting the weaker voice dominate you."

And with those words of wisdom he was gone again into the night and Kaylee was alone. Blinking back a few more tears, she wandered back to the bench and sat heavily on the cold stone. Wrapping her legs underneath her, she closed her eyes and focused her breathing as Dasya had taught her. Inara had taught her too once, trying to get her to meditate after Early had been on board and she'd been scared all the time. But Kaylee hadn't taken to it then as she did now.

Breathing in and out and concentrating only on that rhythmic sound and her heartbeat, Kaylee silenced everything else but what her heart was saying. And then she listened.

-- --

The next morning Kaylee awoke, excited for the first time in a while. Sending a wave to Serenity and unable to get an answer, Kaylee swallowed her feelings of unease as she sent a wave to the Serras. She didn't want to call them, but she had to find Simon, and she was prepared to do whatever it took.

It was Lili who the servant summoned to the screen and fixing the woman with one of her brightest smiles, Kaylee said, "Good mornin', Lili. I hope you slept well."

The woman's jaw fell slack at the sight of Kaylee. "Oh, Kaylee, my dear, are you all right? We've been worried sick about you."

Doubting that were true, Kaylee kept her skepticism to herself as she said, "Yes, ma'am, I'm just fine. Just needed some time to myself, is all. I'm actually waving to find Simon. I can't get a hold o' Serenity."

"Oh, well, Simon's not here, dear. He and Inara left the morning you disappeared." Lili watched the younger woman, noting how her face fell, just the tiniest bit, at this information.

"Oh, they did?" Kaylee swallowed thickly, unwilling to give the other woman the satisfaction of knowing how disappointed she was. "Did they say where they was goin'?"

Shaking her head slightly, Lili lied. "No, dear. I'm sorry, they didn't. Do you want my help finding them?"

Not wanting to be beholding to her, Kaylee shook her head once and said, "No ma'am, that's fine. I'm sure I can track 'em down." She flipped off the screen hurriedly, knowing she couldn't keep the look of sadness from her features for a second longer.

Where could they have gone? Kaylee wracked her brain, trying to think of what Simon and Inara would do, especially since Serenity wasn't around. Trying to quell her rising discomfort, she decided that she'd pack her things and set out to look for them just after the noon meal. They had to be somewhere and she would find them, maybe by starting at Inara's old training house; she had mentioned to Kaylee she wanted to go visit with her friends.

Knowing she had a plan, Kaylee got ready to leave and then went to prepare lunch, he heart and soul feeling light for the first time in a long time.

-- --

"You got the trace, didn't you?"

"Yes, Mrs. Serra, we did." The man who looked to her now was rough around the edges, someone that Inara's Malcolm would probably associate with, but not an upstanding woman like Liliana Serra.

"So, when can you do it?"

"We're staking out the place now, as soon as the girl comes out, we'll be sure to get her off planet. You won't have to worry about her no more." The man's tone was harsh and a bit threatening, which only made Lili smile with content.

"Good."

-- --

Kaylee had only taken a few steps from the monastery when she felt eyes following her. All of her years on Serenity had served her well, and she knew she was being watched, possibly tracked. Trying not to alter her gait too noticeably, Kaylee kept her head high, moving forward with purpose. At the next corner, she crossed sides of the street, surreptitiously glancing over her shoulder and finding the man who was trying not to be noticed. He was following her.

Her breath quickening as she feared the worst, Kaylee sped up a bit, weaving and darting through the other pedestrians. The man quickened his pace as well, still staying a good ten steps behind her, but not letting her get away. Kaylee was panting now, and people were staring at her as she dodged past, but she didn't care; she needed to get somewhere safe.

Deciding to try and circle back to the monastery, she crossed the street again, this time darting out into traffic instead of crossing at a corner. And that was the last thing Kaylee remembered.

-- --

"Take us into the world, River," Mal instructed, watching as the girl had already started to drop Serenity through Ariel's upper atmosphere. Mal had been all manner of nervous about landing on a planet like this one, but the codes and clearances Edward and his contact had supplied them with had panned out. Now with an audible sigh, they were on their way to the meet.

"Not out of the woods yet."

River's small voice startled Mal from his musings and with a curious expression, he turned to regard her. She had not pulled her eyes from the controls, and she did not turn to look at him even as he continued to stare. "What's that now, lil' one?"

"Still lost," she said softly. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a moment and when they reopened she did bring them to his face, causing Mal's breath to hitch in his throat. They were so big, so open, so innocent and at this very moment, so very scared. "Still lost in the woods."

Going to her side, Mal knelt in front of her and rested a light hand to her shoulder. "Who is, darlin'?"

Swallowing hard, River thought about not telling him, about keeping it a secret, but she knew that wouldn't be fair. Locking her brown eyes on his blue, she said quietly, "All of us."

-- --

Simon and Inara had decided to stick together on this eighth day of their search. They were both exhausted, trying to sleep every night but finding little success and they felt the chances of them missing something lessened if they searched together.

Having decided to again check the mechanics shops, thinking that was the most logical place for Kaylee to seek work and solace, they wandered from one to the other, still coming up empty. As Simon pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger he heard the comm in his pocket sound. Pulling it out quickly, he thumbed it on and asked, "Yes?"

"Simon, this is Eli Butler."

His heart leaping into his throat, Simon gave Inara a worried look as he asked, "Yes, Doctor Butler. How can I help you?"

"I think I can help you, son." The man's voice crackled through the comm, but there was no mistaking the heavy sigh that escaped his lips before he said, "I found your girl."

-- --

Simon barely remembered the ride to the hospital or anything that happened between Doctor Butler telling him he found Kaylee and him standing outside her operating room, waiting for news. With his instincts kicking in and his adrenaline pumping through his system, every question he asked, every step he took was almost by rote, coming back to him as easily as his years of training.

Now he stood, staring at the swinging doors that led into the room that held Kaylee, his heart in his throat, his breathing shallow as he considered just how bad her injuries must be for Eli Butler to be needed for the surgery himself. Inara had sunk into a chair across the way from him, and she watched him now, watched as he grew more and more agitated as the minutes ticked by; as his hands clenched into fists at his sides and then uncurled only to clench again; watched as he paced a short angry path across the waiting room, never taking his eyes from the doors.

Rising, she went to him and stepped into his path. Simon raised his eyes to her with a bit of surprise and she said to him softly, "Simon, you really should sit down."

Shaking his head tersely, he again fixed his gaze on the doors and said quietly, "No, not until I know she's all right."

Inara sighed heavily, having guessed that would be his answer. So they waited some more, the anticipation nearly killing them both until two doctors emerged and Simon rushed to greet them, addressing the older man whom Inara guessed was Doctor Butler.

"How is she?" he asked hurriedly, his eyes searching the other man's face with an occupational eye, looking for the clues he knew the man could hide from a layman, but not from another surgeon.

Sighing heavily, Eli dismissed the other doctor and clapped a hand to Simon's shoulder. "She's in post-op, son." Glancing to Inara and smiling to her kindly, he gestured to some chairs across the room and said, "Why don't we all take a seat?"

Simon went and sat reluctantly, his body wound like a spring, ready to snap at the slightest provocation. He really wanted to see Kaylee, not believing that it was her until he could again see her face, again look into those big green eyes.

Doctor Butler watched Simon's gaze wander and took the momentary distraction to introduce himself to his friend. "I'm Eli Butler," he said easily, extending a hand.

Taking it, Inara smiled to him and said, "Inara Serra. Kaylee is a dear friend of mine."

Nodding once, Eli realized she must be Edward's daughter but kept the connection to himself. That wasn't important right now.

"Doctor, please," Simon begged, again drawing the older man's attention. "Please, tell me she's going to be all right." _Lie to me_, he thought to himself, knowing that if it wasn't true, if Kaylee wasn't going to make it, he couldn't stand to hear the words.

With a sympathetic look, Eli told him seriously, "She should be all right, Simon, but she's sustained some pretty extensive injuries. We've managed to stop the internal bleeding, and we've set her leg, but …" Eli trailed off and wiped a hand over his tired eyes, it had been a long surgery. "Well, there was some head trauma. We've drained the fluid surrounding her brain."

Simon swallowed thickly as Inara's hand flew to her mouth to cover a gasp. Holding the other man's gaze he asked quietly, "And?"

"And it's looking good, so far, but Simon you know better than anyone how critical these cases can be. And that until she wakes up, nothing is certain."

Simon swallowed again and stared off at nothing, only the sound of Inara's stifled sob reaching him. Looking to her, he took her hand and squeezed it gently and she tried to smile at him, but it was a useless gesture; Simon could relate.

"What happened?" he asked, not having gotten the whole story from anyone.

The doctor wasn't completely sure on the details himself, but he offered what information he'd been told. "Apparently, she was being chased, at least that's what some of the witnesses said, when she darted out into traffic and was hit by a speeding hovercar. It threw her about five feet in the air."

Inara gasped again at this information and Simon could only nod resolutely, unable to erase the image in his mind of Kaylee's unconscious body falling to the pavement with a sickening thud. Trying to wipe the memory, he shook his head quickly; it didn't work.

"I need to see her," he said quietly, his voice devoid of any emotion.

"Of course, son, as soon as she's moved out of post-op, you can both see her, but one at a time." Eli watched the two young people struggle to maintain their emotions and his heart went out to them. It was obvious to him that the young woman whose life he'd just saved was very loved. Looking to them both, he cleared his throat and addressed Simon once more. "There is something else."

Closing his eyes for a moment and wondering if he really could handle hearing more, Simon took in a deep breath and then turned to regard the doctor. "Yes?"

Holding the younger man's gaze firmly with his own, he again placed a hand to his shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, son, but she lost the baby."

His eyes widening at this news, Simon shared a similar look with Inara as he stammered, "B-baby?"

Nodding, Eli said, "She was only about a month along, so she may not have known, but yes, Simon, she was pregnant."

Falling back into the chair, Simon covered his face with his hands. Kaylee had been pregnant, with his child; this revelation was almost too much for him, in light of everything else. "Simon?" Inara's shaky voice called to him and anticipating her question, he shook his head slowly. "No, we didn't know. Kaylee didn't know, I don't think."

Eli gave Inara a sympathetic nod and then rose, saying, "If you need anything at all, just tell the nurse and she'll have me paged. As soon as Kaylee has been moved, you'll be the first ones to know."

As he turned to go, Simon rose and followed, placing a hand on the man's arm. Turning back to the younger man, he looked as Simon extended a hand. "Thank you, Doctor, for everything."

Shaking the other man's hand firmly, Eli told him, "We're going to do everything we can for her, Simon. Hang in there."

He nodded once and then the older gentleman was gone. Simon watched him go, his mind reeling with all of this new information. Kaylee had been pregnant, her brain was swelling and her body was desperately fighting for life; and again Simon knew he couldn't lose her. He wished he could help, do something, use the knowledge he had locked away in his top three percent brain, but he also knew he'd be useless to her as a doctor now; he only hoped he could be helpful and supportive as a lover instead.

"Simon?"

Inara's hand rested lightly against his shoulder and when Simon turned to face her, he saw that the tears she tried not to cry had fallen down her face. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, unable to raise her voice for fear it would crack from her emotions.

Simon nodded once, unable and unwilling to release the sadness he felt. Not until he saw Kaylee, not until he knew she would be okay could he break down. Until then he needed to be strong for her; for them both.

"Would you mind waving Serenity?" Simon asked, his voice still soft. "I'm sure Mal and River will want to know what's happening."

"Of course, I was just going to do that," Inara responded. Taking a step closer to him, she asked, "Will you be all right?"

Shaking his head, he answered truthfully, "No." Gazing off in the direction he knew Kaylee to be, he added, "Not until I know Kaylee is."

-- --

"Wait a minute. What?" Mal could barely process what Inara was telling him. He was sitting in her shuttle, having wanted the privacy and now his mind was reeling as he watched her struggling not to cry and trying to tell him what had happened to Kaylee.

With a sigh, Inara told him quietly, "Please, Mal. Don't make me say it again. It was awful enough the first time." She wiped quickly at a few more tears, her eyes dropping to the floor.

Mal watched her, his heart swelling with concern while his head raged with anger at the distance separating him from his family. "Listen, darlin', we just landed this mornin', but we're due to unload the goods in an hour or so. As soon as we're refueled we'll be on our way, full burn. Dong ma?"

Inara nodded once and then raised her eyes to the screen, causing Mal's breath to hitch in his throat. "It's so terrible, Mal," Inara murmured. She had not told him of the baby, knowing that was something that Simon and Kaylee would have to decide to share. But the knowledge of it still haunted her; she knew what it was like to lose a child, and she knew that Kaylee would feel the pain of that loss as deeply as any. "Simon's beside himself and there's nothing either of us can do."

Leaning forward a bit, Mal tried to be as reassuring as he could over a wave feed. "You gotta hang in there, 'Nara. You know how much lil' Kaylee looks to you. Just be your lovin', strong self an' when I get there you can fall apart all ya want, okay?"

Inara smiled lightly at him even as more tears fell and muttered, "I do not fall apart, Mal."

"Oh, I beg to differ," he told her, trying to ease her tension with a joke of his own. "I seem to remember you _fallin'_ pretty hard the night 'fore I left."

Turning wide eyes to him, she actually smiled, for real this time, and the expression buoyed his spirits. "You're gonna be okay," he assured her. "We all will, lil' Kaylee included." Swallowing hard past a sudden lump in his throat, he added, "Just tell her I love her an' I'm comin'."

"I will, Mal," Inara told him, again swallowing down her sobs. "I really wish you were here," she admitted, her voice again quiet.

Sighing heavily, Mal told her, "So do I, darlin'. So do I."

-- --


	8. Chapter 8

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 8

-- --

"Sir, you can see her now."

Simon glanced up sharply at the nurse's small voice and he followed her quickly, Inara on his heels as they made their way to Kaylee's room. It had been an excruciating wait, but Simon found the short walk was almost more unbearable. With concern churning in his gut and acid bile burning his throat, he stopped outside the room the nurse indicated. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and closed it securely behind himself before taking in Kaylee's unconscious form.

The lights were dim in the room and as Simon moved towards her, he could make out the violent red cuts and bruises that marred her perfect face and arms. One of her legs was wrapped in a thick white cast covering her all the way from her foot to her hip bone. Simon approached her side, rounding the bed, and gently, gingerly, he took her hand in his being careful not to put too much pressure on the bandages that were no doubt covering more cuts and stitches.

Gazing at her face, he saw the large pad of white gauze they'd placed to her scalp covering the hole he knew they'd had to drill into her skull to relieve the pressure there. Brushing the backs of his fingers against her forehead with the barest touch, Simon sank slowly into the chair at the side of the bed, his hand still over hers and could only stare. Kissing the exposed tips of her fingers, he murmured, "I'm here, Kaylee. I'm right here. And I'm not leaving you, ever again."

Looking up to her face, he hoped, prayed that she'd open those eyes, but he knew that was days in coming, if ever … Shaking the thought away, he blinked his eyes rapidly as he felt a few tears cloud them, and then said quietly, "I love you, Kaylee, so you have to get better, all right? I'm not going anywhere."

And then, not having the strength to say anything else, Simon held her hand to his lips and simply stared, willing her to wake.

-- --

"Where is my gorram contact?" Mal was fuming, that was plain to Zoe as her captain paced up and down the open ramp, stopping every five steps or so to again glance over his shoulder. He was constantly scanning the crowd looking for the man who would come and relieve him of the crates in his hold. He wanted to get back in the air, wanted to head for Sihnon at full burn and get to Kaylee and Inara's sides. But now, he was stuck, waiting for some lousy hun dan to get his act together.

Zoe kept her mouth shut, knowing that an 'I-told-you-so' at this very moment would be bad. She had warned Mal when he'd called over a week ago, excited about the prospect of another job that would net them a lot of coin that it was not a good idea. Edward Serra was not a man who would be inclined to do them any favors. But like the rogue he was, Mal had waved away her concern, telling her they'd been in plenty of pinches before and survived Serenity Valley – as if she needed the reminder. No doubt they could handle anything good ol' Eddie could throw at them.

But then Kaylee had been injured and Inara had called and now every minute was one more that kept him from the two women he loved most in the 'verse. With a sigh, Zoe told him quietly, "I'm sure he'll be here, sir." She didn't really believe that, but she figured it was the best reassurance she could offer.

Whirling on her, she watched as Mal's blue eyes blazed with anger and helplessness – a deadly combination. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I know. I just gotta-"

"Malcolm Reynolds."

The deep and authoritative voice set Mal more on edge. Turning at the sound, he saw the complement of four Alliance guards at the bottom of his ramp and muttered a string of Mandarin curses. The guards were not brandishing their weapons, but they were definitely present to look menacing and discourage Mal or his crew from doing anything stupid. Realizing the looks they were getting from some of the ships surrounding them, Mal hurried down the ramp to greet the man who'd spoken, an officer standing in the middle of the troopers, hoping to chase him off quickly; the last thing he needed was his contact getting spooked.

"What's the problem, officer?" Mal asked, trying to keep his tone light, even as his heart thudded against his rib cage. He really hated authority.

"We need to see a manifest for the cargo you're carrying," the young officer told him. The kid couldn't have been much older than River, but Mal had to admit he was holding it together pretty well. Much more accomplished officers had wilted under the fierce stare Mal was favoring him with now.

"Why?" Mal questioned, crossing his arms over his chest and continuing to glare.

Cocking an eyebrow at him, the officer pursed his lips. "Captain Reynolds, maybe I'm not making myself clear. My men and I are not used to being questioned. Now, bring me the manifest."

_Impressive._ "I don't know if-"

"Sir."

Mal turned at the sound of Zoe's voice and saw that she was holding out the datasheet to him that no doubt listed their cargo. Taking it with a quick grab and a look of annoyance that she had acquiesced so easily, Mal turned back to the young lieutenant and thrust the paper forward with his most mocking grin. "Here ya are."

Taking it, the man handed it off to one of the guards and they conferred in hushed tones for a few moments. Glad that Jayne and River were both hidden, just in case they might need some back-up, Mal tried to keep his heart from racing at the thought that Zoe might have been right; Edward Serra might have been less than truthsome about this little arrangement.

"Just as I suspected," the young officer said softly. Turning back to Mal with an almost sympathetic gaze, he told him, "These goods have high import tariffs, were you aware of that?"

_Taxes, great_. "No," Mal said succinctly. He knew they had a bit of money from the last job and the initial upfront coin from this one. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. "What kind o' tariffs we talkin' about?"

"One thousand platinum," the man told him, not flinching even as Mal basically choked.

"One thou-thousand?" he breathed, doubling over to catch his breath. "You gotta be kiddin' me. We don't got that kinda coin."

Smirking at him, the officer said, "I suspected not. Well, until you can scrounge it up, your ship is landlocked and those goods stay where they are." Motioning to two of his officers, the men took up positions on either side of the ramp.

His eyes wide with incredulity and a bit of rage, Mal told him, "Look, I ain't sayin' you ain't nice boys, but you leave your men here and I ain't got no hope o' gettin' paid. You're gonna scare off my contact."

Frowning at him with no real concern, the officer mocked, "Oh that would be a shame." Shoving the datasheet back to Mal, he said, "I suggest next time you take a job, you do your homework, Captain Reynolds."

And with that, the man stalked away, the two other guards following at his heels in clipped precision. Mal watched him go, his jaw hanging open, his eyes wide. Once they were no longer visible, he shot dirty looks to both of the soldiers they'd left, noting that neither man was even going to deign him with a look.

Zoe could only shake her head. Watching as Mal whirled and stalked back up the ramp, he muttered as he passed her, "This deal is gettin' worse all the time."

-- --

Three days and there had been no change in Kaylee's condition. Her brain activity and her heart rate were still well below normal, keeping her body locked in the coma. She could not breathe on her own and Simon hated to see the tube sticking from her mouth. Her lips were cracked and dry and he hated that too; Kaylee should never look like this, she was too beautiful, too special to be so damaged.

He had not left her side since that first moment; he had vowed not to ever again, and he meant it. She was his world; that was plain to him now, even if it wasn't plain to her; he would just have to spend the rest of his life convincing Kaylee of that fact.

Inara entered the room on silent feet and regarded Simon as he held Kaylee's hand to his cheek. She watched with tears in her eyes as he brushed a shaky hand through her hair and then leaned down to place a gentle kiss to her forehead. Inara was so relieved to know that her mei mei had found a man so loving and tender as Simon; she just wished that they both could move past this pain and start living their lives.

Clearing her throat slightly, she got Simon's attention. When he turned to face her, favoring her with a small smile, Inara gasped. She knew that Simon was not sleeping, barely eating, but the hollowness of his features and the haggardness of his appearance shocked even her. Going to him, she placed a light hand to his shoulder and said quietly, "Simon, you need to get some rest."

Shaking his head, he told her, "I'm fine."

Turning him to face her, she fixed him with a hard glare and said firmly, "You are not fine. You need to get some sleep, eat something, take a shower. You need to be healthy for when Kaylee wakes up."

She watched as his eyes darted back to Kaylee's face and he again sat in the chair at her side. With a resigned sigh, Inara knew it was foolish to waste her breath trying to prod him from the room; there was no way he was leaving Kaylee now. Moving to go, she told him, "Fine. If you won't leave, then I'll bring the food to you. And you'll eat it."

Just as he was about to favor her with a grin and a 'thank you,' the monitors beside Kaylee started beeping and whining in protest. Simon's eyes shot to them quickly, reading them with ease. Looking to Inara, he told her, "Get the doctor, now."

As she rushed from the room, Simon looked back to Kaylee, searching for something he could do to help her. The pressure in her brain was rising again and it had caused the activity to drop dangerously low; that's what had prompted the beeping. Just as he was about to rush into the hall and ask why the nurse and doctor had not arrived in the split second it had taken him to panic, Kaylee's body started to convulse. In the throes of a seizure, Simon could only grab her arms, trying to keep her steady, knowing that any amount of jarring was more than dangerous.

With tears burning his eyes as he watched her writhe under his strong grasp, Simon heard the nurses rush into the room. He knew what they were doing, but he didn't watch them – he could only watch Kaylee. He knew they were pushing more drugs into her system, giving her something to control the seizure. He knew they were checking her vitals, watching the monitors, determining next steps. As Kaylee's body again stilled, Simon released her, letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"Doctor Tam?" Doctor Butler's voice was a deep, comforting rumble and the younger man turned to face him as the nurses kicked the breaks off Kaylee's bed and started to wheel her towards the door. Simon went to follow, but Eli placed a firm hand on his shoulder. When the boy's blue eyes were again on his face, he said, "The pressure in her brain is building again. We need to take her back in for another surgery."

Simon nodded and then rushed past the doctor, hurrying down the hall to Kaylee's side. Taking her hand again, he walked beside the gurney until he had to let go and watched as they wheeled her through those double doors.

Eli caught up to him, and smiled kindly. "We're going to do everything we can, Simon," and then he hurried to prep for surgery.

With dead eyes, Simon watched the man disappear and then he sank into the nearest chair, his head falling into his hands, his heart thudding so hard against his rib cage he was certain it would burst from his chest.

Inara rushed into the waiting room and saw Simon. With tears of her own in her eyes, she moved to his side and sat down, placing a light hand to his shoulder; and together, they waited.

-- --

She had been in surgery for four hours when Inara decided she couldn't take the silence anymore. Turning to face Simon, who had not moved in the time Kaylee had been in there, she asked quietly, "What would you have done?"

Raising his eyes to regard her quizzically, he asked tiredly, "What?"

"When Kaylee had told you she was pregnant," Inara elaborated, still haunted by the thought that her friends had lost a child. "What would you have done?"

"Married her," Simon said automatically, not having to think about it. "Of course, she probably would have refused me, saying that I only wanted to get married because she was carrying my child." His eyes again focused past Inara to another time and place, and she had to wonder what exactly he was thinking about. She watched him stare for a moment and then her eyes widened in shock as Simon reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box. Holding up the small black box for her to see, he said quietly, "But I was going to ask her anyway."

"Oh Simon," Inara breathed, rushing forward to sit at his side. "She'll be thrilled."

"If she ever wakes up," he said bitterly, turning the velvet covered case in his hands. Blinking back a few tears, he said, "I bought this just before we came here, with my share of the McNamara job." He remembered fondly sneaking off the ship, getting River to distract Kaylee so he could wander to the jeweler's by himself. He'd come back on board so excited, he had thought he wouldn't be able to wait and ask her. But he'd wanted it to be special. "I wanted to ask her on our six month anniversary," he continued, not at all sure why he was recounting the story. "I knew there had to be somewhere on Sihnon that would be special enough, and then we found your parents' rose garden and I thought, 'yup, this is it.'" With another sad smile, Simon handed the box to Inara and asked, "You think she'll like it?"

With a shaky hand, Inara took the case from him and opened the hinged lid, inhaling sharply. It was small, Inara knew much smaller than anything Simon would have wanted to buy, but it was also perfect, beautiful and simple, just like love should be. "She'll love it, Simon," Inara told him truthfully, more tears in her eyes. Closing it with a snap and handing it back to him, she placed it in his palm and closed his fingers around it. "You can ask her when she wakes."

"She liked the sterling roses." Simon continued in a soft voice as if he hadn't even heard her and Inara simply listened. "She was immediately drawn to them. And I thought, well of course, they are the rarest rose, why wouldn't Kaylee find them beautiful? One unique blossom attracted to another," he said wistfully, his eyes focusing on the ring box and nothing else. "I thought, in my old life, I could have filled Kaylee's room with them, filled the ship with them for her, but now … now I could barely afford to buy her one." He finished quietly, his voice tinged with a bit of disgust and it made the lump in Inara's throat rise.

Still staring at the small case in his hand, he told her, "We fought about staying on Sihnon." If Inara was surprised by this admission it didn't show and so Simon continued. "Doctor Butler, he offered me a position here. Basically, he offered me my old life back. The life where I could give Kaylee everything she could ever want." With another sigh, he opened the ring box to stare at it and then snapped it closed again. "But she didn't think she could fit in. After the day she spent with your mother and family, she was terrified that she'd be alone if we moved somewhere like Sihnon, and terrified that if we stayed on Serenity I'd just be miserable." Looking to the swinging doors where he knew the doctors and nurses were fighting to save Kaylee's life, he added, "So now, when I actually could fill her room with roses, it might not matter."

Reaching over to take his hand, she told him, "Simon, you know Kaylee would take one single flower from you any day over a room full of roses from someone else."

"Then why did she run?" The question was soft, barely above a whisper and Inara's heart broke for the young man. They had discussed it before of course, while they'd been searching for Kaylee, but Inara knew Simon still could not fathom how the love of his life could so easily leave him.

"Why do you think she ran?" Inara asked, hoping that maybe if Simon reasoned out Kaylee's motivations for himself, he would finally accept them.

Shrugging slightly, Simon placed the ring box back in his pocket and sat back in the chair, his head tilted towards the ceiling. "She thought she wasn't good enough for me." With a small chuckle, he turned to Inara and asked, "Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? _Her_ not good enough for _me_? If anything, it's the other way around."

Inara wanted to protest his statement, but she swallowed the words, waiting for him to finish. "I mean, isn't it obvious?" he asked rhetorically, again turning his eyes to the ceiling. "I made her run, I made her think that she wasn't enough and now she could die. I'm not good enough for her."

Taking Simon's hand and grasping it firmly, Inara forced his blue eyes back to her face. Sadness was one thing, pity something else entirely. "All right, now you listen to me, Simon," she said, her voice commanding. "I know a little something about denying yourself love and you know what? It's foolish and selfish." As Simon's eyes widened and the protest formed on his lips, Inara barreled ahead. "It is, Simon. It's selfish; because it keeps _you_ safe, keeps _you_ from feeling, keeps _you_ from loving with everything you have. That's not how Kaylee lives her life and it's not how you should either." Pausing, she watched as he digested her words and then she continued. "I'm not saying Kaylee running was a good idea and I'm not saying that you don't deserve her. You are good for her, Simon, for the very simple fact that you love her, for who she is, not who you think she could one day be. Do you have any idea how rare that is?"

Simon nodded once, having a slight clue. "But I can't keep her safe, Inara," he told her in a whisper. "I couldn't keep her happy."

Shaking her head firmly, Inara said, "No, Kaylee wouldn't _let_ you keep her happy. She started listening to her head and not her heart and that was her mistake. And one you're going to have to be committed to never letting her make again." Reaching out a light hand, Inara placed it against Simon's stubble-covered cheek and told him, "With everything we've seen and experienced, no one knows better than us how fleeting and precious true happiness and love are. Don't let your doubts and insecurities keep you from holding onto it. It's the only thing that makes any sense."

Simon swallowed thickly and held Inara's kind gaze for another moment, before dropping his eyes to his lap. "She has to wake up," he said quietly, his voice broken by the emotions he was trying to keep hidden.

Leaning back in her chair, Inara kept a hold of his hand and said quietly, "She will, Simon. She will."

-- --

Eli had just come to inform them that Kaylee's second surgery had been a success and they could see her again in a couple of hours when Edward and Lili showed up. Simon's eyes, which had been sad and hollow, immediately burned with rage. Brushing past the doctor and cutting him off, he stalked towards the two interlopers and asked harshly, "What are you doing here?"

"We came to see how Kaylee is, son," Edward told him, reaching to place a hand on Simon's shoulder, which the younger man jerked away from violently. "We feel terrible that she's in such bad shape."

"You feel terrible?" Simon asked incredulously, his arms hanging at his sides, his fists clenching and unclenching in his anger. With a cold look that made Lili shiver, his eyes darted between them as he said, "You should feel worse than terrible. You should feel responsible. Kaylee could die because of you."

His voice had risen in volume, his eyes still blazing with anger and Inara joined him at his side, her own hard gaze burning into her parents. "I think you should leave," she told them harshly, doing her best not to slap her mother again.

With a sympathetic look that might have been sincere, Lili reached for Inara's hand. "Please, dear, let us try to make amends. This was all such a horrible accident."

"An accident?" Simon bit out, his voice no less deadly as he took another step towards them, "Explain to me how setting Kaylee up to humiliate her, forcing her to run was an accident. And maybe in the process you can explain to me who she was trying to avoid when she darted out into traffic." His eyes shooting between the two of them, Simon could not tell by their reactions if his suspicion was accurate, but it didn't matter; he suspected, in his gut that it was. "Something tells me you know a little something about that too."

Inara's eyes widened and she glared at her parents. "Tell me you didn't," she breathed, stepping towards her mother and taking her firmly by the shoulders. The older woman cowered in her grasp. "Tell me you didn't try to scare Kaylee away."

"We didn't," Lili said lamely, her voice a whisper and Inara released her with disgust.

"Do you have any idea how many lives you've ruined?" Inara was yelling now, not heeding the warning looks Doctor Butler gave her as her voice rose in volume. "Do you? Do you take pleasure in it? In causing others pain?" Stepping forward again, Inara whispered vehemently in her mother's face, "Destroying my life all those years ago just didn't cut it, did it, mother? You're not content until you've taken control of everything."

"I didn't destroy your life, Inara, I saved it," Lili spat back, refusing to be intimidated and blamed any longer. She may be culpable for some of what happened to that country bumpkin, but she had not caused the child to flee; the girl's self-esteem had done that all on its own. "What would have become of you if you'd stayed with Jeremiah? If you'd raised your daughter? You were seventeen. You'd have been a laughing stock, a disgrace. I saved you from that humiliation."

"By causing me more," Inara shot back, taking a step back as her eyes burned with barely contained hatred. "By making me crawl back to you and father with my tail between my legs; by making me beg you for help."

"Well, maybe if Jeremiah hadn't been so easy to manipulate you wouldn't have had to beg," Lili retorted, her hand flying to her mouth as she realized her mistake. Ten years; for ten years she had kept that secret, and now it was out.

"What did you say?" Inara's chest was heaving as her anger rose and she felt her eyes burning with rage and tears. "What did you do, mother?"

"We paid him off, Inara," Edward interjected, his voice calm, resolute. "We gave him a handsome sum of money and told him he was never to contact you or look for your child. And he took it."

Inara fell back a step as this information hit her. She sank into a nearby chair as her legs gave out and Doctor Butler moved to her side, taking her hand as the girl had gone incredibly pale. Simon looked to his friend and then back to her parents. He didn't fully understand all of what had just transpired, but he'd heard enough. "So, is it children you don't like then?" he spat, his anger and sadness over losing his own child welling in his chest. "Kaylee lost a child, my child, because of the _accident_. So congratulations, it seems you can add homicide to your rap sheet of bribery and extortion."

Lili's eyes welled with tears at his words and Edward unconsciously wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders. She turned her head into his shoulder wondering where all of this had gone so terribly wrong. She had never before considered herself a bad person, just protective. All those years ago, she'd only been looking out for her daughter's future, just as she had been when Inara had again fallen in love with the 'wrong' man. How could protecting her child end up causing so much pain?

"We are sorry, son," Edward said finally, his voice low. Simon's chest still heaved with intense anger and the man did feel sympathy for him.

When silence again filled the room Simon held Inara's parents in his gaze, his eyes blazing with anger. Coldly, he told them, "Get. Out."

"No, wait." Inara's voice, stronger than she expected reached them and they both stopped to regard her. Rising, Inara steadied herself against the arm of the chair and walked towards her parents with all the stature and posture she'd ever been trained to use. "You're not leaving until you start to try and make this right."

"We've already apologized dear," Lili said quietly, sinking back against her husband under Inara's hateful gaze. "What more do you want?"

Eyes blazing, Inara let her gaze rest on her father as she said firmly, "Money." As both of her parents' jaws dropped open in shock, she continued. "You will pay for all of Kaylee's medical bills as well as for any treatments and medications the doctors prescribe while she is healing. You will rent the grandest apartment you can find for Simon and Kaylee to stay in once she's deemed well enough to leave the hospital and rent one for Mal and myself as well as the rest of the crew if they decide to take some shore leave off the ship once they return." Both of the older adults swallowed hard, but only nodded and Inara continued. "You will pay Kaylee and Simon an as yet to be determined sum for damages. Not that any amount of money can make up for the loss of a child, but you can damn well try." Glancing to her friend, Inara told him, "We can discuss the figures later." Simon nodded, his own jaw dropping open at Inara's demands; not that he wouldn't take the money but even he was slightly surprised she was so brazen.

"Ah, Inara, dear, about Mal," Edward said quietly, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

Her eyes blazing even more, Inara asked, "What about him, father?"

With a heavy sigh, he recounted the set-up, telling his daughter, who continued to fume, that Serenity and her crew were landlocked on Ariel until they coughed up the tariffs. Laughing at the childishness of it all, Inara added that money to her list of demands. "Pay it off, immediately, and send Mal enough money to refuel. He needs to get back here and be with Kaylee."

Edward nodded and was about to speak again, when Doctor Butler moved forward and touched Simon's arm. "I think it'd be all right if you went to see Kaylee, son," he told the younger man. It had only been a half an hour or so, but Eli knew the boy needed to get out of the room. And based on everything he'd just heard, dwelling on all this gou shi wasn't going to do anyone any good. The young man needed to focus his concern on Kaylee.

Simon nodded once in thanks and then looked to Inara. She nodded to him and he squeezed her arm before turning to leave, glaring at Edward and Lili as he brushed past them. Eli took his leave as well and then it was just the small family in the waiting room. Glaring at her parents, Inara's chest continued to heave with anger and taking a deep breath, she finally told them, "There is one other thing you will do."

Once she'd given her last instruction and they had turned to go, Inara sank again into the nearest chair and dropped her head into her hands, sobbing.

-- --


	9. Chapter 9

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 9

-- --

Even at full burn it took Mal and his crew five days to get back to Sihnon. Inara waited for him impatiently on the roof of the hospital. She had arranged for her family's hovercar to go and pick him up and she could barely stand the waiting.

Inara twisted the fabric of her shawl in her hands, hating how anxious she was, but unable to avoid the feeling. In the five days it had taken Mal to get back here, Kaylee still had not awoken. She didn't seem to be any worse off, but she wasn't necessarily getting better and Inara could tell, based on the looks Simon shared with Doctor Butler that neither surgeon liked the prognosis.

Listening intently for the whine of the approaching craft, Inara finally picked it out in the still night air. Stepping to the edge of the platform, she watched as the ship settled down easily. Stepping out from the shadows as the craft powered down, River bounded out first, hugging Inara tightly, before she skipped towards the door. Turning to her, Inara called, "River, maybe you should-"

"Let 'er go, darlin'. She's been yappin' 'bout seein' Simon an' Kaylee for the past week."

Mal's voice reached her and Inara turned to face him not even hesitating for a second before she rushed into his arms. He immediately captured her in his strong embrace, holding her tight, his head buried into her soft hair. "Oh, Mal," she murmured, her voice breaking with the tears she was trying not to cry. "Thank Buddha you're here."

"Sorry it took me so long, darlin'," he told her, his breath warm against her cheek. Even as she tightened her hold on him, he said, "We ran into a bit o' trouble on Ariel."

"I know," she said, her voice muffled from where her face was buried against his shoulder. "It was my father's doing."

"Shenme?" Mal asked, pulling her back to look at her.

Shaking her head quickly, Inara wiped at the tears on her cheeks and told him, "It's not important, at least not right now. The important thing is that you're here. You need to see Kaylee." With that, she took his hand and pulled him behind her.

"'Nara, 'Nara, wait." Mal tugged on the hand she held as they entered the waiting lift that would take them down to Kaylee's room. The door closing behind them, the small space was a bit warmer than outside, but not much and Inara shivered, her hands running up her arms.

Mal covered her hands with his own and held her gaze, not speaking. Puzzled, Inara really didn't have time for this. She wanted to get back to Kaylee. Trying to turn and leave, she told him, "Mal, come on."

"'Nara," he pleaded, turning her again to him. Cupping her face in his hands, he touched his forehead to hers and said softly, "Let go, ai ren."

Shaking her head firmly, Inara bit her lip and said, "No, not until you've seen Kaylee and not until we know she's going to be all right." Placing a hand to his face, she softened her gaze and said, "But it does help, you being here." Pressing a light kiss to his mouth, she whispered, "I missed you so much."

"The feelin's mutual," he told her, kissing her again before he let her lead him to Kaylee.

-- --

Simon was still at Kaylee's side, his hand holding hers. They had been able to remove the bandages and so now, he could stroke a light finger along her skin. She was still a bit cold to the touch and her hand still held a few lingering, but healing cuts; Simon didn't care. The contact was all that mattered to him now.

She had finally started breathing on her own and so they'd removed the respirator. Simon was thankful for that as well. Inara had spent a bit of time trying to care for Kaylee, putting balm on her lips and lotion on her cheeks as her skin was drying. It had helped her to look a bit more like herself, but not a lot and Simon just wished she would wake up.

Reaching a hand out to her face, he noticed that her lips were again dry and picking up the canister of balm from the table at her side, he dipped his finger in it and rubbed it lightly along her lips. Pressing a kiss to her forehead he sat back again and didn't hear his sister enter the room.

"Just sleeping."

Turning sharply at the unexpected sound, Simon smiled wearily at his sister as River came forward and hugged him tight. "Mei mei," he murmured into her hair, as her sinewy arms wrapped around his back. "It's good to see you."

Pulling back from him, River placed a hand to each of his cheeks and held his gaze for a moment. Finally she whispered, "Need to lie down or you won't be seeing anything soon." Glancing to Kaylee, she added, "You'll have to go to sleep, like Kaylee."

Shaking his head, Simon turned back to look at his girlfriend as River rounded the bed and stood at Kaylee's side. "I'm fine, River. Don't worry about me."

"Always worry. Just like you," she told him, her words growing more cryptic. As she fell silent, Simon tore his eyes from Kaylee's motionless face and watched his sister. She had closed her eyes and cocked her head to the side as if listening to some far-off song. Watching her for a few more moments, Simon was about to ask what she heard, when her eyes reopened and she turned to Simon with a bright smile. "Just sleeping. Wants to be well-healed when she wakes up."

Coming back around to Simon's side, she kissed his cheek and said, "Wants to come back to you. She will, soon." And as quietly as she'd come, she was gone. Simon watched her depart, staring at the doorway long after she'd disappeared. With a heavy sigh, he felt the weight of his fatigue pressing down on him. River was right, he had not slept for more than a few hours since Kaylee had been found, and it was starting to take its toll.

Just as he was suppressing a yawn, he heard another familiar voice. "Don't let me catch you sleepin' on the job, doc."

Turning to Mal, he returned the older man's wry grin. Simon watched as Mal and Inara entered the room, noting how much more relaxed Inara seemed with the other man back. "No, sir, we can't have that," Simon replied, feeling another overwhelming urge to yawn again, or at least rest his eyes.

Inara moved to his side and placed a hand to his shoulder. "Simon, I asked Doctor Butler if there was someplace you could rest. He told me there's a bunk room for some of the doctors that you could use. It's at the end of the hall."

Simon opened his mouth to tell her thanks but no thanks and got a glare in return. "You need to sleep, Simon. Mal and I will stay with her and the minute she wakes up, we'll come get you."

Glancing back to Kaylee, Simon was torn. He needed to sleep, he knew that. His body needed the rest; he could already tell that his exhaustion was affecting his reflexes, his reaction times; everything was taking too long. But what if she woke up and he wasn't here? Would she think he'd abandoned her? That he didn't care?

Shaking his head firmly, he told Inara, "No, I'm sorry. But I can't leave her."

With a sigh, Inara and Mal shared a look, and she told him, "That's what I thought you'd say." She then left the room, leaving both men staring off after her. Mal moved up to Kaylee's other side, his hand ghosting over hers.

Looking to Simon, he asked, "How is she?"

"Stable," Simon answered, glancing to her monitors just to be sure. "But she hasn't shown any signs that she's ready to wake." With a heavy sigh, he added quietly, "It's just a waiting game."

Mal swallowed thickly, hating to see his mei mei like this. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair and it definitely did not sit well with him. "Ya'll gonna tell me what happened, exactly?" he questioned, his eyes never leaving Kaylee's face while his tone demanded an answer.

Wishing Inara would hurry back, Simon said quietly, "I think it's more Inara's story to tell then mine. And honestly, Mal, I just don't have the energy."

The older man nodded, willing to let it go for now. It was obvious by the young doctor's appearance that he had been keeping vigil round the clock on Kaylee since she'd been brought in about eight days ago. As he was about to ask him something else, Inara entered the room again, an orderly behind her, pushing an empty gurney. As she instructed the man to place it against the wall on the far side of the room, Mal and Simon both watched her curiously.

Once the orderly had gone, Inara faced Simon again and crossed her arms over her chest. "Sleep," she ordered, nodding in the direction of the bed.

Smiling sheepishly, Simon said, "Inara, that's really very-"

"Tian xiao de, Simon, it's not a request." Her eyes were burning now with a bit of frustration and Simon found himself swallowing involuntarily. "If you do not lie down on this bed, I will make Mal hold you down while I administer the smoother myself."

"I'd do as she says, son," Mal warned. "I've seen her like this before. It ain't gonna end pretty."

Turning a wry smirk to the man, Simon rose slowly, his sore muscles protesting the movement. Leaning forward he placed a kiss to Kaylee's forehead and whispered, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm just going to get some rest."

As Simon trudged to the bed, he passed Inara and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you," he told her sincerely, smiling at her as he went to the bed and rolled onto it, being sure to fall onto his side so he could still see Kaylee. "You're both going to stay with her right?"

Nodding once, Inara told him, "Yes, Simon. If we decide to leave, we'll wake you." Reaching for his hand, she squeezed it and said, "She won't be alone."

Simon smiled his thanks once more and within moments was fast asleep. Inara watched Simon fall asleep instantly and couldn't help smiling. The boy was stubborn, but even the inimitable Simon Tam could not ward off exhaustion. Looking back to Mal, Inara smiled at him as well, and then moved to sit in the seat Simon had vacated. Running a light hand through Kaylee's hair, she and Mal both stared at their mei mei for quite a while in silence.

Finally, Mal pulled up a chair beside Inara and took her hand in his. She looked to him and saw his concern and smiled sadly again. Leaning back in the chair, she rested her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. Again there was silence, but Inara could tell Mal wanted to ask something, and eventually he did. "What happened?" he questioned, his voice a whisper so as not to wake Simon.

With a small sigh, Inara explained, "I told you, Mal, she was hit by a hovercar."

Frowning at her, even though she couldn't read the expression, Mal pressed a kiss into her hair and murmured, "That ain't what I meant." Pausing again, he reached his hand under her chin and tilted her face up to meet his gaze. "What happened?"

Closing her eyes for a moment, Inara tried to remove as much bitterness from her voice as she could. "My parents happened, Mal. They didn't approve of Kaylee for Simon or you for me or even Jeremiah for me …" She trailed off, still stung by the revelation from the previous week that her parents had bribed her first love, the father of her child, to get him off planet and away from her. With anger burning in her gaze, she muttered, "They thought they were entitled to run our lives, so they tried." Gazing back to Kaylee, her breath caught in her throat as she thought of all the young woman had suffered. "And they almost succeeded."

Looking from Inara to Kaylee and back again, Mal let out a soft whistle between his teeth. "You mean to say that all o' this is 'cause they didn't wan' lil' Kaylee with Simon?" As Inara nodded once, Mal said, "Well, hell, I'm glad I just got the tariffs."

Pulling away from him, Inara's eyes flashed with hurt. "This isn't funny, Mal. Kaylee could die." Allowing her eyes to sweep over her friend, they rested for a moment on her abdomen and Inara's stomach involuntarily clenched. "She's already lost so much."

"What else did she lose darlin'?" Mal asked, knowing that something more was going on here than anyone thought to tell him.

Glancing over her shoulder at Simon, she saw that he was still sound asleep. She hadn't wanted to tell this secret, but she couldn't keep it in anymore; it was killing her and she knew that if anyone would want to know, it would be Mal. Taking his hands in hers, she told him softly, "Kaylee was pregnant when she got hit, and she lost the baby."

His eyes immediately darting to his young mechanic, Mal felt more anger at the cruel 'verse well in his gut. Looking back to the doc, Mal refrained from muttering the curse he felt rising to his lips. None of this was the doc's fault, at least not in the long run. Squeezing Inara's hands gently, he asked, "She gonna be okay?"

Nodding once, Inara cleared her throat and said, "She should be fine. She wasn't very far along, chances are she didn't even know she was expecting. But Doctor Butler's had the best gynecologist look her over and she said that there's no permanent damage."

Just as Mal was about to say something else, an older doctor entered the room and stopped short as he saw Simon, sleeping peacefully. Glancing to Inara with an amused grin, he said to her, "You threatened him, didn't you?"

Shrugging easily, she shared the doctor's smile and countered, "It worked, didn't it?"

Chuckling softly, the doctor moved forward and extended a hand. "I'm Doctor Eli Butler, Chief of Surgery."

"Captain Malcolm Reynolds," Mal stated, rising a bit to shake the man's hand.

"Ah, the eagerly anticipated Mal," Eli commented, rounding Kaylee's bed to check on her. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Yeah, well don't believe a word o' it," Mal said, throwing Inara a sly look and getting a sheepish grin in return. Cocking his thumb at her, he told the doctor, "'Specially, comin' from her."

"As you wish, Captain," Eli responded sharing another smile with the man. Making his notes in silence, Mal and Inara both could not stand the suspense.

"Anything?" Inara asked, her hands clenching and unclenching the fabric of her skirt.

"Not yet, Miss Serra, but as I told Doctor Tam before, it's early yet." Eli's face conveyed an ease and comfort that Mal was certain must have come from years of practice. Plus, if Mal was any judge he was a good man, caring and honest and that boded well for lil' Kaylee, the doc – all of them.

"Well, we 'preciate you lookin' out for her, doc," Mal told him, nodding in his direction.

"Of course," Eli said, glancing back to Simon and then to Kaylee. "It's been a long time since I've seen such devotion. He's really in love with her, isn't he?"

With a small sigh, Inara looked to Kaylee and murmured, "More than even he realizes."

Nodding again, Eli let the silence stay in the room for a moment more, before he turned go. "Remember, if you all need anything, just ask the nurse to page me."

Once he was gone, Mal commented, "He seems like a nice guy. Kinder than most doctors I've met."

Inara nodded and said, "He offered Simon a job."

Mal gaped at her for a moment before he found his voice. "What? Did he take it?" He wasn't sure what answer he wanted Inara to give him; on one hand he knew Simon's skills were pretty much wasted on his boat, but on the other hand the man had saved his own hide, as well as that of every other member of his crew more than once.

Shaking her head, Inara told him, "Oh, it's not important. Something tells me it's the farthest thing from Simon's mind right now."

Looking back to the exhausted young man, Mal muttered, "Somethin' tells me, you're right."

-- --

"How's she doing, doctor?"

Simon looked up at the sound of Eli's familiar voice and smiled at the man. "You really don't have to call me doctor, you know," he told him, leaning back in his chair as he watched the older surgeon step forward to check Kaylee's head wound. "I haven't practiced real medicine in almost three years."

Shaking his head, Eli let out a snort and said, "Real, shmeal, you're still a doctor and that gains you some respect in my book." Looking back to the man with a sly grin, he added, "It's also good to see you back in the land of the living."

Simon smiled again and chuckled lightly. He liked Eli; besides being an excellent surgeon he was a good person, someone Simon knew he could look up to, emulate even. It felt nice to know there was someone else in the 'verse who only wanted to do what was best for people. Someone who only wanted what was best for Kaylee. Letting out a sigh, Simon told him, "Well, still, I'd feel a lot better if you just called me Simon."

Looking up from where he was making a note in Kaylee's chart, Eli smiled, a wide, jovial grin that took up his whole face and told him, "Fine, have it your way, Simon." Looking back down as he wrote, he added, almost as an afterthought, "That just means you have to call me Eli."

Nodding in his direction as way of thanks, Simon watched as Eli continued to make notes and finally worked up the courage to comment, "It concerns me that she hasn't woken up yet."

Sighing himself, the doctor finished writing a bit more and than closed the chart, looking to Simon with warm, but tired eyes. "Simon, I don't know what kind of answer you're looking for. You know, better than most, what I'm going to say."

Rubbing a hand over his eyes, Simon repeated, "Of course, you're going to say that everyone heals in their own time, especially from an injury as severe as a subdural hematoma. You're also going to remind me there's a chance Kaylee's condition could worsen, putting her into a vegetative state that she may never recover from."

"And I would also tell you that thinking the worst won't get you anywhere," Eli chided, placing a light hand to the boy's shoulder. As Simon again looked to him, he continued, "She's only been out for ten days. In the grand scheme of comas, that's a pretty short timeframe."

Knowing he was right, Simon could only nod. Again reaching for her hand, Simon's thumb absentmindedly ran along the back of it as he said, "I just really need her to wake up."

"Then she will," Eli told him, clapping him soundly on the back before moving to leave. "Something tells me that if that girl is even half as crazy for you as you are for her, she's going to wake up just as soon as she's able."

Smiling his thanks to the man, Simon watched him go and then looked back to Kaylee. "What do you say, bao bei? Are you half as crazy for me as I am for you?" He didn't expect an answer, but he still felt an overwhelming wave of disappointment when he didn't get one.

Edging closer to her, Simon rested his other hand to her cheek and said, "Please, Kaylee. Please wake up. I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to be strong here, but I can't do it without you." He paused and swallowed hard feeling the rise of a sob in his throat. He had not cried since Kaylee had been in such danger, and he felt the burn of those denied emotions as he begged her to come back to him. "I don't want to live my life without you Kaylee, do you hear me? I don't. I won't do it. So you have to open those beautiful green eyes and smile at me and tell me that you love me, all right?"

Still nothing and he wasn't sure he could take the silence anymore. "Come on, Kaylee. You can do anything, I've seen it. You faced down a whole room full of Reavers, you've kept Serenity in the air when none of her parts were working, you even managed to get me to stop being a boob and fall in love with you." Squeezing her hand probably tighter than was advisable, Simon's voice hardened a bit as she said, "So don't leave me now, Kaylee. I mean it. Just don't."

Doing his best to not unravel as his emotions pulled him in a myriad of directions, Simon allowed his head to fall to the bed beside her.

-- --

Simon wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, but the next time he awoke, he was surrounded by flowers. Blinking rapidly and wondering where exactly he was, he glanced about the room and noted the vases and arrangements of sterling roses on every surface that could be seen.

Smiling sadly at the sight, he noticed that the one closest to the bed held a card and he reached up to read it. _Courtesy of Mr. and Mrs. Serra. – Inara_

Grinning even wider, Simon could not believe all the blooms he saw in the room. There had to be at least twenty dozen and each batch was more beautiful than the last. Pulling a flower from the nearest vase, he placed it under Kaylee's hand and rubbing his thumb lightly along her forehead, he said, "All right, Kaylee, you don't want these flowers to wilt before you can see them. So it's time to wake up."

Simon didn't realize until he actually saw her eyes flutter open how much he had been despairing, losing hope that she would ever again open those eyes to him. But she did now, slowly and painfully. Simon watched as she blinked her eyes open and he glanced quickly to her monitors, noting the spikes in her heart rate and brain activity and knowing she was really coming out of it.

Standing beside her, Simon whispered hesitantly, "Kaylee? Kaylee, can you hear me?"

She kept blinking, having a hard time bringing things into focus. Turning her head ever so slightly in his direction and wincing at the pain it caused, she squinted to him and said hoarsely, "Simon?"

Smiling at her, Simon kissed her forehead lightly and told her, "Yes, Kaylee, it's me. You're going to be okay."

"Where?" Her voice was broken and raw from disuse, but to Simon it was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.

"You're in a hospital on Sihnon. You were in an accident." Simon kept touching her, his hand on her cheek, his other over the hand at her side. He wanted to reassure her as much as possible that he was there, that she wasn't alone.

"Accident?" Confusion colored Kaylee's features and he watched as her eyes welled with tears. "I can't 'member," she said, her breath rate starting to increase as fear overtook her.

Sitting gingerly beside her, Simon tried to soothe her. "Shh, Kaylee, it's all right. You'll remember in time. You just need to keep resting so you can get better." Running his hand lightly through her hair, Simon gazed at her for a minute as she struggled to keep her eyes open; he knew she would soon be asleep again. Leaning forward, he couldn't help but press his lips against hers. Pulling back he whispered, "I love you, Kaylee."

"Love you, Simon," she murmured back. Grasping at the hand he held, she told him, "Don't go, 'kay?"

"I'm not going anywhere," he told her quietly, just as her eyes again fluttered closed and she fell back into a dreamless sleep. Feeling relief well in his chest and gratitude at whatever fates had brought her back to him, Simon sat at her side and continued to watch her, hoping that things might finally be all right.

-- --

The next time Kaylee awoke, or at least the next time she remembered being awake, Inara and Mal were there as was a kindly, older gentleman who appeared to be her doctor. Mal caught sight of her first and leaned towards her, placing his hand over hers. "Well, hey there, lil' Kaylee," he said quietly. "What's the word?"

"Hey cap'n," she answered back, her voice a low whisper. Looking over his shoulder she saw her best friend's tear-filled eyes and told her, "'Nara, don't be cryin', you're gonna make me cry."

"I can't help it, mei mei," she told her, swallowing thickly. "It's so good to see you awake."

Kaylee tried to smile at her, but it took a lot of energy, so she gave up. Looking about quickly, she asked worriedly, "Simon?"

"I'm here, Kaylee." He came rushing to her side from behind the doctor, a bowl of ice chips in his hands. "I'm here."

She visibly relaxed once he sat beside her and Mal and Inara shared a knowing look with Eli. Placing one of the small pieces of ice in her mouth, he told her, "Here, this will make it easier to talk."

Kaylee held his gaze, not wanting to think of anything else at this moment than Simon. She was starting to remember bits and pieces of what had happened and she felt a deep shame for causing him to worry so; it had been her own foolishness that had landed her in this mess and secretly Kaylee was just relieved that when she'd come to in the hospital, Simon had still been here.

As the two young people stared at one another, Doctor Butler cleared his throat and stood behind Simon so he was in Kaylee's line of sight. "Hello there, Miss Frye. I'm Doctor Butler. I don't think we've been formerly introduced."

Tearing her eyes from Simon's face, Kaylee said weakly, "Hey there, doc."

Smiling at the girl's positive response, he placed a hand on Simon's shoulder, getting the young doctor to face him. Gesturing to the seat Simon was currently occupying, he asked, "May I?"

Frowning sheepishly, Simon switched places with the man who reached up to check Kaylee's bandages and started talking to her. "How are you feeling, Miss Frye?"

"Tired," she said honestly, feeling her eyes already trying to close; but she didn't want to go to sleep just yet, she wanted to talk to Simon, just for a few more minutes. "An' you can call me Kaylee, ya know?"

Smiling at her, Eli said, "All right then, Kaylee." Glancing over his shoulder to Simon, he muttered to the man, "You people and first names." Simon smiled again and Kaylee couldn't take her eyes from his face. It was one of his real smiles, not the swai one that always made Kaylee's insides melt, but one of his genuine, happy smiles that meant he was actually doing all right. She was so relieved.

"So, Kaylee, besides tired, how else are you feeling?" Eli went back to lifting up her bandages, keeping the wound shielded from the others in the room as it was a pretty nasty sight. However, it was healing.

"I dunno, my head hurts a lot," she said. "Kinda like I got a real bad headache, and my leg hurts a bit, but," she gestured to the cast and added, "I guess that figures." As Eli didn't say anything, but continued to examine her scalp, Kaylee reached up a hand, very slowly and gingerly, trying to feel for what was there. "What happened to my head?" she asked, her hand not reaching her skull in time as Simon leaned over and grabbed it in his own.

"Nothing, bao bei, just a bad cut is all," he told her gently, resting her hand back at her side. Getting an odd look from Inara, Simon shot her a quick shake of his head. Deciding that it was Simon's call as to how much Kaylee could hear about her condition, she let it go, taking Mal's hand in her own.

"Well, I would say that everything is healing very well," Eli finally announced, smiling widely at his patient. "That cast can come off your leg in about a week and I would say that we should be able to let you go home about another week after that." Glancing back to Simon he said, "Especially because I know you'll be in such capable hands."

Simon returned the smile and looked to Kaylee who was also grinning. "Thanks, doc," she said quietly, her energy fading. This was just about the longest she'd been awake yet.

Rising, Eli headed for the door and motioned for Mal and Inara to follow. "Let's give them a minute, hmm?" he asked, guiding the other two friends out the door and shutting it behind them.

As soon as he could, Simon returned to Kaylee's side and took her hand in his. She sighed a bit and blinked her eyes open to gaze at him, a small smile on her features. Offering her another piece of ice, Kaylee took it and let it melt on her tongue. As they continued to stare at one another, the pain Kaylee felt, coupled with her confusion and shame at having gotten into this mess in the first place overwhelmed her and she started to cry silent tears.

Edging closer to her, Simon caught one of her tears on the pad of his thumb and whispered, "Hey, it's okay. You're going to be all right, Kaylee. I promise." Leaning forward he brushed his lips against hers, but instead of comforting her as he'd hoped, it seemed to have the opposite effect as she only cried harder. Swallowing hard, he leaned back to look at her and asked softly, "Kaylee, what is it?"

Having to swallow several times to get her voice back, she finally choked out, "I'm so sorry, Simon." As he studied her face, his hand cradling her cheek, she continued, "I thought I was doin' the right thing, I swear. I din't mean to hurt ya, I din't mean to make such a mess o' things." Taking a deep breath, she murmured, "It's okay if'n you hate me. If you wanna go. I understand."

Placing his other hand to her cheek so he was cradling her face he told her urgently, "Kaylee, I love you. And I plan on loving you for my whole life." Searching her eyes for understanding, Simon watched as Kaylee tried to bring her emotions back under control. It was hard, considering all she'd been through and the drugs that were coursing through her system. "Do you hear me? Because I mean it, Kaylee. I love you."

Nodding ever so slightly, Kaylee reached for his hand and he gave it to her. She sighed again, feeling at least peaceful enough to again fall asleep. Gazing to her side, she finally caught sight of the roses and murmured, "Pretty," before drifting off.

Satisfied that she was asleep, Simon pressed a kiss to her forehead just as Inara re-entered the room. "Simon?"

"She thought I'd hate her," he murmured, not taking his eyes from her face. "How could she think something like that?"

Inara watched Simon for a moment, and then moved up beside him. Placing a hand to his shoulder, she said softly, "The worst is over."

Shaking his head, Simon said quietly, "No, it's not." He swallowed thickly, wondering how in the world he was ever going to break the news of the miscarriage to her. He knew it would kill her. "I don't even know what I'll say."

"So, you're going to tell her?" Inara's question was spoken softly, but it made Simon freeze with tension.

"Eventually," he answered. Finally turning to his friend, he added, "She's been through so much, Inara. I need to let her heal."

Inara nodded once, unable to disagree. "All right then. Mal and I are going to go back to our apartment. If you need anything, call us there."

He nodded and she was gone. His eyes again on Kaylee, Simon wished he knew how to make all of her pain go away. But he knew it would only get worse once he told her she'd lost their baby.

-- --


	10. Chapter 10

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 10

-- --

Kaylee could hardly wait. Today was the day the cast was coming off her leg, and she was excited. It would make it easier for her to move, allow her to finally take a shower, with help of course, but still.

The week had gone by pretty quickly; Kaylee was still in and out of consciousness, awake more in the past few days than sleeping which everyone, including Simon and Eli, said was a good thing. Of course every time Kaylee awoke or fell asleep, Simon was there and that brought her a level of contentment she knew she couldn't live without. She still felt terrible for what had happened, for how foolish she'd been, but Simon had been good to his word, staying with her every minute. She needed him, there was no other way around it; would need him even when she was no longer an invalid. He was it for her and while she was ashamed it had taken her so long to figure that out, she was just grateful that she had.

But right now, she really needed him to go. "Simon?" she asked demurely, having regained enough strength to bat her eyelashes.

Raising a skeptical eyebrow to the nurse in the room who was prepping the cast to come off, Simon moved to her side and bent down to place a kiss to her hair. "Yes, bao bei?"

"Can you do me a favor?" She kept smiling at him coyly and Simon's gut churned with anxiety of what exactly she would ask of him.

"Anything, Kaylee," he told her truthfully, keeping his hand to her face.

"Can you go get 'Nara an' then take a walk?"

Puzzled, Simon looked down to her encased leg and then back to her face, sitting on the edge of the bed. "But, they're going to remove your cast soon."

Nodding once, she said, "I know." She bit her lip, hoping he wouldn't make her admit why she wanted him to go, but guessing that he probably would. She could already tell he was a little hurt that she'd asked him to leave.

"And you don't want me here for that?" he asked slowly, not sure why that would be the case.

Nodding once, Kaylee said, "Not particularly, no." Taking his hand in hers, she smiled sweetly again and asked, "So, can you get 'Nara?"

"Kaylee," he said patiently. "I really don't want to leave you."

With a sigh, Kaylee said, "That's real sweet, honey, but I don't wantcha here when they take off that cast."

Still confused, Simon had to ask. "Why not?"

Pouting now, Kaylee dropped her eyes to her lap, knowing it was going to sound foolish and petty, but not caring. "'Cause, my leg's gonna look all gross an' pale an' hairy an' I don't want you seein' that." Rolling her eyes up towards her scalp, she muttered, "It's bad 'nough you had to see me with half my head shaved."

Simon actually chuckled and it made Kaylee laugh as well. Leaning forward he kissed her and said, "I've seen worse you know."

"Well, not on me, ya haven't," she retorted, pushing him back playfully and again making doe eyes at him. "Please?"

Sighing with resignation, Simon stood, his hands raised in defeat. "All right, you win, I'll go find Inara."

Clapping her hands excitedly, Kaylee squealed and reached for his hand so she could give him one more kiss. "Thank you sweetie."

"You're welcome," he told her, kissing her again. "And you know I think you're beautiful."

"Yes, but your opinion could easily change the minute you see that nasty leg," she told him, pointing at the still cast limb and getting another chuckle from him. Kaylee was fairly certain it was the best sound in the 'verse.

"I doubt it," he muttered as he turned to leave the room. Kaylee watched him go, sighing with content and leaning back into the pillows. As Inara entered a few minutes later, River on her heels, Kaylee smiled to them both.

"Mei mei, Simon said you needed to see me," her friend relayed, concern clouding her features. "Is everything all right?"

Shaking her head quickly, Kaylee said, "No, 'Nara, it ain't." Taking her friend's hands, she said urgently, "I need your help."

"With what, Kaylee?" Inara asked, still thinking this was a true emergency.

From Kaylee's other side, River was studying the end of her friend's foot as her toes poked out of the cast. "Nail polish," she said, pointing to the bare toes. Leaning down, she sniffed and then stood, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "And the smell."

Looking back to Kaylee, Inara saw her friend grimace and nod. Realizing Kaylee was serious, Inara could only laugh and hug her friend. "All right, mei mei. Let's see what we can do."

-- --

It was early and Mal and Inara were still getting ready for the day. They both liked the idea of living in a fancy apartment, with a real bed and a real kitchen and a real shower; three things they had made more than enough use of, both for each of the places' intended and, maybe, not-so-intended, purposes.

As Inara sipped her tea, overlooking the city, she felt Mal come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist. She leaned back into him and smiled at him as he pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "Mornin'," he said huskily, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Morning," she murmured. Things were finally going well. Kaylee was to be released from the hospital later in the day and Mal and Inara were both going to help their mei mei and Simon settle into the apartment her parents had set aside. Inara had already been to the place a few times, being sure to stock the cabinets with Kaylee and Simon's favorite things, including, of course, strawberries. But still, she knew that while Kaylee was doing remarkably better, caring for her was going to be Simon's full-time job and she wanted to help them any way she could.

Gazing across the city's skyline, Inara murmured absentmindedly, "I miss it here." Immediately she knew her mistake as she felt Mal tense behind her. Trying to rectify the situation, she pulled away from him and turned to face him. "Not here … just … I missed being with you … when you were gone," she explained lamely. Moving past him quickly, she headed inside, calling over her shoulder. "Are you hungry? I could make some breakfast."

As she entered the living room, Mal reached the open doorway and called to her, "'Nara!"

She froze, placing her teacup down and slowly turned to face him. As she saw the look he was favoring her with, his wry, who-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-foolin'-look, she cast her eyes to the floor, feeling her cheeks flush. "I thought we was done runnin' from each other," he told her softly, not at all surprised when she still refused to meet his gaze.

Crossing the room to her, he placed his hands on her shoulders and asked, "Ain't we?"

Nodding once, Inara could not raise her eyes to his face, so Mal did it for her, placing a hand under her chin and gently lifting it up. "So, stop runnin' an' tell me what you meant."

With a sigh, Inara said quietly, "I guess I just forgot how beautiful Sihnon was. It's been so long since I've been here, and when I left …" Inara trailed off, remembering how broken, how fragile she'd been at seeing her daughter all those years ago; her little girl who didn't know her from any other stranger. It had left her heartbroken and caused her to run. Now that she was back, Inara realized it hadn't been Sihnon that had caused that pain, it had been herself.

"I love Serenity, Mal," she told him, fixing her eyes on his. "I do, and I love you." She inhaled a bit, realizing that she had not told him that before. Expecting him to push her away and hide, like most men would, he surprised her again, when he pulled her to him and kissed her passionately, his lips working over hers, his tongue thrusting into her mouth with need and desire. Inara gave into it, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him.

When they parted for air, Mal cradled her face in his hands and whispered, "I love you, too, 'Nara."

She smiled at him and kept the silence between them for just a few more seconds. When she was about to say something, he actually beat her to it. "So, you sayin' you wanna settle? Someplace like Sihnon?"

Shaking her head, Inara told him, "No. At least, I don't think I do." With a sigh, she said, "It's all so complicated."

"No, darlin', it ain't," he told her, again pulling her to him. "It ain't complicated in the slightest. It's just you an' me an' we'll figure it out."

About to ask him when they had ever not been complicated, a knock on their door surprised them both. Moving to answer it, Inara stepped aside when she saw who it was. As Liliana Serra entered the living room, Mal moved swiftly back to the bedroom to put on a shirt, as Inara offered her mother a seat and some tea.

Once the older woman had her tea in her hand and Mal had again returned, she addressed her daughter. Handing her a slim data stick, she said quietly, "This was all I could find."

Taking the offered stick with a shaky hand, Inara asked, "And?"

"She's still on Sihnon," Lili told her, her eyes conveying a level of sadness that Mal had never seen before. "Her adoptive family is quite nice, wealthy. She has two brothers and a sister, all younger."

Inara nodded once, rolling the slim rod in her hand, staring at it. When she'd asked her mother for this information almost a month ago, Inara had thought she wanted it, but now that she had it, she wasn't so sure.

Figuring she had nothing to lose, Lili decided to try one more time to be a good mother to her daughter. Reaching out a hand and placing it against Inara's arm, she said gently, "Inara, dear, I really wish you'd reconsider." As her daughter raised questioning eyes to her, Lili continued. "I don't know what you hope to gain by this, by seeing her. She's happy, Inara."

"Without me," Inara added quietly. She felt Mal rest a hand to her shoulder and she took a deep breath before meeting his gaze. He hadn't known what Inara had asked of her parents, and when she saw his confusion, she immediately felt guilty for hiding it from him.

Swallowing hard, Lili said, "Yes, Inara, without you. I'm not saying that you don't have the right to know about her, know that she's okay, but please, think about how you might upset her life if you pursue this."

"'Nara?" Mal questioned, his voice low. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. But Inara would not have this fight with him in front of her mother.

Rising, and heading for the door, Lili recognized the sign of dismissal. Giving Mal a sad smile, she followed her daughter to the entryway and placed a light kiss against her cheek. "Just think about what I said," she told her softly, knowing she had no business offering her child parenting advice, but unable to resist the chance as she was fairly certain it would not present itself again.

Inara nodded resolutely and then shut the door behind her, leaning heavily against it. Her mother was right and that was what irked Inara the most. She didn't have a right to upset an innocent ten-year-old's life. It wasn't her daughter's fault that she'd had a weakling for a birth mother who'd been unable to fight for her all those years ago.

"Inara?"

She looked up sharply and saw Mal standing there, his questions painted on his face. Sighing, she moved past him and said, "I'm going to take a shower."

"No, you ain't," he said quietly, grabbing her by the elbow and whirling her around. Snatching the data stick from her hand, he asked insistently, "What's on here?"

She held his gaze and knew that keeping secrets from him was only going to get them in trouble. With a sigh, she said quietly, "Information about my daughter."

Staring at the stick as if it might bite, Mal asked her, "Why?"

Frowning at him, Inara pulled out of his grip and answered hotly, "What do you mean, why? Because she's my child and I wanted to know-"

"Know what, Inara?" Mal asked. He was angry and he wasn't sure why. Sure he wasn't thrilled that Inara had not told him she was waiting on this information, but a lot had been happening as of late and he could forgive the oversight. No, he was mad because he knew what it would do to her to know these details. "Know that she's had rotten adoptive parents or a hard life so you can rescue her?"

Inara guiltily dropped her gaze to the floor. She had secretly wondered if that might be true; Inara knew that in reality she had no claim on the child, but she'd thought that if she was in a bad situation, than she could save her and love her, as she'd been denied doing for the past ten years. "Yes," she answered quietly.

"And?" Mal asked, his voice softening as he watched her struggle to come to terms with what she knew to be true.

"And she's fine," Inara shot back, her voice rising as she huffed, stalking across the room. "She's fine, Mal. She has a great life, wealthy parents, siblings. She's great!" As her chest heaved with hurt and anger, Mal watched a few of her tears fall. Inara was not normally a crier, it just wasn't in her makeup, but Mal had watched her over the past month and a half as her emotions and her strength had been tested beyond their breaking points. Everybody had a breaking point.

Moving towards her, Mal set the data stick down on the table as Inara sank into an oversized easy chair, her arms wrapped around herself. "She's fine, Mal," she repeated, her voice dropping to a whisper as he knelt in front of her. "Fine, fine without me. She doesn't even know who I am," she said quietly, her voice breaking as she admitted this last. "And she shouldn't. I didn't deserve her."

Mal reached for her, but she pulled back, biting her lip to hold in her sobs. Laying a hand on her knee and another one to her cheek, he drew her eyes back to his and said quietly, "C'mon, 'Nara, stop bein' so damn strong, for once." As her eyes overflowed, tears spilling down her cheeks, he leaned towards her and whispered, "Let it go, I got ya."

With first one sob and then another, Inara fell into his chest, crying and grieving for a child she'd never known. Mal held her close and then carefully picked her up, sitting with her on the couch. She curled into his lap, her arms around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder and Mal continued to hold her tight.

-- --

"Welcome home, Kaylee," Simon said softly as they pushed open the door to their penthouse and he wheeled her inside. She was still too weak to be up and walking, but Simon did not mind waiting on her hand and foot.

Kaylee's eyes watered at the unbelievable view that confronted them as soon as they entered the main room. The sun was setting and the sky was ablaze with reds and pinks and oranges, painting the room in the same pastel hues. Her eyes widening at the sight of all the fancy things and all the space, Kaylee looked around slowly and then tilted her head back slightly and breathed, "We're really gonna stay here?"

Leaning down to kiss her lightly, Simon told her, "We really are."

Squealing with delight, Kaylee told him, "Well, c'mon on then, I wanna see the whole place."

Smiling apologetically to Inara and Mal as they followed them in, carrying what few belongings both of them had packed, Inara nodded to Simon and called after him. "You two take your time. Mal and I will make supper."

"We will?" Mal asked sullenly, before Inara gave him a sharp jab to the ribs. "Ow," he said quietly, rubbing where her elbow had hit. Raising his voice he called after them, "Oh, yeah, we will."

Simon and Kaylee barely heard them as he took her through each room: first the kitchen, then the guest bedroom and bathroom and then the master bedroom and bathroom. Kaylee's eyes widened more as soon as Simon opened the door to the suite. He'd asked that the roses from her room at the hospital be brought here and he was glad to see that the gesture had not gone unnoticed by Kaylee. "Oh, sweetie," she breathed, reaching out to finger one of the nearest buds, the petals feeling silky under the pads of her fingers. "You din't have to have these all brought over here."

Rounding on her chair, Simon knelt beside her and said quietly, "I know how much you liked them and I want you to have everything you could possibly want."

Placing her hand over his, she leaned towards him and said quietly, "Well, I already got that."

He returned her smile and kissed her and then said, "All right let's get you into bed."

Wiggling her eyebrows at him, she responded, "I like the way you think, Doctor Tam."

Chuckling, he told her, "Ha, ha, very funny. You know you're still too weak for any of that."

Pouting, Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her from the chair and laid her on the soft mattress, fluffing her pillows. "Is that okay?" he asked, noting the wicked grin she was still favoring him with. When she didn't answer him, he asked cautiously, "What?"

Curling her hand in his shirt, Kaylee pulled him towards her and fastened her lips on his, kissing him so hard and deep that he had difficulty pulling away. Simon felt his body respond, as it always did to her touch, but he knew that while Kaylee may have thought she was ready to be sexin' him again, he knew better. She was still too weak and fragile, and the miscarriage complicated things on a whole different level.

Breaking the contact, Simon sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his even as she tried to run it down his chest and over the front of his pants. "Ai ya, you are single-minded," he whispered, giving her a wide-eyed look of annoyance that didn't really have any menace behind it.

"Well, you gotta give a girl credit for knowing what she wants," Kaylee answered, again reaching for him. But this time before their lips could meet she pulled back, her eyes squeezing shut as a stab of pain shot through her head. Leaning her head back gingerly, she breathed in and out for a minute, and Simon immediately adjusted his hold on her wrist, feeling for her pulse.

"What's the matter, Kaylee?" he asked her quietly, watching as she took a few deep breaths. He also saw that a tear had leaked out of the corner of one eye and fallen down her face. Brushing it away, he asked her again, "Kaylee, what is it?"

"Just a bit of a headache," she said shakily, glad when the pain passed. Now all that was left was a dull throb, which she could handle. Opening her eyes to him, she frowned and sighed heavily. "Okay, you were right. No funny stuff."

Smiling at her, Simon placed a hand behind his ear and asked playfully, "I'm sorry, what was that again? I was-"

"Right," Kaylee repeated, her eyes widening a bit as he teased her. "I'll be good."

Cocking an eyebrow at her, Simon muttered, "I highly doubt that," which earned him a playful pat on the arm. Smiling to her again, he rose and kissed her lightly. "I'm going to see what Mal and Inara could possibly be cooking. I'll bring you some food in a bit, okay?"

She nodded lightly and then reached for his hand as he moved to go. At the touch, he turned back to her and saw that a bit of fear had again clouded her eyes. "Don't be gone long, 'kay?"

Leaning down to kiss her again, he told her, "Just a few minutes, I promise."

She smiled at him and then watched him leave. It was ridiculous to be so scared, but Kaylee still didn't like how weak she felt; it wasn't something she was accustomed to and it set her on edge when she had sharp stab of pain through her head or her leg started throbbing. Plus, her ribs were still healing from where they had been fractured and at times she found it hard to breathe. It just scared her, worried her that maybe things weren't as okay as Simon had said and silly as it was, if she was really bad off and she was going to die, she didn't want to do it alone.

Of course, she knew if that were the case the doctor would have never let her leave the hospital, let alone Simon, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something else, something worse was happening or had happened or something. Quelling the feeling, Kaylee let her eyes wander over the fancy room. Sinking back into the soft mattress, even better than the one at the Serras, Kaylee tried to enjoy the moment.

-- --

"How is she, really?" Mal's question was full of concern as he studied Simon. They had finished eating and so had Kaylee and the food had made her sleepy. Leaving her when he knew she was asleep, Simon had rejoined his friends on the terrace to enjoy the night.

Looking to Mal now, Simon sighed heavily and stared into the dark liquid of his rapidly cooling coffee. "Really she's fine," he said quietly. "She's still a bit more lethargic than I'd like and I know her ribs are still bothering her, but I honestly think the physical wounds are going to heal a lot faster than the emotional ones."

"The baby," Inara stated needlessly, looking to Simon with real concern shining in her eyes.

He nodded once and then cleared his throat. "I haven't told her yet, but I know I have to." Taking a sip of his drink, he wrinkled his nose at the bitterness and then said quietly, "Plus, the whole reason Kaylee ran away in the first place doesn't have much to do with anything but her emotional state."

"She ain't crazy, doc," Mal told him harshly, not liking the odd diagnosis Simon was making.

Regarding him with a patient look, Simon told him, "I know that, Mal. But she and I … there's a lot we have to work through in order for this to work, and that would put a strain on anyone."

"Yeah, well don't go makin' it worse," Mal said, wagging a finger in his direction.

Surprised by his tone, Inara rested a hand to his arm. "Mal," she hissed, getting him to look at her. "That's uncalled for. Simon would never hurt Kaylee."

Sighing, Mal told her, "Inara, I know that. An' I would never hurt you, neither, but sometimes I do it anyway." Looking back to the younger man, he told him quietly, "Look, all I'm sayin' is folks in relationships hurt each other all the time, not meaning too. Just be mindful o' that, dong ma?"

Simon nodded, swallowing his retort. He, of all people, Serenity's resident 'boob,' did not need to be told about saying things that could inadvertently hurt someone. He'd had plenty of practice; and truthfully, he still lived with the fear that he would say the wrong thing again, especially now. "I'll keep it in mind," he murmured.

Rising, he looked to them both and said, "I don't mean to be rude, but truthfully, I'm exhausted."

"Of course, Simon," Inara told him, rising and pulling Mal to his feet. Heading back inside, she said, "Leave those dishes and I'll be by first thing tomorrow to help you out."

Smiling kindly at her, Simon said, "You really don't have to do that, Inara."

"But I will anyway," she answered lightly, favoring him with another grin. Heading past Simon again for the door, she added, "Because that's just the kind of woman I am."

"I'll say," Mal intoned, his voice low. Getting a playful swat from Inara, Simon watched them both leave, and then shut and locked the door. Sighing heavily, he was honestly never so glad to be alone in his whole life. Well, not alone.

Wandering back to the bedroom, he stood in the doorway for a minute and regarded Kaylee's sleeping form. She was resting as comfortably as he could manage and he'd made sure to give her all the pain meds Eli had prescribed before she drifted off. "Don't go makin' it worse," Mal's words echoed in his head as Simon moved towards the bed and sat down gingerly, removing his shoes and socks and shrugging out of his clothes. He didn't want to make it worse, truly, he just wanted Kaylee to be all right; but the knowledge that they had lost a child was weighing heavily on him and he knew that Kaylee deserved to know.

Rolling onto his side, he slid under the covers and propped himself up on one elbow so he could gaze down into her face. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he murmured, "Sleep tight, bao bei," before he gingerly laid his head on her shoulder, wishing he could hold her closer, but knowing it would be too painful.

-- --

A knock in the middle of the afternoon was unusual for Simon. Inara and Mal usually either came over in the morning or right at supper time, and since he'd just shooed them both away, he doubted it was the couple again so soon.

Going to the door, he answered it and smiled pleasantly when he saw who it was. "Doctor Butler, Eli," Simon said casually, opening the door wide to allow the man entrance. "I had no idea you made house calls."

"Only for very special and very pretty patients," he said. When Simon cocked an eyebrow at him, he amended, "Not you, of course, Kaylee. How is she?"

Nodding, Simon told him. "Pretty good. Did you want to see her?"

"If she's awake, I'd be more than happy to say hello. Check in on her," Eli said, following the young man. "How are you doing?"

Glancing over his shoulder, Simon smiled tightly and said, "Just fine, Eli."

Doubting that were the case, the older man decided to let it go, at least for the time being. As Simon entered Kaylee's room first, Eli watched as the girl's eyes lit at the sight of the young doctor and how Simon's face lit up in return. _Young love really was something_. "I brought you a visitor," Simon told her, sliding onto the bed next to her and kissing her cheek.

"Well, hey there, Doc," Kaylee greeted the man, closing the magazine she'd been reading and placing it on the nightstand. "I din't know a fancy man like yourself would make house calls."

"Apparently, it's because I'm pretty," Simon told her, getting a giggle from Kaylee and a chuckle from Eli.

"Yes, precisely," the older man drawled, circling the bed to sit on Kaylee's other side. "How have you been, my dear?"

Smiling brightly, Kaylee told him, "Right an' shiny." Taking Simon's hand, she looked to him and said, "Simon's been takin' real good care o' me."

Nodding once, Eli pulled his stethoscope from his bag and said, "I'm sure that's true, but I'm going to check you out, all right?"

Kaylee nodded, and sat in silence as Eli listened to her lungs, took her blood pressure and checked her pulse. Simon still had a hold of her hand and he was gently rubbing his thumb along the back of it like he always did, lulling Kaylee into a peaceful state.

"All your vitals are good," Eli told her, replacing his stethoscope. "How's your head been?"

"Not too bad," Kaylee said, smiling at him. "A few bits of pain every now an' then, but nothin' too terrible."

"I've been administering the diuretic every three hours as prescribed," Simon informed him, reaching behind him to show Eli the notes he'd taken on Kaylee's condition. "This is everything since she's been out of the hospital"

Smiling to Simon even wider, Kaylee looked back to Eli and said, "See? Really good care o' me."

The girl was not wrong, as Eli flipped through Simon's precise charting, he couldn't help but be impressed. The kid knew his stuff. "And what about everything else?" he asked, closing the book and looking to Kaylee, watching her closely for her reactions. While Simon was paying immensely close attention to every detail, Eli suspected that if something were bothering the young woman, the last person she'd tell would be her attentive boyfriend.

Shaking her head easily, she told him, "Nope, can't think of a thing."

_Yes, definitely hiding something._ Looking to Simon, Eli said quietly, "Simon, I wonder if I might trouble you for a cup of coffee?"

Nodding once, Simon rose quickly, feeling sheepish. "Of course, I'm sorry. I should have asked when you got here. It'll take a few minutes."

Waving away the boy's embarrassment, he looked back to Kaylee and smiled. "Don't worry about it. You've obviously had other things to worry about."

Simon smiled to her as well and asked, "Did you need anything?"

"Nope, I'm shiny," she told him cheerfully and with another smile to both his girl and the doctor, Simon left.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Eli turned back to Kaylee and asked her quietly, "Okay, what aren't you telling me?"

Trying desperately to keep up the act, Kaylee asked guardedly, "What're you talkin' 'bout, doc?"

Leaning closer to her, Eli smiled to her kindly and Kaylee got the distinct impression that this man was a grandfather; one of those really kind, let-you-ride-on-his-shoulders type of grandfathers, kind of like hers. She really liked him.

"Look, Kaylee, I know that this is probably a little scary for you and something tells me that the last thing you want to do is worry Simon." Kaylee dropped her eyes to her lap and Eli continued. "But sweetheart, if I'm going to help you get better, one hundred percent better, than you're at least going to have to tell me what's wrong." Placing his hand over hers, when she brought her eyes back to his face, he told her, "I can't tell Simon anything you say. It's called doctor-patient confidentiality." Pointing to himself, he affected his most primitive voice and said, "Me doctor," before pointing to Kaylee. "You patient; talk."

Kaylee laughed lightly at his joke and then swallowed hard. She did have questions and concerns, but she didn't know how to talk about them with anyone, let alone this very friendly man whom she'd really just met. But knowing she had to get it off her chest, she asked quietly, "Is it weird to feel kinda empty?"

Furrowing his brow at her, Eli asked, "Empty how?"

Shrugging lightly, Kaylee said, "I dunno. I just feel like something's missin', since I came outta the hospital, since the accident, and I dunno what it is." Looking back to him, she asked with innocent eyes, "You didn't take out part o' my brain did ya?"

He chuckled at that comment and smiled wide at her, a look which Kaylee returned. "No, Kaylee, I assure you, I left it all in there." Pausing for a moment, he asked, "This empty feeling? Can you describe it more?"

Shaking her head, Kaylee closed her eyes for a moment and thought on it. She wasn't sure how to put it into words; it wasn't like anything she'd ever experienced before. "It's like I had somethin' an' now I don't, an' whatever it was, it was important, ya know?"

Eli nodded once, wondering how intuitive the girl was. If he didn't know any better he'd think she was talking about her miscarriage. Knowing that Simon had asked that he be the one to tell Kaylee, Eli could only assume she didn't yet know.

Placing his hand over hers, he said gently, "Kaylee, there are a lot of reasons you could be feeling that way. Experiencing severe trauma like you did can be very difficult to recover from and can cause side effects and feelings that we never suspected." Smiling kindly to her again, he added, "But I assure you, your brain is intact."

Laughing at herself, Kaylee said, "I done know that. Ain't it silly?"

"Not as silly as you might think," Eli confessed, leaning forward to check the bandage that covered her head. "I had a man once who left the hospital who felt like something was missing, and he was right."

Her eyes sparkling, Kaylee asked breathlessly, "Well, what was it?"

Looking back into her face, he smiled and said, "His prosthetic leg."

Kaylee howled with laughter, which made her ribs hurt, but she didn't care; it felt good to laugh, really laugh. Simon came back then and could only smile at her amusement. "What's so funny?" he asked, looking between Eli and Kaylee.

"Tell him, tell him," Kaylee panted, trying to take a breath.

As Eli obliged and recounted the joke, Kaylee wailed again, causing Simon to laugh until tears came. Seeing her smile and laugh brought a lightness to his heart that had been sorely missing. A few minutes later as he walked Eli out, he clapped the man on the shoulder and said, "Thank you so much for stopping by. I haven't been able to make Kaylee laugh like that in …" Simon paused, having to think and then grinned sheepishly, "Well, ever."

Smiling to the man, Eli said, "My pleasure, Simon." Pausing in the doorway, he told him quietly, "You need to tell her about the baby, son."

His brow furrowing with concern, Simon's easy manner immediately vanished. "Why? Did something happen?"

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Eli told him, "No, but she deserves to know, and sooner, rather than later."

Simon nodded reluctantly, knowing the man was right. As Eli turned to leave, Simon cleared his throat and said, "I, I just wanted to thank you, for everything you've done for Kaylee and I and our friends." Swallowing thickly, he said, "It really means a lot to me and I consider you a friend."

Clapping a hand to the man's shoulder, Eli said, "Well, the feeling's mutual, son." Leaning in he added conspiratorially, "Of course, I'd like to consider you a colleague. My offer still stands, if you'd like to reconsider."

Simon's face flushed and all could say was, "We'll see," before Eli was gone. Closing the door after him, Simon leaned against it for a moment, before heading back to Kaylee. He knew now, he _had _to tell her.

-- --


	11. Chapter 11

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 11

-- --

"That Doc Butler," Kaylee said, as Simon rejoined her in the bedroom, sitting close. "He is hilarious, ain't he?"

Smiling at her Simon said, "Yes, he's a good man. And a great doctor."

"He's the one offered you a job, right?" Kaylee asked, noting the hesitant look that had fallen on Simon's face.

Nodding once, Simon said, "Yes, he did. A fact he just reminded me of, actually."

Smiling proudly, Kaylee leaned towards him and said, "Well, that's 'cause he saw how shiny I'm doin' an' he was impressed all over 'gain." Crossing the rest of the space between them, Kaylee kissed him, and Simon found himself pulling her close, his hand cradling the back of her head. He loved her so much; he knew that if he wasn't experiencing it firsthand, he would never believe that one person could feel for another the way he felt for Kaylee.

Parting, Kaylee whispered, "Well, now who's single-minded?"

"Sorry," Simon murmured, his hand still on her cheek, their foreheads touching. "I've wanted to do that all day."

"Don't gotta be apologizin', sweetie," Kaylee said, her eyes sparkling with desire. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she moved into kiss him again as she murmured, "Not when you're kissin' me like that."

Simon's lips met hers again, but it wasn't with the same ardor as their kiss only a moment before and Kaylee picked up on it. Pulling back from him with a quizzical expression, she ran a hand down his cheek and asked quietly, "Simon, what's wrong?"

Smiling to her lightly, Simon took her hand in his and kissed her palm, only serving to worry her further. Whenever Simon did that, kissed her palm, he was going to give her bad news – she'd figured that out in the short time they'd been together. "Simon, you're scarin' me," she told him honestly, noting the shocked expression that filled his eyes at her statement. "Did the doc say somethin'?"

"No, Kaylee, you're fine, I swear," Simon assured her. Taking her by the shoulders, he said quietly, "But there is something else that happened. Something else that happened to you because of the accident."

Her eyes pooling with instant tears, Kaylee breathed, "What?"

Swallowing hard, Simon had no idea how to say this. He'd had over three weeks to think of a way to phrase it, how to cushion it so it wouldn't sting as badly and he knew it didn't matter if he rolled it in a strawberry and dipped it in cream – there was nothing he could do to make this any easier for Kaylee.

"Kaylee, when you got hit by that car, you fell to the pavement pretty hard," Simon began slowly, edging closer to her and keeping his hands on her arms. "And that kind of fall, it can cause a lot of problems-"

"Simon, would you just tell me?" she interrupted, unable to stand his slow build-up.

Swallowing hard, Simon knew he was only making it worse. So he did as she asked. "Kaylee, at the time of the accident, you were five weeks pregnant and you lost the baby."

Kaylee's mouth fell open in shock, one of her hands flying to her stomach. "I, I … what?" she asked, her voice barely audible, as her breath came in short gasps. "A baby?" She turned her big green eyes to him and saw her concern and pain reflected there. "Our baby?"

He nodded once, uncertain what else he could say. Pulling her to him, Simon felt her stiffen in his hold and he hated it, but he kept his arms around her. He wanted her to know he was here, that she wasn't alone; that he'd lost a child too.

"I didn't know," she breathed, her eyes crying silent tears. "I didn't know, Simon, I swear. I woulda been more careful, I wouldn't a run." She was rambling now, unable to form a thought, unable to feel anything.

Holding her tight, Simon told her, "I know that, Kaylee. It was just an accident, an awful accident."

"But it was our baby," she breathed again, pulling back from him with more force than he'd expected. Placing both her hands to her stomach, she said, "It's gone. Dead."

Nodding once, Simon watched her for her reaction, waiting for it to truly sink in. He could tell it hadn't quite yet, that Kaylee was having a hard time processing this information. And he didn't blame her. She'd just found out in the span of a few seconds that she'd been pregnant and that she'd miscarried; it was a lot to digest.

She was still crying, trails of silent tears falling down her face. Simon reached a hand to her cheek, trying to wipe some of them away, but she backed away from his touch. "Leave me alone, Simon," she murmured, pulling back from him and getting under the covers, pulling them to her chin.

His heart breaking at the tone of her voice, he whispered, "Kaylee, please. Let me help."

"Ain't nothin' you can do," she told him sullenly, turning her face away from him. "I'm the one's gotta live with it."

"That's not true, Kaylee. We both do." Simon's voice was firm, but it did not get her attention. Circling the bed, he knelt beside it, forcing himself into her line of sight. "It was my child, too."

She stayed silent, stoic, but Simon watched her eyes well with more tears, saw her face scrunch up as she tried desperately to hold in her sobs. Reaching out a hand again, he placed it against her cheek, glad that she didn't pull away. "Kaylee, please. I want to help."

"You can't," she told him, her breath coming in hiccups as she sobbed. "I don't even know what t'think," she said quietly, sitting up more and making room for him beside her. "I mean, I didn't even know 'til a few minutes ago I was pregnant, an' now, I ain't. How can I be mournin' somethin' I never had time to love?"

Simon smiled sadly at her and cupped her face in his hands. "I don't know. That's a question I've been trying to answer too."

Kaylee returned his sad smile and then sobbed, burying her face in her hands. Moving forward, Simon pulled her to him and she came willingly this time, balling her fists into his shirt and crying hard. "I'm so sorry, Simon," she wailed, her body shaking. "I'm so sorry I lost our baby."

"It's not your fault, Kaylee," he told her, running his hand through her hair and down her back. "It's okay. I love you."

She cried some more and Simon held her firmly, wishing he knew of a way to make it all right. Of course, he didn't; like so many other things in his life, this was something he couldn't fix, couldn't cure. But damn if he didn't want to try.

Sitting with her a few hours later, as he had not left her since he'd told her the news, Simon ran his fingers through her hair, his arm around her shoulders as she curled into his side. "Would you have wanted it?" she asked quietly, her voice still a little shaky.

"Shenme?" Simon asked, gazing down at her as she tilted her head to look at him.

"The baby," she told him, her eyes still shiny with tears. "Would you have wanted it?"

"_Our_ baby?" he corrected. Kissing her forehead, he told her quietly, "Of course, I would. What kind of question is that?"

Shrugging lightly, Kaylee said quietly, "I dunno. I guess …" With a sigh, she let the statement die, but Simon wouldn't be so easily deterred.

"Kaylee, what were you going to say?" he prompted, leaning back to look at her.

Sighing heavily, Kaylee said quietly, "Well, a baby woulda made you tied t'me. I guess I'da been worried you'd think I was tryin' to trap you."

Shaking his head, Simon told her quietly, "That thought never crossed my mind." Kissing her again, he murmured against her skin, "I would have a hundred babies with you if that's what you wanted."

"I dunno 'bout a hundred," she said, grinning a bit. Sighing, she said, "That baby though, our baby, woulda been real pretty, with your eyes."

"And your smile," Simon agreed.

Kaylee sighed again a few more tears falling out of her eyes and down her nose to wet Simon's shirt. Hugging her tighter to him, Simon said quietly, "It's okay to be sad, Kaylee."

Nodding once, she pulled herself closer to him and murmured, "Good."

-- --

"Inara, dear, are you sure this is what you want?" Sheydra's face was full of concern, and Inara could only smile to her friend patiently.

"Yes, Sheydra, it is." With a sigh, she set down her tea cup and rose, walking to the edge of the veranda they were sitting on. "I know it's hard to comprehend, but I'm in love with Mal." Turning back to face her friend, she watched as the other woman's eyebrow arched. "Yes, my pirate," she added, purely for her friend's benefit.

"But Inara, think of what you're sacrificing. This is a good life, a respectable one and you've excelled at it. You could still be a High Priestess." Sheydra was reaching, but at the moment, she didn't care. She would miss her friend if she retired. Of course, secretly, she was envious; not in a mean way, just in a lonely way. Sheydra had always hoped that a man like Inara's pirate would find her as well. But apparently it was not meant to be.

"And I would never deny that I have enjoyed my time as a Companion," Inara told her firmly, turning to lean against the railing. "But I would be doing a great disservice to myself, the Guild and my clients if I denied my feelings for Mal any longer."

The two women, both so experienced in so many things, but still new to love, held each other's gazes for a moment more. Finally, Sheydra averted her violet eyes, so the younger woman could not see the tears that had welled there. "Well, you know I wish you best of everything, mei mei," she said quietly, taking another sip of tea.

"As I do for you, Sheydra," Inara answered. Allowing another moment of silence to pass between them, she finally asked, "So, what do I have to do?"

"Well, there are appeals to make and petitions to sign, but I don't see it being a problem for you," Sheydra informed her, rising to stand at her side. "You won't ever be able to come back though, Inara. So if this doesn't work out with your pirate …" She left the statement unfinished, her eyes having drifted to the man Inara was ready to change her entire life for. He was wandering the grounds with a tall and beautiful dark-skinned woman whom Sheydra was certain would have made a great Companion.

Turning, Inara followed the other woman's gaze and said quietly, "It's going to work out." She watched Mal and Zoe for a moment more and, as if sensing her eyes on him, Mal turned in their direction, offering her a small wave and one of his big, lopsided grins. Smiling back, Inara murmured, "Oh yes, it's going to work."

-- --

"You have to ask her." Simon turned at the sound of his sister's voice. He was reading on the terrace, Kaylee again having fallen asleep. As the spring was turning to summer, the nights were getting a bit warmer and Simon found the nighttime particularly peaceful.

Closing his book, he motioned for his sister to join him and she did, stepping towards him on bare feet, and sitting at the foot of his chair. Placing a hand to her cheek, he asked, "Ask who what, mei mei?"

Rolling her eyes in her perfect "you are such a boob" expression, River tossed the ring box to him and said, "Kaylee. Duh."

Simon caught the box in mid-air gazing at it intently. "River, you shouldn't be going through my things."

Frowning at him, she crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Then you shouldn't still have it. It should be on Kaylee's finger by now."

Sighing heavily, Simon told her, "It's not as simple as that." Pursing her lips at him, Simon knew she was waiting for an explanation. "You know about the baby," he told her quietly, his eyes again focusing on the black box. "I don't want to ask her at the wrong time or make her think I'm asking for all the wrong reasons."

"Simon." River's plaintive voice drew his attention to her face and when he met her wide brown eyes, he could only smile. She looked so young at this moment; it reminded him of when they'd both been children, playing games. It had been a much simpler time.

"Simon, focus," she told him, using a sharper tone to get his mind back to the here and now. As he brought his eyes back to focus on her, she told him quietly, "You should do more and think less." Placing her hand over the one that held the ring, she said, "This can never be at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons. The only motivation is love. That's never wrong."

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, River rose and floated off the terrace, no doubt heading into bed. He and Kaylee had invited her to stay with them for as long as she wanted. She had been sharing an apartment with Zoe a few floors below, but Simon knew she wanted to be close to Kaylee and he also knew that his challenging sister was not the first mate's responsibility.

"Not challenging. Eccentric," her voice called to him, and frowning with amusement, Simon said softly, "Brat."

"Boob."

Chuckling lightly, Simon sat back in his chair and stared at the black box in his hand, wondering if perhaps his bratty sister had a point.

-- --

Simon wandered into their room a few minutes later surprised to see Kaylee awake and staring at the ceiling. Ditching the ring box in his dresser, he called to her softly, "You all right?"

Turning to face him, he could tell from the dim light in the room that she'd been crying. She had cried every day, on and off, since he'd told her about the baby, and he wasn't sure what else he could do. He'd left her alone, he'd let her talk, he'd held her, he'd even let her punch him a bit, but nothing seemed to relieve the sadness she felt and it was eating at him.

Going to her, Simon slid onto the bed, and she rolled into his side easily, her arms wrapping around him, her face buried against his chest. "You okay?" he asked her, his head buried in her hair.

"Better now," she answered, her voice muffled. With a sigh, she pulled back and looked to him. "Simon?"

Looking down at her with a smile, he kissed her and said, "Yes?"

"I really wanna take a bath."

Smiling to her even wider, he kissed her again and then headed for the bathroom. "One bath, coming right up."

Kaylee smiled as he bounded out of the room and when he came to collect her a few minutes later, she could only smile wider at the light in his eyes. He was trying so hard to be everything to her. With a sigh, she realized he already was.

As he helped her stand, his arm around her waist, they walked slowly towards the bathroom. He could have carried her, but Eli had encouraged her to start using that leg as much as possible, to get up and move, and so every opportunity she had now to do that, she took.

Entering the bathroom, she smiled wide at him, noting that the tub was practically overflowing with bubbles and Simon had lit candles all over the bathroom, making the overhead lights unnecessary. Kissing him, she told him softly, "I just said I wanted a bath. You didn't have to do all this."

"Well, I happen to think this is the only way you should take a bath," he told her, helping her sit on the edge of the tub. She let him undress her, shivering slightly as the cool air hit her bare skin. His touch was gentle and loving and Kaylee sighed a bit, her eyes closing as he ran his hands down her arms. She was tired, too tired and too hurt for them to do much of anything, but it felt nice to be close to him; to be cared for.

"All right," he said softly, his mouth by her ear as he kissed her cheek. Wrapping an arm around her waist and one under her legs, he asked, "You ready?"

Kaylee nodded, and Simon slid her into the warm and bubble-filled bath water easily, making sure she was comfortably settled, her head resting against a towel he'd folded and placed at one end of the tub. Simon watched her for a moment, noting how her face fell slack the minute she was encased in the warm water. Kneeling beside her, he gently moved a piece of hair off her face tucking it behind her ear.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, not wanting to disrupt her peaceful mood.

"Shiny," she murmured, opening her eyes slowly to gaze at him. "Thank you."

He smiled to her and then leaned over to place a gentle kiss to her lips. "Just call me when you're ready to get out."

Grabbing his hand, he turned to look at her and noted the way her eyes lit mischievously. "Where do ya think you're goin'?"

"Ah, to read," Simon asked, wondering if it was a trick question.

Pouting, Kaylee said, "Well, if'n you do that, who's gonna wash my back?"

"Oh, yes, your back," Simon said, feigning seriousness. "We can't have a dirty back."

Shaking her head, her eyes wide, Kaylee told him innocently, "No, sir."

Simon smiled at her and held her gaze. Knowing that Kaylee was still not fully healed and wanting to avoid as much temptation as possible, he told her, "All right, I'll stay. But I'm not getting in there with you." As she pouted again, he told her, "How much self-restraint do you think I have?"

With a wide grin, she leaned against the side of tub, her head on her arms and asked sweetly, "What if I promised to be good?" As he gave her a skeptical look, she said, "I promise."

Wondering who exactly he thought he was kidding, Simon pulled off his shoes and took his clothes off. "Something tells me I will regret this," he muttered, noting the way Kaylee's eyes never left his body as he disrobed in front of her. "Okay, sit forward," he said quietly, sliding into the tub behind her.

She leaned back easily into his chest once he was situated and Simon heard her sigh contentedly as her head rested on his shoulder. "See, this is much better," she said lazily, already feeling good and relaxed in the warm water.

Simon was apt to agree, it felt good to hold her, it always did. Pulling the sponge from the edge of the tub, he dipped it into the water in front of her, and then wrung it out. "Sit up a bit, bao bei," he whispered in her ear. She obliged him, her hands holding onto the edge the porcelain basin as he rubbed the sponge across her shoulders and down her back, under the surface of the water, scrubbing gently. He brought the sponge back above the water and ran it along her neck, and behind her ears, moving down her upper arms at a slow pace. She moaned occasionally, causing Simon's whole body to shiver. He wanted her badly, but with more self-control than he thought he possessed, he kept bathing her steadily, trying to focus on anything else. Of course, her naked form right in front of him was making that a tad challenging.

As she leaned back against him again, Kaylee grinned wickedly, even as her eyes remained closed. "A little excited there, sweetie?"

Looking to her with an incredulous expression, he asked her, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Hmm, maybe," she answered sleepily, her voice dropping an octave or two, which she also knew always drove him crazy.

"You are cruel," he whispered hotly against her neck, kissing her skin there and causing her to shiver.

Pulling his lips away with great difficulty, he again tried to focus on anything else besides his growing desire. "Do you want me to wash your hair?"

Nodding once, Kaylee sat up again and pulled at the pins, dropping them over the edge of the tub. The patch of hair they'd shaved for her surgeries had started to grow back, and while Kaylee was still self-conscious about it, she was glad that now, with a little help from Inara, it was almost impossible to tell anything was missing at all.

As Kaylee had scooted forward, Simon could now tilt her head back and get her hair wet. She allowed him to dictate her actions, trusting him completely and Simon found that even more arousing. Pushing the thought away, he gently straightened her back up and then reached for the shampoo, depositing a good amount into his hand. Lathering it up, he began to gently work it into her hair, massaging her scalp. As Kaylee moaned again at the unbelievable feeling of his hands in her hair, she murmured, "Wo de ma, Simon, where'd you learn how to wash hair?"

Smiling at her and chuckling a bit, Simon told her, "It's not so much washing hair as massaging. It's part of training at MedAcad."

Turning slightly, she looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "What other trainin' you keepin' hidden from me?"

Leaning forward he could not resist pressing a kiss to her mouth. "Wouldn't you like to know?" he whispered, grinning wide and causing Kaylee to shiver again.

"Would I ever," she muttered back, wishing to all the gods in the 'verse that she was well enough for a full night of sexin' with her unbelievably swai boyfriend.

As she again turned forward, Simon finished and dipped her head back in the water, running his hands through it until he was certain the soap was out, paying special attention to her still healing incision. "All right, turn around," he whispered.

Kaylee grinned big and shifted in the tub so she was facing him. Looking at him, she brought her hands to rest on his chest and said quietly, "Now this is more like it."

"Is this your definition of good?" he asked, as he felt her hands run down his chest and below the water.

"You tell me," she said quietly, leaning forward and kissing him as her hand closed around his already throbbing arousal.

Involuntarily, Simon's head dropped back. "Kaylee," he panted as she stroked him, alternating between gentle and urgent touches.

"Yes?" she asked him sweetly, her eyes twinkling.

"That's … not … fair," he told her, knowing, as she did, that in his current state, it wouldn't take much to bring him to his release.

Leaning forward, Kaylee pressed her breasts against him and kissed him deep, her tongue plunging into his mouth as her ministrations increased. "Oh come on, sweetie. I'm just thankin' ya for my bath."

Simon brought his head up to meet her eyes and grabbed the back of her neck fiercely, crushing his mouth to hers with need and passion. In seconds he groaned loud and long against her mouth and Kaylee smiled wickedly, knowing that it was her name he was crying out as his release thundered out over her stroking hand and into the warm water.

Catching his breath, Simon looked to her and held her face in his hands. "Sorry I can't do the same for you," he told her honestly, kissing her again.

Shrugging, she said, "That's okay. I figure now you gotta dry me off, and that's another form o' torture." Leaning forward she kissed him again, and said, "Besides, I'm figurin' they're be all sorts o' ways you can pay me back."

Smiling at her and chuckling lightly, Simon stood slowly, stepped out first, finding a towel and wiping himself dry, before wrapping it around his waist. Then pulling out another towel for Kaylee, he helped her stand, picking her up to set her on solid ground before her ran the towel over her wet skin and hair. She shuddered a bit, as his hands passed over her breasts and Simon smiled at her. "Now who's being tortured?" he asked smugly.

She grinned at him wickedly, but didn't answer him. Making sure she was supported on the edge of the tub, Simon left quickly and came back with a plush robe that Inara had bought for Kaylee. Wrapping it around her and cinching it at her waist, he watched as she snuggled into it. He could see her eyelids drooping and knew she was tired.

Picking her up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled into him easily. Pressing a kiss to his neck, she whispered, "I love you, Simon."

Kissing her back, Simon laid her gently in bed before grabbing his own sweatpants and getting in beside her. As he again held her tight against him, he murmured back, "Kaylee, you have no idea how much I love you."

-- --

The next morning, Simon awoke before Kaylee and while he didn't want to leave her, he forced himself out of bed and over to the comm unit in the living room.

Punching up Inara and Mal's, he wasn't surprised to find the Companion awake. "Good morning Simon," she greeted him easily. "Is everything okay?"

Smiling wide, Simon told her, "It's great, actually." Leaning towards the screen, he dropped his voice a bit and told her, "But I need your help."

-- --

Kaylee and Simon had just finished her afternoon round of physical therapy exercises, which if anyone ever asked her were not fun, when he helped her back into bed. "Get some sleep," he said, kissing her forehead. "I'm going to go out for a bit, but River's here and Inara's supposed to stop by later."

Kaylee nodded once and looked to him curiously. "Everything okay?"

Smiling to her, he said, "Perfect, just like you," before he kissed her again and left. Unable to keep her eyes open to ruminate on what exactly had him in such a great mood, the next time Kaylee awoke she could hear voices outside.

Blinking her eyes open, she was about to call to whoever it was when River pushed open the door, Inara behind her. "See? I told you she was awake," River said with exasperation as she bounced over to Kaylee's bed and sat beside her, placing a kiss to her cheek.

"Hi mei mei," Kaylee said quietly, greeting her friend with a smile. Noting the case in Inara's hand, Kaylee asked, "What's in there?"

Inara smiled and sat on Kaylee's other side, clearing off her nightstand so she could set up her wares. "A portable beauty salon, basically," she told her friend, watching as Kaylee's eyes lit up as she exposed all the makeups, perfumes and accoutrements inside. Running her hand over them, Kaylee breathed, "This is real shiny, 'Nara."

As River shared a smile with the older woman and then moved towards the room's huge walk-in closet, Kaylee got even more confused. Looking between River, who was now rifling through a closet full of clothes that were not Kaylee's and Inara, who was carefully selecting makeup and pulling out hair styling equipment, Kaylee asked, "What's goin' on?"

Smiling to her, Inara's eyes twinkled as she told her, "Someone has a big night planned for you, and we're here to help you get ready."

"A big night?" Kaylee asked, wondering what they could … In an instant she knew and her eyes went wide. "Simon?"

"My brother does occasionally get some things right," River said matter-of-factly, walking out of the closest with three of the prettiest silk dresses Kaylee had ever seen. "Pick one," she said, laying them out on the bed next to Kaylee.

Looking at each of them, one red, one green and one black and gold, Kaylee glanced back up to the girl and said, "I can't wear them. They ain't even mine."

"Oh yes they are, mei mei," Inara told her firmly. Taking her hand she sat forward and said, "One of the conditions for my parents was buying you a wardrobe full of the prettiest dresses on Sihnon. And I gave the seamtress your measurements myself, so they should all fit perfectly." As Kaylee's eyes shone with unspent tears, Inara encouraged her again, "So? Pick one."

"Oh, I ain't never seen anythin' so beautiful 'fore," Kaylee breathed, one hand covering her mouth as her other hand ran over the smooth fabric. Each one was gorgeous for a different reason, but Kaylee finally settled on the green dress, knowing it would set off her eyes and her complexion. Plus it was the least adorned of all of them and Kaylee hoped that meant it would show off her curves perfectly. Curves that Simon had always said he liked to see.

River nodded in approval of her choice taking the other two dresses away and hanging the green one on the front of the closet door so it wouldn't get wrinkled. "All right, mei mei," Inara said, her tone growing serious as she glanced to the clock. "We have two hours to make you look absolutely stunning."

Smiling sheepishly, Kaylee asked her quietly, "You think you can do it?"

Sharing her smile, Inara realized the statement had not come out the way she'd intended. And as usual, River came in for the save. Sitting beside Kaylee, she took the girl's hand and said quietly, "You could wear a paper bag, no makeup and not brush your hair and my brother would think you were the most beautiful creature in the 'verse."

A little worried, Kaylee frowned and turned back to Inara. "That ain't what we're gonna do though, is it?"

As all three of them laughed, Inara told her quickly, "No, I think River's point is that we're simply going to enhance what Simon has already deemed perfect."

Smiling even wider, Kaylee said excitedly, "Then what are we waitin' for?"

-- --


	12. Chapter 12

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 12

-- --

Two hours later Kaylee was more than ready. Inara, the expert artist that she was, had used all the tools at her disposal to simply enhance Kaylee's natural beauty. Her cheeks glowed with a rosy hue, her eyes bright and wide were surrounded by shadow and liner, her lips were full; her honey brown hair Inara had left long, opting to curl it in soft waves that fell to her shoulders and suited Kaylee. Nothing on her mei mei should ever be pinned back or restrained; she was a free spirit and Inara wanted to honor that, as she knew it was one of the chief reasons Simon had fallen for her so completely.

Kaylee stood in front of the floor length mirror in the master bedroom, smoothing her hands down the front of the green silk sheath she had donned. The fabric was shiny and rich, a slit running up one side to her mid-thigh – luckily not the side of her broken leg which was still a bit thin and pale compared to her other. Turning slightly, Kaylee admired the back of the dress, a deep scoop exposing her back, while the front of the dress sat right on her collarbone.

With a tentative smile, the young woman finally turned to her friends, both women sitting on the edge, admiring Kaylee as she admired herself. She was absolutely radiant. "Well?" Kaylee asked, her grin widening as River jumped off the bed and hugged her tight.

"Love you," she whispered into the girl's hair, knowing what was to transpire that evening and more than excited by the prospect of having an actual sister.

"I love you too, sweetie," Kaylee said, a bit surprised by the girl's reaction, but hugging her all the same.

"You look stunning, Kaylee," Inara said, stepping forward and brushing some of the hair from her face. "Are you ready?"

Smiling wide, Kaylee felt a few butterflies flutter in her stomach. She smoothed her hand there, trying to remember the last time she'd felt nervous seeing Simon – it had probably been a good long while and while Kaylee did enjoy the comfort and familiarity of their relationship, she had to admit the excitement that coursed through her right now wasn't so bad either.

Nodding to her friend, Inara offered her arm and Kaylee took it gladly. She still was not accustomed to walking unaided. Her therapy was going well, her leg healing nicely and she barely had felt any dizziness or nausea for a few days now. Her recovery was good, but it was slow and while Kaylee wanted to hurry things along, she wanted to feel better more, so she was trying to be patient.

River preceded them from the room, taking Inara's things and a bag for herself and depositing them by the door, before stationing herself in the living room to await Kaylee's entrance. She glanced to her brother, very handsome in his fine suit standing a bit nervously in the open door to the terrace and she smiled brightly at him. Simon caught sight of her and smiled back, but River could tell he was very nervous; _what a boob_.

Turning her attention back to the room's entrance, River waited and stepped a bit to the side so that nothing would hinder Simon's first sight of his soon-to-be finacee. As Kaylee rounded the corner, still on Inara's arm, she inhaled at the sight before her. River closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the other woman's joy and happiness wash over her; it was a peaceful and thrilling moment.

Kaylee could only stare with wide eyes as she took in the living room and the terrace beyond. On every surface, floor, furniture were vases and vases of yellow and white daisies. If Kaylee hadn't known any better she'd have been certain she was standing in a field of them. Glancing to Inara with tear-filled eyes the former companion simply smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Have a good time, mei mei," she whispered, unwrapping her arm from hers and steadying her as Simon strode forward to escort her the rest of the way.

Sharing a smile with his friend, Inara nodded once and then motioned for River to come along. River stopped for a second by them both and squealed a bit, before following Inara out, more than glad to be spending the night with her and Mal so that Kaylee and Simon could have some time alone.

Once the door shut behind them, Simon allowed his gaze to travel up and down Kaylee's beautiful form. She was beyond breathtaking. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her cheek and murmured against her skin, "There aren't words to describe how beautiful you are."

She giggled slightly, clutching the hand he held a bit tighter and roved her eyes up and down his well-dressed body. "You ain't so bad yourself," Kaylee told him quietly, noting the way his jacket cut away just above his waist and trailed into tails. The blue vest he was wearing set off his amazingly blue eyes and against the white of his shirt he looked more than shiny, almost like he was sparkling.

Turning her gaze back to the flower-filled room, Kaylee leaned against his side as he walked her slowly towards the terrace. "Simon, I can't believe – Where'd ya get all these flowers?" she asked, her fingers floating over the nearest petals as they stepped outside.

"Around," he said nonchalantly, having vowed earlier that day never to tell Kaylee how difficult it had been to track down so many of her favorite flower. It seemed daisies were very 'last season' on Sihnon. "I hope you're hungry," he told her, smiling as her eyes lit at the sight of the finely arrayed dinner table before them.

"Am I ever," Kaylee breathed, smiling kindly to him as he held out her chair and kissed her before circling the table to sit at his place.

Resting her chin on her hand, Kaylee stared at him for a moment as he served first her and then himself. The food smelled amazing and Kaylee's stomach was definitely empty, but she found herself just looking, watching the way his lips puckered a bit as he concentrated on lifting the beans on the plate without spilling any or how he tried to proportion everything on both their plates perfectly. Or how in the moonlight, his eyes danced giving Kaylee the smallest glimpse of what he must have looked like as a boy, when he'd probably had a lot more cause to smile.

Placing her full plate in front of her, Simon finally caught her stare and blushed instantly. "What?" he asked hurriedly, glancing down to his shirt front and then to the table, worried he'd forgotten something or done something wrong. "What did I do?"

Smiling at him, Kaylee reached out her hand and covered his. "Nothin', sweetie. I was jus' starin' is all." Her cheeks flushed a bit as well, and Simon found the sight ridiculously adorable.

"Oh, well that's all right then," he said quietly. As they both started to dig in, he looked to her again and saw how she more toyed with her food than ate it. "Are you sure everything's okay?" he asked again, reaching for his glass and taking a sip.

She nodded once, bringing her bright eyes up to his face and causing his breath to hitch in his throat. She was beautiful. "Why don'tcha ever talk about when you was a kid?" she asked innocently, taking a bite of food, waiting for him to answer.

"I've told you stories about Osiris," he said, surprised when she shook her head and told him, "I'm not talkin' 'bout them stories, sake and the like," she added, her eyes sparkling as she remembered that particularly embarrassing tale. "I mean, like when you was a boy, a lil' guy. Din't you climb trees or break a bone or get dirty?" Her eyes sweeping up and down his immaculate form, she frowned and said quietly, "Hmm, well, I guess not." As he chuckled at her, she said, "Well, c'mon, you gotta have one story."

Nodding, Simon chewed and swallowed, not really interested in reliving too many parts of his childhood; it hadn't been horrible, not really, but it hadn't exactly been the nirvana Kaylee probably suspected either. "I have a few stories," he said slyly, watching as she leaned forward expectantly. Feeling suddenly on the spot, Simon cleared his throat and wracked his brain for an appropriate tale. Deciding on one he said, "Did you have zoos? Where you grew up?"

"You mean with animals and stuff?" she asked, continuing to eat. "Well, yeah, but normally they was travelin', like with a circus, we din't have nothin' permanent."

"Well, then I'll have to be sure to take you to the zoo on Osiris one day," he told her, sitting back in his seat, his water in his hand. "It's incredible. Almost half of the exhibits are full of species from Earth-that-was, and in as close to their natural habitats as possible. When I was eight, I wanted to go so badly. I begged my mother and father for months leading up to my birthday." Simon smiled a bit at the memory, remembering how he had ambushed both his parents, when they were feeding and changing River or when they were getting ready for work in the morning. "For a couple of weeks, I'd wait for my father at the front door, and as soon as he walked in, I'd bombard him with captures I'd downloaded from the cortex and stories about all the things I could learn there."

Kaylee smiled and settled in to listen to Simon's tale. His eyes had already started to flash with the memory and she found it endearing. "What was your favorite?" she asked, unable to resist. Inara had told her once that a lot could be learned about a person based on the animal they liked the most.

Looking to her, Simon smiled sheepishly and muttered, "Oh, it's not important."

Grinning wickedly, Kaylee knew it was the most important gorram thing ever. "Oh, yes it is," she chided.

Laughing a bit at the look of pure delight playing across her face, he said quietly, "All right fine." Looking to her again, she noted how his cheeks blushed a deep shade of red as he said, "Peacocks."

Kaylee couldn't help but giggle and immediately regretted it as Simon dropped his gaze back to his lap. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry," she said quietly, still smiling, but doing her best to swallow her residual laughter. "It's just, outta all the animals I thought you might say, that one was furthest from my mind."

Simon nodded once. "I know, that's why I wasn't going to tell you."

"Why peacocks?" she asked, truly curious.

Simon sighed again and said, "Well, they're not totally pleasing to the eye, when they're just standing there. But when they open their plumage and you get to see all their colors …" His voice trailed off as he thought back to the first time he'd ever seen one. It had been vibrant, blues and greens and purples and the sight had stayed with him to this day. "It's really beautiful," he added quietly. "And, I don't know, something about them intrigues me. They're one of the only animals that doesn't show its true colors until you get to know it." Shrugging lightly, Simon took a sip of his drink and said, "When I was eight, I thought that was really interesting. Like, when I went to see them, it was my own personal challenge to get them to spread their feathers like that."

He paused for a moment, lost again in thought and Kaylee pulled him back. "So, did you like the zoo?"

Looking to her quickly, Simon sat forward and again began to eat. "I didn't get to go." As her face fell at this admission, Simon waved it off. "It was no big deal. My parents both had to work, and they wouldn't let my nanny take me, I can't remember why. So I ended up staying at home with a one-year-old River." Glancing up to her, he said, "Who by the way was a brat even then. We had some cake. Some of the servants sang 'Happy Birthday' to me and I got to stay up late, watching a movie on the cortex. It was a good day." He smiled at the memory, his disappointment from that day having faded long ago into his general disappointment surrounding his parents.

Simon continued to eat, not noticing for a few minutes that Kaylee was still. Glancing to her quickly, Simon noted the tears that had fallen down her face, and he went to her side, worried that she wasn't feeling well. Placing a hand to her arm, he said quietly, "Kaylee, bao bei, are you all right?"

Turning to him, she said quietly, "I din't know it'd be a sad story. Ain't ya got any happy ones from when you was a kid?"

Simon smiled kindly at her, touched by her concern. Taking her hand in his, he told her truthfully, "Kaylee, I could tell a hundred stories of when I was a boy and most of them would probably end like that one." As she bit her lip, Simon tried to reassure her. "I can guarantee you that I didn't have an upbringing like yours. I wasn't surrounded by family and cousins and I didn't get to play until the sun went down. But it's okay, I don't regret any of it. Because if I hadn't been born and raised in that exact way at that exact time, I never would have met you."

He cupped her cheek in his hand and Kaylee nuzzled into it. "I'm sorry, Simon," she whispered, her eyes closed.

"You don't have to be sorry, Kaylee, really," Simon told her. Straightening, he kissed her on the cheek and then extended his hand to her. "But if you want to make it up to me, you could give me the pleasure of this dance."

Smiling widely at him, her tears forgotten, Kaylee took his hand and stood. "There ain't any music," she whispered, as he pulled her close, his hand resting on the small of her bare back warming her skin, as his other wrapped around hers and brought it to his chest.

Shrugging, Simon said, "Maybe River's rubbing off on me." They both laughed, more than aware that his sister often danced to music no one else could hear.

Swaying on her feet, held tight in Simon's arms Kaylee had never felt more content. Before resting her head against his shoulder, she allowed her eyes to again take in the scene around them; the flowers on every surface, the bright stars up above and the even brighter lights of Sihnon's nighttime landscape.

With a contented sigh, Kaylee finally closed her eyes and leaned her cheek on his chest, smiling even bigger as she felt his cheek settle into her hair. "Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?" he asked, his voice low and soothing.

Smiling, Kaylee murmured, "You could tell me again."

Pulling back from her a bit, Simon stopped their movement and cradled her face in his hands. Leaning his head to hers he whispered, "You are beautiful, Kaylee," before he captured her lips in a long, lingering kiss that made Kaylee a bit lightheaded.

As they parted, she realized it wasn't just the kiss that was causing her to stumble a bit. Gripping Simon's forearms a bit tighter than she'd meant to, she rested her head against his chest again, trying to regain her balance. "You okay?" Simon asked quietly. He'd felt her falter a bit in his arms and he worried that maybe all of this had been just a bit much.

"Shiny," she said heavily and Simon knew he'd been right.

Leaning back from her, he looked down to her face and saw the discomfort she was trying to hide. "I don't think so," he murmured. Keeping a strong arm around her waist, Simon guided her to a lounge chair, one of the only things not covered with daisies on the patio and helped her sit. Kneeling in front of her, he placed a hand to her cheek, getting a weak smile from him.

"Just a bit tired is all," she told him. "I didn't wanna ruin our fun."

Kissing her lightly, he told her, "You didn't." Sitting behind her, Simon pulled her back into his chest, fitting her snugly between his legs and she sighed against him, her head rolling onto his shoulder.

Smiling at him as he pressed a kiss to her temple, she said, "Hmm, this is comfy."

He smiled back and kept his arms around her, gazing up into the stars. He was dying to ask her his very important question, but he wanted her to be good and awake when he did. He hoped he hadn't prolonged the evening to the point where he'd have to wait; the suspense could literally kill him.

After a few minutes, Kaylee felt better, her eyes again fluttering open. Looking to the sky, she sighed a bit and then gazed up at Simon, smiling wide. Her eyes catching a vase of white and yellow daisies beside them, she motioned to them and asked, "Can you hand me those?"

Puzzled as to why she'd want them, Simon reached for the vase and handed it to her, watching with interest as Kaylee sat forward a bit and cradled the urn between her knees. Carefully, she removed each of the stems, shaking the excess water off and deftly weaved them together until she had made a wreath.

Catching on, Simon asked, "Is that what you were talking about the other night?" Plucking the wreath from her hands, he had to marvel at her craftsmanship, before he placed the flowers in her hair. "The daisy chains you used to make with your cousins?"

Leaning against him, she toyed with a few of the buds she hadn't needed as she said, "Yeah, we'd make 'em all the time. My ma used to get so mad, I'd come home from playin' an' my clothes'd be all stained from the yellow petals." She giggled a bit at the memory. "She jus' didn't understand how come I couldn't stay way."

Turning to face him again, her eyes shined as she cocked her head, asking for his silent approval of her new headwear.

"It's beautiful," he told her truthfully pressing a kiss to her cheek. As she settled back against him, he added, "But it won't last."

Frowning at him, she said, "Don't pee on my parade," getting a deep chuckle from him that vibrated into her back, making her feel warm all over.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he said, his lips still by her ear, his breath tickling her cheek. "But still," he said casually, "I really think you need something a bit more permanent."

Turning slightly to face him, she asked quizzically, "What're you talkin' about?"

Unable to keep the wide grin off his features, Simon told her, "Hold out your hand and close your eyes."

Kaylee did as she was told, sitting up straighter and inhaling a breath as she anticipated what he was going to give her. Reaching into his pocket, Simon took out the ring he'd bought, the one he'd almost returned earlier that day to buy something more grand, and dropped it into her palm, closing her fingers around it. Shifting so he was sitting up a bit taller, he said, "Okay, open your eyes."

Kaylee blinked her big green eyes to him and then slowly, still holding her breath, opened her palm. Gasping, she turned shining eyes to him and breathed, "Simon."

Smiling at her, he said, "See? Permanent."

Working her mouth for a few moments Kaylee tried to speak and found it almost impossible. As he had many days and nights before, Simon had again taken her breath away, and she could only gape, her heart pounding in her chest as she stared at the beautiful ring; a band of silver flowers, small, sparkling stones resting at the center of each one.

Taking the ring from her hand, Simon held it up in front of her and could only hold her teary gaze. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted her to know that he had no idea where to begin. Even though he'd rehearsed it, he still found himself tongue-tied when confronted with her smiling face.

"Is that what I think it is?" Kaylee breathed, finding her voice faster than him.

Smiling wide, Simon couldn't resist. "That depends. What do you think it is?"

Swatting his arm playfully, Kaylee giggled and Simon found his voice. "Kaylee, I-I never thought that I would end up here, at this moment in time, with a woman like you. I never thought, in my wildest dreams that someone like you, someone so kind and caring and beautiful would want me, would love me the way you have."

Kaylee had tried to keep her tears in, but as the sincerity of his words pierced her heart, she couldn't hold them in any longer and the happy drops fell down her cheeks steadily as she continued to listen.

Simon smiled at her sheepishly, reaching up to wipe at one of her cheeks as he continued. "And now, all I want for the rest of my life is to love you and care for you and make you as happy as you've made me. Every day. I don't want you to ever feel pain or hurt again and if you do, I want to be there to make it better, to take it away." Swallowing thickly, Simon kept going hoping his voice and his nerve wouldn't falter. "I know I can, Kaylee. I know I can love you forever, so, will you let me?"

Dropping his eyes to her hand, he took her left one in his and started to slide the ring onto her finger slowly, pausing to ask, "Will you marry me?"

Kaylee had to swallow several times, her eyes fixated on the ring he'd placed on her finger. There were so many things swirling through her mind, so many emotions and her heart felt as if it might burst through her rib cage it was beating so hard. Blinking a few times, she wiped at her cheeks hastily and then returned her eyes to Simon's face. His eyes were shining as well in the light, and she helped him push the ring the rest of the way, before reaching up to cradle his face in her hands. "Yes, Simon," she breathed, her voice shaky with tears. "Yes, of course I will. I love you."

Simon smiled at her, feeling such immense relief and intense love he felt his own heart thudding in his chest. Leaning towards her swiftly, he kissed her deeply, his hands caressing her cheeks, before he let them run down her arms and wrap around her back, pulling her to him. Kaylee sighed into his embrace, her arms wound around his neck, her fingers running through his silky hair.

Forced to part for air, neither of them spoke for several moments, continuing to stare at one another. It was a perfect moment, full of anticipation and hope and love for what their future might bring.

"You really wanna marry me?" she finally breathed, her mind having a hard time digesting the concept.

Smiling at her, Simon ran a hand down her cheek and said quietly, "Only if you really want to marry me."

With another squeal of delight, Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck and could only laugh and cry at the same time. Simon held her back, basking in her joy, grateful for so many things, but her most of all.

"River's gonna be so excited," Kaylee said, her voice still breathless.

"She kind of already knew," Simon admitted, not at all surprised when Kaylee pulled back to narrow her eyes at him in annoyance. Shrugging, he told her, "What did you want me to do? She's a reader."

Laughing heartily at that, Kaylee again stared at her hand, unable to tear her eyes away from her beautiful ring. Simon watched her and cleared his throat slightly, saying, "I was going to get something different, more traditional, but I-"

"No, it's perfect," Kaylee told him, pressing a finger to his lips. Kissing him, she grabbed for his hand and moved to stand. "C'mon, we gotta tell the cap'n an' Inara and then I gotta-"

As Kaylee rose, she swayed on her feet; only Simon's steadying arm kept her from falling hard to the ground. Gently guiding her back to sit on the chair, he brushed her hair from her face, noting how pale she'd suddenly gotten. "Kaylee?" he asked, not liking how glassy her eyes had just become or how shallow her breathing. Pressing his finger to her wrist, he felt for her pulse and liked what he felt there even less. "Kaylee? Can you hear me?"

Turning wide eyes to him, she breathed, "Simon?" And then, in an instant she convulsed in his arms, her body jerking back. Shocked and scared, Simon's training saved him in that moment. Pulling her to him tightly, he rushed to their room, gently laying her down on the bed while he grabbed some of her medications. Administering a smoother, he breathed a sigh when her body stilled and her breathing returned to normal. Watching over her for a minute more, he hurried to the wave screen and punched in a code.

"Simon?" Eli's voice was a bit gruff and Simon instantly felt bad for calling so late.

"I'm sorry, Doct-Eli," he said quickly, glancing over his shoulder to be sure Kaylee was still resting comfortably. "I realize it's late, but I was hoping you might be able to meet Kaylee and I at the hospital."

His eyes blinking wide rapidly, the older man asked, "What happened?"

"She had another seizure," Simon said quietly. "I managed to stop it, but I think it'd be safest to do another scan."

Nodding at the younger doctor's assessment, he said, "I agree. I'll meet you at my office in thirty minutes." As Simon reached to turn off the screen, he added, "We'll help her, son. Don't worry."

With a sad smile, Simon only nodded before ending the transmission. He hadn't wanted to tell the doctor, but worry had easily become second nature to him in the past three years, let alone the past three weeks.

-- --

Mal was fixing himself a cup of tea, wondering when it had become his beverage of choice when he couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, when he heard River enter the kitchen.

Turning to face her, his easy smile ran off his face as he read the distress in her eyes. Moving towards her swiftly, he took her by the arms and asked quietly, "You all right, lil' one?"

Shaking her head, her hair flying about, she turned her big brown eyes on him and said one word. "Kaylee."

-- --

Doctor Butler was just finishing Kaylee's neural scan by the time Mal, Inara and River showed up. Rising to greet them, Simon smiled at his sister as she hugged him and whispered, "Sorry. Had to tell them. They worry too."

He kissed her cheek and said, "It's okay, mei mei. I was going to call you once we had some news."

"What is it, Simon?" Inara asked, her eyes already wide with fright. Mal took her hand in his own, trying to offer what comfort he could.

Rubbing a hand along the back of his neck, Simon said quietly, "We really don't know yet. Eli's doing a scan now, and hopefully-"

"Simon?"

Turning at the sound of the older man's voice, all four of them rushed to him as he poked his head out from the neural imaging suite. The door beside him opened wide in another minute as Kaylee's gurney was rolled out by a few orderlies. Stopping as they recognized Simon from the weeks he'd been a permanent fixture in the hospital, they allowed him a minute to press a kiss to her cheek, before he ran his hand through her hair.

Looking back to the doctor, he asked, "What is it?"

"I'd thought we'd look at the scan together," Eli told him, nodding once and watching as the orderlies again began to roll Kaylee away. "I'm figuring two sets of eyes are better than one."

Nodding once, Simon was honored and relieved that the man had asked. He'd feel a lot better if he could actually do something. Turning to Inara, the question died on his lips as she squeezed his hand. "We'll stay with her."

Smiling his thanks, Simon watched the three of them leave and then turned back to Eli. "Let's go."

-- --

Simon and Eli stood in front of a large screen, their stances almost identical as they regarded Kaylee's neural image. Simon had felt conflicted the minute the other man had displayed the scan; it wasn't because he didn't have faith in his abilities. Even though neurosurgery wasn't his specialty, he knew enough, more than enough actually to muddle through; on the contrary, it was because of what he did know, or more importantly what he knew could go wrong that had his stomach churning uncomfortably.

Stepping forward a bit, Simon studied a particularly dense part of the image, scanning the vibrant colors for as much information as he could. Noting his curiosity, Eli asked, "You see something, son?"

Looking back to the other man quickly, Simon pointed to one area and said, "It could be nothing, but I'm thinking that's another clot." Tracing the edge of the white crescent, he continued. "Based on where it's forming, it could have caused the seizure."

Eli followed the man's diagnosis, not at all surprised by his speed or his accuracy. His initial assessment of the younger man had been right on – he was one hell of a doctor. "I'd say you're right," Eli told him, stepping forward to also gauge the severity of the clot. As he stared, he wasn't surprised to find Simon's shoulders slump as he backed away from the image and paced towards the room's opposite wall.

Regarding the image for a minute more, he waited until Simon asked what he needed too. "So, how do you treat it?"

Turning, Eli fipped off the screen and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, we could do another surgery, but I think at this point that's more invasive than Kaylee needs." Simon nodded once, not all interested in seeing his fiancée have to go through another procedure.

"What's the alternative?" Simon asked, trying to keep his emotions in check; trying desperately not to panic.

"We monitor her condition, up her diuretics, see if we can clear the clot on its own," Eli said, crossing the room to stand in front of the young man. "There's no reason to fear the worst, Simon. This is a fairly common reoccurrence for hematoma patients. Her body just needs to heal and that's going to take some time."

Simon nodded, knowing the man was right. Sighing, he looked down to his suit, realizing he probably looked a bit foolish wearing his finest clothes to the hospital in the middle of the night. Silently cursing himself, he muttered, "I should have waited."

"What's that?" Eli asked, puzzled by the boy's annoyance.

Grimacing, he looked back to Eli and said, "Tonight, I – I asked Kaylee to marry me. I'm thinking it might have been too much for her."

Unable to keep from grinning, Eli clapped a hand on his shoulder and said seriously, "Well, I think that depends, son." As Simon raised quizzical eyes to his face, Eli continued, "Did she pass out before or after you asked her?"

Chuckling despite himself, Simon smiled wide at the older man. "Oh, I can tell you'd be a fun boss," he murmured, barely aware the words were forming until he'd uttered them.

Picking up on the slip, Eli wasn't about to let it slide. Crossing his arms back over his chest, he fixed the younger doctor with his most intimidating expression and questioned, "Would I now?"

Swallowing hard, Simon tried to backpedal – fast. "All I meant is … Well, I …" What had he meant? Had he really been considering it that seriously? Shaking his head again, he sighed. "I'm not sure what I meant. But if Kaylee's condition is still this fragile, we won't be leaving Sihnon anytime soon." Eli nodded thinking that the young couple staying put for a while was probably the best thing for the young woman's health. "And if we stayed, I could probably pick up some shifts at the hospital. Maybe consult for a while, until I got my certifications renewed."

Sighing heavily again, he rubbed a tired hand over his face, wondering how they'd even started talking about this, when all he wanted was to see Kaylee. Sensing the other man's distress, Eli placed a light hand to his shoulder and told him, "We don't need to talk about that now, son. Or ever again, if you and Kaylee decide you need to go." Simon smiled wearily at him as the man continued. "Why don't you go see her? I'll be by in a bit to check on her."

Nodding his thanks, Simon turned to go, more than anxious to get to his bao bei's side. Eli watched him leave, turning to regard the image. Simon reminded him just a bit of himself about forty years ago and he had to admit, it warmed his heart to see a doctor so young and dedicated, not only to medicine, but to that young woman who Eli knew meant more to Simon than anything else.

Smiling, he pulled the data stick from its reader and headed for his office to call his wife before checking on Kaylee.

-- --

Simon rounded the corner into Kaylee's room and almost ran into Inara. "Oh, Simon," she breathed, her expression conveying gratitude at his sudden appearance. "I'm glad you're here." Turning back to look at Kaylee, whose eyes were wide and frantic, Inara smiled to her and said, "See, mei mei, here he is."

Hurrying to her side, Simon heard River mutter, "Told you," from Kaylee's side, her arms crossed over her chest in a gesture of frustration that no one had believed her.

Ignoring the rest of the people in the room, Simon sat beside Kaylee and took her hand as she reached for him. "Simon?" she asked, her voice a bit hoarse. "Why'm I back here?"

Smiling at her, Simon knew her disorientation was common, although that didn't stop his heart from pounding as he read her fear. Running a hand against her cheek, he said quietly, "You had another seizure. I brought you back to the hospital for a scan."

The tears that had pooled in Kaylee's eyes fell down her cheeks, and Simon tried to wipe them away. "I ruined it," she murmured, her voice wet from her tears. "I ruined all your plans."

Smiling at her, Simon leaned down and brushed a kiss against her lips. "You agreed to marry me, didn't you?" he whispered, his mouth right above hers. Meeting his blue eyes with her teary green ones, she nodded and he said, "Then I'd say the evening was a success."

She smiled at that, and Simon felt the tension seep out of the room. Sitting on Kaylee's other side River took the young girl's hand, the one with the ring on it and admired it approvingly. "Going to be my sister," River said proudly, turning to look at Inara and Mal and flashing them a big grin.

Inara, having known that Simon would ask, could only nod, her heart swelling with happiness for Kaylee and Simon both. Mal, on the other hand, was completely caught off guard. "She's gonna … what?"

Glancing to the captain, Kaylee smiled one of her wide, supernova grins and held up her hand so the ring could catch the light. "Simon's gonna make me an honest woman, cap'n. What'da think o' that?"

His mouth agape, Mal could only stare from Kaylee to Simon to Inara and back again. Finally, after several attempts to speak and nothing happening, Inara squeezed his hand, hard, and he managed to blurt out, "Well, I think that's shiny, lil' Kaylee." Looking to Simon, he leveled a finger at him and said, "You an' me gonna have a talk."

Wrinkling his brow, Simon asked him, "About what?"

_He has me there_. Searching for something to accuse the man of, Mal's eyes drifted back to Kaylee's face and saw the ridiculously happy expression there; _of making my ruttin' mechanic deliriously happy?_ Somehow Mal figured that threat lacked any real menace.

"Oh, just be happy, Captain Daddy," River scolded, walking towards him and hugging him lightly. "Not taking our family away, just going to make it bigger."

Mal smiled at the young girl and then looked to Inara whose tears were still shining in her eyes. With a resigned sigh, Mal waved a hand in the young couple's direction and muttered, "Congratulations."

Smiling, Simon suppressed the chuckle that rose in his throat and said, "Thank you, Mal. That means a lot."

Knowing he was being mocked and not liking it, Mal shot the man a look and then turned his attention to Kaylee. "You gonna be okay?"

As she smiled at him and then turned her big eyes to the doctor, Mal knew her answer. "Jus' shiny, cap'n."

Muttering something none of them could make out, Mal turned and said, "All right then, mei mei. We'll be back in the mornin'. You get some rest."

Watching him go and wondering why he was in such a foul mood, Inara could only shake her head before moving to Kaylee's side and pressing a kiss to her temple. "Congratulations, Kaylee, Simon," she said, smiling widely at them. "It's wonderful, really."

They grinned to her and then River moved forward, giving her brother's hand a squeeze and Kaylee's cheek a light peck. "I'll be back tomorrow," she said lightly. Her hand lingering on Simon's shoulder drew his eyes from Kaylee and to his sister's face. "Don't forget the parents," she murmured and then floated out, joining Inara at the door.

After they'd gone, Simon wondered just who exactly she'd been talking about. "Do you think she meant my folks?" Kaylee asked, looking back to Simon, her left hand already rolling the ring around absentmindedly. "Before I passed out, I was gonna call 'em."

"Probably," Simon said, his hand running through Kaylee's hair, brushing across her cheek to remove her tears and the makeup stains there.

"Simon?" Swallowing hard, Kaylee waited until his eyes were focused on her face before she asked, "How long am I gonna feel like this?"

With a sigh, Simon edged a bit closer to her and said, "It's difficult to say, Kaylee. A relapse like this, it's very common." As he watched more tears form in her eyes, Simon told her, "But you're going to be fine."

"I don't wanna die," she whispered softly, her eyes again widening with fright.

His own heart clenching in his chest at her statement, Simon told her firmly, "Kaylee, you're not going to die. You're going to be fine. Better than fine, I promise."

"You're sure, right?" She was begging him to be honest, to tell her with certainty that she would be all right. In his old life, Simon would never have made a statement like that, it was against the rules. But in his old life, he never would have had Kaylee, or done everything in his power to protect her.

Lying down easily beside her, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. She came willingly, her warm body snuggling right up against him. "I am positive, Kaylee," Simon murmured in her ear. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he said, "You just need to keep resting and healing. And I'll take care of you."

"Well, now you gotta," she said slyly, her heart rate again returning to normal as she rested in his arms. "I am gonna be your missus."

Chuckling lightly, Simon reaffirmed his hold on her and only allowed himself to drift to sleep once Kaylee had closed her eyes. "Mrs. Kaylee Tam," he whispered into her ear, studying her profile for a moment more before his eyes fell shut.

-- --


	13. Chapter 13

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 13

-- --

Inara, Mal and River made it back to their apartment in silence, the three of them tired and drained from the stress of being awoken in the middle of the night. Once inside, River drifted towards the guest room almost immediately, more than happy to go back to sleep. Turning to watch the couple as they moved in the direction of their room, she said quietly, "Remember, be honest."

Sharing a confused look, both Mal and Inara smiled at her as Mal murmured, "G'night lil' one."

"Good night," she sighed, her voice growing fainter as she left the room and fell again into her nice, comfy bed, asleep within moments of her head hitting the pillow.

On the other side of the apartment, Mal and Inara had a much more difficult time relaxing enough to drift off. Inara had sensed Mal's foul mood the minute Kaylee had announced her engagement to Simon and it puzzled her. Sure, Mal had had some difficulty with Simon and Kaylee when they had first gotten involved, but over the past six months, Inara had thought he'd learned to live with it; thought he'd been able to look past his own insecurities and notice how truly happy Kaylee, and for that matter Simon, was. But it seemed as if that maturity had just been a façade.

As he flopped about and sighed heavily several times, Inara, with an eye roll, rolled onto her side facing him, propping her head up on one hand. Staring at him, it took him a full minute to turn to face her. "Yes?" he asked quietly, his voice tinged with annoyance.

"Is there a problem?" she asked, allowing her tone to match his.

Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his eyes and muttered, "No."

Inara did not move, but continued to stare and he finally felt the heat of her gaze through his closed eyelids. Rolling on his side to face her, he mirrored her pose and said quietly, "Okay, maybe."

Cocking an eyebrow to him and signaling him to continue, Inara waited. Finally, Mal asked, "You gonna wanna go back?"

Not at all sure what this had to do with Simon and Kaylee's proposal and not at all sure where exactly she was 'going,' Inara questioned, "Back where?"

Rolling his eyes in a perfect imitation of her own expression, Mal answered in a huff, "Back to Serenity."

Furrowing her brow, Inara wasn't sure why that doubt had even entered his mind. "You know I love Serenity, Mal," she assured him, reaching out a hand to his cheek. "Why would you ask me something like that?"

Glancing around at their fancy surroundings, Mal said quietly, "Well, look, I know my boat ain't exactly a luxury liner. An' now that lil' Kaylee ain't gonna be back on board-"

Pressing a finger to his mouth, Inara told him gently, "She's just getting married, Mal. She's not dying."

Smiling at her, he nodded. "I know, but I saw the look on Simon's face tonight."

"What look?" Inara was perturbed that there might have been an expression, an emotion to be read and she had missed it.

"The look that says, 'There is no gorram way my wife is gonna be on a ship an' have another seizure,'" Mal intoned, giving her a dubious grin. "That look."

"Ah," Inara said quietly, laying her head down on her pillow to relieve the crick in her arm. "You really think Kaylee's going to want to stay grounded?"

Sighing, Mal flopped down on his back and stared at the ceiling. "I think Kaylee would follow Simon to the end o' the 'verse. An' if he tells her that it's best for her health to stay, I think she'll do it." With another sigh, Mal finally uttered what had him so bothered. "An' she should."

"Shenme?" Inara asked softly, placing her hand to his shoulder.

Turning to face her, Mal said quietly, "Serenity ain't no place for a young girl like Kaylee or a fine woman like you. You both deserve to be surrounded by rich things an' pamperin' an' people who don't name their sidearms or rub soup in your hair."

Inara giggled slightly at this comparison, remembering with fondness the soup rubbing incident; it had been worth the stain on her silk kimono to see the look on Jayne's face as the pea green substance had dripped onto his nose. When Mal's expression did not change at her enjoyment, Inara's face again grew serious. Running a hand along his jaw, she said, "You're serious."

Nodding once, he let out a big breath. "I am."

Inara held his blue eyes in her gaze for a moment, noting the conflict there. Mal was torn, she could see it; torn between his love for his ship and his freedom and his love for her and their family. While it saddened her to see him so upset it also brought a warmth to her soul; this deep commitment was one of the things she loved most about him.

Leaning towards him, she pressed a light kiss to his lips, drawing his thoughts from the far-off place they had traveled to. "Mal, I'm not going to deny that being on Sihnon this past month or so hasn't been great; it has. I'd forgotten how much I sometimes miss being on solid ground for longer than a few hours." As he grimaced, his eyes dropping, she hurried on. "But honestly, I don't care where I live as long as I'm with you. And if that means living on Serenity with a man who thinks personal hygiene is optional and a young girl who thinks that toy dinosaurs talk to her, then that's where I'll live."

As he again lifted his bright blue eyes to her face, Inara smiled widely at him and kissed him. "I just want you to be happy, ai ren and I know that boat makes you ecstatic."

Mal could only grin, unable to deny that she had a point. Running his hand down her cheek, he wrapped it around the base of her neck, drawing her towards him slowly. As he started to place a trail of kisses from her ear, down her cheek and towards her mouth, he whispered, "Have I ever told you how amazing you are?"

She nodded, her whole body trembling at his touch, at the nearness of his body, at the feel of his warm skin under fingers. "Once or twice," she murmured, edging closer to him and feeling as though his body heat might burn her.

"Hmm, well, then apparently I have been lax in my duties," he whispered as his mouth closed over hers. Gently at first and then with increasing intensity, Mal teased and tugged at her lips, parting them slightly to taste the sweetness of her breath before his tongue entered her mouth, meeting hers and causing the passion of their embrace to increase tenfold.

Inara moved into him, her body flush against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him close, her hands fisting into his short hair. With a gentle hand to the back of his head, she directed his mouth down her chest, his lips brushing against her cleavage causing more delicious tremors to race down her spine. As he finally brought his mouth to her breast and his tongue darted out to lave at one nipple, before his teeth nipped at it slightly, Inara felt her body begin to ache in that deliciously anxious way.

Moving her hips suggestively against his and rubbing hard, she felt his arousal swell against her and Inara gasped. Running her hands down his chest, she smiled as he groaned at her touch. His mouth fastening back on hers, the two of them spent the rest of the night proving just how amazing their union could be.

-- --

"All right now, everybody quiet down." Mal stood at the head of the table, his wine glass in his hand and he allowed his eyes to rove over the group assembled there: his family. With a sigh, he glanced over to Inara who smiled at him, her eyes dancing in the light from the wine she'd had and her happiness. He returned her grin and then turned his attention to their guests of honor.

"Now, we all know the reason we're here is to celebrate Kaylee an' the doc gettin' engaged," Mal announced, getting a few "Here, Heres" from the group and a grunt from Jayne. Simon and Kaylee at the opposite end of the table, sitting as close as they could without one being in the other's lap, could only smile wider. Mal was fairly certain that if they continued to make moon eyes at one another, his very delicious dinner would find its way back out of his stomach.

Shaking the thought of regurgitation away, Mal raised his wine glass to propose a toast. "I ain't that good at speech makin'," he said, getting another grunt from Jayne. "But I reckon' this sort of occasion warrants one, so here goes." Kaylee's eyes shone with delight, while Simon's expression wavered a bit. There was no telling what the captain might say and Simon was a tad worried he'd be the butt of whatever joke the man had planned.

Focusing his eyes on Kaylee, he started. "Mei mei, when you came on my boat, I thought for sure I'd stolen somebody's sunshine. Every corner o' Serenity just shone with a new light the minute you came on board an' I ain't never gonna forget that." Kaylee's eyes, still bright were now full of tears and Simon reached over, taking her hand and murmuring something to her that caused her to giggle. Continuing, Mal said, "An' Simon, when you came on my boat, I thought for sure I was bein' punished." While Simon's eyes widened at the analogy, everyone else at the table laughed.

"But then, you saved my sunshine, so I figured maybe you weren't so much punishment as salvation." At this last, he let his eyes drift over to River who was smiling wide in his direction. "An' you brought me my albatross, so I'm thinkin' we're square." Clearing his throat again as Mal felt an uncomfortable tightness rising there, he looked back to the happy couple and said, "Simon, we ain't always had the easiest o' roads, an' we ain't always agreed."

"Ah, when have we ever agreed?" Simon asked casually, unable to resist the jab.

Frowning at him, Mal answered, "Well, I think we done well agreed that lil' Kaylee's somethin' precious."

Nodding once, Simon smiled to the man and then glanced to his fiancée. "We have at that," he murmured, kissing her again.

"So, anyway, what I've been tryin' to say is, congratulations to Simon an' Kaylee. I don' rightly know what fates in the 'verse brought the two o' you together, but it's plain that it was meant to be." And with that, Mal raised his glass, and heard the tiny clinks as everyone else did the same, before taking a big gulp of wine, and dropping into his chair.

"That was a beautiful toast, Mal," Inara said, leaning towards him and whispering in his ear. Running her hand over his upper thigh, she squeezed a bit, getting a wide-eyed expression from him as she added, "It was so wonderful, you might even get lucky tonight."

"Well, then, I need to be toastin' things more often," he murmured back, turning his head to give her a quick kiss, before they both rejoined the happy conversation at the table.

As laughter again filled the terrace, Simon grabbed for Kaylee's hand and took it in his own. As she turned to him and swayed a bit in her chair, Simon could only smile wider. "I think that's enough of that," he teased gently, reaching for her still half full wine glass and taking it out of her grasp.

Pouting at him, she said, "Aww, but it was yummy."

Only able to smile wider at the way her lips puckered in the pout, he said, "I know, bao bei, but you're still taking some medications and you really shouldn't be drinking at all."

Kaylee nodded once, knowing he was right and then she leaned in easily to his side, sighing contentedly. It had been a little over two weeks since their last trip to the hospital on the night of his proposal, and Kaylee was doing better. Her scans were coming back negative, her nausea and dizziness almost non-existent and Simon was relieved; more than relieved, ecstatic. He finally felt some semblance of normalcy coming back to their lives and he was enjoying it. Just as he was enjoying the feel of Kaylee's warm breath against his neck as she nuzzled her head into his chest. "You smell good," she murmured, her words a bit slurred as she had obviously imbibed too much. In truth, she'd hardly imbibed any at all, but the mix of the slight alcohol in her system with the medications she was still taking made for a powerful combination.

Chuckling lightly, Simon wrapped his arms around her and could only bury his face in her hair. It was the perfect night.

Glancing around the table, much as Mal had done only minutes before, he let his eyes take in each member of the crew, each member of his extended family and he found his gaze finally falling to his sister. She was happy, talking to Jayne and Zoe animatedly about something, and it warmed his heart. She'd been a permanent fixture in Simon and Kaylee's apartment over the past two weeks, and Simon found he didn't mind having her close. He'd figured that after having spent the past two years cooped up on Serenity with her, he'd find her presence a bit tiresome, but it wasn't like that at all – it felt right – as right as he felt with Kaylee; but different; like family.

Feeling his eyes on her, River smiled to him and then quietly excused herself, wandering towards him on light feet. As she moved to his side and knelt there, she smiled and reached a hand up to rest gently on Kaylee's head. The young woman had fallen asleep, all the excitement and the wine getting the best of her. "Perfect for you," River murmured, staring at her soon-to-be sister for a minute more before turning her eyes back to Simon. "Perfect for her. You fit."

Sighing, Simon couldn't deny that assessment. "I think you're right, mei mei."

River watched him for a moment more, thrilled to see her brother so at ease, not only with himself, but with life in general. It wasn't his usual way of being, as he normally tried to take on all the problems in the 'verse and solve them singlehandedly. But Kaylee had brought a level of contentment to him, a level of peace to his mind and heart. She had helped to heal the part of his soul that had been torn the minute he'd known his sister was in danger, the minute he'd felt he had failed her. And that soul, so fragile in Simon, but so important, had needed the soothing of Kaylee's tender touch, more than anyone, including Simon, could have guessed.

Sighing a bit, River only hoped that her brother could hold onto that feeling, make it last, as the next few months again tested him.

Glancing down at the sound of her heavy exhalation, Simon asked, "Are you all right, mei mei?"

She smiled at him and then rose swiftly, heading to go inside. As Simon watched her quizzically, he heard the door chime sound and guessed she had been anticipating their visitor. Propping Kaylee up, Simon woke her with a kiss and said, "I have to go get the door."

"Hmm, okay," Kaylee murmured, rubbing her eyes to wake up. Once she'd raised her gaze and smiled brightly to him, Simon hurried off after his sister, curious as to who could be calling so late.

Entering the living room, he headed towards the entryway, calling, "River? Mei mei? Who is-"

Stopping before the door, Simon felt the breath rush out of his lungs at the sight before him. Coming to his side, River took her brother's hand and smiled brightly at him. "Came to congratulate you," she murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Simon could barely hear her words, let alone register their meaning, as he stared at the two visitors in his foyer. With his mouth agape, he knew it would be a few minutes before he could speak. Fortunately, his guests knew it as well, and stepping forward, the gentleman spoke first.

"Hello, son."

-- --


	14. Chapter 14

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 14

-- --

"What are you doing here?" Simon's blue eyes were cold and hard as his jaw set and his arms crossed over his chest defensively. Without even realizing it, he took a slight step forward, positioning himself between his parents and his sister protectively.

His mother, Regan, her face moments ago reflecting a renewed hope, looked to him with unparalleled sadness as she moved towards him, reaching to put a hand to his cheek. Simon jerked away and her face fell. "Simon, sweetheart. We haven't seen you for over two years and that's all you can say?" Her tone was light, her only way to try and conceal the immense hurt she felt at such a sharp reaction from her baby boy.

His gaze never wavering, Simon bit out, "I'm perfectly aware of how long it's been, mother." Shifting his eyes to his father, he asked, "And I have to wonder what prompted your visit now, after all this time? _And _how you found us?"

As neither parent appeared willing to share this information, Simon felt his gut churn uncomfortably. He had thought the days of the Alliance tracking him and River were over, but maybe not; maybe it had been a ruse, to make them comfortable, to trap them and his parents had willingly agreed to help capture their own children. He could think of no other explanation.

But River knew differently. Resting a light hand to his arm, she got his attention and in an instant Simon panicked again, fearing she had brought this down on them. Frowning at him, she said, "I didn't tell them where we were." When Simon stared at her with disbelief, she shrugged and said simply, "Money talks."

Releasing a sigh of frustration, Simon closed his eyes, his chin dropping to his chest. "Of course," he muttered under his breath, cursing himself. "How could I have been so stupid?" Raising fiery eyes to his father again, he asked harshly, "Did you come to get it back? To accuse me of stealing from the family fortune?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Gabriel told him, speaking for the first time. Despite his own conflicted feelings at seeing his children again, his tone was firm and commanding. "I'm actually glad you're accessing those accounts again. I hated to think of you and River living with nothing."

"Yes, well the Alliance didn't seem to have the same concern," Simon told him sharply. "But after the warrants were lifted, they became a bit more – lax."

The family held each other's eyes for a moment, none of them comfortable. Simon still couldn't believe his idiocy; he had realized shortly after Kaylee had been readmitted to the hospital that with the warrants for his arrest rescinded, his bank accounts on Osiris might once again be available to him. And when he'd realized he was right, he'd felt an immense sense of relief – he should have known it was too good to be true.

Still fuming, Simon glared at them, angry that his parents had once again barged into his life uninvited. And deep down, he was scared. Scared that they would take something away, take his life away, a life he had just started to feel comfortable in. Of course, he was a grown man now and he would fight them tooth and nail if they even tried.

"Don't want to hurt us," River said softly, her hand still against his arm. Looking into her brown eyes, Simon marveled at how transparent they were, how they told him she spoke with honesty. "Just want to know us again. Love us."

Simon actually chuckled at the thought and would have leveled a scathing retort at his pitiful excuse for parents, if he hadn't heard a sweet voice call, "Simon?"

Turning towards the entry to the living room, Simon met Kaylee and Inara there, the Companion supporting her friend who still had a difficult time moving about on her own. Nodding his thanks to the woman, Inara moved back towards the living room, where Mal, Zoe and Jayne had also wandered in, wondering what had happened to the siblings.

As Kaylee smiled up at him, Simon couldn't help but return the grin; it was infectious after all. Leaning her hands on his arms to steady herself, she asked tiredly, "What's goin' on? I thought I heard voices." Before Simon could even attempt to explain, Kaylee poked her head around his side and saw the two proper-looking people standing hesitantly in her home. With a bright grin, she said, "Oh. Hi there."

Looking back to Simon, she lowered her voice and asked, "Who are they?"

Knowing that delaying the inevitable would not soften the blow, Simon took her hand and wrapped it through his arm, guiding her towards where his mother and father were standing.

"Kaylee, these are my parents, Regan and Gabriel Tam." As Kaylee's eyes widened in shock and her hand flew to her mouth to cover her gasp, Simon finished the introductions. "Mother, Father, this is Kaywinnet Lee Frye. My fiancée," he added, taking a moment to press a kiss to Kaylee's temple as she extended an eager hand to them.

"Well, it sure is a pleasure to meet ya," she told them brightly, getting smiles from both Regan and Gabriel. "An' you can call me Kaylee." Turning to him with her lips pressed tightly together, she murmured, "Did you know they was comin'?"

"No, bao bei," he told her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Trust me, I had no idea."

"Oh, well, then it's a grand surprise," Kaylee said, her voice again at its normal volume. Motioning them inside, she said, "Ya'll don't hafta stand out there. We was just havin' a bit of a party." As she moved back into the living room, she continued to chatter away. "You want somethin' to drink? We got some mighty fine wine. Or somethin' to eat?" she questioned, pausing to turn back to them. "We still got some – whoa."

Leaning heavily against Simon, Kaylee closed her eyes for a moment as a wave of dizziness washed over her. Apparently, the wine, the excitement and all that bustling had been a bit too much. Simon's arms had fallen around her protectively and she took a few deep breaths before turning her large green eyes up to his face. "Oops."

"You need to lay down, Kaylee," he told her, dropping his voice and speaking to her as if she was the only person in the room. His parents could stew for a few more minutes. "You need your rest."

"I can't be rude," she whispered fiercely, taking the moment to flash another brilliant grin at the Tams, before looking back to Simon. "They are your folks, an' all."

Smiling at her, Simon said, "You're not being rude, Kaylee. You're recovering." Holding her close, he placed a kiss to her cheek and then whispered in her ear, "I want you to get better. I want you to be healthy again."

Placing the lightest kiss to the one place on his neck she knew would make him shiver, Kaylee pulled back and wriggled her eyebrows suggestively, murmuring, "I know what you want."

Simon actually laughed out loud at her eagerness and the truth to her statement and said, "All right, now, I think you have had too much to drink." Knowing she needed to go to bed and wanting to help her, Simon glanced hesitantly around the room. Catching Inara and Mal's eyes, he motioned them over with a cock of the head and as the couple approached him, he dropped his voice to a low whisper. "I'm going to help Kaylee get to bed." Casting his eyes over their shoulders to his parents, he asked his friends, "Can you just – keep an eye on them?"

As Mal nodded curtly, Inara smiled sadly, knowing how hard and confusing this must all be for the young doctor. "Of course, Simon. You take your time. We'll be sure to keep them entertained."

Finding himself slightly amused by the thought of Jayne entertaining his parents, Simon turned back to Kaylee who had almost fallen asleep standing up and picked her up in his arms easily. She rocked back into his chest with a contented sigh, her arms worming their way around his neck and locking firmly.

Pressing a kiss to her hair, Simon strode from the room, not bothering to explain his actions to his parents, and fully aware that his behavior could be construed as rude.

Entering their dimly lit bedroom, Simon gently laid Kaylee on the bed, getting her nightgown on her expertly as she continued to doze on and off. Smiling sweetly to him as he tucked her in, she said lazily, "They seem nice."

"My parents?" Simon asked skeptically, sitting beside her and running a hand through her hair. "Why don't we see how you feel about them when you're not tipsy?"

She giggled slightly at his remark and Simon felt some of the tension his parents' sudden arrival had caused ease. When he'd first shipped out on Serenity, the sting of their betrayal had been harsh and biting and Simon had clung to that wound for a long time, needing the reminder of it to stay strong for his sister. It acted as a beacon for him, a cold and harsh remembrance of the fact that they literally could not go home again. But as Simon gazed at Kaylee's rosy cheeks and her beautiful face, he slowly began to feel better, lighter. She was his home now and he didn't need them; so why did their arrival make him want to claw his eyes out?

Shaking the thought away, Simon leaned down and brushed a kiss to her lips. "Sleep tight, bao bei," he murmured. "I'll be back in a bit."

She could only mumble something incoherent before she was asleep and Simon pressed another kiss to her forehead, before he rose and straightened his vest, resolving to get to the bottom of why his parents were suddenly here.

-- --

Once Simon and Kaylee were out of sight, the room again descended into silence. The older adults shifted uncomfortably for a moment under the curious gazes of the rest of the crew and then finally, Regan turned to River and said, "We didn't mean to interrupt your evening."

"We were having a party," River told her, looking out to the patio and remembering with fondness the fun they'd been having. "For Simon and Kaylee's engagement." Turning those happy eyes to Mal, she said proudly, "Captain Daddy even made a speech."

Regan and Gabriel sharing a curious gaze, it was her father who questioned, "Captain who?"

Frowning at him, River told him playfully, "Not my real daddy, not you." Reaching out she grabbed for each of their hands and pulled them towards the rest of the crew. "You should meet them, they're our new family."

Still puzzled, the parents allowed their daughter to bring them face to face with this very interesting and varied bunch of misfits. "This is the captain," she said, motioning to Mal, who stepped forward with an outstretched hand. "Malcolm Reynolds, ma'am," he said quietly. "Sir."

Regan and Gabriel both shook his hand and then turned, as River said, "And this is Zoe Washburn, the first mate and Jayne Cobb, the mercenary."

Zoe smiled slightly at them, extending a hand while Jayne stood back a bit and just regarded them with one of his classic ape-man expressions. Gabriel's eyes had widened slightly at the term "mercenary" giving Jayne a clear understanding of where exactly the doc got his squeamishness from. As Zoe straightened back at his side, Jayne asked, "So, you're really the doc's folks, huh?"

Gabriel nodded once and Jayne's face broke into a wide grin. Popping Zoe on the shoulder, he said jovially, "Finally, this evening's gonna get interestin'."

When Zoe punched him back, harder and sharper, the older man grabbed at his now throbbing arm, and River could only roll her eyes. "And this is Inara Serra. She's a Companion. And Mal's girlfriend."

As Inara extended a manicured hand to them coupled with her most endearing of smiles, both Gabriel and Regan instantly relaxed. Studying the captain and then Inara, Regan said carefully, "Well, I don't know if I've ever met a Companion in a committed relationship before."

Inara blushed slightly, glancing to Mal whose chest had just puffed out about ten feet. _God, he could be pompous_. Looking back to the older woman, Inara confided, "Yes, well, it can make things a bit complicated."

Leaning towards her, Regan said softly, "The best things often are, my dear."

Smiling to her, Inara watched as Regan's eyes darted towards the hallway where her son had disappeared a few minutes before. "That girl," Regan began, her eyes clouded with confusion.

Placing a hand to her arm, Inara stopped her. She would not let Simon's mother malign her friend. "Kaylee, Simon's fiancée," she provided, making it clear that Regan should show the young woman some respect.

"Yes, of course, Kaylee," Regan said, smiling. "Is she going to be all right?"

Nodding once, Inara reassured her, "Yes, she's going to be fine. She's just recovering from brain surgery." As the older woman's eyes widened at the news, Inara explained, "She was in a hovercar accident about a month ago." Her own eyes unfocusing for a moment as she thought back to those tense days, she added quietly, "It was touch and go for a while though. Simon almost lost her."

While Regan had just met the young woman, her eyes welled with tears at this admission. Based on Simon's behavior and the fact that he'd asked her to marry him, it was clear to Regan that her son cared a great deal for Kaylee. She could only imagine the pain he'd suffered fearing she might die. How much had her children had to endure?

There was another uncomfortable silence and then finally Zoe, grabbing Jayne roughly by the elbow, said, "Well, I think it's time for us to be goin'."

Even as Jayne grumbled, she shoved him towards the door and then looked back to River, "Please say good night to your brother and Kaylee for us. Dong ma?"

River smiled wide as the two crewmen left, the door closing behind them, just as Simon reemerged, his features again harsh and cold.

Another tense silence. Mal, reading the anger rolling off of Simon's anxious form, casually moved to River's side and took her by the elbow, giving Inara a look as well. "What'd ya say you point out some o' them fancy constellations to me, lil' albatross?" he asked, as he guided her towards the terrace, figuring Simon could use some time alone with his folks. "You're always braggin' 'bout how you know 'em all anyways."

River smiled brightly to him, more than happy to go along with his distraction; Simon did need time alone with their parents. Looking back to her brother, she told him seriously, "Play nice," before she was outside with the couple and the three of them were alone.

Staring for another minute, Simon finally sighed heavily and asked begrudingly, "Would you like to sit?"

Regan and Gabriel moved to matching chairs, side by side across the room, while Simon situated himself on the arm of the couch. He would not get comfortable, he would not let his guard down; not again. Still staring at one another, Simon watched his father fidget, smiling tightly. It was a tell, one Simon had noticed in his father from a very young age; the elder Tam was not often nervous, but if he was, he'd fidget.

His mother on the other hand sat still, her back straight as a board, her eyes clear and focused on her son. She'd folded her hands in her lap and waited expectantly, like a good noble woman of her breeding. It almost made Simon sick.

As the minutes passed, he finally asked, "Why are you here?"

"We wanted to see you, Simon," Regan answered quickly, hoping she could convince him of their pure intentions. "When we realized where you were, we had to come."

"Oh, you _had_ too?" Simon asked. His voice was full of sarcasm and anger and hurt and his mind whirled with conflict. Part of him wanted to hug his mother and father fiercely, confessing how much he had missed them; part of him wanted to lash out and strike at them, hurt them as he and River had been hurt; and part of him wanted to accuse, to demand an explanation for their behavior, which he found unforgivable. Unable to decide on which path to take, he questioned, "Why did you have to come? To drag us back home?"

"Simon." His father's voice was sharp and Simon's eyes immediately snapped to the man's face. He remembered that tone; it was the one his father had always used when he was a boy, when he was to be scolded. As he noted his son's eyes resting on him, Gabriel softened his tone and said quietly, "I realize that we are not on the best of terms with one another, but do you think you could try and be civil?"

His cheeks flushing, Simon dropped his gaze for a moment to compose himself. The older man had a point, but Simon had more than that, he had unbridled anger and it was a heady propellant for his behavior. "I think that considering all we've been through, I'm showing you more than the respect you deserve."

Gabriel's face blanched at that and he sat back heavily in his chair. Regan kept her eyes on her son and then asked quietly, "Simon, what happened?" Her tone was plaintive, curious and Simon found it laughable.

"What happened?" he repeated incredulously. Rising he paced away from them, walking up and down behind the couch, trying to release some of his tension with the movement. "What, you don't remember?"

Pausing for a moment, he turned a mocking gaze to them and said, "Let's see. River was being tortured at a government run facility. A fact I told you about and you ignored. Then, when I tried to get her out, you both disowned me, shutting me out of your lives. And then, once I again had River safe, you did nothing to help us as we were hunted and chased like animals from one end of the 'verse to the other." Darting his angry eyes between both parents, he asked sarcastically, "Ring a bell?"

Regan, who had valiantly been trying not to cry, felt a few tears fall down her cheeks and she wiped at them quickly. Her son, her handsome, intelligent and caring Simon, was so angry at them, so hurt. She could see it, could see the way his heart was broken over something she and his father had done unwittingly. Regan had wanted to believe that once she saw her children again, all would be forgiven, their time apart having healed the rift between them. But she saw now that rift had not been closing, it was simply widening into a chasm.

Turning her now watery eyes to him, she breathed, "Simon, dear, we didn't know."

"I told you," he said, leaning forward, his hands gripping the back of the couch so tightly his knuckles turned white. His voice dripping with venom, he continued, "I told you. I showed you the letters, I begged you to help her. And you turned your back on us both." Straightening back to his full height, he said coldly, "You didn't _want_ to know, mother. There's a difference."

"So, we're not allowed to make a mistake?" Gabriel questioned. His hands were steepled in front of his face, his eyes emotionless. "We're not allowed to be fallible, Simon? Not everyone is as perfect as you."

"Don't even turn this into some pissing contest, father," Simon bit out, knowing his language would offend him and not caring. "This isn't about who's the better man or the smarter man, it's about and has always been about, River. What was best for her. Your daughter, by the way."

"Don't speak for me, Simon." River's quiet and commanding voice sounded across the room, and all three sets of eyes flashed in her direction. She was standing in the open doorway, her small, lithe frame silhouetted by the lights of the surrounding city. Her hair blew about her face gently in the evening breeze and as she strode into the room, on dancer's feet, it was Simon she addressed. "Don't yell for me. I'm not angry."

As if to prove her point, River turned and walked towards her parents, sitting on the arm of her mother's chair and resting a gentle hand to the woman's back. Regan turned to regard her with wide and hopeful eyes and when River offered Leaning over and resting her head against Regan's soft hair, River looked back to her brother and said, "They're sorry."

Mal stood uncomfortably in the doorway, watching the family reunion play out before him. He didn't like this entire scenario, but he suspected that was mostly because he was witnessing it; in general, Mal did not like drama. Taking Inara's hand quickly, he released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. As they offered a hasty goodbye, they were to the lift when she asked, "How do you think it's going to go?"

"'Member Miranda?" Mal asked as he guided her into the lift. As she nodded, he jabbed at the button for their floor and muttered, "It'll be worse."

Back inside, it was getting worse. Simon would not budge, not on this. He could still remember his shame the day his father had unequivocally told him he was no son of Gabriel Tam's. He still remembered his intense disappointment when his mother had called him paranoid. He wouldn't apologize either; it was his brashness and paranoia that had gotten River out of that place. It didn't matter what his parents said; Simon knew he would never consider that a mistake.

And he was tired, in no mood to deal with any of this; he'd been having the perfect evening, celebrating his love for Kaylee and her rapidly improving health. Why had it had to end? And like this?

With a sigh, Simon told them, "I'm not really sure what you want me to say." As Regan looked back to him, he continued. "And I know for certain nothing is going to be resolved tonight." Studying his father he said, "It's been a big day and I would really like to turn in."

Nodding once, both Gabriel and Regan stood at the dismissal, knowing better than to overstay their welcome. Moving towards the door, River went with them, her hand in Regan's. Kissing both of her parents on the cheek, she stepped back to Simon's side as they turned to go and he instantly wrapped an arm around her shoulders; she wasn't going anywhere.

"We will be staying on Sihnon for a few weeks, son," Regan told him, her tears having dried. "We would like to try and make this right."

Not giving anything away, Simon told her quietly, "We'll see."

Frowning to her brother, River looked back to her mother and said, "Call us tomorrow. We can have a picnic."

Regan smiled warmly at her little girl and unable to resist, moved forward to place a kiss to her cheek. "It's so good to see you, sweetheart," she whispered, her hands cradling her face. Glancing to Simon, she added, "To see you both," before turning back to her husband waiting in the doorway.

"Good night," Gabriel said, placing his hand to the small of Regan's back and guiding her out the door.

Once it was shut behind them, River stepped away from her brother, her anger evident. Waving a hand at her, Simon said tiredly, "I really don't want to hear it, mei mei."

She followed him as he moved back outside to clean up and stood haughtily in the doorway, blocking his entrance, his arms full of dishes. Frowning at her, he said, "Move, River."

Cocking her head to the side in a look of pure defiance, she said sharply, "No."

And that was it; the final straw. Dropping his arms to his sides quickly, the plates he held fell to the cement floor and shattered, making a horrible crashing sound. With his jaw clenched tight, Simon whirled away from her and stalked across the terrace, pausing at the railing. His shoulders heaving with emotion, he asked her in a controlled voice, "You honestly think I'm going to forgive them?"

With a sadness that was borne of her abilites, River said quietly, "No. I know you won't." As Simon turned to her with an incredulous gaze, she answered his unspoken question. "But I might and I don't want you to hate me for it."

Sighing as his anger dulled back into pain, Simon dropped his chin to his chest and said quietly, "Mei mei, I really wish you'd reconsider. They don't deserve your forgiveness." Glancing back to her, he said firmly, "They don't deserve us."

Moving to him, River placed a light hand to his cheek and said quietly, "I know you believe that, and I know why, but Simon, I know them, better than even they know themselves." Simon knew that was true and let her continue. "They didn't mean for those men to hurt me. But they didn't know how to stop it. They were scared and worried and it paralyzed them."

"Of course they were worried," Simon spat, his anger again on the rise. He hadn't been paralyzed, and he knew he'd been just as scared. "They were worried they'd lose all their precious friends and precious money. All of our fine things." Turning back to his sister, he told her harshly, "That's what they sold you out for River: a mansion and priceless works of art."

Another heavy sigh escaped her lips and as River felt tears well in her eyes, she willed them away. There was a chance, a small glimmer of hope that Simon might, one day, move past this perceived betrayal. But until that small glimmer turned into a large radiance, she knew her words were only falling on deaf ears.

Going to him, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and said, "Don't be mad. Be anything else, but not mad. Kaylee doesn't deserve that." And then she was gone, leaving Simon to feel more distraught and conflicted than only moments before.

And despite his assurance to Kaylee that he would come to bed soon, he spent most of the night sitting outside and staring at the stars and, for the first time in his life, yearning for the freedom of the black.

-- --

Kaylee awoke slowly, feeling the dim light shining through the curtains begin to warm her face and eyelids. Before she even opened her eyes, she rolled to her side, reaching for Simon and only getting cold sheets in the process. Waking the rest of the way, Kaylee blinked quickly and saw that not only was Simon not there, it looked as if he might not have come to bed at all, the sheets still smooth on that side of the bed.

Concerned and confused, Kaylee was about to go searching for him, when he entered the room, a smile on his handsome face. Kaylee relaxed visibly, sinking into her pillows and smiling wickedly at his handsome face. As always, he had only slept in pajama bottoms and as he rounded the bed to hand her a cup of coffee, she allowed her eyes to linger on his well-muscled chest.

Trying to ignore the sultry look she had fixed him with, Simon moved to the side of the bed and sat beside her, taking her hand in his and kissing it. "Good morning," he said softly.

"Mornin'," she answered, leaning forward to place a peck to his lips as he offered her the steaming mug of coffee. Sitting back and cradling it in her hands, she watched him, noting his guarded expression even in her current state.

She had been asleep by the time he'd left the room the night before, but she had awoken a few times to find him not there. As he allowed his gaze to drift to the window, Kaylee reached out a hand, resting it against his, and getting his attention.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked him innocently, blinking her big green eyes to him.

Frowning slightly, Simon had hoped he'd be able to get away clean, have a bit more time to think about all that had happened before she confronted him on it; but he should have known that wasn't going to happen.

Still, he could try. "What do you mean, Kaylee?" he asked, his tone also innocent as he brushed some hair back from her face.

Frowning harshly, she crossed her arms over her chest, and said, "How many times we gotta go through this, Simon Tam?" As he regarded her with a puzzled look, she restated, "Don't lie t'me. I know somethin's wrong, so how's 'bout you just come clean?" As Simon refused to budge, she said, "Or I could jus' get River to tell me." Simon's eyes widening uncomfortably at the thought, she cocked an eyebrow at him playfully and told him, "She is a reader."

"All right, there's no need to play dirty," Simon grumbled. With a heavy sigh, he rolled over her to his side of the bed and Kaylee shifted her position so she could face him. As he lay on his back, his hands resting on his bare abdomen, his eyes locked on the ceiling, she just watched him. She knew he would tell her, she'd made it plain he didn't have much of a choice.

"I don't want my parents here," he said finally, his voice low. Not turning to look at her, he said softly, "I just don't. I don't want to see them, I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to know them." With another heavy sigh, he finally rolled his head to meet her steady gaze. "That makes me a horrible person, doesn't it?" He sighed again, looking back to the ceiling and rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Please don't think any less of me."

"Oh, sweetie," Kaylee murmured, inching closer to him and resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and Kaylee nestled into his side. "You ain't a bad person." Simon smiled into her hair at her reassurance, as she added, "But maybe your folks bein' here's a good thing."

"How?" Simon asked skeptically, hearing the negativity in his voice and hating it. River's words from the night before still haunted him – "Be anything, but not mad. Kaylee doesn't deserve that." She was right, Kaylee didn't. Kaylee didn't deserve to be dragged down by his foul moods or his insane family life. Pulling her tighter at the thought, he listened as she explained.

"Look, I ain't sayin' I understand all you went through to get River out, an' I ain't sayin' your folks was right to turn you away," she told him, lifting her head to turn and look into his blue eyes. "But maybe they're here 'cause it's time. It's time for ya'll to be a family again."

Unable to swallow his immediate reaction, Simon snorted and said, "Right, a family." Looking to her with clouded eyes, he told her softly, "We never were a family."

As Kaylee's eyes narrowed in confusion, Simon told her, "We were four people living in a house with almost twenty servants. River and I were cared for through nannies and butlers and maids. If we saw our parents twice a day, once in the morning and once at night, that was a treat." Simon sighed again, remembering things he'd tried not to dwell on – namely, his childhood.

Removing his arm from around her, Simon sat up and faced away from her, not liking the fact that his anger was back or that he'd just gotten an inexplicable chill. "I never wanted to remember my parents like that," he said softly. "I tried to remember them from those moments I got, the glimpses I had of them those two times a day." Taking a deep breath, Simon allowed his head to drop into his hands and he rubbed his face harshly.

"It got better once River was born," he continued. "I had someone else to be with. Of course, when she was a baby, she was pretty boring, but I tried to play with her and care for her. My nanny at the time; what was her name?" Simon let his mind wander, trying to remember. She'd been very nice and a bit older, and had taught Simon just about everything he could have ever wanted to know about caring for an infant. "That's right, Pei-li, she said I was a natural." Simon turned slightly and caught Kaylee's concerned gaze out of the corner of his eye. "I was so proud, so happy to know that I could care for River; that I could make her happy and safe. It helped, when I was lonely or unhappy or feeling unsafe to know that I could do that for someone else. It made me feel protected somehow, untouchable."

Kaylee watched him, her eyes widened with sadness and a bit of shock at all he was telling her. She had known his childhood, while filled with every toy and luxury known to man, had not necessarily been as charmed as some would believe. But she'd had no idea he'd been so unhappy, so lonely. And it made her heart hurt, made her want to love him more, protect him from those memories. But she knew that they were also a part of him, that pain and his upbringing had shaped him into the man she loved and trying to change that would just be unfair.

Inching closer, she sat up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest, resting her chin on his shoulder. He reached up, lightly rubbing the arm that had fallen across his collarbone and Kaylee pressed herself tighter to him, wanting him to know she was here, that he wasn't alone, not anymore; not ever again, if she could help it.

"They were much closer to me the older I got, especially after I went to MedAcad. My father was like a proud owner, showing off his favorite pet." With a bit of disgust, Simon gestured at nothing as he mocked. "Here's my son, the brilliant surgeon, top three percent in his class. He can also leap tall buildings in a single bound." As Kaylee turned a quizzical look to him at that last, he smiled slightly and said, "I'll explain it to you later." She nodded once, and he continued. "So when I figured out what was happening to River," he said, his voice rough from the emotions he was reliving. "I tried to convince them to help her. I did everything I could think of. I figured they'd listen to me. I mean, we actually talked back then, more than hello and goodbye. I thought they would trust me, believe me, help me and River. But …" His voice trailed off and he found he could not finish the thought.

He had hoped it would help, talking about it, but instead, Simon found his sadness increasing, threatening to overwhelm him, to swallow even that bright spot in his heart where Kaylee was and he couldn't take it. Feeling the churn of bile in his gut, he rose abruptly and stalked across the room, crossing his arms over his bare chest as he stared out the window. He was trying, he really was, trying to get his emotions under control, but they were so varied and so intense, he only found each one more overpowering than the last.

"Simon?"

His body tensed slightly at Kaylee's voice and with a deep breath, he turned back to regard her. When he met her gaze, he saw her love there and it again warmed his heart, making the sadness recede, just a little. Reaching out a hand to him, she told him, "You need to keep talkin'."

Shaking his head slowly, he did not approach her, but dropped his eyes to the floor. "There's nothing more to say."

Frowning at him, Kaylee wondered if Simon were really that stubborn or if he thought she was really that dense. Guessing by the idiocy with which he'd treated her during his first eight months on Serenity, she was going to have to go with the former. Watching him as he studied his feet, she finally questioned quietly, "What'd they say? When you tol' 'em about River?"

Simon inhaled sharply. He had never recounted this story to Kaylee; to anyone. River was probably the only other person who knew what had transpired that night and the nights in the following weeks as Simon had become more and more reckless in his quest to free her. "They didn't help me," he repeated, unwilling to relent.

"That ain't what I asked," Kaylee reminded him, her voice gentle, but insistent.

Nodding once, Simon walked back towards the bed and sat down facing her, his legs crossed in front of him. Resting his hands on his knees, he still didn't meet her gaze as he told her, "They said I was paranoid. That talking about River being in trouble at the Academy could jeopardize my entire future. That maybe I was the one who couldn't be separated from her, and I was imagining it all."

It still stung. Simon had thought maybe it would be easier now, but he should have known, it was never going to get easier. "Oh, Simon," Kaylee breathed, knowing how devastating those words must have been to him, especially coming from the two people in the 'verse who were supposed to always support their children, no matter what.

Simon continued tonelessly, "It got worse. In the following weeks, I started to do things that were more and more dangerous." Kaylee sat back, continuing to listen so she could understand. "Then, one night, I was arrested in a blackout zone."

Simon glanced to Kaylee's face quickly noting that her reaction was not as overt as he would have expected. "What'd your pa say to that?" she asked instead, her eyes still locked on his face. "I can't imagine he was too thrilled."

Smiling slightly, Simon told her, "No, he most certainly wasn't. He came storming into the holding station, all bluster and ego and gave me an ultimatum." Simon closed his eyes for a moment, trying to shut the memory out. Instead, it only came into sharper focus, the moment in the station burned into his brain. "He said I could stop trying to get to River or I could leave home."

When he reopened his eyes to Kaylee, her mouth was agape and Simon guessed she hadn't expected his story to take that turn. Leaning forward, she brushed a light hand through his hair, her touch helping to soothe him. "What'd ya do?" she questioned quietly, inching a bit closer to him.

"I went home with my father, packed a few of my things and I left," he said, his voice low. "I haven't been home since."

Kaylee watched Simon struggle to come to terms with these memories and her heart went out to him. She had known that his parents had been less than supportive when he'd first confronted them about River, but she had never suspected they could be so cold.

Having dropped his eyes to his lap, Simon didn't notice as Kaylee edged closer to him until she'd cradled his face in her hands. Lifting it up to meet her gaze, she said softly, "You are so brave an' strong. I don't know if I've ever tol' ya that, but I'm thinkin' I shoulda before now." She then leaned forward and kissed his cheeks and forehead before placing a kiss to his mouth.

When they'd parted, he said to her quietly, "It wasn't bravery, Kaylee. It was necessity. I had to get River out of the Academy. I had to save her." His eyes searched her face, looking for her approval, her understanding and with a sigh of relief, he found it there.

"Of course, my father saw it as anything but," he muttered bitterly, still angry at the man after all this time. "He couldn't handle the fact that I had finally begun to think for myself. He thought I was dangerous, a threat to him and my mother and all they had worked for." Looking back to Kaylee with angry eyes, he said, "That's what they were concerned about Kaylee: their things, their money, their life. They didn't care about River at all."

His chest heaved with anger and Kaylee let him fume for a moment. She didn't truly believe that Simon's parents had wittingly sold out their daughter for a nice house. She'd never known such selfish people. But she knew Simon did and she also knew that trying to convince him otherwise might be a lost cause; but she was going to try.

"So, I'm guessin' that once I went to bed last night, things didn't go so well?" she questioned lightly, trying to bring at least the ghost of a smile to his lips.

Shaking his head, he said softly, "No, it didn't." Pausing for a moment, Simon thought of his sister, of her reaction to seeing their parents unexpectedly and it caused another wave of anger to wash through him. "At least not for my parents and I, but River …" He stopped, uncertain of how to go on. He couldn't handle the fact that his mei mei was going to forgive them.

"She was happy," he finally said. "She's glad they're here. She wants to know them, wants them to know her."

Reaching up a hand to his cheek, Kaylee asked, "Is that such a bad thing?"

With a suddenness she hadn't expected, Simon brought his eyes to hers and bit out, "Yes."

Shocked, Kaylee murmured, "Why?"

"Because she can't trust them again," he whispered, surprised when the words came out. "It's not safe."

Frowning slightly at him, Kaylee said, "Simon, River's her own person. Don't you think she's gotta right to make that decision for herself?"

"No," he said frankly, regarding her with lifeless eyes. "No, she doesn't. She can make a decision about just about anything else, but this? No."

Not deterred by his stubbornness, Kaylee kept pushing, knowing that he had almost said his peace, but knowing he would not go the rest of the way willingly. "An' why is that? What makes you think you know what's best for her?"

"Because I saved her," he shouted, surprising her and himself. Rising swiftly, he again paced the room, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. "She should trust me," he said hotly, pausing and jerking a thumb to his chest. "Me, not them. If it'd been up to them she might still be in that place. She could be dead!"

Rising slowly, Kaylee came to stand in front of him, and said, "Simon, if River forgives them it don't mean she ain't grateful for what you did for her. You know that, right?"

Did he? Simon wasn't so sure. More than the shock he felt at seeing his parents, more than the anger he felt for their treatment of him, what he felt the clearest was an overwhelming sense of betrayal – from the one person he'd thought he'd always be able to trust. He'd saved River from a fate worse than death; he'd acted when no one else had; he'd held her through her nightmares; he'd given up everything he was for her; he'd watched her level a room full of Reavers; _he_ had, Simon, and yet she was willing to disregard all of it by allowing their parents back into her life. Two people who hadn't done any of those things. Never would have done those things, simply for love.

"They can't be trusted," he finally murmured, unwilling to meet Kaylee's imploring gaze. "They don't deserve to have their daughter back, not when they didn't do anything to save her." Bringing his eyes back to Kaylee's face, he asked quietly, "Why can't she see that?"

"Oh sweetie," Kaylee whispered, reaching up and wrapping her arms around him. Simon returned her embrace, burying his head in her soft hair, and letting out a huge sigh. As Kaylee ran her fingers through his hair, she said quietly, "Maybe she will, maybe she'll figure it out, all on her own, that your folks ain't to be trusted. But Simon," she said, pulling back from him to again study his conflicted features. "Maybe you need to give 'em another chance. Maybe you need to let them try and make it right."

With a heavy sigh and a sinking feeling in his gut, Simon knew she was right. It had been unfair to treat them so harshly the night before, but his anger and his shame at their dismissal still colored his reactions and he honestly didn't know if the day would come when it didn't. "I don't know if I can," he whispered.

Placing a hand under his chin and bringing his eyes to her face, she smiled and asked, "Can you try? For me? I figure I gotta know my in-laws, even if it's only enough to know I don't like 'em."

Simon smiled back at her, thankful that she was here with him. Leaning down, he brought his lips to hers and kissed her, slowly and passionately. Kaylee returned his touch, leaning into him and again winding her arms around him to pull him close. When they parted, panting slightly, Simon asked breathlessly, "What did I ever do without you?"

"Oh, suffered in silence, I'm sure," she murmured back, her hand running down his cheek.

Grinning at her, that swai grin she loved so, he took the hand and kissed it and then said, "Maybe I can try. Just once."

Smiling widely at him, Kaylee leaned in to kiss him again, and whispered, "That's what I was hopin' you'd say."

-- --


	15. Chapter 15

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 15

-- --

"River?"

As his sister turned to him, her face shining with a healthy glow he couldn't quite remember ever seeing before, Simon swallowed past the lump in his throat and again furrowed his brow. "Let's go over the ground rules again."

With an eye roll she had perfected over the years, River turned to fully face her brother, folding her hands demurely in front of her and waited for his prompt. "Okay, what is the first rule?"

"No talking about your sex life."

"And the second?"

"No talking about anyone else's sex life."

Simon nodded, glad those two had stuck; despite the list of ten rules he'd supplied her with, he felt they were really the most important. "Number three?"

"Do not mention either time you were shot." As Simon opened his mouth to ask her for the fourth, River raised a hand and began ticking the rest of the rules off on her fingers. "Four, do not mention the baby. Five, don't mention that fact that Jayne names his guns and knives or that he likes to spit at the table or that he offered to show me his man parts once." Simon shivered as she continued. "Six, never mention being almost burned at the stake, kidnapped by a bounty hunter or held at gunpoint by a Fed. Seven, do not talk about Fruity Oaty Bars. Eight, do not mention that I am a reader. Nine, do not mention that you were offered a job at Sihnon Memorial. Ten, do not agree to go back home with them." Dropping her hands to her sides, she fixed him with a patient look and sighed. "Satisfied?"

"For now," he told her, stepping forward and placing a kiss to her cheek. Taking her hands in his, he said quietly, "You understand why I'm nervous, don't you, mei mei?"

"Don't want to lose me," she said, matching his tone. Reaching a hand to his cheek, she smiled and said, "Don't know that you can't. I live here," she finished, taking the hand she rested to his face and placing it against his heart. "I can't be lost as long as I'm in here."

Pulling her into a tight embrace, Simon whispered, "And you always will be, mei mei."

She held him back for a moment and then turned sharply just as the door chime sounded. Simon hesitated in the living room, waiting for Kaylee to emerge from the kitchen where she was just finishing dinner. While Simon had always considered her to be one of the better cooks on Serenity, he'd never truly been able to appreciate her talents – there was only so much one could do with molded protein. But over the past few days, as she had begun to feel better and had been cooking with real food, Simon quickly realized she was a genius in the kitchen as well as the engine room.

As she came to his side, her face a mixture of happiness and nervousness, Simon wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he asked, "Nervous?"

"Should I be?" she asked back, trying to joke, but finding it difficult. She was more than a little anxious over what this entire evening could bring.

"No," he told her firmly, facing to greet their guests. "No, you shouldn't."

River entered the room a second later, in between her parents, one arm threaded through each of theirs, her face beaming. Simon greeted them both with a curt nod as Kaylee stepped forward and extended her hand to them. "It sure is nice o' ya to come an' see us," she said, her smile easily lighting the room. "I 'pologize I wasn't able to meet ya proper a couple o' nights ago."

Shaking the woman's hand, Regan studied her as she said, "That's all right, dear. Your friend, Miss Serra, she explained your situation." Her brown furrowing with concern, she added, "I do hope you're feeling better."

Smiling even wider at the woman's compassion, Kaylee stepped back to Simon's side and placed her hand in his. "Well, o' course, I am. I got the best doctor in the 'verse."

Both Regan and Gabriel smiled lightly at this remark before silence settled in the room. Glancing to Simon uncomfortably, Kaylee cocked her head towards the patio where they had set up the dinner table. Getting her hint, Simon gestured to the sliding door that was open, allowing a light breeze to waft in the room as he asked, "Can I get you something to drink?"

Regan and Gabriel followed him to the terrace, as Kaylee grabbed River's hand. "Can you help me with the food sweetie?" she asked. Nodding once, River followed her and the two girls worked side by side, putting finishing touches on the dinner.

As River loaded her arms with a platter of meat and vegetables and Kaylee grabbed some other side dishes she prepared, she looked to her soon-to-be sister and said, "Go easy on 'im, okay?"

Puzzled, River said, "I haven't been hard on him."

Frowning at her, Kaylee replied. "River, this is prolly one o' the hardest things Simon's ever done, invitin' them here, tryin' to pretend that nothin' happened. I know you wanna forgive 'em or at least get to know 'em and I think that's great, but don't be too disappointed if your brother can't do the same."

River studied Kaylee for a moment and then smiled wide at the girl. Leaning down, she kissed her cheek, and told her, "I'm so glad Simon found you. He needed you, even before you met. He just didn't know it."

"An' I needed him," Kaylee murmured, following the younger woman out and to their waiting guests. As soon as she stepped onto the terrace, she felt a sudden chill, although the night air was warm against her bare arms.

Quickly divesting herself of the food she carried, she turned to the sullen looking adults and said brightly, "Dinner's ready."

As they made their way to their seats, Simon bringing her a glass of water and holding out her chair, Kaylee watched him closely, shooting a knowing look to River, before also studying his parents. Sitting at the head of the table River's eyes swept between her mother and father and Simon, all three of them doing their best to avoid making eye contact, before again falling to Kaylee, the hint of a smile turning up her lips.

Passing the plates of food around, Kaylee decided if they weren't going to talk, then she would. "So, Mrs. Tam, how was your trip from Osiris?"

The older woman glanced up sharply at the direct question, her eyes studying the young woman who had addressed her. Regan still wasn't quite so sure what to make of her, but she had decided that if she had any hope of again being part of her son's life, she had to at least make an effort. "Oh, it was fine, dear," she said noncommittally. "And you can call me Regan."

Smiling to her, Kaylee nodded once as she dug into her food. "Well, thank you, Regan, that's mighty kind o' you." Looking to Gabriel, she asked, "And how are you, Mister Tam?" As Gabriel's cheeks flushed slightly at the young woman, Kaylee reached for Simon's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I can see where Simon gets his shyness from."

"Ah, well, I," Gabriel stammered, dabbing at the corners of his mouth with his napkin though he had yet to take a bite. Glancing back to the young woman, whose smile was indeed infectious, he returned her grin with a guarded one of his own and said quietly, "I'm fine, thank you."

As Kaylee again opened her mouth to ask another question, Regan decided that she would rather get the bubbly girl talking than vice versa. "So, Kaylee, is it?" she asked hesitantly, getting another wide smile. "How did you and my son meet?"

If it was possible, the girl's face appeared to be swallowed by her grin. It covered her features completely, rising up into her eyes, even making her sit a bit straighter. Gazing to Simon adoringly for a moment, who, Regan noted, returned the gaze in full force, Kaylee sighed and said, "On Serenity." Looking back to them, she explained, "That's Captain Reynolds' ship." Regan nodded once, encouraging her to continue, although it was obvious the girl didn't need it. "He was on Persephone, lookin' for passage an' I asked if'n he wanted a ride." Her voice had grown wistful as she remembered that hot and sunny day when he'd come walking by in that fancy suit with those silly glasses. Kaylee had recognized right away how handsome he was, but it wasn't until he'd smiled at her that she'd felt her heart swell.

The two lovebirds continued to stare and so River decided to elaborate. "Simon had just gotten me from the Academy and he needed to keep me safe. We were lucky to find Kaylee and Captain Daddy and Inara and all of them," she said, matter-of-factly. "They're good people."

Regan and Gabriel had torn their eyes away from the young couple to regard River with skeptical looks. Having met these supposedly 'good people' just a few nights ago, neither of her parents were convinced that was an accurate assessment.

Reaching for her mother's hand, River told her earnestly, "They are, mother. They took care of us. Looked out for us when they didn't have any reason to." Looking back to her brother and Kaylee, she added, "Loved us and made us whole."

Swallowing hard past the lump in her throat, Regan found herself unsettled, although she wasn't sure why. There was something different about her daughter. She was no longer the free-spirited teenager who had joked and teased her brother. As Regan studied her big brown eyes, she saw a sadness there, a pain, that spoke of tragedy and grief and Regan found her skin pebbling with goose bumps the longer she stared.

Noting her distress, Gabriel reached out a hand and squeezed hers and she smiled to him warmly. Maybe it was just her imagination.

"So, Kaylee, what do you do on Serenity?" Gabriel asked, his voice still low and guarded. "Do you just look for passengers?"

Giggling at the thought, Kaylee told him, "Aw, heck no, I'm her mechanic."

"The best mechanic there is," Simon agreed wholeheartedly, smiling proudly at her. Looking to his parents, he added, "Kaylee is quite gifted when it comes to machines."

"And roast beef apparently," Regan complimented, taking another bite and chewing slowly. "This is delicious, dear."

Blushing at the compliment, Kaylee told her, "Well, thank you, Regan. It's an old recipe my mama taught me. I'm just glad I 'membered it. It's been a while since I've had cause to use it."

"Always remember the things your mama said," River said, her voice taking on an enigmatic tone. Reaching out she placed a gentle hand to the girl's head and added quietly, "They'll always be up here."

Kaylee smiled to her, not at all unaccustomed to River speaking in cryptic sentences. Turning back to her food, she did not notice the odd glances that Regan and Gabriel gave to each other or to their children.

Hoping to distract them, Simon hurriedly questioned, "How long did you plan on staying?"

If they were surprised by his bluntness, it didn't show. Clearing his throat, Gabriel answered, "Well, we weren't sure, son. We wanted to have plenty of time to visit with you and your sister." While River's face glowed at this statement, Simon's only darkened with disgust.

Looking to her brother sharply, River scolded, "Play nice."

"Mei mei," he warned, his voice low.

"Simon," she answered back, sticking her tongue out quickly and causing him to smile despite his discomfort.

"Well, some things never change," Regan murmured, unaware she'd spoken out loud until all eyes focused on her. She'd been unable to help it though; for that last split second, their family had felt normal again, as it had all those years ago and it warmed her heart.

"Nope, same old Simon," River teased, grinning at him.

"Same old brat," Simon muttered back, actually enjoying their banter. He didn't care if it was inappropriate or childish; it felt comforting in a way too.

Kaylee observed all of this in silence feeling more at ease as it became obvious Simon was finally relaxing. As the evening wore on and everyone drank more wine, the conversation didn't necessarily get easier, but it at least flowed a bit and Kaylee was grateful she didn't have to keep prompting them all; that was tiring.

Rising as they finished their meal, she reached for the plates, but Simon's hand over hers stilled her movement. "I'll get them," he told her quietly, his eyes shining a bit with the alcohol he'd had.

Smiling widely to him, she leaned down and said, "Sorry, sweetie, but the last time you cleaned up, we lost some dishes." He blushed at the memory, dropping his gaze even as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I got this, ya'll just visit some more," she added, and with a slight nod of the head she moved back inside. As more silence built between them, Regan rose abruptly and gathered a few plates as well, following the girl and River followed her, leaving just Gabriel and Simon to stare at one another.

The quiet that filled the space between them was rife with anxiety and unspoken anger. Simon shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wishing vehemently that he hadn't had so much wine; if his father was going to attack him again, he'd need to have a clear head. Pushing back from the table a bit, Simon settled for simply returning his father's gaze, more than willing to wait the man out.

And he did. "So, Simon," Gabriel began slowly, mimicking his son's posture. "How are you?"

"Why?" Simon asked the first question that came to his mind, not at all surprised when his father flinched slightly at the harshness of his response.

"Because I want to know if you're all right," Gabriel said, by way of explanation. "You are still my son, Simon. I still care about you."

Snorting, Simon rolled his eyes and allowed his head to fall back so he could see the stars. "Right, you care," he said bitterly. "You cared so much you slammed the door in my face all those years ago." Bringing his eyes back to his father, he said, "Cut the act." Leaning forward, his elbows on the table, he asked, "Why are you really here?"

As Gabriel's mouth fell open, his eyes widening in shock at Simon's accusation, Simon sat back, allowing his own features to fall into a smug expression. Allowing a bit of the hurt and anger he felt to color his tone, Gabriel sat forward and said, "Look, Simon, if you still want to hate your mother and I, that's fine. But we love you, son, we always have; you and your sister both. When we found out where you were, we couldn't stay away, pretending we didn't know. Pretending we didn't care."

"But you didn't care," Simon said angrily, rising and swaying a bit on his feet; _damn wine_. Steadying himself against the chair back, he continued hotly, "You cut us off, you left River to suffer in that torture chamber!" Simon's anger was back on the rise and with it his volume. His voice reaching a strangled pitch he shouted, "And now, you're back, thinking that we owe you something! Well, we don't!"

"Simon."

River's quiet voice cut through his anger as it usually did, and turning to face her, he felt a bit of his bile leave him. Stepping back outside, she moved to his side and said quietly, "It's not fair to blame him for everything. It wasn't all his fault."

"Then whose was it, River?" Simon's eyes still burned brightly, demanding answers. "Who should I blame?"

Placing a light hand to his face, River said quietly, "No one."

Shaking his head violently, Simon backed away from her and whispered, "No." Turning back to his father, he leveled a finger at him and said, "I blame him."

"And what has that blame gotten you, Simon?" River's voice was steady even though her mind churned with his anger and his sadness. Trying to push them away, she asked, "What has the anger you feel towards him ever done for you, except make you hurt?"

Whirling on her, he whispered roughly, "Don't."

"Don't what?" she asked, cocking her head to the side and regarding him with wide eyes.

Frowning at her, Simon said, "Stay out of my head, River. This is my anger and you can't have it."

With another sad smile, she shrugged lightly and said, "I don't want it."

They stared at each other for a long moment and Gabriel simply stood and watched them. He wasn't exactly sure what had just transpired, or why his son would have accused River of 'getting into his head.' Not a lot of things were making sense.

Sensing her father's distress, River turned to him and said, "I wish I could explain, but it's against the rules."

Even more puzzled, Gabriel stepped towards her and rested a hand on her shoulder. River wanted to hug him, to have him hold her, but she couldn't do that to Simon. He was still fuming, mad at everyone, including his father, and to see her so willingly trust him again would kill him.

Noting her hesitant gaze, Gabriel finally focused his attention back on his son. "Simon, explain it to me."

With a confused gaze, Simon asked wearily, "What?"

Swallowing hard, Gabriel moved past his daughter and stood before his son. Holding Simon's blue-eyed gaze in his own, he said again, "Explain it to me. All of it; the letters, the black-out zone, the Academy, Serenity." Placing a tentative hand to Simon's shoulder, he lowered his voice and said, "I want to understand, son."

"Why?" Simon found he was asking that question a lot, but it seemed to be the only one that made any sense.

"Because that's what I owe _you_," Gabriel answered him.

-- --

As the three women entered the kitchen, depositing dirty dishes in the sink and half full plates of food on the counter, they worked in silence. It wasn't the tense silence that had befallen Simon and Gabriel, but more of an amicable one, and it wasn't until River left the room that Kaylee even realized she was currently working side by side with the woman who would be her mother-in-law.

Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, Kaylee worked more diligently, surprised when Regan addressed her. "Kaylee?"

Turning to face the woman, Kaylee smiled slightly and answered, "Yes, Regan?"

"Do you love my son?" She asked the question simply, but Kaylee could feel the woman's need to know that while she could no longer bring comfort and security to him, Simon had found someone else to care for him.

Smiling wide, Kaylee told her honestly, "Regan, I ain't never loved anybody the way I love Simon." Taking her hand, she squeezed it slightly and said, "He's my whole world."

"Even in light of what he did? Breaking River out? Becoming a fugitive?"

Regan leaned back against the counter, her arms over her chest and Kaylee furrowed her brow at her. She wasn't exactly sure where Regan was going with this. Was it a test? A challenge? Deciding it didn't matter as Kaylee's feelings for Simon would never change, she said, "I'd say everything Simon did, all he went through for River, all he gave up, that only made me love 'im more."

As Regan's eyes clouded with a few tears, Kaylee generously avoided her gaze, wanting to give the woman a moment to collect herself. Just as she was about to ask if she was okay, raised voices could be heard coming from the patio and Kaylee recognized the sound of Simon's distress. Moving towards the door to go to him, Regan placed a hand to her arm and told her, "Give them a minute, dear. Unfortunately, Simon and his father have a few things to work through."

Kaylee swallowed her fear for her fiancé, and nodded once, going back to the sink where she was rinsing dishes. Regan stood beside her and they again worked in silence, until Regan finally said, "I'm sure you must think I'm a pretty terrible person."

Kaylee turned a wide-eyed gaze to her, but Regan continued, unimpeded. "It's all right, dear. Most days, I don't think much of myself." Turning to face her, she continued quietly, "I wish I could take that time back. I wouldn't have turned Simon away so easily. I wouldn't have dismissed him. I should have realized what you have." Kaylee frowned at her again, signaling her confusion and squeezing her hand gently, Regan explained. "That Simon is a good man, the best, and if he believed something, to the point he believed that River was in danger, then he deserved to be trusted. I should have recognized that."

Pausing for a moment, Regan again swallowed hard and then brought her eyes back to Kaylee's. "I can see that he loves you, believes in you. I'm glad he's found you. It's obvious to me you make him very happy."

Kaylee smiled wide, causing Regan to smile as well, and said, "Regan, I don't rightly know why you did what you did all them years ago, but if'n you wanna make it right, you can. Simon still loves you and Mister Tam. You're just gonna have to be patient with 'im. You're gonna have to re-earn his trust."

Regan nodded once and then unexpectedly moved forward and embraced the girl. "Thank you, Kaylee," she told her. Straightening quickly, she took her hand and led her from the room. "I say there's not time like the present to start repairing that relationship. What do you think?"

Following her, Kaylee agreed.

-- --

Simon had found himself growing more tired by the second. Just the thought of recounting the story of River's rescue and the past two years, brought an exhaustion to him he hadn't known for a while. Sitting heavily on one of the lounge chairs, Simon glanced up as his father sat on one across from him. River, unable to take sides, sat on the floor between them, her legs crossed Indian style, her gaze drifting back and forth from one man to the other.

Rubbing a hand over his tired eyes, Simon said slowly, "I don't even know where to begin."

Resting a hand to his knee, River met his gaze and said quietly, "I do." Turning to look to her father, she started his story, her nightmare, their tale of survival.

"The Academy wasn't an Academy, father. It was an Alliance-sponsored laboratory; a place for very bad men to do experiments on very smart and very frightened children." Gabriel swallowed hard at this statement, his eyes never leaving his daughter's face as she continued. "I needed to get out of there; they were hurting me, all of us and I knew that I wouldn't survive." Looking to her brother with shining eyes, River said softly, "So I started writing my letters."

Gazing back to her father, River slowly recounted her code to him, the meticulous way she'd selected every word, every letter so that it couldn't be detected by anyone but Simon. Gabriel simply sat in silence, his mind reeling with each new secret she uncovered. As River spoke, she found her throat closing, her sobs threatening to overwhelm her and she stopped, resting her head against Simon's knee.

He reached down almost absentmindedly and laid his hand against the top of her head, before leaning over and kissing her head. She closed her eyes against his touch and a few tears fell down her cheeks. With a sigh, she stayed still there, knowing that it was Simon's turn.

Looking to his father, Simon picked up where she'd left off, just as his mother and Kaylee came outside. Moving to the sides of their respective mates, both women sat close to their men, Kaylee's arm easily wrapping around Simon's back, while Regan took Gabriel's hand in her own and squeezed lightly. Not bothering to explain what they were discussing, Simon simply continued. "It took almost all of the money I'd earned at the hospital and a lot of time, but when I finally got to River, she was …" Simon trailed off, shivering slightly as he remembered that frightened and fragile girl who had crawled out of that cryo unit in Serenity's cargo bay.

"I was damaged," River said for him, her voice soft, her eyes still closed. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him and said quietly, "You can say it, Simon, it's okay." Looking back to her parents, she said, "I was crazy, a moonbrain, not right. I screamed and yelled and had nightmares and couldn't speak in complete sentences. I was broken," she finished quietly, her head again resting against her brother's leg.

"Oh, River," Regan breathed, her eyes welling with tears. Leaning forward and placing a hand to her daughter's cheek, Regan waited until her big brown eyes again opened and then asked, "Are you all right now, sweetheart? Are you better?"

River nodded once and said, "For the most part. Some of what they broke can't be fixed. But Simon made me well again. Made me whole." She turned to smile brightly at him and Simon felt his heart beat sharply in his chest at the sight. "Simon took care of me."

Leaning down, he again placed a kiss in her hair and whispered, "Always, mei mei."

Silence stretched between them and it was Gabriel who broke it this time. "I'm still not sure I understand," he said, his face full of confusion. "What exactly happened in that place? And why?"

As the three members of Serenity's crew shared skeptical looks, it was River who said, "I didn't break the rule," giving her brother a small grin.

Returning it, Simon told her, "I know, River. You were very good."

Smiling proudly, River looked back to her parents as Simon and Kaylee shared a quiet moment. "You wanna tell 'em?" she whispered, her face close to his, her lips near his ear.

Squeezing her knee gently, he murmured back, "Not really, but I suppose I don't have much of a choice now."

Kaylee kissed his cheek lightly and told him, "If'n you want any help, jus' give me a sign, and I'll fill in the gaps."

Simon smiled slightly at her, and then turned back to his parents. "The Alliance selected River because she was more than smart," he said quietly, his eyes again drifting to his sister and then back to his mother and father's expectant gazes. "They wanted River because she was special, because she's a reader."

Both of the elder Tams inhaled sharply; that term, Reader, was part of myth, a legend told about strange hermits on border worlds, people driven mad as their minds were constantly assaulted by the thoughts and feelings of those around them. It was not a term one heard in polite conversation and even less likely to be uttered in the kind of social circles Regan and Gabriel inhabited.

"What?" Regan sputtered, looking between River and Simon in disbelief. "That can't be true."

"It is, mother," Simon said tiredly. "River had an innate talent that the Alliance simply discovered and exploited."

"To what end, son?" Gabriel's expression had turned from one of confusion to one of resignation and Simon wondered how much he'd been able to piece together.

"They wanted to make River a weapon," Simon said quietly, his eyes focusing on a distant point. "And they succeeded."

This time the silence struck them like a blow to the gut, knocking the wind from them with a fierceness no one had been expecting. Gabriel and Regan reached for each other simultaneously, their hands clutched together to anchor them to reality. With wide eyes, they both looked to their daughter who had not moved from her position at her brother's feet. Her eyes were open now and they stared far away.

As she continued to ignore them, it was finally Gabriel who breathed, "I don't believe that. I won't." His tone was growing harsher by the moment. With eyes that were again angry, he looked to his son and accused, "How could you even think something like that, let alone say it?"

Rubbing his face, Simon let out a sigh, and looked to Kaylee as she tightened her arm around his waist. He was so lucky. "I say it becaue it's true, father," Simon said tiredly, the blue eyes that now regarded both parents showing an age that was well beyond his years. "Because I've seen it."

"No," Regan said softly, her voice breaking as she struggled to hold in tears of fear and disbelief. Looking to River, she recoiled visibly and whispered, "No, it can't be true."

"Ninety-seven." River's voice was quiet, stilling them all as they struggled to listen. With another weary sigh, Simon rested a hand to her shoulder; he knew what that number meant and he wished with every fiber of his being that it wasn't so high; that it didn't even exist at all. Blinking, River pulled her gaze from that far-off place and looked her mother square in the eye. "I've been a weapon ninety-seven times."

Her hand flying to her mouth to stifle a gasp, Regan's eyes only widened further, her pupils shrinking in fear. Shaking her head slowly from side to side, she muttered something that none of them could understand. Watching his wife carefully, Gabriel finally turned his attention back to River and asked her, "What do you mean, dear?"

With an unwavering gaze, River turned to her father and said, "It was bullets first, and then a hard punch to the solar plexus. Then it was knives." River's voice trailed off into a whisper as she raised her hands in front of her, curving them in a pattern that Simon and Kaylee both recognized; it was a mimic of the dance she'd done to save them from the Reavers; the fight sequence she'd so artfully executed. "Knives require more effort from the wielder," she continued, her voice detached, her eyes focused on her hands as they moved back and forth. "More strength, more precision." Lifting her eyes back to her father's now horrified expression she said tonelessly, "Takes more time to die, too."

"Enough," Gabriel said abruptly, rising and stalking away from the group. His movement caused River to come back to herself and with a start she began crying again, silent tears down her cheeks. She turned to look to Simon and Kaylee and they both embraced her wordlessly, Kaylee's hand running through the girl's hair soothingly, while Simon whispered his love for her.

Gabriel watched the scene his level of disgust on the rise. This was impossible; his daughter, his beautiful River could not be a killer. He refused to believe it.

As if hearing him, River turned from her family and said softly, "Then you refuse to believe the truth."

Simon's blue eyes raised then to study Gabriel intensely. His voice no more than a rasp he asked coldly, "What do you want, father? A demonstration?"

His face contorting with more disgust, Gabriel turned from them. He had wanted to make things better with his children, truly. But if Simon and River both insisted on embellishing the truth, insisted on creating scenarios that were only more unbelievable than the last, how could he? He had almost believed his daughter when she talked about her time at the Academy. Almost believed Simon when he discussed the damage that had been done to her; but this he could not believe. He could not give credence to this assertion or it would destroy him.

Looking back to his wife, Gabriel's heart broke for her. Regan was frozen, sitting and staring at the three young people as they continued to comfort each other. Moving back to her side, Gabriel placed a light hand to her back and got her attention, wishing in the next instant that he hadn't. The haunted look she fixed him with only served to chill his blood further.

He sat beside her again and she rested her head on his shoulder. Apparently, this was too much for her as well.

It was several moments before anyone spoke again and when words finally did fill the space between them they came from a most unlikely source.

"Why can't ya believe 'em?" Kaylee's voice was inquisitive, curious and the tone caused Gabriel to focus on the young woman despite himself. She was a beautiful girl, her open face shining in the light from the moon. She still had an arm wrapped his son, while the other rested against River's head where it laid in her lap. When she noticed his eyes on her, she asked again, "Why don't ya believe 'em?"

"Kaylee," Simon said softly, his voice holding just a hint of warning. He didn't want her to get into the middle of this; hell, he hadn't even wanted her to meet them.

Undeterred, Kaylee continued to address the elder Tam. "I know you love 'em, you wouldn'ta come all this way if'n that weren't the case." Glancing down to River and then over to Simon, she let the faintest of smiles grace her mouth as she added, "And how could ya not? They're pretty lovable."

Simon returned her smile, but before he could thank her for her words, she turned those big green eyes back to Gabriel and now, Regan, who had sat up and was listening intently. "I can 'magine this is pretty hard for ya'll," she admitted, swallowing thickly past the lump in her throat. "But if'n you really wanna make things right, you're gonna have to trust 'em." Her eyes again drifting to Gabriel's face, she said quietly, "They're your kids."

Dumbfounded, Gabriel could only stare at the young woman, open-mouthed, watching as she rested her head against Simon's shoulder, her fingers still running through River's hair, calming the girl. Simon turned towards her as she leaned into him, and brushed a kiss to her forehead and Gabriel could only watch in amazement. His son and his daughter and now this new young woman were more of a family then they had ever been and he felt shame and relief all at once: shame that he had obviously failed so royally at being parent and relief that his children were now surrounded by unconditional love.

"You're right, Kaylee," Gabriel said quietly, drawing startled looks from them all. "I do love them, very much." Looking to Simon's wide-eyed gaze and then to River's, he felt the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. "But what you're telling us, it's more than just unsettling." Taking Regan's hand and kissing it lightly, he looked back to them and admitted, "If we believe you, it will destroy everything we've ever worked for."

"You think that didn't happen to us?" Simon asked, his eyes searching for answers. "You don't think River and I felt our world shatter the minute we ended up on Serenity?" Turning to Kaylee, he gave her an apologetic grin, hoping she wouldn't take offense. When she smiled to him, he again looked to his father. "All of those things, that life you worked for, it was ours once too, but we managed to make new lives for ourselves, good lives." Looking again to Kaylee, Simon stared at her for a moment and then whispered, "Better lives."

Leaning forward Simon kissed Kaylee softly, not caring that the overt show of affection would more than likely make his parents uncomfortable. He had learned, over the past few years that when his gut told him to do something, he should do it; and his gut had just screamed at him to kiss his beautiful bride-to-be. As they parted, Kaylee smiled wide at him and pulled her eyes away to again address his parents. "It's gonna take some time, I'm sure. But you gotta start somewhere."

With a heavy sigh, Regan straightened and spoke, her voice a bit shaky, but steadier than she had expected. Reaching across the space between them, she took Kaylee's hand and said quietly, "You're absolutely right, dear." Looking back to her son, she encouraged him. "Tell us what happened after you took passage on Serenity."

As she settled back at her husband's side and waited for her son to continue, Regan could only stare at her daughter, the girl's wide and unblinking eyes again focused on a far-off point. This still didn't make much sense, but Regan hoped fiercely that once she had all the facts it would.

-- --


	16. Chapter 16

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 16

-- --

Inara could not sleep, which did not surprise her. With a warm mug of tea cradled in her hands, she stepped out onto the terrace that ran the length of her's and Mal's apartment and let the cool night breeze fan her face. With a contented sigh, she walked towards a lounge chair and pulled her robe about her a bit more snugly as she sank into the cushion and leaned her head back to look at the stars.

Mal was leaving tomorrow on a job and Inara had elected to stay behind. The decision had not gone over well. Mal of course assumed this was the beginning of the end; her first refusal to sail with him and he worried even more that if he left her behind, on this fancy planet where she obviously fit so soundly, he would lose her for good.

Her lips curled into a tight grin at the thought. Raising her tea to her lips, she took a tentative sip, the hot liquid just burning the tip of her tongue before it washed down her throat and to her belly. Inara knew, from years of training and experience, that men truly were dense, but Malcolm Reynolds had raised cluelessness to a whole other art form.

In Inara's mind the fact that he panicked over losing her was both endearing and frustrating; endearing because it told her, without Mal having to actually say the words, how much he cared, how much she meant to him. Inara had never had someone love her that deeply, not even Jeremiah. But it frustrated her as well, because it also meant she had to spend countless hours of each day assuring him that she was not going to leave, not interested in finding someone else. She tried to be patient; Inara knew that trusting people was not in Mal's blood, and she also knew he had suffered innumerable loss in his life, making his ability to get close stunted. But he'd let her in, just as she had him and she'd be damned if she walked away now.

Of course, she also couldn't come clean about her real motives for staying behind. As soon as Mal and Serenity took off tomorrow, she'd be heading back to the Training House to file her petition for resignation. And Inara knew that would be the easiest part of a very convoluted process.

It was not easy for a companion to leave the Guild, especially before the age of retirement. It was highly discouraged and even accounted for in the contracts every companion signed with the Guild before he or she was given their license. Guild law stated unequivocally that by signing that piece paper and receiving that precious document, the individual's personal life was forfeit. At the time Inara had registered she had willingly signed away her old life, looking for the safety and anonymity being a companion could bring, but now, she wanted to reclaim that woman, that life, and she wanted Mal to be a part of it.

Which is what made the entire situation worse – Mal. Inara knew the procedures, knew that once she filed that petition her life would again become forfeit, but this time it would fall under scrutiny as well. She would be followed at all hours of the day, her communication lines tapped, her friends and family questioned. That's why this job that Mal was heading for was especially fortuitous; Inara didn't want him anywhere around when the Guild started their questioning.

She knew that Mal would not understand, that he would demand they give her and them their privacy and tell them to go to hell with their rules and laws. But what Mal also didn't understand was that if they found out about him, if they knew Inara was leaving because she was in love, she would be shunned, expelled from the Guild without a second thought. Her license, her permanent record would be marred beyond recognition and Inara would have nothing – no rights, no future, no stipend – well, she'd have nothing but Mal.

With a shiver, Inara thought about the other women she'd known who had been expelled from the Guild; women who had left for a man or a promise of a better life and only ended up discarded, used and thrown away. Those women, once at the height of their professions had ended up as common whores, working the seediest parts of Sihnon, Osiris, Ariel, and worse, because that had been the only option left to them. Just as it had been the only option left to Nandi.

Wiping away a stray tear, Inara took another sip of her tea and tried not to think of her friend. Inara did not honestly believe that if she were expelled from the Guild her life would be over, but she had been trained to follow their rules and procedures, to respect the Guild, and seeing as how she had broken their most cardinal law, she figured this last bit of protocol was the least she could do.

With a start, Inara jumped as she felt a warm hand settle onto her shoulder. Looking up quickly, she met Mal's blue eyes, as he gazed at her. "Hey, you all righ'?" he asked quietly, moving forward to sit beside her. She nodded once hoping that the darkness could hide the tear stains on her cheeks, she looked to him with a big grin and told him, "Of course, just couldn't sleep."

Glancing into the mug she held, Mal noted it was tea, as he'd suspected. Taking it from her hands, he sniffed it and then leveled a disbelieving gaze to her. "Uh huh," he said, placing the cup on the floor. "You drink vanilla when you can't sleep. You only drink earl grey when somethin's buggin' you." Fixing her with his best non-menacing look, he said, "What's goin' on?"

Unsettled at how well he knew her, Inara bristled a bit and rose, heading back inside and to bed. "I can't believe you cracked my tea code," she told him over her shoulder, forcing a smile to her features. "I thought for sure I was less transparent than that."

With a sigh, Mal followed her, allowing her to get back to the bedroom before confronting her again. As she removed her silk robe and went to slide into bed, he took her hand and pulled her to him. Looking into her eyes, he held the gaze for a moment, seeking answers. Not finding them, he said quietly, "Is it 'cause I'm goin' tomorrow?" he asked, his hands moving up her arms to cup her cheeks. "This job should be pretty easy. You don't got nothin' to worry 'bout."

Glad that he had come up with another excuse and not a totally unfounded one, Inara said quietly, "I always worry when you're out on a job, Mal. You know that."

Grinning slightly, he told her, "Yeah, well I guess it would help ease your nerves if I didn't keep comin' back from so many riddled with bullet holes or bleeding."

Swallowing thickly, Inara dropped her gaze, focusing her eyes on the base of his neck where it met his bare chest. Running her hands along his collarbone, she let her fingers ghost over his muscles, outlining a few of the scars she passed. "You do get injured a bit more than I'd like," she whispered, her concern for his safety now warring with her concern over what the Guild would say.

"Yeah, well no more," he told her firmly, leading her back to bed and lying down with her. As they wrapped themselves in each other, he told her quietly, "This may come as a bit of surprise to you, but I can be a bit reckless."

Turning her most mocking gaze to him, she asked, "You? No."

Kissing her, he whispered, "I know, it's a shock to the system." As she smiled at his tease and again lowered her head to his chest, Mal tightened his arms around her. "But not no more. I ain't gonna be that foolish from now on, 'Nara."

"Why?" she asked quietly, having a feeling she knew, but wanting him to admit it.

"Well," he said slowly, pulling back from her to gaze into her wide eyes. "'Cause o' you." He smiled at her, that foolish and goofy lopsided grin that made her melt and it worked again.

Bringing her mouth to his, Inara's lips were just an inch away, as she whispered, "Thank you," before pressing a kiss to his mouth. It turned passionate quickly, and as Mal rolled her onto her back and continued to kiss her, his hands moving over her soft skin and causing her body to respond, she continued to love him back, more than happy to forget about tomorrow as long as he was with her tonight.

-- --

"Do you really have to go, sweetheart?" Regan was shielding the bright morning sun from her eyes as she stood with her husband and daughter on the landing platform. Serenity loomed in front of them, the light shining off the beleagured ship and making it look better than it truly deserved. "Your father and I really wanted to spend more time with you."

River smiled at them, her own emotions conflicted. She really did want to stay and get to reknow these people, but she also knew she needed to go on this job. Shrugging, she said lightly, "I'm the pilot."

"That's right, can't go flyin' without my lil' albatross," Mal said jovially, jogging over to great the family. Shaking Gabriel's hand and nodding cordially to Regan, he said, "It was a pleasure to meet you folks, an' I'm sorry I gotta be takin' River away." Looking to River, he kissed her head and asked, "You almost ready, lil' one?"

She smiled brightly at him, causing Mal to smile back and said, "Almost."

Nodding once to her, Mal took his leave, anxious to get going so they could come back. Something had been off with Inara when he'd left that morning, but already running late as they had both stayed up far into the night, he'd had to rush out without really uncovering the cause of her distress. It had left him unsettled.

Striding up the ramp, he passed Jayne as the big brute secured some provisions they'd picked up and met Zoe in the middle of the bay, doing an inventory check on their cargo. "We almost ready, Zo?" he asked.

"Soon as we get ourselves a pilot, I'd say we're good an' ready," she answered, glancing up from her notes to cock an eyebrow at him. Sweeping her eyes down his slightly disheveled form, she asked, "You all right, sir?"

Stepping past her and heading for the galley, he muttered, "Jus' wanna get off this rock for a bit."

Outside, River had hugged both her parents again, feeling the captain's anxiety on the rise. Knowing she needed to go, she looked to them again, a few tears in her eyes and then focused on her father. "Don't let Simon shut you out. He doesn't want to, but he's had to protect himself for so long, it's become his first line of defense." Gazing back to her mother, River thought about her brother's pained expression that morning as they had said their goodbyes; the small twinge of fear that had blossomed in his heart that maybe this was the job she would not come back from. He was so used to being the responsible one, the parent, and her parents were so painfully unaccustomed to it. Holding her mother's gaze, she added, "Just remember the boy you raised and then get to know the man he's become."

With another quick squeeze, River bounded away from them quickly, keeping her head bent low as she rushed to the safety of her cockpit and readied the ship for take-off. She was just getting ready to pull Serenity into the black when Mal entered. "You all right there, lil' albatross?"

Not turning to face him as she didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes, she answered quietly, "Right and shiny, captain," waiting until she knew he was gone to let her shoulders shake with sobs.

-- --

"So, Kaylee, how have you been feeling?"

"Real good, doc," she said brightly, studying the older man as he undid the blood pressure cuff and placed it back in his bag. "How've you been?"

Smiling kindly at her, Eli again marveled at this young woman. He had not often met a girl with as much love, optimism or joy as Kaylee and Eli found himself constantly amazed by it. And also wondering just how Simon had gotten to be so lucky.

"I've been very well," he told her, raising a pen light to her eyes and testing her reactions. "Thank you for asking."

She smiled to him again, but sat in silence as he finished checking her over. Eli had made it a habit to come to the apartment at least once every other day, and now, after she'd been out of the hospital for almost three weeks, he was back. Kaylee was glad; not only was he a kind old man, but she knew Simon looked forward to his visits, enjoyed having someone to talk to.

As he put the rest of his instruments away, Kaylee leaned back into her pillows. She was able to be up and about more frequently now as her dizziness and headaches faded, but she still found herself tiring quickly, as she had earlier today. Lacing her fingers in front of her, she turned her attention back to her visitor and asked, "So, what's the word?"

"I'd say you're going to live," Eli told her, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Swatting playfully at him and chuckling lightly, she said, "Well, I done know that. But am I better yet?"

"I would have to say that you are almost one hundred percent better, Kaylee," he told her truthfully. "You've made a remarkable recovery."

Biting her lip nervously, Kaylee's eyes darted to the open doorway. Simon had left them to give them privacy and as she brought her eyes back to Eli, he looked to her quizzically, wondering what exactly was on her mind. "Well, doc if'n that's the case, there's somethin' I gotta ask ya. But you gotta answer true, dong ma?"

Smiling, Eli leaned forward as she beckoned him closer and whispered in his ear, "Am I healthy enough to be lovin' again?"

Throwing his head back, Eli howled, his body shaking with his laughter. Looking back to her after several moments, he found himself wiping a happy tear from his eye before meeting her gaze. She was smiling, but he could also read her hesitation, quite worried that he would say no. "Yes, Kaylee. I think it's quite safe for you and Simon to resume your normal – activities."

Squealing slightly, Kaylee launched herself at him and hugged him fiercely. "Thanks, doc."

Patting her back lightly, he said to her as she sat back. "However, Kaylee, you should know that since it's been a while and because of the miscarriage, you should take things easy. There might be a bit of discomfort, so don't be surprised."

Her eyes pleading with him, she said, "Just don't tell Simon, 'kay?"

Frowning at her with a slightly bemused expression, Eli told her, "Well considering Simon's a doctor, I'm thinking he probably already knows." Studying her for a moment more he asked, "Why are you worried about him finding out?"

Frowning at him, Kaylee jerked a thumb towards the door, indicating where Simon was and asked, "You have met Simon, ain't ya? He gets all worried he's gonna break me or somethin'. Least now if'n I tell him you said it was okay … Well, he prolly won't worry so much."

"He only worries because he loves you, Kaylee," Eli told her, his expression softening as she smiled wide at his assessment.

"Oh trust me, doc," she said, her tone turning a bit mischievous. "I know."

Chuckling lightly, he pulled back from her and rose. "Well, then, I guess I'd better get going."

"Oh, wait," she said, pulling on his hand. Looking to her, Kaylee grinned even wider and said, "Can you do me a favor first?"

Nodding hesitantly, Eli held a breath and waited for her to ask. "I wanna freshen up a bit. Can you keep Simon occupied for about a half an hour?"

Smiling broadly, Eli leaned down and placed a kiss into her hair, just as he always did with his own daughters. "Of course, Kaylee," he said, moving towards the door. "I'll get him to explain how exactly he got you to fall in love with him. Lucky S.O.B."

Grinning even wider at him, Kaylee waited until the older man had left before she scrambled out of bed. Locking the door, she drew a bath and walked into the big and full closet that Inara and her mother had so nicely stocked for her. Her eyes dancing as she found what she wanted, she moved back to the bathroom, her excitement causing her body to hum and glow with unbridled anticipation.

-- --

Simon glanced up from his reading as Eli entered the living room. Closing his book, he placed it on the coffee table and rose to meet the older man. "How is she?" he asked, his voice tinged with just the slightest bit of anxiety.

"She's fine, son," Eli assured him, his eyes dancing with a bit of extra mirth at the young woman's intentions. "She's just fine."

Releasing a breath, Simon asked, "Can I get you something?"

"A cup of coffee'd be great," he said, moving to the small table at the back of the kitchen and watching in silence as Simon fixed the drink, making one for himself. As he set the steaming mug in front of him and then sat across from him, Eli said, "You know, son, I've been thinking."

Curious, Simon asked, "About what?"

"About why exactly you haven't taken me up on my job offer." Eli took a sip of his coffee as Simon sputtered, trying to think of a response that wouldn't offend the man. Deciding to bail him out, Eli told him, "All right, all right, take it easy. Maybe I've got a bit of an idea."

Simon smiled to him and then said slowly, "It's not just my decision." Glancing over his shoulder, Simon sighed and added wistfully, "I could never ask Kaylee to leave Serenity."

"And why is that?" Eli asked, sitting back in his chair. He felt he'd gotten to know Simon pretty well in the past few months. It was obvious to the older man that the boy was a great doctor, a caring and compassionate brother and a loving fiancé. But he was also just a little unhappy and Eli guessed that that unhappiness would only grow, no matter how hard Simon tried to dismiss it.

"Because it's her home," he said sullenly, his thumb running absentmindedly over the handle of his mug. "And it's her job, it's where her friends are. She considers Mal and Inara family." Glancing back up to Eli, the older man felt a bit of sadness as he read the conflict there. "It wouldn't be fair for me to make her choose."

Eli studied him for another minute, each man sipping his coffee in silence. Finally, he lowered his mug back to the table, sat back in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest and said frankly, "That's the biggest load of gou shi I've ever heard."

Simon almost spit his latest sip, his eyes widening at the other man's admission. Wiping at his mouth with a napkin, he asked, "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me," Eli said, leaning forward and leveling a finger at him. "That's a load of bull. You not asking Kaylee to choose has got nothing to do with her. It's all about you."

Frowning at him, Simon said, "I'm sorry, Eli, but that's where you're wrong. I think-"

"You haven't asked her because you're afraid she'll say no." The words stopped Simon cold and he again raised wide blue eyes to the other man's face. How could he have known that?

Guessing he'd been right by Simon's very telling reaction, Eli continued. "You're afraid that Kaylee will choose Serenity and her 'family' over you and you know you can't take that kind of rejection." Resting his elbows on the table, Eli locked his gaze with Simon's and challenged, "Admit it?"

Grinning wryly at him, Simon muttered, "Did they just throw the psych degree in with your MD for free?" Eli smiled tightly, but would not back down until Simon said the words. With a sigh, he finally said, "You're right. I'm scared. I'm afraid that Kaylee will want to stay on Serenity."

Clapping the man on the shoulder, Eli told him jovially, "Well, admitting it is the first step, son." As Simon again relaxed thinking this inquisition was offer, Eli just nailed him again. "Of course, it's also the dumbest thing I've ever heard, but maybe we won't talk about that right now."

Without another word, the older man drank his coffee, feeling Simon's bewildered gaze locked on him. After his third sip, Simon finally asked, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Shrugging lightly, Eli rose, figuring he'd given Kaylee plenty of time and knowing that he'd gotten Simon to realize he should get over his ridiculous insecurities and just ask that woman to settle down with him. Placing his cup in the sink, he said, "I'm an old man, son. I've got to get my kicks somehow."

Laughing at this remark, Simon followed the man as he headed for the door. Turning to face him before he stepped outside, Eli told him, "Look, I was kidding, a bit." Glancing over the boy's shoulder in the direction of where Kaylee would be, he said, "That woman would follow you to the ends of the 'verse and not ever even ask you why. You owe it to her to be honest."

Simon smiled his thanks and watched Eli walk away before closing the door. Leaning against it, Simon thought for several minutes on everything he'd just said, before he went back to his reading. Eli had a point, Simon knew that. And as the man had said, admitting it was the first step.

-- --

Kaylee heard the front door close and began to hurry. She didn't know if Simon would come back to check on her right away, but she still had a few other things to do before he did. Pausing for a moment to listen and not hearing him approach, she let out a little sigh of relief. Finishing with her hair, having already dried it from her bath, Kaylee found the lotion she loved, something else Inara had selected just for her, and rubbed just enough of it into her skin to leave the scent behind.

Glancing around the room, she took in her efforts and felt she'd done a pretty good job in a short amount of time. She'd changed the sheets, putting on crisp striped ones before making the bed. The sky outside had turned a threatening shade of gray and Kaylee found herself wishing for a nice rain storm. There was nothing quite so soothing as falling to sleep with the sound of raindrops against the window; or making love while it thundered outside.

Moving towards the bed, Kaylee picked up the two pieces of lingerie she had selected before taking her bath. They were very different, one black and incredibly sexy while the other was yellow and a bit more sweet. She had left them on their hangers, having no intention of putting either of them on and with a little giggle of nervous energy, she moved towards the door and unlocked it, before stepping back in front of the room's floor length mirror and calling, "Simon, sweetie? Can you come 'ere? I need your help with somethin'."

Looking back to her reflection as she heard him answer, "In a minute," Kaylee frowned at her still healing leg. It didn't really hurt anymore, but it still didn't look quite as healthy as her other one. Deciding it didn't matter, Kaylee allowed her eyes to travel up the mirror, resting for a moment on the lace undies she'd donned, the only thing she was wearing, before she focused on her face. The grin that was shining there surprised even her; it felt good to be happy.

Hearing footsteps, she raised one piece of lingerie in front of her, the yellow one first and cocked her head to the side as if contemplating. "Kaylee, bao bei, what is-"

Simon stopped mid-step, his mouth hanging open as he took in her beautiful and glowing form just a few feet in front of him. Turning to him with a mock pout, Kaylee said, "I can't decide which one." Her voice held the hint of a whine, lighting Simon's suddenly burning groin on fire. As she moved the yellow one away and revealed her bare chest to him before covering it again with the black nightgown, she asked demurely, "Which one do you think I should wear?"

Having recovered from his momentary shock, Simon strode forward quickly and wrapped a strong arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him. She gasped a bit at the forcefulness of the movement and the feeling of his hardening length pressing into her thigh. Her arms, the nightgowns still in her hands, fell to her sides as he dropped his lips to her neck and began to nibble at the skin there. "How about neither?" he asked, his voice muffled as he spoke against her.

Shivering with delight, Kaylee quickly released the clothes and wrapped her arms around him, fisting her hands into his hair. Bringing her mouth to his ear, she whispered hotly, "That's what I was hopin' you would say," before she ran her tongue along his earlobe and then began to bite at it ever so slightly.

It was Simon's turn to shudder with delight and he did, pulling her tightly to him in the procees. He inhaled the scent of her skin and her hair. The room smelled of Kaylee after a shower, the steamy air heady with soap and sweet shampoo. Flattening his hand to the small of her back, Simon moved his mouth from her shoulder up her neck and to her mouth, kissing her passionately, his tongue plundering her mouth with need and desire. It had been a while, a long while since they had been together, and while Simon was still a bit concerned for her health, seeing her like this, glowing and naked, made him burn for her.

As he continued to kiss her, his hands running up her back and cradling her face, Kaylee moved her hands down to his waistband, pulling at his shirt. Once she had it untucked, Kaylee worked expertly at his buttons, pulling them free, and running her hands over his bare abdomen, her fingers dancing across his firm muscles. Inhaling a bit as she hit a ticklish spot, Simon's desire-filled eyes met her fiendish ones and he murmured, "Don't."

"Don't what, honey?" she teased, again running her fingers down his sides and getting him to shudder a bit.

"You asked for it," he growled, his voice husky with desire as he pinned her arms to her sides and kissed her fiercely, their mouths crushing against each other. Kaylee gave herself over to him, as she always did, already feeling her body lighting with desire, feeling herself melting from within. She wanted him so badly; it had been far too long.

Loosening his grip on her just a bit, Simon allowed her to finish removing his shirt. She pushed the open material off his shoulders and brushed a line of kisses against the top of his chest. She smiled as she watched his flesh pebble with goosebumps at her touch and gazing back up to him, she smiled even wider as she dragged her tongue up his neck before stopping at his lips and placing a light kiss to his mouth, teasing him mercilessly. It was a tease that Simon could not take. Moving his hands from where they had settled at her waist, Simon ran one up over her stomach and cradled her breast in his palm, rubbing his thumb over her already pert nipple and grinning as she gasped a bit at his ministrations. Her hands, which had been roaming his back, now fell to his waist, tugging at his belted pants. She worked the buckle and teased his hard length through his underwear, before slipping her hand inside and taking hold of him, pulling slowly.

Gasping against her mouth, as he had again been kissing her heatedly, Simon murmured, "Oh, God, Kay."

Smiling, she said, "Been a bit too long, ain't it?"

He nodded, but didn't speak, and Kaylee felt him stiffen even further. Leaning in to place a slow, soft kiss to his lips, he stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. Having a hard time concentrating as she still held him in her teasing grasp, he met her eyes and asked, "You sure you're okay?"

Smiling at his concern, Kaylee told him, "Doc gave me a clean bill o' health. I already checked."

Trying to not think about how exactly Kaylee had gotten Eli to tell her she was well enough to have sex, he simply let her continue stroking him as his hands ran down her back, cupping her backside and pushing her into him.

Gasping again at the feel of him against her, Kaylee's mouth fell next to his ear and she murmured, "Make love to me, Simon."

Needing no other encouragement, Simon easily picked her up, Kaylee's legs wrapping around his waist, while her arms wound around his neck. Her lips and tongue played over his shoulder and neck, and she expertly found each of his pulse points, causing a shiver to race down his spine.

As he sat with her on the bed, she in his lap, Simon pulled back from her a bit, and took just a moment to stare at her. She held his gaze for only a second and then squirmed against him, getting his mind back on more pressing matters. "Don't keep a lady waitin'," she murmured, her hand again rubbing him through his unders.

Grinning wickedly at her, Simon said, "I would never dream of it, bao bei." Leaning towards her, he kissed her again, slowly, his tongue alternating between gentle caresses of her mouth and intense exploration. Kaylee met each of his touches with her own, and pulling herself flat against him, gently pushed him onto his back, so she was now straddling him, her knees on either side of his hips.

Gazing up at her, he ran his hands up her stomach and to her breasts and said, "Hmm, I like this view."

Grinning at him, Kaylee bent over and rested her chest against his, one of her breasts falling close enough to invite him to bring it into his mouth; which he did, causing Kaylee's eyes to flutter closed. Wanting to make her feel as good as possible, Simon ran one of his hands down to her hip and then across the front of her panties, finally rubbing two fingers against her, causing another gasp to escape her mouth. "Ai ya, Simon," she panted next to his ear, only increasing his desire for her. He loved the breathless way she said his name when they were in the throes of passion.

Kaylee's body burned for him and as he continued to rub against her overly sensitive bundle of nerves, Kaylee felt that fire burn so bright she thought it might scald her. Pulling back from him slightly, she pushed the lace panties down her legs, and then wrapped her fingers in the edge of his last remaining piece of clothing. He arched his hips just slightly to allow her the ability to pull them down and off, and then she was back on top of him, her wet heat ghosting over his straining length.

Slowly, Kaylee lowered her mouth to again cover his while simultaneously joining them, Simon having shifted his position just a bit to make it almost seamless. Kaylee gasped a bit as she felt him enter her, her body again adjusting to him after such a long absence. Pulling back from his mouth, she dropped her head to his shoulder as she felt a twinge of pain, probably an aftereffect of the miscarriage as the doc had warned her. Simon wrapped his arms around her, cradling the back of her head with his hand as he whispered, "Kaylee? Are you all right?"

Taking a deep breath, Kaylee knew the discomfort would subside. She looked back to him again smiling wide and said, "Jus' shiny."

Simon pushed her slightly damp hair back from her face and cradled her cheeks in his hands. He was still buried deep within her, but he wanted to go slow, hoping to ease the pain Kaylee was no doubt feeling. Lowering her mouth to his, he kissed her gently, his lips touching hers just barely before he deepened the kiss, pulling her lower lip into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue. Kaylee met his kiss with a tender one of her own, and then she shifted ever so slightly against him, making it impossible for him not to thrust. And judging by the now supernova smile on her face, that had been the intent.

Moving his hands from her face to her hips, they moved as one, finding their rhythm. Regardless of their time apart; their bodies knew each other, knew what the other needed, what kind of touch, what intensity of response to bring the most pleasure. It was one of the first things they had learned in their relationship and it now made for some incredible lovemaking.

As Simon felt Kaylee's entire body shudder and begin to tighten around him, he held her close, gently whispering in her ear, encouraging her to let go. With a cry of his name and a rush of emotion, she did, bringing her mouth back to his as he followed soon after, filling her with intense warmth and satisfaction.

Collapsing on top of him, Kaylee rubbed her cheek against his chest, feeling a bit achy, but also deliciously sated with Simon still inside her. Looking up to him, she gave him a lingering kiss before again dropping her head to his chest. Feeling amazingly warm and safe and whole in his arms, but still not up to her full strength, Kaylee found she was soon drifting off, a bright smile on her face.

-- --

When she awoke again, Kaylee heard the low sound of thunder and the soft fall of rain outside. She smiled a bit, her eyes still closed as she also felt the gentle touch of Simon's hand as he ran it through her hair and down her back, his other hand resting on the arm she had thrown across his chest as she slept. Enveloped in the warmth of his arms and the blankets he'd placed them under, Kaylee would have gladly stayed in this moment forever.

With a small sigh, she lifted her head from his chest to regard him, knowing he was awake. As she caught his gaze, she watched him pull his blue eyes from a far away place and time. Resting a hand against his cheek, she murmured, "I'm still a bit tired I guess."

He smiled to her and then kissed her before saying, "That's okay. It was kind of tiring, but in a good way."

"A very good way." Her grin even broader, she rested her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes to the sound of the rain. As a particularly violent clap of thunder sounded directly above them, she jumped involuntarily, causing Simon's arms to tighten around her protectively. "It's just a storm," he told her, his lips whispering into her hair.

She nodded once but did not speak, waiting for him to tell her what had him bothered. It didn't take a genius to read the thoughtfulness of his expression or the worried look in his eyes. As the minutes passed, however, and it became obvious he wasn't about to say anything, Kaylee pushed the issue.

Her finger drawing light circles along his chest, she asked quietly, "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"

Simon looked down to the top of her head, unable to read her expression, but not needing too. He should have known Kaylee would figure out something was up; she always did. With a sigh, he admitted, "Something Eli said."

Looking back to him, Kaylee propped her chin up on her hand and held his gaze. "Was it 'bout the job?"

"Inadvertently, I guess," Simon admitted, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek. As she leaned into his palm, he whispered, "I want to stay."

Her eyes opened wide at this statement and Kaylee leaned up a bit straighter. "Shenme?"

Swallowing hard, Simon hoped that Eli knew what he was talking about. "Kaylee, I love you, you know that right?"

Smiling at him, Kaylee told him, "Well, o' course I do." Holding up her left hand where his engagement ring still shined, so added, "And if'n I forget I got this nice shiny reminder."

Simon smiled at her and pulled the hand towards his mouth, kissing it gently before continuing. "I know that I said I wouldn't make you choose, but-"

"You wanna stay on Sihnon." It was a statement, not a question and the blank look that had just crossed Kaylee's face made Simon's heart thud sharply in his chest.

"Yes, Kaylee, I do. I want us to try and build a life here. At least for a while," he added hurriedly. "Maybe it'll work and we'll be deliriously happy. And maybe it won't and we'll call Mal up and tell him to swing by and get us." Kaylee grinned slightly at the thought and Simon felt his spirits lift. "But I honestly don't care what we do, as long as we do it together."

Kaylee's eyes searched Simon's face intently and she found that his were doing the same to her. Cradling his face in her hands, she said quietly, "I'm always up for an adventure, 'specially with you."

Holding his breath, Simon's eyes lit as he breathed, "You mean, you'll do it?"

Nodding once, Kaylee said, "Of course I will. I know how much you want it. I owe it to you to give it a go."

Pulling her to him, Simon kissed her fiercely and Kaylee sighed against him. She was still nervous about the whole idea, nervous that everyone she'd meet on Sihnon would be like Amber and Basil, but Kaylee still believed, despite meeting them, that nice, rich folks could exist. She knew Simon and River, after all, and Inara and Eli. It would work out. She owed it to Simon try and build a life with him here. And she knew that if it didn't work, she'd go back to Serenity with him.

When they parted, Kaylee snuggled back into him, still feeling a bit tired. Another clap of thunder startled her and Simon pulled her tight. "You are amazing, bao bei," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Smiling still, Kaylee again drifted off, hoping the next time she awoke, she'd be rested enough to convince Simon just how amazing she was all over again.

-- --


	17. Chapter 17

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 17

-- --

It was still raining as Kaylee and Simon again collapsed against one another, panting and breathless. Rolling onto his back and bringing Kaylee with him, he hugged her to his chest and sighed deeply. "You okay?" he asked her for about the fifth time that night.

Rolling her eyes at him, she answered, "You know Simon, it ain't like it's my first time."

He smiled at her and kissed her again. "I know, I just … worry, that's all."

She nodded once, and then let the silence fall between them as the rain continued to splatter against the window. Truthfully Kaylee did feel a little more achy then she generally liked, but it wasn't a bad feeling, and she knew it would pass.

"Simon?" She called to him, hoping that he hadn't fallen asleep yet.

"Hmm," he answered, his mind and body happily sated and wonderfully relaxed.

"I gotta ask ya somethin'."

The serious tone in her voice made him a little less relaxed, but swallowing down his nervousness, he said, "Okay."

Turning so she could look into his eyes, Kaylee felt her own sting a bit as she asked, "When I – When I lost the baby, it didn't hurt nothin', did it?"

Swallowing thickly, Simon ran a hand through her soft hair and asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I can still have a baby, right?" She blinked quickly, as a few frightful tears sprang to her eyes; she was so afraid of what his answer would be.

"Yes, Kaylee," he assured her, wrapping his arms around her. "Yes, you can. There was no permanent damage done to your system."

Releasing a big breath, Kaylee allowed her forehead to drop to his shoulder. She was so thankful; she had always wanted to be a ma and the knowledge that she had missed one opportunity had hurt her deeply. She was grateful to know that in the future, they could try again.

"Do you still think about it?" Simon questioned quietly, his lips whispering in her hair.

Raising her eyes to look at him, she asked, "About what? The baby?" When he nodded, she continued. "Yeah, at least once a day." Taking his face in her hands, she held his gaze and said, "I really do want to have your baby someday, Simon."

Smiling widely at her, Simon couldn't shake the image in his head of her pregnant with his child, her body changing, her skin glowing … Leaning down to press a kiss to her mouth, he said, "I want that too, bao bei."

Inching up his body, so that their heads were now on the same pillow, Kaylee nuzzled her head into Simon's neck and kept a firm hold around his chest as they continued to listen to the rain.

-- --

"Inara, you understand what you're requesting?"

She met the house priestess' eyes with an unwavering gaze of her own and said evenly, "Yes."

"And you submit this petition for resignation with no reservations, no third party influences, no extenuating circumstances?"

If Inara had not trained her entire life to hide her true emotions, she was certain the woman's question would have unnerved her. "I do."

With a sigh, Priestess Laylin set down the piece of paper with Inara's signature scrawled across the bottom and rested her hands on the table in front of her. Laylin had known Inara since she had first come to the training house over fifteen years ago. She had even known about Jeremiah, a fact that Inara was grateful the woman had never disclosed to anyone. In their world of masks and facades, Laylin was considered a friend. "Inara, it pains me to even entertain this petition, you know that, don't you?"

Allowing a friendly smile to upturn her mouth, Inara inclined her head to the woman, and said softly, "And I appreciate your concern, Linny, but it's unnecessary. It's just time for me to move on."

As she sighed again, Laylin sat back in her seat and glanced first to her right and then her left. Getting minute nods from the two other members of the inquisition committee, she turned back to Inara and stated what would come next.

"Very well Inara. This committee and the Companion's Guild will submit your petition for resignation. As such, for the next eight weeks, we will be conducting an audit of all your affairs, affiliations, associations and the like, both personal and professional. Do you understand?"

Inara nodded once and the woman continued. "You may alert your friends and family that they will be called upon to testify on your behalf, however, if there is even the suspicion that you have attempted to influence their statements, your petition will be rejected and your license and status revoked." Gazing back to Inara, Laylin's eyes softened again and her voice was friendly. "Do you understand these terms as I have read them to you, Inara?"

Nodding again, Inara swallowed, her eyes open and clear and said, "Yes, Priestess, I do."

-- --

Kaylee had just put the finishing touches on her cake batter, sliding the trays into the warm oven when the door chime sounded. Straightening, she moved to answer it, curious as to who could be visiting. When she pulled the door open and saw Inara, her face broke into a wide grin and she wrapped the older woman into a fierce hug.

"Oh, 'Nara, it's so good to see you," she breathed, squeezing her friend tighter.

Smiling at the younger woman's enthusiasm, Inara patted her back lightly and said, "You too, mei mei. I'm sorry I haven't been by in a while."

Releasing her, Kaylee shut the door and then ushered her inside, weaving her arm through hers. "Oh no, don't think nothin' of it, I 'spect you been busy, visitin' folk an' seein' the captain off."

Inara watched Kaylee from the corner of her eye, noting the way the girl's expression turned just a tad wistful at the mention of Serenity. As they sat on the couch in the living room, Inara took her hand and asked, "Are you okay, mei mei? I can't imagine it's easy knowing Serenity's out there and you're stuck here."

Smiling to her, Kaylee said, "I guess I'm a mite sad. I miss my girl, ya know," she confided, getting Inara to grin. "But I ain't stuck, 'Nara. I made my choice to stay grounded for a bit. Simon an' I made it together. Besides, I still ain't quite healthy 'nough to be sailing through the black."

Resting her hand on her knee, Inara's eyes clouded with concern. "You are okay though, aren't you? I thought Simon said you were getting better."

"Oh, I am, but he worries still. 'Fraid I'll have 'nother one of them clots an' he won't be able to help me on the ship." With a contented sigh, Kaylee leaned back into the cushions, her eyes unfocusing a bit as she thought of the past few nights and all the ways she'd assured Simon she was fine. "But don't worry. He knows I'm good an' healthy."

Inara smiled knowingly, having seen that starry-eyed look on her friend before. Patting her knee, she told her quietly, "I'm sure you have convinced him quite thoroughly."

As they shared another smile, Kaylee finally studied her friend, noting the tightness to her eyes. It was the only place she had ever noticed where Inara could not mask her feelings, right at the corners of her eyes, and while the woman was smiling, Kaylee could see that the expression stopped at her cheeks and it raised her concern.

Placing her hand over the one Inara held to her knee, Kaylee asked gently, "Everythin' okay, 'Nara?"

Blinking rapidly, Inara fixed the girl with the same half-smile and Kaylee straightened up a bit, ready to listen. "It is, mei mei, but I actually came to ask for your help with something. You and Simon both." Glancing over her shoulder, she asked, "Is he here?"

Shaking her head, Kaylee said, "No, he went to visit with Eli. They're talkin' about him starting at the hospital."

"Oh, Kaylee, that's so exciting," Inara breathed, imagining how happy Simon must have been at the prospect of working in a real hospital again.

And apparently, Kaylee knew it too. "It is, 'Nara," she told her, smiling wide. "He's so thrilled. He comes back almost giddy. It warms my heart," she added wistfully, remembering just the day before when Simon had returned from visiting with the older doctor, his face full of her favorite swai grin. Pulling her thoughts from the memory, she again focused on Inara. "But I can fill him in. What's up?"

Swallowing hard, Inara felt her stomach churn uncomfortably. She really didn't want to tell her friends to lie on her behalf, but she did want Kaylee to know what was at stake when she was contacted by a member of the Guild. "Kaylee, I made a decision a few months ago, and now that we've been on Sihnon for a while, I've been able to follow through on it."

Kaylee's wide, unblinking eyes regarded her calmly and Inara continued. "I've decided to resign as a registered Companion."

Inhaling sharply, Kaylee's eyes watered with happy tears. "Oh, 'Nara, that's great. The cap'n's gonna be thrilled."

Smiling tightly, Inara tried not to think of Mal or the gigantic lies she was going to have to tell him whenever he called in the next few months. Even though he was off planet, probably halfway across the 'verse, their conversations would still be monitored, the committee looking for any hint of their true relationship. "I hope so, mei mei," she said quietly, lifting her eyes back to Kaylee's eager expression. "But in order for me to resign with my status still intact, I have to go through an investigation of sorts."

Frowning, Kaylee asked, "What kinda investigation?"

Sighing, Inara tried to think of the best way to explain. "Kaylee, do you remember when you asked me once about dating?"

Nodding, Kaylee told her, "Yeah, you told me it was complicated."

Smiling, Inara murmured, "Exactly. Well, part of the reason it's so complicated is that falling in love is against Guild law."

Cutting her off, Kaylee sat forward, her lips pressed into a firm line. "Well, that ain't right! Fallin' in love's the best thing in the 'verse. They got no right to deny you that."

Resting a hand to her shoulder, Inara looked to her patiently. "Easy there, mei mei," she said soothingly, relaxing a bit as Kaylee sat back. "I agree with you, but the Guild doesn't. Part of this investigation is going to be an examination of all my relationships. If the committee suspects even a hint of a true, loving relationship with another, then I get nothing. My status and license will be stripped. I'll be expelled from the Guild."

Swallowing hard, Kaylee asked needlessly, "So, I'm guessin' the cap'n bein' a few systems away is a convenience at the moment, ain't it?"

Smiling, Inara sat back, allowing herself to sink into the comfort of the couch. "More than you know."

The two friends sat in silence for a moment, only the timer on the oven interrupting their thoughts. Glancing to Inara, Kaylee rose quickly to remove her cake from the oven. Her friend followed watching how easily Kaylee moved about the room, how she opened drawers and cabinets without hesitation, finding what she needed immediately before turning back to the task at hand. Whether she may have wanted to admit it or not, Kaylee was fitting in here, and it warmed Inara's heart to see it.

As Kaylee dumped the two halves of the cake onto cooling racks, she asked, "So what all's gonna happen?"

Leaning against the entryway, Inara crossed her arms over her chest and said, "Well, they're going to audit all my client interactions from the past year, interview them. And they'll probably call on you and Simon to make a statement, as well as my parents."

Her eyes going wide, Kaylee looked to her and asked, "What am I gonna say? I can't rightly tell 'em you don't love the cap'n."

Moving towards her friend, Inara told her urgently, "You have to, mei mei. When they ask you about Mal, just say that we're business acquaintances, nothing more. If they ask about specific times when we've been together, just keep reiterating our business relationship." Her eyes pleading, Inara added, "Please, Kaylee. I know it's a lot to ask, but please."

"What about your folks?" Kaylee asked, her eyes still fixed on Inara's desperation-filled features. "Somethin' tells me they ain't gonna lie for ya."

Pulling back, Inara's eyes hardened a bit as she said, "Don't worry about them, Kaylee. While you were in the hospital, we reached a bit of an understanding." With a smug smile, she said, "They'll say whatever I ask them to." And they would, it had been Inara's last request of them and they had promised. While she wouldn't have normally put any stock in their vows, Inara did now, because she had to.

Kaylee absorbed this information in silence and then went back to her work. Walking the dirty pans over to the sink, she let the hot water soak them for a minute before turning back to her friend and asking her, "'Nara, why do you care? You know the cap'n don't give a rat's behind if you ain't got status no more. Why don't you just tell 'em the truth?" As Inara struggled for an answer, Kaylee moved to her and squeezed her hand gently, getting the woman's brown eyes to lock with hers. "Bein' in love ain't nothin' to be ashamed of."

Inara sighed heavily, wishing she could believe that. But she knew better; being in love was the _only_ thing to be ashamed of, in her profession at least. She had learned that lesson the hard way over ten years ago with Jeremiah and she didn't want to have to learn it again.

Of course, Kaylee was right. Mal could care less if she was black balled, disgraced, just so long as she was his, but Inara cared. She had spent more than half of her life earning the respect and appreciation of these people, of the Guild and despite how badly she wanted to just turn her back on them, her mind wouldn't let her do it. Maybe it was pride or selfishness or just plain fear, but whatever the motivation, it was hers, and she had a right to it.

Resting a hand to her friend's face, Inara told her, "I love that you think that, mei mei, and I wish I knew how to convince you of my motives, but you're just going to have to trust that this is something I need to do. By the time Mal gets back, it'll be over." Kaylee nodded once in agreement, before launching into another topic, something about Simon's parents.

Inara listened with half of her attention, hoping that when her two months was up, she wouldn't have pushed Mal away along with her career.

-- --

Inara stood by resolutely as the Guild's investigators rifled through her apartment. She had encouraged Mal to take all his things when he'd gone, stating that once he returned, they would need to move from the apartment anyway as she no longer wanted to live off her parents. Luckily, he'd consented.

It should have rankled her, to see the way they handled her things. They were polite of course, nice even, there was no breaking of items, no ransacking, just the careful examination of everything she owned. But there was nothing for them to find, Inara had seen to that.

An hour later, the leader approached her, smiling kindly and said, "Thank you for your cooperation, Miss Serra. We appreciate it."

Inara only returned the older woman's grin and then watched as she and her team departed. Once the door was shut, Inara moved towards the bedroom, finding her clothes, still in the drawers but unfolded and haphazardly strewn about.

With shaking hands, she reached in and began to refold them, her heart beat slowing as she performed the calm and menial task. With a start, she heard the beep of the console and went to answer the wave, her eyes widening when she saw who it was.

"Well, hey there, darlin'." Mal's voice was an easy drawl, his blue eyes as sparkling as ever as they roved over her face. "I've been tryin' to reach you for a couple o' days now."

Inara nodded once, still struggling to find her voice. She knew that was true. She had conveniently been absent each time Mal had waved over the week he'd been gone, choosing to spend as much of her time away from the apartment as possible. If she was going to be followed and scrutinized, than she had already resolved to continue living her life, visiting with old friends and family. Inara had simply slipped her perfectly crafted mask into place and she was letting the Guild see it for all she was worth.

But it was a mask that Mal had disrobed a long time ago and seeing him, especially after the violation of her privacy set her on edge. Her voice harsh, she told him, "Well, you seem to have found me."

Instantly his brow furrowed, and Mal regarded her concernedly. "What s'matter?"

"Nothing, Mal. Why would something be the matter? I've just been busy that's all." Inara's heart pounded heavily against her rib cage as she wove each lie. _Please don't let him see it._

Frowning at her, Mal said, "Yeah, right. Come on, 'Nara, why don't you tell me what's goin' on?" He was concerned, she could see it, although she could also see he was slightly peeved; and Inara knew from past experience if she pushed, just a bit, he'd quickly skyrocket to angry and leave her be.

"Why don't you just concern yourself with your job, captain?" she asked coldly, wishing with all her heart she didn't have to do this. "And I'll concern myself with my affairs."

His mouth agape, Mal stared at her for a few moments, before he sputtered. "Fine then. Maybe I'll just wait 'til we're back 'fore I try talkin' with you again."

"Maybe you should," she told him, having no problem in getting anger to color her voice; she was angry, just not at him.

"Fine," he bit out again and then in an instant closed off the connection, the screen blinking to black.

Inara sat in front of it for a moment more, her chest heaving with her emotions, before she dropped her head into her hands. _Please let him understand_, she prayed, sitting for a long while before she felt strong enough to stand.

-- --

"Would you and Kaylee like to come over for dinner tomorrow night?" Eli asked as he walked out of the hospital with Simon.

Turning to look at him, Simon smiled wide and told him, "Would we ever, but we can't." With a sigh, he added, "My parents have asked to have dinner with us again."

Nodding, Eli paused for a moment, getting the younger doctor to stop as well. He knew that things had been a bit tense for the boy since his folks had shown up unexpectedly and while he didn't know all the particulars, he didn't have to. Relations between children and their parents could be strained for a whole bunch of reasons. "How's that been going?" he asked, watching closely as Simon lowered his gaze instantly, his cheeks flushing a bit.

"All right, I guess," he murmured. Looking back to his friend, he added, "A little bit worse since River's been gone. She was kind of acting as a mediator between us," he confessed, having hated to put her into that role, but more than missing it when it was gone. "They told me they'd be heading back to Osiris soon, so this might be the last time I'll see them for a while."

Cocking an eyebrow to him, Eli surmised, "And you're glad."

Smiling sheepishly, Simon told him, "I know, I'm spoiled brat."

Chuckling lightly, Eli told him, "No, son. You're a grown man who had a rough time getting that way under the watchful eye of your folks. Take it from a man who's had to watch his daughters mature, seeing your children move into adulthood is downright scary and just plain weird most of the time."

Quizzically, Simon looked to him and asked, "But why? It is the natural progression of life." His face was set with a bit of annoyance; Simon still had a hard time accepting that his mother and father had simply dismissed him because they couldn't handle the fact that he was growing up.

Motioning to a bench down the sidewalk from the hospital's entrance, both men moved towards it and sat. They had just finished a 12-hour shift together and sitting was much more preferable to staying on their feet. "Simon, I know you're not a father yet, so I'm going to forgive your insolence," Eli said easily, scolding him, but not really. "And I know that more happened between you and your parents than you've ever let on to me," he added, watching as Simon's gaze wavered a bit. The younger man had told him a bit about how exactly he'd ended up out on the rim, triaging gun shot and stab wounds for a crew of renegades, but Eli knew it wasn't the whole story; and he suspected, he'd never get it. "So I may not be speaking from the most educated place about your particular situation. But I can speak as a father. So listen up."

At this last warning, Simon looked back to him and smiled tiredly and Eli returned the grin. "Your parents, they're not infallible. They made a mistake, a huge one, and I understand why you're so angry at them. But just keep in mind that one day you will be a parent too. And one day, no matter how hard you try, you will disappoint your children and you will have to ask for their forgiveness. And you'll want it, just as badly as your folks want yours."

Simon's eyes widened a bit at this assessment and he swallowed hard past the sudden lump in his throat. He trusted Eli, more than he'd ever trusted just about anyone, save his sister, Kaylee and Mal. And he looked up to the older man as a mentor and almost a father. And with a certainty that was borne out of his respect for him, he knew Eli was right.

"Do you ever tire of being right?" he asked quietly, allowing his mouth to quirk into a grin.

"Oh, son," Eli said with a sigh, clapping a hand to his shoulder. "I should let you talk to my wife and daughters. They just think I'm a damn fool."

"Thank you," Simon said sincerely, holding the other man's gaze for a moment. "Truly."

Nodding once, Eli rose and said, "Well, listen my Evelyn is dying to meet you and Kaylee. I keep talking about you and she's certain that you are very vivid figments of my imagination since I haven't brought you around. And my girls would love to meet you both as well." Leaning in, he confided, "And you can tell Kaylee they're both happily married, so she's got nothing to worry about."

Smiling at him, Simon told him, "She wouldn't have to worry regardless. No offense to your daughters."

Chuckling, Eli clapped him on the back again and said, "None taken. So just keep in mind that offer for dinner still stands. Anytime you want."

Returning the man's grin, Simon nodded once and then watched him go, before turning to head back to Kaylee. The hospital was close to the apartment and he found that he enjoyed the short walk. It helped to clear his head and refresh him after spending more and more time cooped up in the hospital.

As he approached their apartment door, Simon heard voices from inside. With a newfound curiosity, he hurriedly opened the door and entered the room to find Kaylee and his parents talking animatedly, Inara with them as well. His eyes widening in surprise, Kaylee looked up at his entrance and came to his side. Kissing him lightly, she said, "Well, there you are. I was gonna call the hospital."

"Uh, sorry," he offered lamely, again looking to his guests and then back to his fiancée. "I thought they were coming tomorrow night," he murmured quietly.

Shaking her head, she told him, "Nope, tonight, silly. Don't worry, we've been passin' the time." Looking back to him with a mischievous grin, she added, "Talkin' 'bout you."

Groaning, Simon's expression of horror elicited chuckles from everyone present. "Don't worry, son. I saved the really embarrassing stories for your sister to tell," Regan assured him, her eyes dancing with amusement.

Blushing, Simon moved into the room, guiding Kaylee back to a chair, before perching himself on the arm. She rested her hand against his thigh and Simon covered it with his own as the conversation again started, Inara relating a tale from their time on Serenity, a tale involving a cow fetus.

Wrinkling their noses in disgust, both Regan and Gabriel laughed wholeheartedly as Inara relayed Simon's ill-spoken words when in Kaylee's presence. Glancing to his son, Gabriel frowned and said, "Simon, I thought for certain I had raised you better than that."

Squeezing Kaylee's hand, Simon said, "Well, I must have done something right."

"A whole lot o' somethin's," Kaylee agreed, smiling up at him, before moving to rise. "Supper's gonna be ready any minute. Why don't ya'll move out to the terrace?"

As everyone stood, Inara moved to Kaylee's side offering to help her. Simon followed his parents out and noted that once again Kaylee had set a fine table; she really was a marvel.

"You are very lucky, son," Gabriel's quiet voice intoned.

Turning to regard his father, Simon smiled wide and told him, "Trust me, I know."

"We weren't too certain of Kaylee at first, dear," Regan confided, moving towards him and placing a hand to his arm. "But she's a sweetheart and I know she loves you very much. She'll make a wonderful addition to our family."

Still smiling, Simon surprised his mother and himself as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Thank you, mother," he told her quietly, the woman's eyes widening as her hand rested over where his lips had touched her skin. Looking to his father, he repeated, "Thank you."

"We'll be leaving tomorrow," Gabriel told him, stepping to his wife's side and placing an arm around her shoulders. "We're sorry we can't stay longer, see your sister again, but we both need to get back."

Nodding once, Simon understood. His parents had a very full docket of social events and charities. "I, ah," he faltered for a moment, uncertain what to say. Eli's words rang in his head and with a newfound need to set things right between them, he started again. "I'm glad that you came. I realize that must have been difficult for you, not knowing what to expect. But it was the right thing to do, for River and for me."

Taking his hands in hers, Regan's eyes locked on his face as she said, "We do love you, son. We love you both so much. And we are sorry. Sorry for whatever part we played in all of this."

"Everything happens for a reason, mother," Simon reminded her. It wasn't a thought he had ever subscribed to before. But as his eyes focused over her shoulder and watched Kaylee step outside, her arms full of food, her smile bright, he told them, "If it hadn't happened, I never would have met Kaylee. River might not ever have gotten better. So, it worked out."

Nodding once, Regan blinked a few tears away and looked to her husband. Placing a hand to Simon's shoulder, Gabriel said, "We're proud of you, son. For the life you've created for yourself, for all you've done for River. I don't think I've ever told you that, and that's my fault."

An immense weight lifted from Simon's shoulders at that moment and he almost felt his entire body float away with the relief. He hadn't known that was what he'd been looking for from his parents, his father especially, but it made sense now. He'd wanted their approval, regardless of the fact that he no longer needed it.

"Well, ya'll hungry or what?"

Kaylee's playful voice broke the moment between them and turning to their hostess and Inara, the three Tams moved to the table, their family finally on the mend.

-- --

"Lil' albatross?"

Mal circled the galley looking for River and not finding her. Wandering down the stairs towards the passenger dorms, he was a bit startled to find her in her brother's old bunk, her body curled up onto his pillow. Moving towards the doorway, Mal paused and called to her, "River?"

"Nothing's the same," she said sadly, her eyes a bit teary, but clear. She didn't look to him as she spoke, content instead to stare at the wall. Hugging Simon's pillow to her chest even tighter, she murmured, "Everything keeps changing."

A bit concerned, Mal walked in and sat on the end of the bunk, feeling guilty. He had selfishly been seeking River out to see if she could shed any light on his unsettling conversation with Inara about a week and a half ago. He'd wanted to ask her opinion about a half a dozen times, but fear of her answer had always stopped him. But as he'd slowly started to feel worse and worse, dreading that Inara would no longer want him once they returned, he'd been unable to push the thought away.

"Don't worry." River's still quiet voice pulled him from his reverie and Mal turned to her. She wasn't looking at him, but she said, "Just a game. A mask, she'll take it off once we're back."

Grateful to her and a bit relieved, Mal edged closer and rested a warm hand on her shoulder. "You all right there, lil' one?"

With the slightest shake of her head, River finally looked at him, her big brown eyes full of tears. "Don't want me anymore. I'm too different, too scary." A few of her tears fell down her cheeks at this admission and Mal wanted to know who had called her scary, who had made her cry like this.

Getting even closer, Mal ran the back of his finger down her cheek and wiped a few of her tears away. "Who don't want you?"

"My parents," she said brokenly, before turning her face into the pillow she held and starting to sob.

Mal's heart broke as he recognized her pain. Trying to soothe her, she only continued to cry harder and finally, not knowing what else to do, Mal lifted her into his lap and held her against his chest. He'd seen Simon do it plenty of times before and it had worked; he hoped it would now.

As she wound her hands into his shirt and cried some more, Mal rubbed her back and said gently, "I'm sure that ain't true, River. They just gotta adjust to havin' you back is all."

Shaking her head, she took a few shaky breaths and then said, "No, they're scared of me. I killed people. They don't undersand." Lifting her face to meet his gaze, she said, "Love Simon, the prodigal son, not me, cast from Eden."

She began crying again and Mal had no more words of comfort. He knew that if River was so certain than there had to be some truth to her words. She could after all, read thoughts from people, sometimes lifting whole conversations from their heads. It was a useful trait in their line of work, and sometimes unsettling, but it had never made Mal scared of her; maybe scared _for_ her, but not of her.

"Am I a murderer?" She hiccupped, her voice still broken by her tears and Mal felt his breath leave him quickly, shocked by the question. Turning her tear-filled eyes to him, she asked, "Am I?"

Setting his jaw firmly, Mal pulled back from her and took her by the shoulders so he could hold her gaze. "Now, you listen to me, River, an' you listen good. I may not of raised you an' I may not be your brother, but I love you like you were mine, an' I won't have you sayin' such things." Wrapping a bit of hair behind her ear, he softened his voice a bit and added, "You ain't never murdered nobody. You've only protected them you love. That ain't wrong, it's right, the most right thing there is."

River's lower lip trembled as she felt more tears come and she again buried her face into his chest. "I love you, captain daddy," she whispered, curling herself even more firmly into him.

Holding her tight, Mal placed a kiss in her hair and told her, "I love you, lil' one."

-- --


	18. Chapter 18

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 18

-- --

"We done here?"

Mal was testy, there was no denying that, and as Zoe watched him pace up and down Serenity's ramp, she told him, "Well, I'm guessin' that depends." As he turned to regard her, she asked, "You wanna get paid for our trouble?"

With a sigh, Mal rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. "Of course, Zoe, but I also want to start back towards Sihnon."

Zoe looked to him again, reading all the signs of his distress with an expert eye. She had known the man for a long, long time, had seen him at his lowest and possibly highest point and she had to admit, the low he'd reached over the past couple of weeks was new, even for him.

Taking a step towards him, she asked quietly, "What exactly did Inara say to you?"

A sharp snap of his eyes to her face and Zoe knew she'd hit the nail right on the head; of course it had been Inara to throw him off his game. Not that Zoe didn't like the woman; she did, and she felt that Inara was good for Mal, the high times she'd seen in her friend were when he was courting the Companion. But that still was no excuse to put the rest of the crew in danger by having Mal distracted.

"It ain't 'Nara," he told her foolishly, trying to brush her off. "Why are you always thinkin' my foul moods gotta be 'bout 'Nara?"

Pursing her lips at him, she told him coolly, "'Cause o' somethin' Wash used to say." When Mal turned his attention back to her, she elaborated. "If it roars like a dino and looks like one too then chances are-"

"It's a dino," Mal finished for her, letting out another heavy sigh. Meeting his friend's gaze, he confided, "Somethin' ain't right, Zo. That was plain as day when I left and even plainer when I tried to talk to her a couple weeks ago."

"What did you do?" Zoe asked, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Who you think I am?" he asked incredulously, his face conveying a mock sense of hurt. "I ain't the doc. I didn't do nothin'."

Fixing him with an even more skeptical look, Zoe almost chuckled as he reiterated, "I din't. I swear."

"Uh huh," she murmured. Taking a seat as River and Jayne were apparently going to be a bit late, she looked up to Mal and asked, "All right, then if you didn't do nothin', then what do you think's got her bugged?"

Shrugging, Mal sat down tiredly beside her. He didn't like being so far away. And despite Inara's insistence that he not wave her again, he had tried a few times since their fight, only to find her not home. He liked that even less. "I don't know. I guess she started actin' a bit strange after we went out to the training house. When she visited with her friend."

"Do you know what she an' Sheydra talked about?" Zoe questioned, reading his profile like an open book.

"Nah, she said they was just catchin' up an' I didn't want to know what kind o' stories they could be tellin'," he said, his voice lowering. Zoe smirked, still finding it quite amusing that after all this time, Mal was uncomfortable with Inara's profession; the same profession that had brought her to him.

Mal paused for a moment, his gaze roving over the landscape. They had parked out in the middle of no where, their contact a jumpy little man who they had dealt with before. While Mal and Zoe waited for him to finally determine it was safe, he'd sent River and Jayne to the nearest town to get some provisions. Now, as the little criminal who had their money was almost an hour late, Mal was running out of patience, painfully aware that every extra minute was just prolonging the time it would take him to get back to Inara.

Zoe scanned the landscape as well, looking for anything that could signal trouble. It was desert really, stretching as far as they could see and when she looked all the way around to her left she saw an approaching dust cloud. Guessing it was River and Jayne returning on the mule she stood, and told her friend, "Look, worryin' about it, when we're all the way out here, ain't gonna do us any good."

With a sigh, Mal rose and told her, "I know, I just wish-"

Mal dropped beside her like a rag doll, his whole body going limp as the bullet that had pierced his chest cut through nerves and blood vessels. Zoe was by his side in an instant, pulling him into the safety of the cargo bay and looked for their attacker. Her gun drawn, she poked her head out, and then heard the comm on her belt crackle. "Zoe?" It was Jayne's voice.

"Get your asses back here and be careful," she ordered. "Mal's been shot."

Flinging the device away, Zoe inched out, swinging her firearm and meeting the shocked gaze of their contact a few feet away. Lowering the weapon, she yelled furiously, "Ratan, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

Waving a shaky hand at the approaching mule, he said, "You called the Feds."

Rolling her eyes as anger welled in her chest, Zoe strode to the edge of the ramp and hopped down, charging the man. Fisting his shirt in her hand, she pulled him to her and hissed vehemently, "No, you qing wa cao de liu mang, that's our crewmen, coming back from town."

As Ratan's eyes widened even more, Zoe fished around in his pockets and found the sack of coin he owed them. Jerking her head to the shade of Serenity where she and Mal had already stacked the cargo earlier that day, she ordered, "Get the goods an' get gone, before I decide to give you a matching bullet hole."

She roughly shoved him out of her grasp and returned to Serenity in time to see Jayne pull the mule into the cargo bay, screeching it to a halt as he saw Mal's prone form on the floor. River jumped out instantly, moving to the captain's side, pressing her hands against the blood that was flowing from him.

With fearful eyes, she looked to Zoe as the woman returned to her friend's side. "I wasn't fast enough." Turning an accusatory glare to Jayne, she told him, "You drive too slow."

Grunting in her direction, Jayne moved to raise the ramp, before helping Zoe carry Mal into the infirmary. River stayed by his side, keeping her hand over the wound and applying pressure, even as he cried out in pain. Jabbing him with a smoother, Zoe relaxed a bit as Mal fell limp to the table.

"River," she called to the young woman, having to wait longer than she wanted in order to get the girl's attention. When her big brown eyes were locked on her face, she told her, "You need to get us out of here, ma shong. The captain needs a doctor."

"There's one in town," she said hurriedly.

Shaking her head quickly, Zoe told her, "No, it's too risky. I don't want anybody askin' any uncomfortable questions. We're gonna have to head back towards the Core, stop at the first decent planet we pass."

River nodded once, and then bent down to press a kiss to Mal's forehead. "Can't die, captain daddy," she whispered to him before racing from the room.

Jayne watched her go, moving in to offer Zoe help should she need it. "How bad is it?" he asked, his voice low as he looked at Mal's ashen face.

Not bothering to answer him, Zoe worked quickly, just hoping it wouldn't get worse.

-- --

Inara awoke in the night, her body covered in sweat, her hair and nightgown sticking to her skin. With her heart beating rapidly and her breath rushed, she looked around the empty bedroom wide eyed.

Trying to get her wayward emotions under control, she slid out of bed, taking a few seconds to stand before moving to the bathroom and splashing cold water on her face. Looking at her tired appearance, she tried to reassure herself. "Just a dream, that's all it was."

Ignoring the sinking feeling in her gut, she made it back to bed, still not convinced that whatever had awoken her had been a terror in the night.

-- --

Mal was in and out of consciousness for a few days as River piloted Serenity with a speed the ship should not have been capable of. Whenever he did wake, someone was always there, normally Zoe, sitting quietly with him. Of course, whenever he slept, Inara was there, so he tried to drift off as often as possible.

In his feverish and drug-addled brain, not too much made sense, but the only thing he could suss out was that he loved Inara something fierce. Wondering if he'd ever told her that, he vowed to the next time he saw her.

And he did.

_She was radiant, of course. Standing next to a lake, the water reflected the sun and shone on her, illuminating her entire body in a halo of light. He moved to her hurriedly, filled with a sinking fear that she might disappear, and without a word, hugged her to him, pressing a fervent and passionate kiss to her mouth which she returned._

_When they parted, her forehead resting against his cheek, he murmured to her, "It feels like I ain't seen you in forever."_

_As if trying to reassure him, Inara held his face in her hands and told him softly, "I'm right here, Mal."_

"_I love you, 'Nara," he told her quickly, his voice unsteady for a reason he could not quite identify. "I love you with everythin' I got an' I want to marry you."_

_Raising tear-filled eyes to his face, Inara pressed her mouth to his gently, tasting him and then leaned back, dropping one hand over his heart. Pulling it back, she turned her palm to face him and his breath caught as he saw the blood there._

_With an almost sympathetic expression, Inara told him, "Oh, Mal, you can't marry me if you're dead."_

With a scream, Inara awoke, her whole body trembling. That same dream, three times in as many nights. Shaking, Inara rose on unsteady legs and made her way to the wave screen. It was late, but she didn't care, she had to settle her nerves somehow.

Hesitantly, she called Simon and Kaylee, not at all surprised when Simon answered the wave. "Inara?" he asked, his voice rough from sleep, his hair mussed.

"I'm sorry, Simon," she told him truthfully, surprised by how hoarse her own voice was. "I know I woke you, but I was wondering, have you heard from River?"

Frowning at her, Simon's eyes blinked a bit more rapidly as he finally woke up. "About a week ago," he told her. Now studying her more intently, Simon could see her distress. "Why? Did something happen?"

With a slight sigh, Inara tried to shake off the feeling of dread that had coiled in her gut. "No, no, nothing. I was just curious as to their timetable." Looking back to him, she gave him a small grin and said, "I'm sorry, Simon, really. Go back to sleep."

Unable to argue with her as he was pretty tired, Simon turned off the wave and Inara was again alone. Sitting back heavily in the chair, she buried her face in her hands and felt a few tears trickle down her cheeks.

Mal had to be all right. Zoe or River would have called her by now for sure, wouldn't they? Unless he'd told them not to, unless he thought she really didn't care. With a stifled sob, Inara crawled back into bed and buried herself under the covers, her body shivering uncontrollably until she finally fell back to sleep.

-- --

Zoe hated Verbena, but it had been their only option, so she'd taken it. Now, as she paced in the waiting room of the doctor's small clinic, praying to a god she no longer believed in to save Mal's life, she felt a wave of tiredness wash over her. It had been a long four days of watching Mal's life slowly ebb away and she was only marginally grateful that at least she wasn't responsible for keeping that vigil anymore.

A light hand to her shoulder signaled to Zoe that River had joined her. Turning and smiling tightly to the girl, she asked, "You all right there, lil' one?"

River nodded once, her eyes drifting towards the wall. The wall that separated her from Mal. The doctor wasn't the best surgeon, but he was decent enough and River held a small glimmer of hope that he would save her daddy; she needed him.

"Where's Jayne?" Zoe questioned, finally giving in and sinking into a hard wooden chair.

"Whoring," River answered tonelessly, sitting beside her. Taking the woman's hand, she waited until Zoe's eyes had locked on hers and then said, "We need to tell Inara."

Inhaling sharply, Zoe realized she had forgotten all about the woman in this entire mess. Feeling a pang of guilt, she told River, "An' we will, lil' one, but why don't we wait 'til we have some news?"

As if on cue, the door to the operating room swung open and the doctor stepped out, his apron covered in blood; Mal's blood. River and Zoe both moved towards him as he said, "We're finished."

"And?" Zoe questioned, doing her best to keep her voice steady and emotionless.

"And we managed to get the bullet out, but he's lost a lot of blood and we don't have that much plasma lying around. He's going to need a transfusion." The man's eyes were tired and worn as he relayed this news. Mal wouldn't survive without a fresh batch of life-giving blood infused into his system. And while he had not said those exact words, both of the women he faced knew it.

"What's his type?" Zoe asked, unable to believe that she had actually forgotten.

"A positive," the doctor said, looking between them. "Is either of you a match?"

Zoe shook her head curtly, but then River piped up. "I'm O negative. Can't I help?"

Without a word, the older man ushered River from the room and then, with a sigh, Zoe headed back to the ship, knowing there was a wave she needed to make.

-- --

Inara heard the wave screen chime and she froze, her hands above her head as she ran a brush through her hair. She was getting ready for another round of forced socialness, and had been reflecting on how tired she looked; all of this deception really was taking a lot out of her.

Moving to the screen, Inara felt trepidation and fear well in her gut and she tried to stymie both as she sat down and answered the call. However, when she saw Zoe's drawn face looking back at her, she felt as if she wanted to retch violently. Something was wrong with Mal.

"Zoe? How are you?" Inara asked, forcing a friendly smile to her face. Regardless of what had happened Inara needed to keep up appearances … didn't she? That's what this whole few months had been about, and she was so close, just another week or two and she and Mal would be home free. _You can do this, Inara._

"Fine, 'Nara," Zoe answered, her brow furrowing at the woman's response. Zoe had figured that as soon as she'd seen her face on the screen she'd know that the news wasn't good. Zoe had expected tears, maybe a firm set to her jaw, but not the tight grin she had fixed her with instead; it was unsettling. "I'm wavin' with some not fine news though."

Inara knew she wouldn't be able to hold it together. If Zoe told her that Mal was dead or injured she would lose it, and the Guild would see. She couldn't do that; she just couldn't. She had worked so hard. Besides, what good would knowing do her? She couldn't go to him, couldn't help him, could only sit by and worry. Shaking her head, she said quietly, "No."

Zoe's gaze growing even harder as her annoyance rose, she questioned, "Shenme?"

Again plastering a fake smile to her features, she said, "I'm sorry, Zoe, but you've really called at a bad time. I was just on my way out the door. We'll have to chat later." Without another word, Inara flipped off the screen, sitting back heavily. Pressing a hand to her mouth, the bile she'd felt churning through her stomach burned with acidity and Inara raced to the bathroom, vomiting into the porcelain basin.

Uncertain how long she lay on the floor, her cheek pressed against the blessedly cool tile, Inara finally found the strength to get up, drawing herself a bath, although she had just showered a few hours before and sinking into the amazingly warm water. Hoping it would soothe her rattled nerves, Inara laid her head back against the tub and closed her eyes, silent tears leaking down her cheeks.

-- --

Simon and Kaylee were locked in a passionate embrace when the wave screen chimed. Groaning against her mouth, Simon pulled himself away from her with difficulty, grinning wickedly as she tried to reach for him and pull him back. Pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose, he said, "I'll be right back."

"You better hurry," she called after him, falling back onto the bed. As the minutes passed and he did not return, Kaylee finally decided she couldn't wait any longer. Pulling on her robe, she headed out to the living room and found him sitting and staring at the now blank screen.

Her heart beating uncomfortably in her chest, she went to him, placing a hand to his shoulder and asked softly, "Simon?" When he turned his wide eyes to her, Kaylee bit her lip and knelt beside him instinctively. "What is it?"

"It's Mal."

-- --


	19. Chapter 19

Best Intentions, ch

Best Intentions, ch. 19

-- --

The following week was the longest week of Inara's life. She had shut herself away from Kaylee and Simon, coming up with various excuses to keep them out. She knew the minute Kaylee had called that the younger woman knew of Mal's predicament. She had let Kaylee tell her briefly what had happened and then abruptly ended the wave, feigning an excuse.

So now, she moved through her days by rote, her muscle memory the only thing that propelled her forward. She attended an opera one night and cried throughout it, glad that the story was sad and the theater dark. Even if her spies were watching her, there was a legitimate excuse for her tears.

She barely ate, not noticing as her stomach hollowed out from the lack of food. Her skin had stopped glowing and her features were more and more haggard with each passing day. But Inara kept moving forward, knowing that it was almost over, knowing that in just another day she'd be free of the Guild and free again to love Mal entirely.

As she sat in the hallway outside the committee's chamber to give her final statement, she looked up at the sound of footsteps. Simon and Kaylee approached her slowly, and Inara rose to greet them. Not waiting for an invitation, Inara squeezed her friend tight and whispered to her, "I'm sorry I've been so distant, mei mei. I just couldn't."

Kaylee blinked back a few tears. "It's okay, 'Nara," she answered back, holding her friend fiercely. "I understand. Jus' think, it's almost over."

Inara could only offer her a half smile, before the door opened and the attendant called for her. Squeezing Kaylee's hands and offering a nod to Simon, Inara entered the room. Her friends followed, taking seats that lined the wall so they could watch the proceedings.

Striding resolutely, her back straight and her posture refined, Inara went to the lone chair in the middle of the room and sat on it, maintaining her perfect posture. With clear eyes and her most convincing and emotionless mask firmly secured to her features, she waited for it to start. And did not wait long.

"Inara, you are here to receive the final ruling on your petition for resignation. Is that correct?" Laylin was again leading and Inara nodded to her, noting that the other woman's face seemed tenser than usual. Dismissing the thought, Inara answered, "That is correct."

Leaning forward, the priestess clasped her hands in front of her and softened her expression just a bit. "First of all, Inara, this committee and the Guild would like to thank you and your family and friends for the cooperation and assistance you've provided in the past two months. It will not be forgotten."

Inara nodded again, finding her anxiety rising. She just wanted this to be over with.

Sitting back, Laylin continued. "That said, we do have a few more questions that we'd like you to answer before we make our ruling."

"Of course," Inara told them, her voice even. "Please proceed."

Nodding once, Laylin looked to her right and nodded to the woman there. Sitting forward it was she who addressed Inara this time. "Miss Serra, when did you first begin renting a shuttle on the Firefly class transport, Serenity?"

Glad that she had her training to keep her steady, Inara's features betrayed nothing as she answered, "About three years ago now."

"And what were the terms of your arrangement?"

"That I would have full autonomy; the shuttle I rented would be my home, as well as the place where I would conduct my business. It was agreed that Guild-approved planets would be a common destination so that I could continue to work." Pausing, Inara added, "Oh, and that I would not be servicing any of the crew."

Nodding once, the same woman asked, "And who did you enter into this arrangement with?"

Steady eyes, steady voice, serene face. "The captain. Malcolm Reynolds."

Nodding again, the woman's eyes drifted down the table, past Laylin to the third committee member. As the woman sat forward and Inara shifted her attention, she again waited. "And what is your relationship with Captain Reynolds?"

Damn, they knew. Her face still placid, Inara answered, "What relationship? I rented a shuttle from him, that's all."

"Is it?" the woman asked, cocking an eyebrow at her. Reaching for a small remote on the table, she pointed the device to a screen to the side of their table and Inara's chair and the blank canvas flickered to life. And there on the screen was Mal's face. Inara watched with a blank stare as they replayed their wave from almost two months ago.

As the recording ended, the woman looked to Inara. "I ask you again, Inara, what is your relationship with Captain Reynolds?"

"Strictly business," she answered firmly, her insides quivering, her heart pouding so loudly she felt certain they could hear it.

The inquisitor held Inara's gaze for a moment and then dropped her eyes to the table in front of her. Referencing a sheet of paper, she said, "You recently took a six month sabbatical. Why?"

With a small sigh, Inara said, "As I documented when I requested the leave, the crew of Serenity and some of my friends had just suffered a major trauma. I need time to grieve."

"And where did you do this mourning, Miss Serra?" The woman's voice was growing more scathing by the moment and it made Inara bristle against her will.

"On board Serenity. Surrounded by my friends," she said.

"With Captain Reynolds?"

"He does own the ship, so he was there, yes." Inara let a bit of her exasperation show. If they weren't going to accuse her of anything, then why the show?

"What if I told you Captain Reynolds was dead?"

It was a low blow, and Inara felt it, low, in her gut. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear a few sudden tears, trying to regain her voice. After taking a few deep breaths, she asked, "Is he?"

Having watched her reaction closely, the other woman pursed her lips and answered, "No."

"Tessa, that's enough," Laylin hissed, her disapproval for the woman's tactics plain. Looking to Inara with a sympathetic expression, she said, "I'm sorry, Inara. That was uncalled for." Her hard eyes again looking to the woman on her left she asked, "Do you have any other relevant questions?"

Tessa's lips were still pursed together, her face full of disgust. "Just one, priestess," she said, her voice again friendly and quiet. Leaning forward she asked Inara, "Miss Serra, what does Captain Reynolds mean to you?"

"In what way?" Inara asked, stalling for time. She didn't have a good enough answer for that.

"Let's not play games, Miss Serra," Tessa scolded. "I think you've been playing this committee and the Guild for quite some time now."

"Tessa," Laylin again said angrily. "I'll hear no more from you today." However, even as the other woman quieted, Laylin did turn back to her old friend and said, "Inara, you will need to answer the question."

"What does Captain Reynolds mean to me?" Inara repeated, getting a nod from Linny. Not wanting to give Tessa the satisfaction of knowing she had ruffled her, Inara fixed the woman with her harshest look and said resolutely, "Nothing."

Inara heard Kaylee gasp audibly at this admission, but she kept her eyes focused on the three women before her. She would not be intimidated by them; not anymore.

With an imperceptible nod of the head, Laylin signaled the attendant to bring someone else into the room. Inara kept her eyes forward, determined not to let them get to her. However, she couldn't resist sneaking a glance and the moment she did, she wished she hadn't. Mal was entering the room, Zoe pushing him in a wheelchair. He looked terrible, his skin pale, his features worn and Inara wanted nothing more than to jump up from her seat and hold him fiercely. But with learned restraint, she kept still and waited again.

As Mal was rolled near her, but out of her reach, Zoe, along with River who had also come, took seats beside Simon and Kaylee. Inara did her best not to stare at Mal, but she couldn't help it; he'd been gone from her for two months and she'd almost lost him completely. The bullet could have easily pierced his heart.

"Captain Reynolds," Laylin addressed him and Mal turned sluggish eyes to her. "We appreciate you attending this hearing today, despite your injury."

He nodded once, but did not speak, did not even try to look at her and Inara felt her stomach fall to her feet.

"You heard Inara's testimony?" Linny asked the question and Inara's eyes shot to her face. Tears welled again as she realized Mal had heard every word. How could she have said it?

Again, Mal nodded, but did not speak. Knowing that she shouldn't, Inara still continued to stare at his profile. She wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to profess her love for him. Biting her lip, she swallowed a sob as Laylin asked him, "Captain Reynolds, we'd like to know. What does Inara mean to you?"

Inhaling sharply, Inara's eyes flew back to the committee's table before again resting on Mal. He finally turned to regard her and the detachment there, along with just a hint of pain broke something lose in Inara. Rising, she said carefully, "I'd like to say something."

"Inara, Captain Reynolds must first answer the question," Laylin informed her, gesturing for her to resume her seat.

Shaking her head swiftly, Inara told her, "No, he doesn't. It doesn't matter what his answer is." Looking back to him she admitted, "Because I love him."

All eyes in the room fixed themselves on Inara as she took a few steps forward and stood at her full height in front of the three Companions. "I've been killing myself over the past two months, trying to pretend that I'm leaving the Guild of my own free will, that I'm ready to move on. Well, I am, but I'm ready to move on with Mal." Turning to face him, she saw that his mouth had turned up into one of those sly grins and the look warmed her heart. Again focusing on Laylin, she said, "I actually thought that if I pretended not to be in love with him, that it would be all right; that I would still deserve him. But that's a lie."

"Loving someone means loving them all the time, good, bad, inconvenient and otherwise. I cannot sit here and pretend that I don't love him, pretend that he isn't the reason I want to leave. Because I'm tired of pretending."

With a weary sigh, Inara moved back to Mal's side and knelt next to him, placing a light hand to his cheek. Whispering, she said, "I'm so sorry, ai ren." Tears were welling in her eyes and she hated it, but she couldn't stand to think of not being with him. "Please forgive me."

He reached out a hand to her face and gently wiped away a tear as he said, "Well, I guess maybe I could let it slide, just this once."

Smiling widely at him, Inara acted without thinking, kissing him fiercely before leaning forward, her lips brushing against his ear. "You almost died, Mal," she choked out, her hand running lightly over his bandaged chest.

"Yeah, but I didn't, darlin'," he reminded her. "'Cause I knew you'd kill me if'n I did."

She giggled a bit at his joke and Mal knew he had never heard a better sound. The two of them stared, lost in one another for untold moments, before Laylin finally called attention back to the matter at hand. With Mal's hand still held firmly in her grasp, Inara stood to her full height beside him and faced her friend. "We are ready to rule."

Inara shook her head, taking a hold of Mal's chair. "It doesn't matter," she told her. "You don't own me anymore." And with that, she left, her friends, her family, following and her heart free.

-- --

There was quite a bit of commotion after the hearing, everyone following Mal and Inara back to their apartment, feigning over the captain's injury. Mal was in and out, the drugs coursing through his system making prolonged consciousness impossible.

Simon followed Inara into their bedroom as she and Zoe had gotten Mal to rest. Their friend checked his wound, noting that despite the no doubt rudimentary equipment they'd had at their disposal, he was healing quite nicely. Turning to Inara, Simon squeezed her arm and told her, "He should be just fine."

Inara smiled her thanks to him and watched him leave, Zoe moving to follow. "Zoe," Inara called, getting the other woman to turn and face her. Swallowing hard as those big brown eyes settled on her face, Inara told her, "I'm sorry for being so rude when you called. I really thought my reasoning was sound; that it was for the best."

Zoe held her gaze for a moment more and then nodded to Mal's sleeping form on the bed. "Funny, that's exactly what he said when he heard your testimony. 'She's doin' it for a reason'." Watching as Inara's eyes widened at this statement, Zoe nodded once and then left the couple alone, ushering the rest of the crew out to give them their privacy.

Inara wasn't certain how long she stood in the middle of the room staring at Mal. She watched as his chest rose and fell steadily, watched as he eyes moved under their lids in the midst of R.E.M. sleep. Finally, something propelled her forward and she found herself at Mal's side, her fingers running through his hair. They had removed his shirt so Simon could better examine the wound and Inara's hand rested over the white bandage now. It was so close to his heart, the bullet should have killed him.

Feeling a few tears well in her eyes, Inara was valiantly trying not to cry when Mal's eyes fluttered open. Taking a minute to bring her into focus, he asked sluggishly, "Am I dreamin'?"

Smiling at him, relief filling her heart, she rested a hand to his cheek and said, "No ai ren, you're not dreaming."

"Huh," he said, turning his face towards her. "I don't know, feels like I might be dreamin'." Pointing to his lips, he said, "You better kiss me, so's I can be sure."

She smiled wider at him, loving his playfulness even when he was doped up on painkillers. Leaning down, her hair brushed against both sides of his face as she pressed her lips to his softly. After a long moment, she pulled back, her tears now falling steadily, her eyes studying his face.

"Hey now, I don't wanna see any o' those," he told her, trying to wipe at her face and having no luck. "I ain't that bad a kisser."

"Would you stop trying to make me feel better?" she asked, doing her best to stop crying. "I don't deserve it."

"Why? 'Cause you tried to claim you don't love me?" he asked, blinking again, his eyes coming into even sharper focus. "Aw, hell, if I had a credit for every time someone did that, I'd be a rich man."

That only made her feel worse; Inara had known that Mal's past was littered with broken promises and half-truths and she had just added herself to that list of people he could not count on. She had to make it right.

"Mal, I'm so sorry," she said, her voice pouring forth in a rush. "I really thought it was the right thing to do. I thought it would be okay, that you'd never know. That I could-"

"'Nara," he said, his voice firm. It startled her enough to get her attention and when she brought her eyes to his face, he asked her, "Do you love me?"

"Yes," she breathed easily, leaning in to nuzzle her nose against his cheek.

"Then why we still talkin' 'bout this?"

Mal's confounded tone told her it was all right, and Inara had never felt more relief. Lying down beside him, she rested her head on his good shoulder and whispered to him, "Talking about what?"

Smiling another goofy grin, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and murmured, "Now you're gettin' it," before he again drifted off to sleep.

-- --

With a raised eyebrow and a dubious expression, Mal regarded the scene in his engine room, before turning the same look to the woman at his side. "I'm not so sure 'bout this guy, mei mei."

A small sigh escaped her lips, but Kaylee turned her most adoring eyes to her captain as she reminded him, "He was the best mechanic we interviewed. He passed all your tests an' mine an' he even survived meetin' Jayne." Mal grinned a bit, remembering the introductions. Kaylee had a point; despite Jayne's gruff demeanor and monosyllabic responses, Serenity's new mechanic had not flinched.

Kaylee followed Mal's gaze, observing the blond-haired boy who was buried elbow deep in her engine. No, wait, it wasn't hers anymore. With a patient smile, she looped her arm through Mal's and rested her head against his shoulder. "Don't worry none, Cap. Rafe'll do a good job. I know it."

Mal leaned his cheek against her soft hair for just a moment, before turning with her and walking towards the galley. "Are you sure 'bout this mei mei?" he asked again for about the tenth time that morning. "'Cause if'n you're not, I'll kick that little rascal off, no questions asked."

Smiling wider, Kaylee paused in the middle of the dining room and turned Mal to face her. With an imploring look in her eyes, she said quietly, "Be happy for me, Cap, please?" As his gaze softened, she added, "Me an' Simon gotta good thing here. I think it might work."

"I knew I never shoulda let that doc on my boat," Mal grumbled, winking at her to let her in on the joke.

Laughing lightly, Kaylee again took his arm and reminded him, "Yeah, well if'n you hadn't you'd be dead 'bout five times over by now."

Mal shrugged lightly and then mumbled, "Still," causing Kaylee to giggle again. At the happy sound, Mal could no longer pretend he wasn't thrilled for her. Kaylee deserved to be happy; happier than any of the rest of them at any rate, and if staying behind on Sihnon with Simon could do that for her, then he'd just have to get on board. As they stepped out onto the catwalk in the cargo bay, Mal paused to look at her. "I am happy for you, lil' Kaylee," he told her truthfully, placing a light kiss to her forehead before wrapping her into a hug. "Jus' real sad for me." With a look up to the rafters, he sighed again and added, "An' for my boat."

Kaylee chuckled against his chest and tipped her head up to look at him. "Don' you worry none, cap. Rafe'll take care o' you an' Serenity." Narrowing her eyes, she confided, "An' if'n he don't, you jus' tell me, an' I'll take care o' 'im."

Chuckling at her, Mal again pulled her tight and said, "That's a deal, mei mei." Standing together for a moment, both sets of eyes were drawn to the scene below, Simon and River talking in hushed voices near the open cargo bay ramp. If the two of them could have heard what the siblings were saying they would have been quite surprised to find their conversations almost identical.

"I'm not sure about this guy, mei mei," Simon confided, his blue eyes full of brotherly concern and protectiveness.

Placing a hand to his cheek, River could not quell her own happiness. "But I am, Simon," she reminded him, her eyes lighting with joy. "He's nice and young and smart," pausing as Simon's eyes clouded for just a second, she amended, "Not as smart as you, but still, smart, and-" River paused, her eyes this time lighting with something a bit more primal than joy. "And he's yummy."

Frowning slightly, but not really upset, Simon told her, "That's it. You are not allowed to hang out with Kaylee anymore."

Laughing at him, River threw her arms around his neck and whispered, "Don't worry about me, Simon. I'll be okay."

Holding her back, he told her quietly, "I'll always worry about you, mei mei." Leaning back from her a bit, he held her gaze steadily and said, "Just please be careful."

Rolling her eyes playfully, River told him, "Simon, I promise I won't have unprotected sex."

Curling his lip in disgust at the thought, Simon backed away from her, dropping his eyes to the floor. "That's not what I meant," he mumbled, not at all surprised when his brat of a little sister leaned forward and whispered, "Yes it was."

His eyes back on her face, Simon found he was again smiling as he looked to her. She was happy, truly, and while Simon did not relish the idea of his sister flying around on Serenity with Rafe, this new, young mechanic who had obviously taken a like to her and her to him, Simon knew he had very little control over the matter. She was an adult, no matter how much he didn't want to admit it.

The sound of feet on metal steps brought both of their gazes to the back of the bay where Kaylee, Mal and Inara were descending to the lower floor to say their goodbyes. His eyes lighting at the sight of his soon-to-be wife, Simon knew that if it hadn't been for this ship, or his sister for that matter, he never would have found Kaylee; he never would have been this happy.

Placing a light kiss to his cheek, River told him, "You're welcome."

Pulling her into a tight embrace, Simon said quietly, "I'm going to miss you, mei mei."

Blinking back tears, River told him, "I won't be gone forever. Have to come back for the wedding."

"That's right, I gotta have my new sister standing next to me," Kaylee said as she walked to Simon's side, taking his hand in hers. Glancing to Inara, she added, "An' I'm gonna need my maid of honor."

Inara's hand firmly wrapped in Mal's, the older woman smiled brightly and said, "Don't worry, mei mei. We wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Well, unless we get a real high-payin' job," Mal interjected, teasing. As Inara slapped his arm lightly, he looked back to Kaylee and Simon and told them, "Don't you worry none. We'll be here."

The five of them stood in silence for a moment, no one really having any idea how to say goodbye. While it was true that Serenity would be back in a little over three months for Simon and Kaylee's wedding, this was the first time, in almost three years, that any of them would be separated for any extended period of time. And while they had all known the day was coming, it didn't seem to make the reality of it any better.

Simon found his eyes glancing around the cavernous room as the silence stayed between them. He saw Zoe and Jayne stride up the ramp towards them, and then looked around to see Rafe enter the room, standing a bit apart from the tight-knit crew. River flashed him a brilliant grin, which he returned sheepishly, but the young man did not venture in any farther and while none of them wanted him to feel excluded, they knew that, at a moment like this, it would pretty much be impossible to avoid.

Squeezing his hand lightly, Kaylee drew Simon's attention back to her face. She had tears in her eyes, as he had suspected and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "You ain't changin' your mind, are ya?" she asked quietly, finding that all of them were now hanging on Simon's response.

"Not unless you are," he told her, grinning.

With a slight shake of the head, Kaylee kissed him lightly and then turned to face Mal and Inara. "I'm thinkin' it's time for you all to be goin'."

"And it's time for you to begin this wonderful new life, mei mei," Inara breathed, rushing forward and again embracing her friend.

There were more hugs, more tears, more goodbyes, more promises to wave, and more slaps on the back as this trial-forged family parted ways. It was sad, for each of them in some way, but as Kaylee and Simon finally stood on the landing platform, listening as Serenity warmed up, it was also comforting. It meant something to all of them, the whole crew, to know there were people in the 'verse with whom they had survived more than their fair share, and only become stronger for it.

As the ship began to whine, the engine spinning faster as River took the firefly through its final lift-off sequence, Kaylee found her eyes were no longer focused on her girl. They were instead focused on Simon and his on her. With smiles and a small kiss, the two of them walked away from the place that would always be dear to them, even as Serenity pushed away from the ground and headed once again for the black.

-- --


End file.
